Not Actually The Ultimate Question
"Look up, Watson," Holmes says, "and tell me what you see."
"I see billions of stars," says Watson.
"And what do you deduce from that?" says Holmes.
Watson thinks for a minute. "Well, Astrologically, I deduce that Saturn is in Capricorn.
Astronomically, that it is 3:00 am. Meteorologically, that tomorrow will be a beautiful day.
Theologically, that God is all-powerful, and we are small and insignificant.
What do you deduce?"
Holmes sighs. "Watson, you idiot. I deduce that someone has stolen our tent."
Where the Ultimate Answer is not actually 42.
A scene opens. Two characters stand by each other in silence. Then, one character breaks the silence by asking a vague, multi-meaning question such as "Why are we here?"
The other character then answers by going into a long monologue about the meaning of life, the existence of God, everyone's place in the world, how it is all one big mystery, and no one may ever know for sure.
Only that's not what the first character was asking
. He meant something simpler, like "What did we come into this bookstore for?"
In a variation, it's obvious from the first that the question is about something specific, and the very act of treating it like a big question in the first place makes for a joke.
Mostly seen as the first lines of the first scene or a new scene. This can also be used as an exposition
Compare, contrast What's a Henway?
Frequently a form of Comically Missing the Point
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- Lampshaded in The DCU Elseworlds JLA - Secret Society of Super Heroes:
Bruce Wayne: So, why am I here?
The Riddler: You need to be more specific, Agent Wayne. By "here", do you mean in an existential to-be-or-not-to-be way, or "here" in an visiting-me way?''
Bruce Wayne: In a visiting-you way.
- Used in Green Lantern: Agent Orange. Hal Jordan has been stuck with a blue ring, which is messing with his green ring, and keeps asking, "What do you hope for?"
Hal: World peace?
Blue Ring: LACK OF SINCERITY DETECTED. WHAT DO YOU HOPE FOR?
Hal: A hamburger?
Blue Ring: LACK OF SINCERITY DETECTED. WHAT DO YOU HOPE FOR?
Hal: Right now, I really hope you'll shut up!
Blue Ring: SINCERITY DETECTED. RING POWER CHARGE: 210%
- Used in Field of Dreams:
Ray Kinsella: What do you want?
: I want them to stop looking to me for answers, begging me to speak again, write again, be a leader. I want them to start thinking for themselves. I want my privacy.
Ray Kinsella: No, what do you *want*? [gestures towards concession stand]
Terrence Mann: Oh. Dog and a beer.
- In the film Dunston Checks In, an orangutan gets loose in the Majestic Hotel.
Mrs. Dubrow (Hotel Owner): Where did he come from?!
Animal Control Guy: Well, when two orangutans fall in love...
Robert (Manager): I think she means, "How did it get into the hotel?"
- In Airplane! II: The Sequel:
Steve McCroskey: Jacobs, I want to know absolutely everything that's happened up till now.
- A Running Gag in The Muppet Movie.
Bernie the Agent: You with the banjo, can you help me? I have lost my sense of direction.
Kermit: Have you tried Hare Krishna?
- From Michael Leigh's Naked:
Louise: How did you get here?
Well, basically, there was this little dot, right? And the dot went bang and the bang expanded. Energy formed into matter, matter cooled, matter lived, the amoeba to fish, to fish to fowl, to fowl to frog
, to frog to mammal, the mammal to monkey, to monkey to man, amo amas amat, quid pro quo, memento mori, ad infinitum
, sprinkle on a little bit of grated cheese and leave under the grill till Doomsday.
- Chinatown. In this case Gittes understands perfectly well what Sessions means but is simply exasperated by his lot in life.
Sessions: Are you alone?
Gittes: Isn't everybody?
- In the 1968 version of The Love Bug, when Jim and Carole find out that the VW Bug has a mind of its own, and it won't let either of them exit the car, Carole tries to call for help from some hippies in the van parked next to them:
Carole: Help, I'm a prisoner! I can't get out!
Hippy: We all prisoners, chickee-baby. We all locked in.
Live Action TV
- An episode of Goodness Gracious Me had two teenagers in a Hindu temple, one of whom asked the other "why are we here?" After the second gave a long philosophical speech the first asked "No, why are we here? We're Sikhs."
- In a Monty Python's Flying Circus sketch, Dennis Moore, who robs from the rich and gives to the poor, is asked by his latest victims "What do you want? Why are you here?" He takes this as a philosophical question despite the fact that he just swung into their window to steal their possessions for the third time.
- Babylon 5:
- Deconstructed in one episode where the point is to ask these questions until the questionee starts revealing things that are actually relevant:
: What do you want? G'Kar
: Well, what do you mean, what do I want? Morden
: What do you want? G'Kar
: What do I want for supper, what do I want to do this evening, what do I... Morden
: What do you want? G'Kar
: This is pointless. What I want is for you to go away and leave me in peace. Morden
: As you say. G'Kar
: Wait! What do I want? The Centauri stripped my world. I want justice.
** And also inverted by the episode "Comes the Inquisitor", in which the titular inquisitor interrogates Delenn with questions of this type, responding to mundane answers with Electric Torture
Sebastian: Do you know why you're here?
Sebastian: Here, now, yes!
Delenn: I was sent.
Delenn: Yes, by Kosh.
Sebastian: You've answered the wrong question! Why are you here now, in this place, in this life?
- Shows up in the Angel episode "Sanctuary". Faith has agreed to stay with Angel and start atoning for her (many) sins:
Faith: (in kitchen) So, how does this work?
Angel: There's no real simple answer to that. I won't lie to you and tell you it'll be easy, because it won't be. Just because you've decided to change doesn't mean the world's ready for you to. The truth is... no matter how much you suffer, no matter how many good deeds you do to try to make up for the past, you may never balance out the cosmic scale. The only thing I can promise you is that you'll probably be haunted... and maybe for the rest of your life.
Faith: (indicates the Microwave) So how does *this* work?
Angel: Uh... power level, time, start. Sure that popcorn is gonna be enough for you?
- The Friends episode "The One With The Two Parts":
Rachel: So Pheebs, what do you want for your birthday?
Phoebe: Well, what I really want is for my mom to be alive and enjoy it with me.
Phoebe: Ooh! Bath salts would be nice.
- Leverage has a classic example:
Nate: Soph. Where are we at?
: Huh? I don't know, Nate. I think you need to ask yourself that question. You called me, remember? And now we're working together every day... I don't know what you want! And you ask me that, dressed as a vicar
! You're a very strange man.
Nate: No no no, I meant, where are we at, finding the money?
- An interesting aversion/variation occurs in Tinker, Tailor, Soldier, Spy:
George Smiley: Why did Lacon send you for me?
Peter Guillam: Do you mean why did he send me for you? Or why did he send me for you?
George Smiley: Quite right, Peter. I should have known better than to have asked.
- The Doctor Who serial "City of Death" (written by Douglas Adams) features the following exchange:
Romana: Where are we going?
Doctor: Are you talking philosophically or geographically?
Doctor: Then we're going to lunch.
- Also, in the Seventh Doctor story "Dragon Fire", the Doctor distracts a guard by engaging him in a philosophical discussion and then later bursts in on a hold up by Belazs, gun in hand:
Belazs : Where did you come from?
Doctor: Why is everyone so interested in philosophy here?
Glitz: I think she means to do away with you!
Doctor: Ah, an existentialist.
- A variant in New Who when Donna tells Ten she has to leave and he launches into a heartwarming goodbye monologue...only to realize she meant she's going to visit her family for a bit and then come back. Donna doesn't let him off the hook easily, predictably.
- Inverted in a comic scene from Xena: Warrior Princess, in which Plucky Comic Relief Joxer is helping the heroines and "king of thieves" Autolycus track down Joxer's long-lost brother Jett.
Autolycus: (watching Joxer's antics from a distance): Why is he here?
Gabrielle: Because he knows how to find Jett.
Autolycus: No, in a larger sense... why is he here?
- In the Firefly episode "Out of Gas", Mal tries to convince Zoe that Serenity is a decent ship:
Mal: Try to look beyond what she is now, and see what she could be.
Zoe: What's that, sir?
Mal: Freedom is what.
Zoe: [points to something on the floor] No, what's that, sir?
Mal: Oh, yeah, I guess something must've been living in here, just step around that.
- In the Mad Men episode "The Gypsy and the Hobo", Don and Betty take the kids trick-or-treating following Don's confession of his past identity.
Neighbor: Let's see what we've got here; a hobo and gypsy (looks up at Don) and who're you supposed to be?
- Inverted in Everybody Loves Raymond. Ray's daughter Ally asks 'Where do babies come from?'. He responds with a typical, awkward birds and the bees talk, but it turns out she was wondering about the meaning of human existence.
- In Gene Roddenberry's Andromeda: Trance has just inexplicably broken into Dylan's prison cell and offers him water. Dylan asks, "How?" Trance replies: "Well, when two hydrogen atoms love each other very much, they find an oxygen atom and..."
- Pops up in Mystery Science Theatre 3000 during The Incredible Melting Man.
Actor: What did go on here, Doc?
Mike: During the Ice Age, glaciers moved through...oh, you mean recently.
- Space Cases has an example where Thelma gets asked the wrong question, and sure enough, ends up starting with the Big Bang...surprisingly enough, she gets to the end after a scene switch!
- In an episode of WKRP in Cincinnati, Jennifer reluctantly became the host of a radio advice show. One exchange from her show:
Caller: What is the meaning of life?
Jennifer: The cereal or the magazine?
Charlie: [giving Locke the drugs] You really think you can find my guitar?
Locke: Look up, Charlie.
Charlie: You're not going to ask me to pray or something.
Locke: I want you to look up.
[Charlie looks up... and his guitar is wrapped in vines on a cliff]
- Blake's 7
Tarrant: Where are we going, Avon?
Avon:Profound philosophical questions never really interested me.
Tarrant:Ooh, not up to your usual standard.
- The Suite Life of Zack and Cody:
Zack: Arwin? Why are you here?
Arwin: Well, there are two theories, one is evolution, and the other is-
Zack: No, why are you here, in the basement?
- Austin & Ally:
Austin: What are we selling here?
Ally: Love, hope, a triumph of the human spirit...
Austin: No. (beat) We're selling soup.
- Inverted in a Calvin And Hobbes strip.
Calvin: Why do you suppose we're here?
Hobbes: Because we walked here.
Calvin: No, I mean, here on Earth?
Hobbes: Because Earth can support life.
Calvin: No, I mean why are we anywhere? Why do we exist?
Hobbes: Because we were born.
Calvin: Forget it.
Hobbes: I will, thank you.
- Used in a Fox Trot strip, with Paige asking her father why they have fireworks for the Fourth of July. Roger muses on the celebratory symbolism behind the tradition before Paige corrects him; why do they have fireworks, as they duck an out-of-control rocket Jason had lit that zooms over their heads.
- In Beetle Bailey when Zero asks Sarge why he is wearing a particular uniform, and Sarge goes off the scale in patriotic fervour. But Zero wondered why he was wearing a parade uniform on a regular day.
- A variant occurs in The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy when the ship has just landed in a weird, icy cave. Zaphod, waxing philosophical: "We could really... we could really be in this cave!" Arthur, unimpressed: "We are in this cave."
- And a few minutes later...
Arthur: Why are we here?
Ford: Now don't you start.
Arthur: I mean in this cave.
- Hamish And Dougal subverted the page quote utterly.
Dougal: Look up in the sky, Hamish...tell me what you see.
Hamish: I see the full moon and a lot of stars, each one in its proper place...which tells me God is in his heaven, and all's right with the world.
Dougal: ...Hamish, you're an idiot. We are in a tent. It is impossible to see the moon or any of the stars from here.
Hamish: Well...not if somebody had stolen the tent.
Dougal: (laughing) Stolen the tent! That would be the funniest joke in the world, wouldn't it!
- In Normality, when you are about to be captured later in the game, the Dialogue Tree allows you to respond to the question "Why are you here?" with "That is a question that has puzzled philosophers for thousands of years.".
- Two of the White Ninjas in Destroy All Humans 2 have a conversation that is a direct Shout Out to the Red vs. Blue example.
- Adventurers!, after Khrima's rival Garshask captures his general Argent:
Argent: What do you want!?
Garshask: I dunno. Nice house, riches, power, the world crushed beneath my feet...same as everyone really. ...Oh, you meant with you?
- Arthur, King of Time and Space, here.
- Played with in Penny Arcade, here.
- In DMFA, most questions of this type are met with The Talk.
- A variation appears in A Girl and Her Fed when the Fed asks, "Is that a human arm?"
- Homestuck inverts this here:
"It is important because it will help us begin to understand why we are all here."
"What do you mean, why we are all here? You mean in the afterlife? That's easy. (...)"
"No, no. Not why we are in this bubble now. But why we all exist in the first place and why we all went on this adventure together."
- In Captain SNES: The Game Masta, The Eater of Dreams learns that "What are you doing here?" may not be the best question to ask an angel of resurrection.
- In Ph D, the nameless guy's roommate asks him 'Why are we doing this?' Nameless goes into an extended rant about how terrible grad school is and confesses he has no idea why he's there. The roommate says, 'No, I mean, why are we doing the problems from the wrong chapter?'
- In The Order of the Stick, when Elan receives a flying carpet from General Tarquin:
Tarquin: At any rate, I'm happy to put at your disposal any or all resources of this kingdom.
Elan: How do you control it?
Tarquin: Fear and intimidation, mostly, though a little torture here and there helps.
Tarquin: Or did you mean the carpet? Just pull on one of the tassels.
- The first episode of Red vs. Blue shows two characters on top of one of the Blood Gulch bases. One asks the other, "Do you ever wonder why we're here?". The other expectantly responds with a brief speech about whether or not we were created, or just popped into existence. What the asking character actually meant was "Why are we here in a box-canyon in the middle of nowhere?"
- Played with in the Bri TA Nick sketch Everything, in which Brian really does want to hear everything.
- In an episode of The Tick, Tick is knocked into orbit by a rampaging Proto-Clown. When he asks "What am I doing here?", a manifestation of his subconscious thinks he means this in the existential sense and sends him to a Journey to the Center of the Mind. After much weirdness, Tick finally has the answer: "I'm here because... a big clown hit me!"
- The Real Ghostbusters episode Drool the Dog-Faced Goblin had this conversation:
Winston: Egon, why are we here?
Peter: (groaning) That was a mistake!
Egon: Well, we're here because billions of years ago there was a cataclysmic explosion which...
Winston: (making the timeout sign with his hands) No, Egon! Time! I meant, why are we in the Poconos?
- A minor running gag in House of Mouse is that Horace Horsecollar would respond to any question in such a manner, at least the first time. (He'd always use three statements, too.)
- The first episode had this:
Mickey: What's wrong?
Horace: All the rainforests are being chopped down, nobody votes anymore, and the Internet's too dang slow!
Mickey: No, I mean what's wrong in here?
- Done once in Ed Edd N Eddy, when Ed somehow gets out of having his head stuck in a mailbox offscreen.
Eddy: Where'd you come from?
Ed: Blame my parents, Eddy.
- One episode of The Penguins Of Madagascar opens thusly.
Skipper: So why are we here?
Kowalsky: Ah, the question that has vexed common man and philospher alike!
Kowalsky: That's not what you're going for, is it?
- The story about how Che Guevara became Fidel Castro's right hand man goes like this: Che, Castro and a bunch of other people are having a dinner party, and one of them innocently asks Castro what he was doing in Argentina. Cut to five hours later where everybody but Che has left the table and Castro is still talking.
- Jay-Z misinterpreting Nardwuar the Human Serviette's "Who are you?"
- There's a story told about a German philosopher (which one varies). He was wandering round a park, deep in thought, and he walked right into a flowerbed without noticing. The park-keeper shouted "What are you doing there?" and he replied "What are any of us doing here?"
- Robber Willie Sutton, when asked why he robs banks, answers "because that's where the money is".