NOTE TO TV TROPE EDITORS EDITING THIS PAGE: The Simpsons has over 500 total episodes so in an effort to make this page look more organized, try to name the episode each individual "FUNNY MOMENT" was from (including the random entries below the folders) and place it into the correct season folder. If there is confusion about what episode was in a certain season, open this PAGE in a separate tab or window for use as a reference.
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Season 1
1 - Simpsons Roasting on an Open Fire
Homer answers the phone.
Homer: Y'ello?
Patty: Marge please.
Homer: Who is this?
Patty: Can I speak to Marge?
Homer:(irritated) This is one of her sisters, isn't it?
After Bart confesses to Homer, Homer switches and chases a naked Bart to his room, leading to Homer angrily beating on the door and this simple gem of a dialogue.
The visit to Dr. Marvin Monroe. ("My finger slipped. *bzzt* AAAH!" "So did mine!") At the height of it, they burden the energy grid, causing all the lights in the city block to flicker.
5 - Bart the General
Abe tells Bart to stand up for himself when Nelson bullies him, only for Jasper to walk through and take his newspaper despite his protests.
Herman going crazy and bayoneting a dummy, his stealing a century old war treaty from Otto von Bismarck, anything with Herman.
6 - Moaning Lisa
Homer and Bart play a video boxing game:
Homer: Come on, come on, let's go.
Bart:(as announcer) In the red trunks, with a record of 48 wins and no losses, the undisputed champ of the town, Battling Bart Simpson! And in the lavender trunks, with a record of zero wins and 48 defeats... oh, correction, humiliating defeats, all of them by knock-out...
Homer: Must you do this every time...
Bart: Homer "the Human Punching Bag" Simpson!
7 - The Call of the Simpsons
PORK CHOPS APLENTY
Homer setting a trap for a rabbit, which flings it far into the distance. Animal abuse has never been funnier.
Homer as Bigfoot.
8 - The Telltale Head
9 - Life on the Fast Lane
10 - Homer's Night Out
11 - The Crepes of Wrath
Homer's final promise to Albanian exchange student/spy Adil has humor in it: as Adil is being loaded onto the plane to be deported, Homer tearfully promises to send him "those civil defense plans you wanted!"
12 - Krusty Gets Busted
13 - Some Enchanted Evening
"Leave Homer?!" "Don't use his name!" "Leave Pedro?!"
The entire Rubber Baby Buggy Bumpers Babysitting Service scene. Marge calls but the family is blacklisted from there because the kids are hellians. Homer calls back using the fake name "Sampson" just for the receptionist to badmouth The Simpsons, referring to Homer as the big ape father. Homer's facial expressions are hysterical.
Season 2
14 - Bart Gets an "F"
Bart's moment of disgust when he realises he kissed Mrs Krabbapel.
Bart: I passed, I passed, I... KISSED THE TEACHER! (spitting in disgust).
15 - Simpson and Delilah
16 - Treehouse of Horror
17 - Two Cars in Every Garage and Three Eyes on Every Fish
18 - Dancin' Homer
19 - Dead Putting Society
20 - Bart vs. Thanksgiving
21 - Bart the Daredevil
The ending. Homer has just fallen down Springfield Gorge, hits his head repeatedly on the way up and put onto on a stretcher on an ambulance. Next second, the ambulance hits a tree, Homer rolls out of the ambulance and falls back down the gorge. It is an iconic moment and one of the funniest in Simpsons' history.
Even better: years later, in The Movie, they go back to that location in the climax and the ambulance is still there.
The short scene immediately after that with Homer in the hospital bed next to daredevil Lance Murdock has one of the best lines in the show's history.
Homer: You think you've got guts, try raising my kids.
Also of note from the episode is Lance Murdock's failed stunt. He successfully jumps over a large tank of water full of sharks, electric eels, pirhanas, aligators and lions but as he rests his bike at the top of the landing ramp and waves to the crowd he falls in. Then he tried to climb over the side, almost makes it and is pulled back in by the lion.
22 - Itchy & Scratchy & Marge
23 - Bart Gets Hit by a Car
24 - One Fish, Two Fish, Blowfish, Blue Fish
25 - The Way We Was
26 - Homer vs. Lisa and the 8th Commandment
27 - Principal Charming
28 - Oh Brother, Where Art Thou?
29 - Bart's Dog Gets an "F"
30 - Old Money
31 - Brush with Greatness
32 - Lisa's Substitute
33 - The War of the Simpsons
34 - Three Men and a Comic Book
35 - Blood Feud
When Homer is posing as Mr. Burns at the Post Office to reclaim a very insulting letter he wrote to him earlier.
]]) Hello. My name is Mr. Burns. I believe you have a letter for me.
Clerk: OK, Mr. Burns. What's your first name?
Homer:(still using fake voice)...I don't know!
(cut to Homer and Bart outside the Post Office)
Homer:(sarcastically) Great plan, Bart.
This comment from Mr. Burns, after reading Homer's letter:
Mr. Burns: I could crush him like an ant. But it would be too easy. No, revenge is a dish best served cold. I'll bide my time until... Oh, what the hell, I'll just crush him like an ant.
Season 3
36 - Stark Raving Dad
The mental patient who thinks he's Michael Jackson (Jackson provided his speaking voice), had the show on the cusp of its arguable golden age with gags such as this phone call to Bart, who is understandably incredulous that the person on the other end is Jackson:
"Michael": It's true. I'm with your father in a mental institution.
Bart: Uh-huh. And is Elvis with you?
"Michael": He could be. It's a big hospital.
This bit:
Bart: Mom, Dad's in a mental hospital!
Marge: Oh, dear. Mother was right.
37 - Mr. Lisa Goes to Washington
38 - When Flanders Failed
39 - Bart the Murderer
Fat Tony "explains" to Bart how hijacking a truckload of cigarettes isn't wrong.
Bart: Are you guys crooks?
Fat Tony: Say Bart, is it wrong for a man to steal a loaf of bread to feed his starving family?
Bart: No.
Fat Tony: Suppose you have a large starving family. Is it wrong to steal a truckload of bread to feed them?
Bart: Uh-huh.
Fat Tony: And say your family don't like bread, they like . . . cigarettes.
Bart: I guess that's OK.
Fat Tony: And what if instead of giving them away, you sold them at a price that was practically giving them away. Would that be a crime, Bart?
Bart: . . . Hell no!
Fat Tony: Enjoy your present.
40 - Homer Defined
As the plant is about to catastrophically melt down, Mr. Burns is putting on an advanced radiation suit while Smithers stands by.
Smithers: Sir, where's my radiation suit?
Mr. Burns:(annoyed) Oh, how the hell should I know?
The suit is clearly labelled "Smithers" by the way.
Also, this moment only seconds away from the meltdown:
Smithers: There may never be another chance to say: I love you, sir."
Mr. Burns: Oh, hot dog. Thanks for making my last moments on Earth socially awkward.
41 - Like Father, Like Clown
42 - Treehouse of Horror II
The Bart Zone:
Krusty: Well, we're still on. Three hundred and forty-six consecutive hours, and all because of one little boy who... who WON'T LET ME STOP!! Anyway, now let's go over and see if Sideshow Mel has any more of those legal, over-the-counter wake-up drugs of his!!
"Oh, good! The curtains are on fire!"
"The ball is turning into a fat, bald man! And it's no good!"
In the third segment, Homer gets a job as a grave digger...on the night that Mr. Burns and Smithers are searching for a brain to implant into their new robot.
Mr. Burns: Hel~lo! An open grave! Smithers, get him out quickly; the stench is overpowering.
Smithers: Uh, sir? That's Homer Simpson... (scoff) he wasn't exactly a "model employee."
Mr. Burns: Well, who is a model...(Evil Eye) employee?
(Smithers' head vanishes, replaced with just a floating brain wearing glasses)
Smithers:(panicking) Simpson will do just fine, sir!
(Smithers is dragging the bag with Homer in it over rocks, etc., making him moan in pain.)
Smithers: Did you hear that, sir?
Mr. Burns: No, I didn't. Who is it? Frankenstein? The booger man?!
Smithers: It's the man in the bag, sir; I think he's alive!
Mr. Burns:(walks over to the bag, wielding a shovel) Bad corpse! (thwack) Bad corpse! (thwack)Stop!(thwack)Scaring!(thwack)Smithers!(Homer whimpers inside the bag) Satisfied?
Smithers: Thank you, sir.
Mr. Burns is removing Homer's brain from his head so it can be placed into the robot.
Mr. Burns: Smithers hand me that ice cream scoop.
Smithers: Ice cream scoop?
Mr. Burns: Damn it, Smithers! This isn't rocket science, it's brain surgery!
"Well, now that I've saved the world maybe I oughta spruce-up the ol' homestead!"
"Look at me! I'm Davy Crockett!"
43 - Lisa's Pony
44 - Saturdays of Thunder
45 - Flaming Moe's
The Flaming Moe song:
When the weight of the world has got you down
And you want to end your life
Bills to pay, a dead end job
And problems with your wife
Well don't throw in the towel cause there's
A place right down the block
Where you can drink your miseries away
At Flaming Moes (lets all go Flaming Moes)
Where Liquor in a mug
Can can warm you like a hug
And happiness is just a Flaming Moe away
Happiness is just a Flaming Moe away
Also:
Marge: Maybe you could take some consolation in the fact that something you created is making so many people happy.
Homer: Oh, look at me! I'm making people happy! I am the magical man from happy land! In a gumdrop house on lollipop laaaaaaane! (storms out, sticks his head back in) Oh, by the way, I was being sarcastic!
Homer: Wow! Who would have ever guessed Darth Vader is Luke Skywalker's father?
Moviegoers Waiting To See The Film: Oh come on! Thanks a lot! Why did you have to spoil it for us?!
48 - Radio Bart
49 - Lisa the Greek
50 - Homer Alone
51 - Bart the Lover
Homer's contributions to the Swear Jar; every time he swears, he has to put in a quarter. This starts a montage of scenes in which he can't control his swearing:
(In church, Homer blindly puts money into a collection plate)
(Jump Cut to him dropping two coins into the jar.)
(While bowling, the last pin fails to fall over)
Homer: Oh, you son of a—!
(Jump Cut to him dropping more change into the jar.)
(Homer sees Ned Flanders after being suggested by Homer to shave his mustache while taking out the trash.)
Ned: Hey Homer! You know, I owe you one, buddy! No sooner than I shaved off the ol' cookie-duster that a lady cast me in a commercial! (checks mail) I tell you, the way these checks keep coming it, it's almost criminal.
Homer:(after Ned walks away) YOU DIRTY BAS—!
(Jump Cut to him dropping even more change into the jar.)
(Homer finishes building a very shoddy dog house. It doesn't have a door.)
Homer: Whaddya think, Lisa?
Lisa: How's the dog supposed to get in?
Homer: Well, he just goes...(pause) Awwwwww—
(Jump Cut to him dropping still more change into the jar.)
(Homer is asleep in a hammock. Out of nowhere, a beehive falls out and on to his stomach.)
Homer:AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA—
(Jump Cut to a badly stung hand dropping a huge pile of change into the jar.)
A little later, Homer is building the doghouse and smacks his thumb with a hammer.
Homer: Oh. Fudge. That's... broken.(He turns around and steps on a nail, which goes through his foot and sticks out of the top of his shoe.) Fiddle-dee-dee. That will require a tetanus shot. I'm not going to swear, but I am going to... KICK THIS DOGHOUSE DOWN!(He does.)
As for the main story: when the whole family is composing a letter to Ms. Krabappel explaining why "Woodrow" (a fake man Bart made up to screw with her after he saw her personal ad) can't see her again, the family come up with a lot of rejected ideas. Bart's and Homer's are the funniest ones, from Bart suggesting that "crocodiles bit off my face," to Homer repeatedly pitching "Three simple words: I am gay."
Barney: Okay, you asked for it, Boggs! (he punches out Boggs)
Moe: Yeah, that's showin' 'im, Barn! 'Pitt the Elder'...
Barney: LORD PALMERSTON!(he punches out Moe)
The mishaps of each of the professional players, especially the fate of Ozzie Smith.
Ozzie Smith:(while falling into oblivion)AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH—Hey, cool!—AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!
Homer winning the game for his team by getting hit in the head with the baseball is funny enough, but then the team's victory photo (which closes out the episode) is even funnier. We see the professional players all reflecting their predicaments (like Ozzie Smith as a ghost, and Ken Griffey Jr. and his gigantism), and an unconscious Homer lying down face-first.
53 - Separate Vocations
54 - Dog of Death
This conversation between Mr. Burns and Smithers:
Smithers: People like dogs, Mr. Burns.
Mr. Burns: Nonsense, dogs are idiots. Think about it Smithers, if I came into your room and started sniffing at your crotch and slobbering all over your face, what would you say?
The entire first half with Spinal Tap. "We salute you, our half-inflated dark lord!"
Otto's mad drive to school after his impromptu concert (including crashing into Spinal Tap's bus, none of the police officers bothering to get the license number of the bus as it crashed through a police picnic, and all the bystanders rushing to pay phones after seeing the "How Am I Driving?" bumper sticker on the detached bumper), followed by his explaining to Principal Skinner and the cops that he doesn't have a license or wear his own underwear.
Otto mistaking Marge's sister Patty for a transsexual ("Have you always been a chick? I-I don't want to offend you, but you were born a man, weren't you? You can tell me. I'm open-minded.") and Patty dropping the green driver's test marker (after explaining to Otto that she uses the green pen for correct answers and the red one for incorrect answers).
Otto studying for his driver's test.
Otto: "Alcohol increases your ability to drive." (flips to answer key) False?! Oh, man!
Patty telling Otto that he "failed every segment [of his driver's test], and misspelled 'bus' on [his] application."
58 - Bart's Friend Falls in Love
59 - Brother, Can You Spare Two Dimes?
This exchange between Homer and Herb:
Homer: I can't believe we blew 2,000 bucks on this, when right now rollers could be kneading my buttocks!
Herb: Homer, could you stop thinking about your ass?!
Homer: I try, but I can't...
And when Herb first arrived:
Herb: What am I going to say? This is the guy who ruined me. But on the other hand, he's family. So many conflicting emotions, how to express them?
(Homer opens the door.)
Homer: Herb? (Herb punches Homer.)
A little bit later:
Herb: Sorry, Homer, but I'm still mad at you. Every word you say makes me want to punch you in the face!
Homer: Well, while you're a guest in my house could you just kick me in the butt?
Herb: I'll try, but I'm not making any promises!
And at the end:
Herb: And Maggie, the one who helped me reclaim my fortune, I'll give you anything your heart desires.
Maggie: (Baby gibbersh)
Translator: I want what the dog's eating. (Cut to a shot of Santa's Little Helper eating from his dish.)
Homer: D'oh!
Season 4
60 - Kamp Krusty
Bart and Lisa talking to their parents before leaving on the bus for camp:
Bart: Don't look in my closet, in fact, stay out of my room altogether.
Lisa:(yelling from the bus) If the pets die, don't replace them, I'll know!
Lisa:(writing letter to home) I no longer fear hell, for I have been to Kamp Krusty.
Same ep:
Lisa: Bart, I think we're going to die.
Bart:(matter-of-factly) We're all gonna die Lis.
Lisa: I meant soon!
Bart:(sadly) So did I.
Homer and Marge hearing of the hostile takeover of Kamp Krusty on the news. When they see Bart has become the ringleader, Homer (who had spent the entire summer completely stress-free and had gotten into notably better shape) yells out, "D'OH!", and immediately, his newly grown hair falls from his head, and his gut expands to his pre-summer shape.
How Krusty reacted to Bart's grievances:
Bart: They fed us gruel, they forced us to make wallets for export, and one of the campers was eaten by a bear!
Krusty:Oh my god!(breaks down sobbing)
Bart: ...actually, the bear just ate his hat.
Krusty:(collected) Was it a nice hat?
Bart: Oh yeah.
Krusty:Oh my god!(breaks down sobbing)
61 - A Streetcar Named Marge
Marge going crazy and almost knocking Ned over.
62 - Homer the Heretic
On the subject of Homer's culinary talents: While skipping church, he pours pancake batter, caramels and liquid smoke into a waffle iron, wraps it around a stick of butter, and eats it like a burrito.
"Mmmm, fattening..."
At the end when Homer talks to God in a second dream:
Homer: God, I gotta ask ya: What's the meaning of life?
God: Homer, I can't tell you that. You'll find out when you die.
Homer: Aww, I can't wait that long!
God: ...You can't wait six months?
Homer: No, tell me now!
God: Oh, alright. The meaning of life is—-(cut off by the theme)
63 - Lisa the Beauty Queen
When Lisa finally gets crowned Little Miss Springfield (after the actual winner gets struck by lightning), a new wax figure is created in the Springfield Wax Museum. The problem is the curators just stuck Lisa's head on a wax statue of Dr. Ruth. The funny part is that Dr. Ruth's head now resides in the Chamber of Horrors next to Mr. T and Ronald Reagan.
During the beginning sequence with the school carnival, there were a couple of funny moments:
Groundskeeper Willie trying to sell haggis from his stand (which looks like it's nowhere near the school carnival).
A part that's usually cut in American (U.S.) syndication where Otto cranks up the speed on a Rocket Spinner ride and the car flies off and crashes into the school. Otto then tells Bart that he's going to Mexico until this blows over and is chased by an angry mob.
Another scene lost to syndication: Milhouse goes into a crappily-built haunted house that turns out to be a shed with the three bullies (Dolph, Jimbo, and Kearney) standing under a bare lightbulb, getting ready to beat Milhouse up. When Milhouse steps out, Bart steps in, thinking that it's a regular haunted house.
64 - Treehouse of Horror III
From the first segment "Clown Without Pity":
Homer: Marge! The doll's trying to kill me and the toaster's been laughing at me!
Old Man: Take this object. But beware, it carries a terrible curse.
Homer: Oh, that's bad.
Old Man: But it comes with a free frogurt!
Homer: That's good!
Old Man: The frogurt is also cursed.
Homer: Oh, that's bad.
Old Man: But you get your choice of topping!
Homer: That's good!
Old Man: The toppings contain potassium benzoate. (pause) That's bad.
Homer: Can I go now?
Also from that segment, the doll attempts to kill Homer while in the tub and Homer runs, screaming and naked through the kitchen, where his wife and his sisters-in-law are having lunch.
Patty: There goes the last lingering thread of my sexuality.
Smithers had just knocked out Homer with a gas bomb:
Mr. Burns: Excellent work, Smithers! When we get back, I'm giving you a raise! (King Homer eats Smithers;Beat) ...Oh, well.
After King Homer falls three stories:
Marge: He's not dead!
Mr. Burns: No, but his career is. I remember when Al Jolson ran amok at the Winter Garden and climbed the Chrysler building. After that, he couldn't even get arrested in this town.
After King Homer has broken free and started his rampage.
Mr. Burns: I'm dreading the reviews, I can tell you that.
Marge:(sees Homer outside) Oh hi, Homie!
From the third segment "Dial 'Z' for Zombie":
The zombies have risen from the grave so Bart and Lisa urgently tell Homer:
Bart & Lisa: Dad, dad we've done something terrible!
Homer's advice to Bart about how to get out of jury duty: "The trick is to say you're prejudiced against all races."
Marge's Imagine Spot of Bart as a fat, sleazy male stripper who gets booed at by his "adoring" female fans and lies moaning under the garish disco lights after someone hurls a bottle at his head after Mrs. Krabappel tells her that there's no telling how low Bart will sink if he doesn't straighten up and fly right.
Grampa trying to get his friend Jasper's teeth out of the glass (in the aftermath of Bart breaking Grampa's teeth) while he sleeps and Jasper waking up and drawing a gun on him ("Well, well, if it isn't the Tooth Fairy!")
66 - Marge Gets a Job
67 - New Kid on the Block
68 - Mr. Plow
This exchange during Homer's commercial:
Homer:(smiling) My prices are so low, you'll think I've suffered brain damage!
Bart: You are fully licensed and bonded by the city, aren't you Mr. Plow?
Homer:(stops smiling, talks out of the corner of his mouth)Shut up, boy.
(Homer growls angrily at Bart as they watch the commercial on TV)
Homer: So, (cue jingle) Call Mr. Plow. That's my name. That name again is Mr. Plow.
When Homer's going out to rescue Barney:
Homer: Don't worry, this baby's as surefooted as a mountain goat. (Cut to nearby mountain goat, which slips off a cliff repeatedly)
Homer's hair-raising trip across a rickety wooden bridge, during which he sees a full suspension bridge a short distance away that he could have used.
Homer and Customer
Woman: Could you make sure not to scrape my asphalt?
"I never needed plastic molding to improve my physique." (taps chest) "Pure West."
69 - Lisa's First Word
Homer telling baby Lisa that he opened a college fund for her at Lincoln Savings and Loan (which infamously shut down in the 1980s), followed by Homer dismissing Marge's fears that Bart will be jealous of his new baby sister with: "Yeah, well, Bart can kiss my hairy, yellow butt!" (Word Of God states that this line was ad-libbed and nearly got cut by the censors because they thought the line was too pedophilic, despite that telling someone to kiss their ass is more of a rude brush-off, rather than a sexual come-on).
Bart's refusal to address Homer properly.
Bart: Homer! Homer: Homer's what grownups call me. Call me Daddy. Bart: Homer. Homer: Daddy. Bart: Homer. Homer: Daddy! Bart: Da-da-da... Domer! (chuckles) Homer: Why you little—! (strangles Bart)
Lisa follows suit, even after naming everything else correctly.
Homer: Can you say Daddy? Lisa: Homer. Homer: No, sweetie. Daddy. (beat) Lisa: Homer. Homer: D'oh!
70 - Homer's Triple Bypass
Dr. Nick: Call 1800-D.O.C.T.O.R.B! The "B" is for Bargain!
Dr. Nick Riviera is funny throughout the whole episode.
Dr. Nick: OK, bye. (Reporters are outside the door) It's such a nice day. I think I'll go out the window. (Jumps out the window)
The best part there is that he's just gotten finished reassuring Homer and when the reporters are there the first question they yell is "Where'd you hide the bodies?"
And another one:
Dr. Nick: Well if it isn't my old friend Mr. McGreg! With a leg for an arm and an arm for a leg!
When he's watching a video on how to perform a triple bypass, shortly before he has to perform that surgery on Homer: "Oh no, blood!"
And, of course: "The kneebone's connected to the something; the something's connected to the red thing; the red thing's connected to my wristwatch... Uh oh."
To the O.R. team before Homer's surgery: "Now remember, if something should go wrong, let's not get the law involved. You know what they say: 'One hand washes the other.' Oh, that reminds me..." (washes hands)
And after that, just as Homer is falling asleep from the anesthetic:
Dr. Nick: What the hell is that?
And of course this Dr. Nick bit:
P.A. system: Dr. Nick Riviera, paging Dr. Nick Riviera. Please report to the coroner's office immediately.
Dr. Nick: The Coroner?! I'm so sick of that guy.
A defining moment for Apu:
Apu: Poor Mister Homer. Could it be that my snack treats are responsible for his wretched health?
Customer: Gimme some jerky.
Apu: Would you like some vodka with that?
Customer: Oh, what the hell, sure!
The COPS opening, which featured: a suicidal man choosing to hurl himself off a building rather than come to Chief Wiggum, Chief Wiggum, Eddie, and Lou shooting at a mummy and Chief Wiggum throwing his gun, and these lyrics to the song ("Springfield's cops are on the take/But what do you expect/With the money we make/Whether in a car or on a horse/We don't mind using/Excessive force")
71 - Marge vs. the Monorail*
An episode scripted by Conan O'Brien and arguably one of the best episodes in the series.
One of Homer's lifelong dreams is mentioned here:
Homer: Marge, I wanna be a monorail conductor.
Marge: Homer, no.
Homer: It's my lifelong dream!
Marge: Your lifelong dream was to run out on the field during a baseball game and you did it last year! Remember? (Marge points to a framed sports page, with a picture of Homer running onto a baseball field in the middle of a game, with the headline, "Idiot Ruins Game/Springfield Forfeits Pennant").
Marge returns from North Haverbrook with someone who helped Mr. Lanley create the defective monorail in that town:
Marge: Homer, there's a man here who thinks he can help you!
Homer: Batman?!
Marge: No, he's a scientist.
Homer: Batman's a scientist!
Marge: It's not Batman!
During "The Monorail Song"...
Marge: But Main Street's still all cracked and broken!
Bart: Sorry, Mom, the mob has spoken!
Homer: "I call the big one Bitey!"
Homer: "Do you want to change your name to Homer Junior? The kids can call you "Ho-Ju"!
Bart: ...I'll get back to you on that.
Any line spoken by or about Leonard Nimoy in this episode:
Leonard: Well, my work here is done.
Barney: Whaddaya mean, "Your work is done"? You didn't do anything!
Leonard: Heh, heh. Didn't I? (beams away)
The grand opening ceremony for the Springfield monorail:
Mayor Quimby: And let me be the first to say, "Let the force be with you!"
Leonard: Do you even know who I am?
Mayor Quimby: I think I do. Weren't you one of the Little Rascals?
On the out-of-control monorail:
Leonard: A solar eclipse. The cosmic ballet goes on.
Man sitting next to Leonard: Does anyone want to switch seats?
As the monorail goes haywire:
Krusty: KRUSTY WANTS OUT!!! (attempts to jump out of the runaway monorail)
Leonard: No! (saves him) The world needs laughter.
Also a Crowning Moment of Awesome as Nimoy was able to save Krusty when he was already out the monorail door.
How could we forget Homer's Flintstones theme song spoof?
Simpson, Homer Simpson,
He's the greatest guy in history!
From the town of Springfield,
He's about to hit a chestnut tree! (screams)
(And he does.)
The scene where Homer has to find a anchor to stop the monorail.
(looks at Bart, pictures him as a anchor)
Bart: Think harder Homer.
Marge was unable to stop the monorail cause the guy she was with had to have a haircut.
The ending.
Marge: And that was the only folly the people of Springfield embarked upon. Except for the popsicle stick skyscraper. And the 50 foot magnifying glass. And that escalator to nowhere.
Lyle Lanley's monorail conducting classes
Lanley: Mono means one and rail means rail. That concludes our extensive three week course.
Otto: Hey, wait! Who gets to be conductor?
Lanley: I have been monitoring your progress, (he looks in a book with a picture of himself driving to Tahiti with lots of money) and this gentleman stands above the rest. (Does general arm sweep across room and gets ready to leave.)
Homer: Who, me?
Lanley: Yeah, sure.
Homer: Woohoo!
72 - Selma's Choice
Lisa becoming the LizardQueen after drinking the water in the Duff ride.
Also: "And I don't think George Washington will ever be the same!" (Well, no, not after Bart pulled down the robot's pants.)
Lionel Hutz redubbing Great Aunt Gladys's video will.
The fortuneteller mistaking truth serum for a love potion.
Homer and Bart singing "Ding-Dong The Witch Is Dead" after Marge objects to them singing "On Top of Spaghetti".
Homer declaring that he's okay to go to Duff Gardens (despite being sick from eating a rotten hoagie) only for him to pass out on the floor and crawl away.
During the Presidents' Day play, Milhouse plays Abraham Lincoln, while Bart is John Wilkes Booth. The play's version of the assassination boils down to a mock fight and Bart as The Ahnold - leaving everyone in the audience silent and gaping. Well, almost everyone.
Homer: C'mon, boy! Finish him off!
"You're next, Chester A. Arthur!"
Chief Wiggum's story of how he got tickets for Krusty's show - bumping into him at a porno movie and the clown mistakenly thinking it was a bust.
Lisa: That story's not appropriate for children.
Wiggum: Really? I keep my pants on in this version.
75 - Duffless
Homer's conversation with his brain in the kitchen.
Homer: Well, time to go to work.
Homer's Brain: Little do they know I'm ducking out early to take the Duff Brewery tour.
Homer: Roll in at nine, punch out at five, that's the plan.
Homer's Brain: Heh, heh, heh. They don't suspect a thing. (camera pans down to Homer's mouth, but he doesn't say anything) Well, off to the plant.
Homer: Then to the Duff Brewery.
Homer's Brain: Uh, oh. Did I say that or just think it?
Homer: I've got to think of a lie fast!
Marge: Homer, are you going to the Duff Brewery?
Homer: AAAAH! (he runs out the front door, gets in his car, and drives away)
Some time later, when Homer is making his dramatic escape from the plant, he encounters a gigantic spider.
Homer:(reading off a scroll) "To overcome the Spider's Curse, simple quote a Bible verse!"? Uh, thou shalt not... oh! (he throws a rock at the spider, knocking it out senseless).
Homer sees Ralph Wiggum's science fair project and has his own vision of an alcohol-fueled car.
Homer:(puts the fuel nozzle in the car) One for you. (removes it) One for me. (he inserts the nozzle in his mouth and takes a drink of "GASOHOL", then puts it back in the car) One for you. (removes it again) One for me. (sticks the nozzle in his mouth a second time and drinks some more).
76 - Last Exit to Springfield
Homer points out a scar on his head, which he claims to have gotten from a labor strike at the plant years ago. Flashback to said strike, with Homer's colleagues all shouting for this noble cause (equitable treatment from management), and then you see Homer at the empty snack van, periodically smacking the counter with his fist, yelling "WHERE'S MY BURRITO?! WHERE'S MY BURRITO?!" until the awning falls down and crushes his head.
77 - So It's Come to This: A Simpsons Clip Show
Bart's "April Fools' Day" prank on Homer. Enough said.
Barry White: You people make me sick! (crowd cheers) Are they even listening to me?
Mayor Quimby: My guess would be no.
One of Grampa's most insane war stories: posing as a German cabaret singer in Dusseldorf and flirting withAdolf Hitler.
Also the part after the flashback when Grampa admitted that the only part of the story that was true was that he cross-dressed in the 1940s ("Oh, they had designers then!")
Bart referring to Johnny Tremaine as Johnny Deformed after Marge tells Bart about how the protagonist got his hand deformed in an accident.
Homer's advice to Lisa on what to do about her feelings against Whacking Day: "Just squeeze your rage into a bitter, little ball, and release it at an appropriate time. Like that time I hit the referee with a whiskey bottle. (in a baby voice): Remember that? When Daddy hit the referee."
80 - Marge in Chains
One scene, wherein the aftermath of a bake sale makes the people of Springfield realise the consequences of putting Marge in jail:
Park Ranger: Fifteen dollars short, exactly what Marge Simpson's marshmallow squares usually bring in. Can we still afford that statue of Lincoln?
Man: No, I'm afraid we'll have to go with something cheaper.
(Later)
Mayor Quimby: People of Springfield, I give you this statue of our thirty-ninth president, Jimmy Carter!
Man in Crowd: Oh, come on!
Man in Crowd:(points angrily) He's history's greatest monster!
When Marge is released, the city presents her with a statue of her (which turns out to be the Jimmy Carter statue with her signature hairdo added to it), which the kids turn into a tetherball pole.
Krusty:(standing there dumbfounded and smoking a cigarette) What the hell was that?!
While the quote itself is funny, the delivery raises it exponentially, and was what instantly cemented the character of Squeaky Voiced Teen as a mainstay when so many others fell away. If they can, someone please link to a video of the scene (context is Krusty begging Mel to join him for his comeback (which then turns into a crowner of heartwarming). Without, further ado,
Krusty the Clown: Ah, come on. You wanna spend your life hanging out with a bunch of dorky teenagers?
Squeaky Voiced Teen: Here's your taco, Mister. Whoops. It fell in the fryer. I'll get it out. Ow! Ow! Ow-w-w! Ow-w-w!
Sideshow Mel: Sorry Krusty, I like it here. Mr. Johansen treats me with dignity.
Mr. Johansen: Is this clown bothering you, Mel?
Sideshow Mel: It's all right, Mr. Johansen, I'll handle it.
Squeaky Voiced Teen: Here's your taco, sir.
Krusty the Clown: I don't want it!
Squeaky Voiced Teen: But this comes out of my salary! If I had a girlfriend, she'd kill me.
The Milkshakes part. ''Oh oh".
Luke Perry being shot out of a cannon.
He lands safely in a pillow factory... only to have it demolished while he's still inside.
Crazy Old Man: The old grey mare just ain't what she used to be, ain't what she used to be...
Homer unknowingly torments Bob just before the legendary Rake Take scene. Bob had strapped himself to the underside of the Simpsons' car, but couldn't plan on Homer's...unique style of driving:
Homer:(seeing a whole lot of cacti in the distance) Hey, kids? Who wants to drive through that cactus patch?
Bart: Yeah!
Lisa: Yeah!
Sideshow Bob:(horrified) NO!
Homer: Oop! Two against one! (He turns and drives through the cacti, oblivious to Bob's moans and screaming in agony)
While getting ready to move, Homer accidentally locks Abe out of the house:
Abe: Hello! Helloooooo! You have my pills! Hellooooooo? I'm cold and there are wolves after me.
(howling is heard in the distance)
The whole of the Witness Relocation Program's attempts to move the Simpsons to a new location.
Agent 1: Don't worry, Mrs. Simpson. We've helped hundreds of people in danger. We'll give you a new name, a new job. New identities.
Homer: Ooh! I wanna be John Elway!
(dissolve to Homer's fantasy of playing for the Denver Broncos, also the only player in a leather helmet.)
Announcer: Elway takes the snap and runs it in for a touchdown! Thanks to Elway's patented last second magic, the final score of Super Bowl XXX, Denver: 7 San Francisco: 56.
Homer:(back in the office) Woo-hoo!
Plus
Agent 2: We have places your family can hide in peace and security. Cape Feare, Terror Lake, New Horrorfield, Screamville...
Homer: Ooh! Ice Creamville!
Agent 2: Uh, no. Screamville.
Homer:(screams)
and of course
Agent 1: Tell you what: From now on, you'll be Homer Thompson at Terror Lake. Let's just practice for a bit. When I say, "Hello, Mr. Thompson," you'll say, "Hi."
Homer: Check.
Agent 1: Hello, Mr. Thompson. (Homer sits at the table silently) Remember now: Your name is Homer Thompson.
Homer: I gotcha.
Agent 1: Hello, Mr. Thompson. (Again, Homer sits at the table silently)
(Agents 1 and 2 look at each other, there's a transition to much later where they've taken their jackets off, 2 is smoking, and the other Simpsons look exhausted.)
Agent 1:(exasperated) Now when I say, "Hello, Mr. Thompson," and press down on your foot, you smile and nod.
Homer: No problem.
Agent 1:(while stomping repeatedly on Homer's foot) Hello, Mr. Thompson.
Homer:(looks at his foot, pauses, then leans back and whispers to Agent 2) I think he's talking to you.
Mr. Burns is trying to reclaim his long lost bear Bobo, which is now in Maggie's possession. Smithers and him are climbing across the Simpsons' kitchen ceiling, at night, using suction cups. Homer walks in, oblivious to the two intruders, opens the fridge and pulls out a stack of processed cheese.
Homer: Mmmmm, 64 slices of American cheese. (He eats a slice of cheese.) 63. (He eats another slice.) 62.
(The scene cuts to morning, Homer is still sat in the same place with a much smaller stack of cheese.)
Homer:(sounding very ill/sick/full) Two. (He eats the last slice.) One.
(Marge walks in and sees Homer sat at the table, he now looks visibly ill.)
Marge: Have you been up all night eating cheese?
Homer: I think I'm blind!
(Mr. Burns and Smithers fall off the ceiling.)
The earlier attempt!
Mr. Burns: Now remember, Smithers. We have to get in and out in exactly 60 seconds.
(climbs onto zipline, kicks off....then gets stuck midway across. Cut to next morning, and a rescue effort)
Marge: More cocoa, Mr. Burns?
Mr. Burns: Yes.
In the same episode:
Smithers: The preparations for your birthday have begun.
Mr. Burns: I won't get what I really want.
Smithers: No one ever does. (dreams about Mr. Burns bursting out of a cake wearing nothing but a sash singing "Happy birthday, Mr. Smithers...")
The Ramones cameo as well. Possibly one of the best of the show.
Go to Hell, you old bastard! (curtain closes) Hey, I think he liked us!
Kent Brockman: IT'S IN REVELATIONS PEOPLE!!! (a graphic stating "Please stand by" depicting Kent Brockman in a straitjacket with a cuckoo clock bird popping out of his head appears on the screen.)
We get this little gem from earlier in the episode:
Lisa: Mr. Hutz, why are you burning all your personal records?
Lionel Hutz: As of this moment, Lionel Hutz no longer exists. Say hello to Miguel Sanchez!
The scene of Bart and Lisa waking up and realizing that neither of their parents are home yet. Lisa points out that Lionel Hutz is still there to care for them. Lisa tries to wake him up. Hutz jumps with a start, brandishing a knife, and yelling, "Don't touch my stuff!" When he realizes where he is, he sheepishly laughs, "Hey, this isn't the YMCA."
88 - Bart's Inner Child
Homer reads the "Free Items" column in the newspaper:
Homer:vOh my God!
Lisa: What is it?
Homer:TRAMAMPOLINE! TRABOPOLINE!(He runs off)
Bart: He said what, now?
Marge: Please don't bring back any more used crutches!
From Troy McClure's video.
Troy McClure: That's right, it's the Brad Goodman (Squinting at cue-cards) something-or-other...
Fridge Brilliance: We later learn in A Fish Called Selma that Troy McClure wears glasses and can't read anything without them.
One of Brad Goodman's seminar exercises which he uses at the Springfield Community Center.
Brad: Now, listen to your inner child. What's he saying?
(camera pans to Ned Flanders)
Ned's Inner Child: Stay the course, Big Ned! You're doing super!
(camera pans to Homer)
Homer's Inner Child: Food goes in here!
Homer: It sure does.
(camera pans to Moe Szyslak)
Moe's Inner Child:(with heavy Italian accent) 'Ey, Moe, wassa matta, huh? Why you no talk wit you accent no mo?
Moe:(clapping hands on face in astonishment)Mamma Mia!
The ending where the family are watching the show "McGarnagle" about a Cowboy Cop:
(The exterior shot of the house with just the voices heard)
Chief: You're off the case McGarnagle!
McGarnagle: You're off your case chief!
Chief: What does that mean exactly?
Homer:(yelling) IT MEANS HE GETS RESULTS YOU STUPID CHIEF!!
Lisa: Dad, sit down.
Homer: Sorry.
89 - Boy-Scoutz 'n the Hood
Homer unknowingly passes by Bart and Milhouse who are covered in bubble gum.
Homer: Mmm...free goo.
Homer is sitting on the couch. Bart points out an error in an Itchy and Scratchy cartoon.
Lisa: Come on, Bart. Cartoons don't have to be 100% realistic.
(A second Homer walks past the window)
The epic Noodle Incident after the Disney Acid Sequence of a musical sequence. There's a Greek ship in the middle of an ocean. Barney, in a sailor suit, wakes up groaning in a pile of burlap sacks filled with baklava.
Barney:(realizing where he is) Uh-oh! Not again!
90 - The Last Temptation of Homer
First, Homer and Mindy are stuck in the elevator together. Homer tries his hardest to think unsexy thoughts (including picturing his sisters-in-law shaving their legs together in the bathroom and picturing his fat, drunken friend humming the I Dream of Jeannie theme while wearing the jumbo thong bikini that Barney bought Homer when he mistook Homer's heart surgery for a sex change operation), then fails at that (as he immediately pictures Mindy in a bikini blowing a kiss) and just jumps out of the elevator in mid-ascent.
Also, the fact that the elevator was somehow halfway up the cooling tower.
91 - $pringfield (Or, How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love Legalized Gambling)
Homer when he has Raymond and Charlie Babbit from Rain Man at his blackjack table.
Homer, attempting to cook his own dinner, combines a full bottle of cloves, a similarly full bottle of Tom Collins mix, and a frozen pie crust. The expression on his face as he tastes it is unforgettable.
Homer:(in a VERY deadpan tone after eating his dinner) Let's go get mom...
When he's summing up the situation to Lisa (who just described herself as a "monster" thanks to her Florida costume).
Homer: The only monster around here is the gambling monster that has enslaved your mother! I call him Gamblor, and it's time to free your mother from his neon claws!
Any event revolving around the Spruce Moose.
Mr. Burns: I said hop in...... (points a gun at Smithers)
Homer after he breaks Marge's gambling machine:
Homer:(yells gibberish)
Marge: Homer, what is it? Slow down!
Homer:(says the same gibberish slowly and clearly)
Marge: Think before you say each word.
The entire boogeyman sequence.
Homer: Bart, I don't want to alarm you, but they may be a Boogie Man or Boogie MEN in the house!
Bart: YAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!
The costume contest results.
Skinner: And special awards go to the two students who obviously had no help from their parents: Lisa Simpson and Ralph Wiggum.
Bond: I'll take a hit, dealer. (Homer gives him a card) Joker? You were supposed to take those out of the deck.
Homer: Oh, sorry. (He deals another card)
Bond: What's this? "Rules for draw and stud poker"?
Blofeld: What a pity, Mr. Bond. (Jaws and Oddjob grab Bond)
Bond:But, I never lose! It's Homer's fault! (Bond starts getting dragged away) At least tell me your plans for world domination.
Blofeld: I'm not falling for that one again.
92 - Homer the Vigilante
The family wakes up and discovers that they have been burglarized.
Bart: Dad! We've been robbed!
Lisa:(shouting rapidly) Wake up, Dad, wake up! There was a burglar and he took my saxophone!
Homer: Woo-hoo!
Bart: And our portable TV!
Homer: D'oh!
Marge: And my necklace!
Homer:(nonchalantly) Eh, that's no big loss.
Marge: Homer, that necklace was a priceless Bouvier family heirloom.
Homer: Oh, you probably got a whole drawer full of 'em.
Marge:(pulling a necklace from a huge wad of red pearl necklaces) Well, yes I do, but they're all heirlooms, too.
Bart: Burglar even took my stamp collection
Lisa:(in a mocking tone)You had a stamp collection?
Homer, Marge, & Lisa: Ha ha ha ha ha! (the phone rings, Bart picks it up)
Nelson: Stamp collection? Ha-ha!
Homer's attempt to use a megaphone designed for rappers.
Homer:(through Rap Master 3000) Move along there. (drives off)
Kid on street:(gasps) It's Hammer!
Homer and members of the Vigilante (Moe, Apu, Principal Skinner, & Barney) are patrolling the street they're walking on and see a college student playing a saxophone for money.
Homer: Hey, you! Where'd you get that saxophone?
Student:(pause) Sears.
Homer: GET HIM! (They proceed in chasing the student)
At the dinner table, this conversation between Homer and Lisa.
Homer: Lisa, the mob is working on getting your saxophone back, but we've also expanded into other important areas: Literacy programs. Preserving our beloved covered bridges. World domination.
Lisa:(beratingly) World domination?
Homer:(chuckling nervously) Eh, that might be a typo. (thinking) Mental note: the girl knows too much.
Lisa: If you're the police, who's going to police the police?
Homer: I'unno. Coast Guard?
93 - Bart Gets Famous
Homer screaming about his son being turned into a box.
The flashback of Homer as a teenager performing "Tighten Up" by Archie Bell and the Drells as part of a one-man band — and ends up getting attacked by an Italian organ grinder's monkey.
94 - Homer and Apu
Homer confronting Apu at the Kwik-E-Mart after eating some rotten expired ham.
Homer:(enters the Kwik-E-Mart, saying to Apu) Your old meat made me sick!
Apu: Oh, I'm so sorry. Please accept 5 pounds of frozen shrimp. (lifts up a bucket and places it on the counter)
Homer:(picks up a shrimp and sniffs) This shrimp isn't frozen, and it smells funny!
Apu:(lifts up a second bucket) Okay, 10 pounds.
Homer: Woohoo! (Cuts to an ambulance, with Homer most likely inside on the stretcher)
There is also the moment about what Lisa's reaction is to spicy food.
Don't forget this little tidbit, from when Apu tries to square himself with Homer:
Homer:You're...selling what now?
Apu:I'm "selling" only the concept of karmic realignment.
Homer:You can't sell that! Karma can only be portioned out by the cosmos! (slams door)''
Apu:He's got me there.
Homer: Is he (Apu) still out there?
Marge: Yes, he's raking the yard.
Homer: What?! That's your job! If he starts doing Lisa's wood-chopping...!
95 - Lisa vs. Malibu Stacy
Grampa ranting about different things on the car ride home from the mall.
Abe: Why didn't you buy something useful, like storm windows, or a nice pipe organ? I'm thirsty. Eww, what smells like mustard? There sure are a lot of ugly people in your neighborhood. Ooh, look at that one! (Homer parks the car and the other family members quickly pile out) Ow, my glaucoma just got worse. The President is a demmycrat! Hello? I can't unbuckle my seatbelt! HELLO! (honks car horn, despite being strapped in the backseat).
Grampa decides to go back into the work force and takes a job at a local Krusty Burger.
Abe:(wearing a headset and twiddling knobs on a control panel) Come in, come in...Mayday! I'm losing your transmission...
(A man is in his car outside, at the Krusty Burger drive-through. A line-up of cars is behind him.)
Man:(yells) I said "FRENCH FRIES!"
Abe:(surprised and uncertainly) What the...? We sell...french...fries?"
When Smithers turns on his computer to search some information for Lisa, you'll see a pixeled image of Mr. Burns (who is implied to be naked):
Mr. Burns Image: Hello, Smithers. You're quite good at turning me on.
Smithers: Uhmmm, you probably should ignore that...
When Lisa enters Stacy LaVelle's mansion, a teenager comes rushing behind her, exclaiming, "All right! I've been waiting nine years to get my Frisbee back!" and retrieves his Frisbee. Before the show cuts to commercial, we see the Frisbee fly back into Stacy's yard and the boy groan in exasperation.
The scene of Lisa throwing the Talking Malibu Stacy out the window after her rant about how girls will be affected by Mailbu Stacy's shallow morals while Grampa is riding a bike in the street in an attempt to be young and carefree. The doll gets caught in the spokes of the bike, sending Grampa screaming into an open grave (with two grave diggers having lunch and not doing anything about the old man who just fell in the hole).
96 - Deep Space Homer
Barney takes a few sips of non-alcoholic champagne. The camera zooms in on Barney as dramatic music cues his shift back to alcoholism.
(Barney then struggles with the NASA scientist for the champagne bottle, eventually taking it from the scientist. He proceeds to down the entire bottle of champagne, barrel through the training facility, and hijack an experimental NASA jetpack. He hums an off-key rendition of the "Charge" song, proceeds to take off, flying for a few feet, before crashing face-first into the roof of a pillow factory, and then getting run over by a marshmallow truck).
NASA Scientist: I don't understand. That was non-alcoholic champagne.
Homer:(yelling at the ceiling) Why do you mock me, o Lord?
Marge: Homer, that's not God. That's just a waffle that Bart tossed up there.
(Marge pries the waffle off of the ceiling. Homer catches it.)
Homer: I know I shouldn't eat Thee, but... (nom) ...Mmm, sacrilicious.
Also, Ned drives past Lenny and Carl in the football stadium parking lot. Homer doesn't want to be seen with Ned, so he pushes Ned down to hide him.
Lenny: Hey look, Homer's got one of those robot cars!
(The car crashes because Ned could not see where he was driving)
Carl: One of those American robot cars.
98 - Bart Gets an Elephant
The D Js attempting to dissuade Bart from demanding an elephant:
Marty: We think we know how your mind works, Bart. So how about this: we pay your principal $10,000 to pull down his pants and keep them down for the rest of the school year, ha ha!
Skinner:(deadpan) I'll do it, Bart.
Bart: Ermmm...no.
Bill: OK, OK...what if we use the $10,000 to, er, surgically transform Skinner here into, er...some kind of a lobster-like creature?
Skinner: Now wait just a minute: that wasn't discussed with me.
Also:
Bart:(on the radio) Where's my elephant?!
Abe: Hey, they're playing The Elephant Song.
Jasper: I like this song. It reminds me of elephants.
And right after that, Kent Brockman's news report: "So isn't that what we're all asking in our own lives: 'Where's my elephant?' I know that's what I've been asking."
When Lisa blames Mr. Blackheart the ivory dealer for Bart and Stampy's disappearance:
Homer: I'm saved! And I owe it all to this feisty feline....
Lisa: Dad, a feline is a cat.
Homer: Elephant. It's an elephant, honey. And I'm sure he'll make a grand piano.
99 - Burns' Heir
The only bump in the road for Smithers' infatuation for his boss:
Mr. Burns:(sadly) Smithers, I just realized...I have no one to leave my legacy to.
Smithers:(cheerfully) There's me, sir.
Mr. Burns: Oh, don't be ridiculous, Smithers. For your many years of loyalty and hard work, you will have the honor of being buried alive with me. (shows a diorama of the grisly plan)
Robo-Simmons:(accosting Homer)Come on, big boy! Shake the butter off those buns!
(A speaker juts out the side of its head, and starts blasting "Shake Your Booty". After about five seconds of this, Homer screams in fear and runs away)
(Smithers fires a shot at the Robo-Simmons' head, leaving a huge hole...which then morphs back into place T-1000-style. The recording breaks down, then plays at many times the original place, as the robot shakes violently.)
(They all scream and run back into the house. The robot then explodes, its severed head landing near the gates of Burns Manor.)
Arguably the best part of that scene is how the way Mr. Burns says "The robotic Richard Simmons" indicates that he has other versions of Richard Simmons waiting to be unleashed.
The non-deleted version is funny, too.
Mr. Burns: I suggest you leave immediately.
Homer: Or what? You'll release the dogs? Or the bees? Or the dogs with bees in their mouth so when they bark they shoot bees at you? Well go ahead, do your worst!
(Mr. Burns, Smithers, and Bart retreat inside. Homer runs to the door and tries the handle.)
Homer: He locked the door! I'll show him! (He rings the doorbell and runs away.)
It's just something about the sheer incredulity in Homer's voice when he says 'He locked the door!', like it's something really unusual.
"Kids, you tried your best, and you failed miserably! The lesson is, never try!"
"Lisa, stop getting in the way of your wealthy brother's peas!"
"That's it! Abusing your family is one thing, but I will not stand idly by and watch you feed a hungry dog! Go to your room!"
Apu: Oh, you have got to be kidding sir. First you think of an idea that has already been done. Then you give it a title that nobody could possibly like. Didn't you think this through... it was on the bestseller list for eighteen months! Every magazine cover had... one of the most popular movies of all time, sir! WHAT WERE YOU THINKING? I mean, thank you, come again.
This scene can possibly lead to a fascination with burly Scotsmen.
Willie: Lunchlady Doris...have ye got any grease?
Doris:(flatly) Yes. Yes we do.
Willie:(tears off his shirt) THEN GREASE ME UP, WOMAN!
Doris:(still flatly) ...Okey-dokey.
Willie: "There's nae an animal alive that can outrun a greased Scotsman!"
Carl tells Homer that he's slow. By the time he's processed what he's just heard, hours have passed.
Homer's Brain: Something said, not good! "Don't yell at Homer?" noo, that's okay... (gasp) Slow! Carl thinks we're Slow.
Homer: HEY! I... huh? (He finds that it's now late night, and everyone is gone. Lenny walks in.)
Lenny: Homer? You're still here? Wow, you are slow!
Homer's Brain: Something said, not good...!
Lenny: Get the hell out!
Lisa's encounter with Homer's fake Marge.
Homer: Good news, Lisa! I don't need your mother anymore. I've created a replacement for her that's superior to her in almost every way!
Lisa: Dad, that's just a plant.
Homer:Lisa! You will respect your new mother! Now, give her a kiss. Kiss her! (Plant falls out treehouse and smashes) Aah! Oh my god oh my god oh my god! All right, let's get our stories straight - she tripped, right?
Lisa: ...Look, I brought you some nice pudding.
Homer: That's it! I've found out what I can give you that no one else can: Complete and utter dependance!
Season 6
104 - Bart of Darkness
The sequence of Springfield being affected by the heat wave, particularly: Hans Moleman getting set on fire as he's staring at the sun and his Coke bottle glasses concentrate the sun rays and burn him like a magnifying glass does to an ant, Principal Skinner complaining that he's up to his knees in the original cast of M*A*S*H (Skinner was in a wax museum that apparently had no air conditioning or means of keeping the wax figures from melting), and a random guy (who looks like the one who insulted Barney Gumble when Barney was dressed up as the Lullabuy$ baby) punching a hippie who made the mistake of singing John Denver's "Sunshine on My Shoulders" during a heat wave.
Bart and Lisa nagging Homer for a swimming pool in their backyard:
Lisa: Dad, as you know, we've been swimming. And we've developed a taste for it. We both agree that getting our own pool is the way to go. Now before you respond, you must understand that your refusal would result in months and months of...
Bart & Lisa:(rapidly, in unison) Can we have a pool, Dad? Can we have a pool, Dad? Can we have a pool, Dad? Can we have a pool, Dad? Can we have a pool, Dad?
Bart: Can we- (Lisa stops him)
Homer: I understand. Let us celebrate our agreement with the adding of chocolate to milk.
The scene with their first attempt at building the pool resorting in a large barn being built.
Homer: Alright! Everybody in the pool!
Random Amish Man: Tis a fine barn, but it sure ain't no pool, English.
Homer:D'OH-ETH!
The scene where Lisa gets trapped in the pool after everyone gets out.
Lisa: Huh? Hello? Hey, I'm stuck in here! I gotta think of a way to get out!
Lisa's Brain: Well, well, well. Look who's come crawling back.
Homer and Marge are skinny dipping. A police helicopter flies over.
Chief Wiggum: Do not be alarmed. Continue swimming naked. Aw, c'mon. Continue! C'mon! (Beat) All right, Lou, open fire.
After Ned Flanders was mistaken for murdering his wife Maude:
Homer: There's still the little matter of the whereabouts of your wife!
Maude: Um, I'm right here.
Homer: Oh, I see! So then I guess everything's all wrapped up in a neat little package! (Beat) Really, I mean that. Sorry if it sounded sarcastic!
Bart: There was an optics festival and I wasn't informed?! You go now.
105 - Lisa's Rival
Homer:(getting stung by bees as they were eating his sugar pile) OW!! AHHHH! They're defending themselves somehow!
Professor Frink: Not to worry, gentlemen. According To My Calculations, the robots will not go insane for at least 24 hours. (robots go insane, checks his sheet again) Oh, I forgot to carry the one.
And when the vacation first goes to hell for the Simpson family:
Marge:(to clerk) I want all five T-shirts to say "Best Family Vacation Ever!".
P.A.: Attention, Marge Simpson! Your son has been arrested!
(everyone gasps)
Female Shopper: I'd be terribly embarrassed if I were that boy's mother...
(Marge groans)
P.A.: Attention, Marge Simpson! We've also arrested your older, balder, fatter son!
(Marge groans more. Lisa and her meet Homer and Bart in their cell.)
Marge: Oh, I'm so embarrassed I wish there was a hole I could just crawl into and die.
Guard:(with German accent) OK, throw her in the hole.
Marge: Oh, please: it was just a figure of speech!
As Homer and Marge go to a 70s nostalgia bar, Marge notes how the bartender looks like John Travolta. The bartender, who is indeed Travolta, mutters "Yeah, 'looks like'." Even funnier considering he would make his comeback with Pulp Fiction right around the same time this episode originally aired.
Homer's attempt to imitate Bart channeling his inner movie action hero during the scene where the Simpson family are left to deal with an army of killer Itchy & Scratchy robots.
Homer: Die bad robots! Die! (laughs) With a dry, cool wit like that, I could be an action hero.
When Bart and Lisa are checking things out at the gift shop:
Bart: Cool...personalized plates! "Barclay"..."Barry"..."Bert"..."Bort"? Aw, come on. "Bort"?
Boy: Mommy, mommy! Buy me a license plate.
Mother: No. Come along, Bort.
Man:: Are you talking to me?
Mother: No, my son is also named Bort.
108 - Sideshow Bob Roberts
When the local Republicans gather to select a new mayoral candidate:
Barlow: If you'll just open that door you'll see the next mayor of Springfield!
(The door opens to reveal a water cooler; everyone applauds. The cooler bubbles)
Senator: What'd it say?
Barlow: No, no, no, Bob. Bob, come in!
Sideshow Bob: A fine "Mahoke" to you all.
Dr. Hibbert: Why, he's even better!
Ranier: I agree. I like the human touch.
Not to mention that the local Republicans meet at Castle Dracula and start off every meeting with Ominous Latin Chanting. Take That, indeed.
Bart has just been kicked out of Sideshow Bob's limo when he runs for mayor. Next, Homer gets kicked out of a car with the Archie gang - "Duhh stay outta Riverdale!". Noodle incidentary at it's finest!
Followed up with later in the episode:
Lisa: This is so cool, Bart. We're just like Woodward and Bernstein.
Bart: Yeah, except their dad wasn't waiting in the car reading Archie comics.
Homer:(reading the comic and grumbling) Lousy Riverdale punks. Think they're too good for me.
This episode also features an excellent A Few Good Men parody:
Sideshow Bob: What do you want?
Lisa: I want the truth!
Bob:You want the truth? You can't handle the truth! No truth-handler, you! I deride your truth-handling abilities!
And let's not forget the stupidity of the Springfield voters:
Homer is shown inside voting booth, reading a pamphlet.
Homer: Hmm, I don't approve of his Bart killing policy. But I do approve of his Selma killing policy. (pulls lever)
After him there's a cut to Krusty in the voting booth.
Krusty: He did frame me for armed robbery, but man, I'm aching for that upper-class tax cut. (pulls lever)
Sideshow Bob's political satire speech in court.
Bob: You need me, Springfield! Your guilty consciences may force you to vote Democratic, but secretly you yearn for a cold-hearted Republican who’ll cut taxes, brutalize criminals, and rule you like a king! That's why I did this! To protect you from yourselves!
"No child has ever meddled with the Republican party and lived to tell about it.
109 - Treehouse of Horror V
From the first segment "The Shinning":*
Possibly the best Shining parody ever.
The beginning, as the Simpson family is driving to Mr. Burns' mansion:
(title card says "Tuesday", then cut to the family in the car)
Homer: Well, it's been a long trip, but we're almost there!
Marge: Homer, did you remember to lock the front door of the house?
Homer: D'oh!
(cut to title card that says "Wednesday", then back to the family)
Homer: Well, it's been two long trips, but we're almost there again!
Marge: Homer, when you locked the front door, did you remember to lock the back door?
Homer: D'oh-d'oh!
(cut to title card that says "Thursday", then back to the now tired family, only this time, Grandpa's missing.)
Lisa:(gasps) Oh no! We left Grandpa back at the gas station! (dead silence) What about Grandpa?
Homer:(eerily calm) So, what do you think, Marge? All I need is a title. I was thinking of something along the lines of "No TV and no beer make Homer" something something.
Marge:(nervous) Go crazy?
Homer:(hysterically) Don't mind if I do!
The entire montage of Homer going crazy, making a scary face, seeing it in a mirror, getting scared, screaming and falling down the steps, becoming unconscious. Then Marge locks him in the food pantry.
Homer: "Can't murder now. Eating."
And later:
(Homer chops through a door with an ax)
Homer: Heeeere's Johnny! (the camera pulls back to reveal an empty room) D'oh!
What really sells this is all the dinosaurs are literally standing in a perfect line, dying one after another as Homer looks on.
No thanks to his love of donuts, Homer paradoxically threw away paradise.
(Homer arrives back in the present with the time machine toaster. The house has been transformed into a luxurious estate.)
Lisa: Are we taking the new Lexus to Aunt Patty and Selma's funeral today?
Homer: Hmm. Fabulous house, well-behaved kids, sisters-in-law dead, luxury sedan. Woohoo! I hit the jackpot! (he sits down at the table, trying to sound like a rich gentleman) Marge, dear, would you kindly pass me a donut?
Marge: Donut? What's a donut?
(Homer screams like a crazy man and runs back to the time machine. Marge looks out the window and sees donuts falling from the sky.)
Marge:(nonchalantly) Hmph. It's raining again.
And immediately afterwards, Homer's back in prehistoric times:
Homer: Don't touch anything?! I'll touch whatever I feel like! (And he begins beating every animal and tree with a wooden club. He stomps on one small animal, but the topper is when he punches a huge prehistoric mosquito before beating it with his club.)
Also, the (second) death of Groundskeeper Willie in a Sound of Thunder spoof where Maggie axes him in the back, pulls her pacifier out, and intones in the deep, dark voice of James Earl Jones.
After Jessica and Bart (unwillingly) pull the Springfield Elementary fire alarm, panic ensues, though Groundskeeper Willie has one concern:
Willie: If I don' save the wee tur'les, who will?! (He kicks open a door to a lab and rushes in. Moments later, he runs back out, with turtles biting him all over) Gah! Save me from the wee tur'les! They were too quick for me!
Also this conversation:
Marge: I guess we could get more involved in Bart's activities, but then I'd be afraid of smothering him.
Homer: Yeah, and then we'd get the chair.
Marge: That's not what I meant.
Homer: It was, Marge. Admit it.
111 - Lisa On Ice
Chief Wiggum: We won! We won! But uh, since I bet on the other team, we won't be going out for pizza.
Lisa worries that failing gym is going to haunt her:
(In the future, Lisa is being inaugurated in as President of the United States.)
Supreme Court Justice: I now pronounce you President of these United —
Reporter: Stop the inauguration! I just discovered our President-Elect got an F in second grade gym class!
(Crowd gasps; Lisa is handcuffed.)
Justice:(to Lisa) In that case, I sentence you to a lifetime of horror on Monster Island! Don't worry, it's just a name.
(later, Lisa and others are chased by fire-breathing monsters)
Lisa: He said it was just a name!
Man: What he meant is that Monster Island is actually a peninsula!
Jimbo Jones: It's a lucky coincidence you happen to be your sister's brother!
Later, Lisa's success in hockey begins to make Bart jealous.
Bart:(sarcastically) Hello, Queen Lisa.
Lisa: Bart! What are you doing in my room?
Bart: Lisa, certain differences, rivalries, if you will, have come up between us. At first I thought we could talk it over like civilized people. But instead, I just ripped the head off Mr. Honeybunny! (Holds up a headless stuffed rabbit in one hand, its head in the other hand.)
Lisa: Bart, that was your cherished childhood toy.
Bart: Aah! Mr. Honeybunny! (tries to repair it, kisses it numerous times)
Homer:(from downstairs) Quiet down, Bart!
Lisa: Bart, just get outta here.
Bart: Hey: it's a free country. You get out.
Lisa: That doesn't make sense.
Bart: I know you are, but what am I?
Lisa: Get out, get out!
Bart: OK, but on my way, I'm going to be doing this: (windmills arms) If you get hit, it's your own fault.
Lisa: OK, then I'm going to start kicking air like this. (kicks) And if any part of you should fill that air, (kicks) it's your own fault.
(They walk towards each other, then start fighting. In the kitchen, Marge overhears Bart and Lisa's yells as she's taking a pie out of the oven.)
Marge: Oh, I better go check that out. (to Homer) Now Homer, don't you eat this pie!
Homer: Okay... (Marge leaves) All right, pie, I'm just going to do this. (chomps air) And if you get eaten, it's your own fault! (walks towards pie, chomping air, and hits head on range head) Ow! Oh, my... aw, to hell with this. (grabs pie, eats it)
Later, the scene where Homer asks Marge which kid she likes best and says "You can't possibly like Maggie best! What has she ever done? Nothing for nobody!" At which point Maggie jumps up to intercept a beer bottle flying at Homer's head.
112 - Homer Badman
Apu: I have asked you nicely to stop mangling my merchandise. I now have no choice but to...ask you nicely again.
Homer and Marge's daring escape from the candy convention.
As Homer gets out of the shower, he sees a helicopter hovering outside his bathroom window, causing him to shriek and fall over, getting wrapped in his shower curtain. Cue it being shown on the T.V.:
Newsman: Simpson scandal update: Homer sleeps nude in an oxygen tent, which he believes gives him sexual powers!
Homer: Hey, that's a half-truth!
Homer needs help to clear his name.
Homer: Help me, God! (phone rings and Homer answers) ...Hello?
Deep Voice: Hello Homer. This is God...frey Jones from the TV magazine show "Rock Bottom".
Homer's "Under the Sea" parody sequence, during which he happily gorges himself on the friendly, dancing sea creatures.
Marge: That's your solution to everything. Move under the sea. It's not gonna happen.
Homer: Not with that attitude.
The edited interview with the rapidly changing clock.
The best part has to be the end of the interview, as we're shown a clearly freeze-framed image of Homer, VCR artifacts and all, looking like a buffoon and "attacking" Godfrey Jones, which is then followed by a quick voiceover, "Dramatization, may not have happened."
The gripping portrayal in Homer S.: Portrait of an Ass-Grabber.
Some of Rock Bottom's other interviews:
Godfrey Jones: Tonight, on "Rock Bottom", we investigate a sex farm for sex hookers.
(cut to a farmer being interviewed)
Farmer: I keep telling you, I only grow sorghum here.
Interviewer: Uh huh. And where are the hookers?
Farmer: Round back... oops.
The list of corrections at the end of Rock Bottom is totally worth freeze framing.
Kent Brockman: This is hour 57 of our live, round-the-clock coverage outside the Simpson estate. Remember, by the way, to tune in at 8:00 for highlights of today's vigil, including when the garbage man came and when Marge Simpson put the cat out...possibly because it was harassed, we don't know.
Homer: That's just the engine powering up... that's just the engine struggling... that's just a carp swimming around your ankles.
115 - Homer the Great
Homer wants to find out what Lenny and Carl are doing without him being involved and he tells Marge.
Marge: Oh, Homer, don't start stalking people again. It's so illegal. Remember when you were stalking Charles Kuralt because you thought he dug up your garden?
Homer: Well, something did!
Marge: I don't want you stalking anyone tonight.
Homer: Oh, OK, have it your own way, Marge. I'll be back in a minute. (gets up) I'm... going outside. To... stalk... Lenny and Carl. (beat) D'oh!
All: Who controls the British crown? Who keeps the metric system down? We do! We do!
Carl: Who leaves Atlantis off the maps?
Lenny: Who keeps the Martians under wraps?
Alien: We do! We do!
All: Who holds back the electric car? Who makes Steve Guttenberg a star? We do! We do!
Skinner: Who robs cavefish of their sight?
Homer: Who rigs every Oscar night?
All: We do! We do!
Number One: "Now let's all get drunk and play ping-pong!"
116 - And Maggie Makes Three
Other than a heartwarming ending, it has this:
Marge: I've got to tell Homer about this baby in just the right way and at just the right time. Until then, please, keep this to yourselves.
Patty: Oh, if he found out now, it would probably destroy him, huh?
Marge: Oh, yes.
Patty & Selma: Gotta go!
Marge: Wait a minute! Wait, I know that look. Now promise you won't tell Homer.
Selma: Oh, we promise we won't tell...Homer.
(At their apartment, they rush to the phonebook, and open it to page one)
Patty: Hello, is this A. Aaronson? It might interest to you to know that Marge Simpson is pregnant, again.
(The scene fades away, looks like a lot of time passed, phonebook on last page.)
Patty:(on the phone) Just thought you'd like to know, Mr. Zykowski. There. Aaronson and Zykowski are the two biggest gossips in town. In an hour, everyone will know.
Indeed, soon everyone knows except Homer, who's going to his new job at the bowling alley:
Homer: Ah, another perfect day in my perfect life with my perfect job.
Chief Wiggum: Hey, just heard the news over the squawk box. That's nice work, Homer.
Homer: Thank you, thank you very much. It is nice work.
Apu: Oh, Mr. Simpson, I have just heard about the little bundle of joy. Congratulations, sir!
Homer: It's true, the bundle is little, but I'm not in it for the money.
Moe: Hey, Homer! Way to get Marge pregnant.
Homer: This is getting very abstract, but thank you: I do enjoy working at the bowling alley.
When he arrives home, people are just throwing Marge a baby shower:
Homer: Hey, it's me. It's hell out there! Hey, wait a minute. What are all these presents? It looks like you're... showering Marge with gifts. Hmm...with little, tiny baby-sized gifts. Well, I'll be in the tub.
Maude: By the way, congratulations on your new job, Homer.
Homer: New job? ...Marge is pregnant?! Noooooo!
117 - Bart's Comet
118 - Homie the Clown
Krusty: Put $5,000 on the Lakers. Hire Kenny G. to play for me in "The Elevator". My house is dirty, buy me a clean one.
Krusty's response to his advisor's suggestion of opening a clown college.
Krusty: Forget it. I'll just cut back on the condor egg omlettes. Mmm, a couple of those would be tasty right now.
Krusty-Burglar:(in Slavic accent) Please look at my medical alert bracelet... (groans)
119 - Bart vs. Australia
120 - Homer vs. Patty and Selma
121 - A Star Is Burns
Principal Skinner about to be burned at the stake:
Skinner: I'm telling you people, the Earth revolves around the Sun!
Abe: Burn him! (He starts to light Principal Skinner on fire)
Photographer:(takes a picture) What a story!
Abe:(chasing the photographer) You've stolen my soul!
When Mr. Burns is attempting to pick who gets to play him in a biopic, we see a sequence where several people including William Shatner and Hannibal Lecter give their try with Burns's "Excellent" Catch Phrase. Then comes Homer...
Homer:Exactly.....heheheh.....D'OH!
During the film judges' meeting after all the films were presented:
Jay Sherman: How can you vote for Burns' movie?
Krusty: Let's just say it moved me...to a bigger house! Oops, I said the quiet part loud and the loud part quiet.
McBain: Did you ever notice how men always leave the toilet seat up? *Beat* That's the joke.
Random Man: You suck, McBain!
(McBain pulls out a machine gun from his jacket and starts firing at the audience.)
122 - Lisa's Wedding
123 - Two Dozen and One Greyhounds
Mr. Burns' rousing cover of "Be Our Guest", "See My Vest", wherein he describes the various animals he killed for his wardrobe.
124 - The PTA Disbands
When Homer initially expresses disgust with the perpetual motion machine Lisa has made.
Homer:It just keeps going faster and faster!(The payoff comes about a minute later, when Marge asks Homer to do something; he calls Lisa into the room and angrily declares) In this house, we obey the laws of thermodynamics!"
Bart visits the bank and pulls a prank on the people waiting in line.
Bart in Voice #1: What do you mean the bank is out of money!?
Bart in Voice #2: Ed Sullivan?!
Bart In Voice #3: You only have enough cash for the next 3 people!
Moe Szyslak:(Turns to guy next to him) Hey, what the hell are you doing with my money in your house Fred? (Punches Fred, setting off a huge fight)
Also this moment in Homer and Marge's bedroom:
Marge: There's something about flying a kite at night that's so unwholesome.
Bart: Hello, mother dear.
Jasper: Talking outta turn... That's a paddlin'. Lookin' out the window... That's a paddlin'. Staring at my sandals... That's a paddlin'. Paddlin' the school canoe... OOOH, you better BELIEVE that's a paddlin'.
During the PTA Conference:
Man: The PTA has disbanded! Huh! HUH! AARGH! (jumps out window)
Ned Flanders: No, the PTA has not disbanded. (Same man jumps back in and sits down)
The "purple monkey dishwasher" scene from this episode never fails to make laughter.
Bart: Now for Operation Strike-Make-Go-Longer. (to teacher) You know, I heard Skinner say the teachers will crack any minute.
(The teachers whisper it through the line)
Teacher:(to Edna) Skinner said the teachers will crack any minute purple money dishwasher.
Edna: Well! We'll show him, especially for that "purple monkey dishwasher" remark.
Bart:(talking to Principal Skinner) She said you'd fold faster then Superman on laundry day.
"Bleeding Gums" Murphy: Will you guys cut it out? I'm trying to say goodbye to Lisa.
Other guys: We're sorry.
Krusty tries to defend himself on TV:
Kent Brockman: This just in: Krusty the Clown staged a press conference today to defend himself against charges that his products are unsafe, his theme park is a death trap, and that he's marketing videos of Tonya Harding's wedding night.
Krusty: And I contend that those tourists were decapitated before they entered the Krustyland House of Knives. Next question?
Woman: What about that little boy who got appendicitis from eating your cereal?
Krusty: To prove that this metal O is harmless, I will personally eat one. (takes a mouthful) See? There's nothing (starts screaming and writhing) Oh, boy! This thing is shredding my insides!
Sideshow Mel: Er, Krusty, that wasn't the metal one, that was a regular Krusty-O.
Krusty: It's poison!
126 - The Springfield Connection
127 - Lemon of Troy
128 - Who Shot Mr. Burns? Part 1
Mr. Burns walking into his office and turning on the light. Homer is holding a can of spray paint, with MY NAME IS HOMER SIMPSON painted on the wall.
Mr. Burns: Who the devil are you?
Then later:
Mr. Burns:(revealing a holstered gun) I've decided to protect myself, after I was attacked in my office by an unidentified assailant.
Smithers' dream that Mr. Burns is alive, in his shower, and part of a campy 1960s crime show called Speedway Squad (until Smithers wakes up and realizes that he was dreaming).
Skinner's alibi for not shooting Mr. Burns. While he was planning to attack Mr. Burns himself after the meeting, he was in the men's room putting on camoflage make-up at the time of the shooting. In the flashback, we see that Skinner has mixed up his camoflage make-up with his mother's make-up, noticing too little too late. Then Superintendent Chalmers walks in...
Eddie: Did you hold a grudge against Montgomery Burns?
Moe: No! (buzz) All right, maybe I did. But I didn't shoot him. (ding)
Eddie: Checks out. OK, sir, you're free to go.
Moe: Good, 'cause I got a hot date tonight. (buzz)A date. (buzz) Dinner with friends. (buzz) Dinner alone. (buzz) Watching TV alone. (buzz) All right! I'm going to sit at home and ogle the ladies in the Victoria's Secret catalog. (buzz) Sears catalog. (ding) Now would you unhook this already, please? I don'tdeserve this kind of shabby treatment! (buzz)
130 - Radioactive Man
This hilarious bit:
Skinner:(over the PA system) Students, I have an announcement. One of your favorite comic book heroes, Radio Man—-
Nelson: Radioactive Man, stupid!
Skinner: ...Strange, I shouldn't have been able to hear that.
The entirety of the campy 1970s Radioactive Man show (which the director does not want the movie to be like).
The best part has to be the bit where everyone, including the villains start randomly dancing, only for them to be joined by random women, who also start dancing.
"I keep telling you! He's seventy-three years old, and he's dead!"
When the director is flipping through the magazine, we see all these full page ads for Film Utah, Film New York, etc and then they suddenly stop at the ad that says "Flim Springfield" "This place must be hot! They don't need a big ad or even correct spelling!"
The running gag with people's hats flying off in moments of surprise - thanks to malfunctioning air conditioners.
131 - Home Sweet Homediddly-Dum-Doodily
Just the way Homer sounds when he screams "Why you COTTIN PICKIN...!" and strangles Cletus.
Homer and Marge are trying to find Ned Flanders, who's about to baptize their kids:
Marge: Where are we going? Where are we going?
Homer: OK, OK, don't panic. To find Flanders, I just have to think like Flanders! (thinking) I'm a big four-eyed lame-o, and I wear the same stupid sweater every day and — (aloud) The Springfield River!*
He's right.
132 - Bart Sells His Soul
133 - Lisa the Vegetarian
Lisa has decided to stop eating meat.
Homer: So, you're never going to eat any animal again? What about bacon?
Lisa: No.
Homer: Ham?
Lisa: No.
Homer: Pork chops?
Lisa: Dad, those all come from the same animal!
Homer:(sarcastically) Yeah right, Lisa, a wonderful, magical animal!
"You don't make friends with salad, you don't make friends with salad."
The entirety of the pro-meat propaganda filmstrip.
'''Troy McClure"Don't kid yourself Jimmy. If a cow ever got the chance he'd eat you and everyone you care about."
Just the image of a shark leaping out of the water to attack a gorilla.
Homer chases the runaway pig as it rolls through some bushes:
Homer: It's just a little dirty! It's still good, it's still good!
(The pig ends up in the river)
Homer: It's just a little slimy! It's still good, it's still good!
(The pig gets stuck in the dam and is blown away by the water pressure)
Homer: It's just a little airborne! It's still good, it's still good!
Bart: It's gone.
Homer: I know. (Scene cut to the Nuclear Power Plant)
Mr. Burns: You know Smithers, I think I'll donate $1 million to the local orphanage... when pigs fly!
Smithers: Will you be donating that money now, sir?
Mr. Burns: No, I'd still prefer not.
134 - Treehouse of Horror VI
From the first segment "Attack of the 50-Foot Eyesores":
From the second segment "Nightmare on Evergreen Terrace":
From the third segment "Homer3":
135 - King-Size Homer
Dr. Hibbert refuses to take part in Homer's personal weight-gain plan.
Homer: Could you recommend a doctor that will?
Dr. Hibbert: ...Yes. (scene cut)
Dr. Riviera: Hi, everybody!
Bart & Homer: Hi, Dr. Nick!
Homer mocking traffic as he stays home from work, due to experimental monkeys taking over the freeway: "Gas, brake, honk! Gas, brake, honk! Honk, honk, punch! Gas, gas, gas!"
And from the end of that episode:
Lisa: I think it's ironic that Dad saved the day while a slimmer man would have fallen to his death.
Bart: And I think it's ironic that for once Dad's butt prevented the release of toxic gas-
Marge:BART!
And then there's:
Homer: Mmm... I can feel three kinds of softness.
Lisa: Dad, what are you doing down there?
Homer: Washing my fat guy hat, honey.
136 - Mother Simpson
After Homer uses a dummy to fake his own death:
Mr. Burns:(surprisingly sadly) Smithers, who was that corpse?
Smithers:(increasingly sad and teary) That was... Homer Simpson, sir... one of the finest, bravest men ever to grace Sector 7-G! (calm and bureaucratic again) I'll mark him off the list.
When Homer visits (what he has believed for a long time to be) his mother's "grave":
Later, Mr. Burns attempts to storm the Simpson home in a tank in order to arrest Homer's mother Mona, who sabotaged his chemical lab in The Sixties. Before doing so, he puts in a tape of "Ride of the Valkyries"...only for it to cut to "Waterloo" by ABBA after a few seconds (Smithers accidentally taped over it). The icing on this piece of cake is the look on Burns' face when his moment is ruined.
It was also oddly hilarious to watch them storm the house to that music anyway.
Abe's attempt at stalling the feds was gold.
Abe: All right, I admit it: I am the Lindbergh baby. Waah! Waah! Goo goo. I miss my fly-fly dada.
Friday: Are you trying to stall us, or are you just senile?
Abe: A little from column A, a little from column B.
137 - Sideshow Bob's Last Gleaming
138 - The Simpsons 138th Episode Spectacular
139 - Marge Be Not Proud
140 - Team Homer
Bart and Lisa both have to adapt to Springfield Elementary's new school uniforms.
Bart: Mom, my slingshot doesn't fit in these pockets. And these shorts leave nothing to the imagination. These uniforms suck!
Marge: Bart! Where do you pick up words like that?
Homer:(nearby, using the phone) Yeah, Moe, that team sure did suck last night. They just plain sucked! I've seen teams suck before, but they were the suckiest bunch of sucks that ever sucked!
Marge: HOMER! Watch your mouth!
Homer: Aw, I gotta go, my damn wiener kids are listening.
141 - Two Bad Neighbors
142 - Scences from the Class Struggle in Springfield
143 - Bart the Fink
144 - Lisa the Iconoclast
145 - Homer the Smithers
Without a doubt, the best display of Homer's bad cooking can be found as the page image for Epic Fail: Homer pours some cereal for Mr. Burns' breakfast. The cereal catches fire.
Smithers looks for the worst employee at the nuclear power plant to replace him while he goes on vacation, so that Burns will be awfully grateful when Smithers is back:
Smithers:(typing into computer) Incompetent... (screen shows "714 matches") 714 names! Better be more specific. (types some more) Lazy, clumsy, dimwitted, monstrously ugly. (screen shows "714 matches" again) Ah, nuts to this, I'll just get Homer Simpson.
146 - The Day the Violence Died
147 - A Fish Called Selma
148 - Bart on the Road
Bart putting the car on cruise control, only to promptly wind up driving through a corn field.
When Lisa has to explain Bart's plight to Homer:
Lisa:(rapidly) Bart rented a car with a phony driver's license and drove Martin, Milhouse, and Nelson to week out in Knoxville and their car got crushed and they're out of money and they can't come back home and Bart's working as a courier and he just got back from Hong Kong!
Homer:(Face reddens for a second, then returns to normal. Then, in a eerily calm tone) Yes, that's a real pickle. Excuse me for a moment.
(Homer puts on a radiation suit and rages incomprehensibly for a few seconds. He then returns to Lisa.)
Homer:(calm again) I have thought this through. I will send Bart the money to fly home, and then I will murder him.
The phone calls Marge keeps answering before the credits roll.
(phone rings)
Marge: Hello? Principal Skinner? No. Bart was never in Hong Kong. Good night.
(phone rings)
Marge: Hello? Tennessee state police! No. My son's car isn't parked under the sun sphere. I don't know where to begin telling you what's wrong with that. Good night.
(phone rings)
Marge: Hello? No. Bart is not available to deliver a human kidney to Amsterdam. (slams phone down) Homer, are you laughing at me?
149 - 22 Short Films About Springfield
Dr. Nick: "Calm down, sir! You're going to give yourself skin failure!"
"That monkey is going to pay."
Superintendent Chalmers' visit to Principal Skinner:
Chalmers: Good Lord, what is happening in there? (the house is on fire)
Chalmers: Ah—Aurora Borealis?! At this time of year, at this time of day, in this part of the country, localized entirely within your kitchen?!
Skinner: Yes.
Chalmers: May I see it?
Skinner: Oh, erm... No.
Agnes: Seymour! The house is on fire!
Skinner: No, mother! It's just the northern lights!
The scene where Nelson Muntz gets payback by a very tall man and has to walk before his car, with his pants down, and has to wave and blowkiss at people. Everybody watching laughs at Nelson in the same way he normally does to them.
150 - Raging Abe Simpson and His Grumbling Grandson in "The Curse of the Flying Hellfish"
Assassination attempt #1: Vidal attempts to poison the water Grandpa's false teeth are kept in. It fails when Grandpa breaks the glass and puts his alarm clock in his mouth instead.
Assassination attempt #2:
(cut to Vidal dressed as Homer)
Fernando Vidal: D'oh! Not again!
Mr. Burns:(dressed as Marge) I'm getting fed up with these constant failures.
(Smithers enters, dressed as Bart)
Smithers: I'll be in the car dudes.
Assassination attempt #3.
Fernando Vidal: There is one more way to kill a man, but it is as intricate and precise as a well-played game of chess.
(Bursts into retirement home with machine gun and starts randomly firing away)
Jasper: Was that me or was that you?
(Abe runs away screaming from the gunfire, and into next room)
Abe: Nurse! Someone's trying to kill me!
Nurse: Okay, we'll do something about that right away. Let's start by doubling your medication.
(Vidal comes through and shoots everywhere. Nurse pulls out shotgun)
Roadie: May I have your attention please! Who here ordered the London Symphony Orchestra? I repeat, someone here ordered the London Symphony Orchestra! Possibly while high! Cypress Hill, I'm looking in your direction.
(The band members confer in whispers)
B-Real: Uh yeah, I think we did....um, do you guys know 'Insane in the Membrane'?
Violinist: We mainly play classical, but I suppose we could give it a shot.
(Cypress Hill begin to perform 'Insane in the Membrane' with the orchestra backing)
153 - Summer of 4 Ft. 2
Homer at a convience store run by a cashier who looks similar to Apu.
Homer: Let me have one of those porno magazines, large box of condoms, a bottle of Old Harper, a couple of those panty shields, and someillegalfireworks, and one of those disposable enemas ... eh, make it two.
Later, when Marge looks through his shopping bag:
Marge: Homer, I don't know what you've got planned for tonight but count me out!
Homer giving possibly the greatest Goshdang It To Heck ever over Lisa's beach friends' "gift" to her.
Homer: Sweet merciful crap! My car!
Season 8
154 - Treehouse of Horror VII
In the opening, Homer is lighting a jack o' lantern, but he accidentally catches his hand on fire, then his whole body, and he starts running around screaming.
From the first segment "The Thing and I":
From the second segment "The Genesis Tub":
From the third segment "Citizen Kang":
The alien Kodos disguised as President Bill Clinton:
Kodos: My fellow Americans. As a young boy, I dreamed of being a baseball, but tonight I say, we must move forward, not backward, upward not forward, and always twirling, twirling, twirling towards freedom.
Kodos: I am Clin-ton! As overlord, all will kneel before me and obey my brutal commands. (crosses arms over chest) End communication.
Kang's political speech when disguised as Bob Dole:
Later, when everybody on Earth is forced into slavery under Kang's control of power.
Homer: Don't blame me, I voted for Kodos! (gets whipped)
155 - You Only Move Twice
As Homer and Marge are trying to sell their house in order to move to Cypress Creek:
Apu: Hello. I am not interested in buying your house, but I would like to use your restroom, flip through your magazines and rearrange your carefully shelved items. Ha! Now you know how it feels!
Hank introduces himself to the family at their new house.
Marge: Mr. Scorpio, this house is almost too good for us. I keep expecting to get the bum's rush.
Hank: We don't have bums in our town, Marge, and if we did they wouldn't rush; they'd be allowed to go at their own pace.
Homer leaning about his new job from Hank.
Hank: The key to motivation is trust. Let me show you what I mean. I want you to close your eyes and fall backwards, and I'll catch you. That's gonna show you what trust is all about. Ready?
Hank: Oh, my God, there a guy on the floor. (helps Homer up) Uh, that was a phone call; don't chalk that up to mistrust, now.
Hank Scorpio's brief conversation with a government spy who is cuffed to a table.
James Bont: Scorpio, you're totally mad! Do you expect me to talk?
Hank: I don't expect anything from you except to die and be a very cheap funeral. You're gonna die now!
Homer has to quit his job for his family and Hank Scorpio has a bizarre last request for him.
Hank: But, Homer, on your way out, if you wanna kill somebody, it would help me a lot. (grabs flamethrower, starts attacking soldiers with it while laughing) Hey Homer, you're missing out on some fun!
156 - The Homer They Fall
157 - Burns, Baby Burns
158 - Bart After Dark
159 - A Milhouse Divided
160 - Lisa's Date with Density
During Band Class:
Crowd: "Lisa likes Nelson!"
Milhouse: "She does not!"
Crowd: "Milhouse likes Lisa!"
Janey: "He does not!"
Crowd: "Janey likes Milhouse!"
Uter: "She does not!"
Crowd: "Uter likes Milhouse!"
Mr. Largo: "NOBODY LIKES MILHOUSE!"
Later, Lisa gets Milhouse to pass a love note to Nelson. Nelson reads note, then looks over at Milhouse, who waves at him. Next thing you know Milhouse is on a stretcher, being loaded into an ambulance. When Lisa tries to apologize to him the paramedic tells her "He can't hear you. His ears are packed with gauze."
A therapist, Dr. Foster tries to get Ned Flanders to express his repressed anger, so he makes Homer read insults to Ned from cue cards. The window separating the two guys rolls down.
Homer: Ned Flanders, I mock your value system. You also appear foolish to the eyes of others.
Ned: Well howdy, Homer! (window rolls up) Thanks for dropping by!
Dr. Foster: Hmm. He's not responding. Proceed to level 2 antagonism. (the window rolls down again)
Homer: Past instances in which I professed to like you were fraudulent.
Ned: Oh, well, I'll just have to try harder.
Dr. Foster: Ah, he's still repressing. Maximum hostility factor.
Homer: I engaged in intercourse with your spouse or significant other. Now that's psychiatry!
162 - El Viaje Misterioso de Nuestro Jomer (The Mysterious Voyage of [Our] Homer)
Bart sees something outside the bathroom window.
Bart:(noticing Homer's silhouette in the lighthouse light) Hey Lisa, is that dad?
Lisa: Either that or Batman really let himself go.
Homer: IN YOUR FACE, SPACE COYOTE!
Marge:(with much confusion) Space coyote?
Homer: Oh man, this is crazy! I hope I didn't brain my damage!
Homer: A ghost train! And so little time to get out of the way. Now less! Now none!
Homer meets his spirit guide:
Homer: Well, what should I do? Should I meditate? Should I get rid of all my possessions?
Space Coyote: Are you kidding?! If anything you should get more possessions! You don't even have a computer.
Nimoy: Hello. I'm Leonard Nimoy. The following tale of alien encounters is true. And by true, I mean false. It's all lies. But they're entertaining lies. And in the end, isn't that the real truth? The answer is: No.
Just before his encounter with the alien, Homer comes across a giant billboard reading "DIE". He screams. A wind blows a tree aside, revealing that it said "DIET". He screams louder. After Homer first sees the alien who turns out to be a heavily drugged Mr. Burns, he runs from the alien and manages to spell out "Yahhhh!" as he runs through the grass, even leaping to get the exclamation mark down.
Chief Wiggum: I'll just type it up on my invisible typewriter... (First in response to Homer's alien sighting, then to an arsonist turning himself in.)
Also, Homer failing the lie detector test in a most explosive manner.
Agent Scully: Now, we're going to run a few tests. This is a simple lie detector. I'll ask you a few yes or no questions and you just answer truthfully. Do you understand?
Homer: Yes.
(The polygraph abruptly explodes upon Homer's answer being registered)
The police line up scene featuring nothing but famous famous aliens, including Marvin The Martian, Gort, ALF, Chewbacca and Kang(or is it Kodos?) from the series proper is a neat little visual gag.
And the commentary reveals they didn't bother getting the copyright for any of them, calling it the most illegal shot in animation history. Though the only complaint they got was from the creator of ALF, who was only upset that he didn't get to do the voice.
"HUMAN BLIMP SEES FLYING SAUCER"
Scully rolling her eyes as Mulder goes on yet another rant about the paranormal, followed by him finishing long after everyone is gone.
And the part where Moe and two Mexican workers are trying to get the killer whale they kidnapped back to Sea World.
The part at the end of act two where Nimoy is told he has ten minutes left - then runs to his car and never comes back (save for a cheap appearance during the alien sighting carnival in act three).
164 - The Twisted World of Marge Simpson
165 - Mountain of Madness
Mr. Burns decides to hold a plant fire drill. The entire scene has several highlights, but this was the best.
Mr. Burns: Smithers, what's a good time for a plant evacuation?
Smithers: 45 seconds.
Mr. Burns: And how long has it been?
Smithers: I don't know sir. This stopwatch won't go past 15 minutes.
Keep in mind that not one person has gotten out yet.
Then Homer gets out first, and barricades the rest in by blocking the door.
Homer: I think I won, Mr. Burns!
Later, as Homer and Mr. Burns are trapped inside the snowed-in cabin:
Mr. Burns: I'll kill you, you bloated museum of treachery!
Homer:You and what army? (he imagines Nazi snowmen behind Mr. Burns and shrieks) Stand back! I have powers! Uh, political powers!
Homer, in a desperate attempt to either scare his son straight or show him what it means to be a real man's man, takes his son to a tour of a steel mill. But then it falls apart when the steel mill is staffed by every Hard Gay and Camp Gay stereotype, both of which are cranked Up to Eleven.
"Hot stuff comin' through!"
Bart: Dad...why did you bring me to a gay steel mill'?
Homer:(breaking down sobbing) I don't know! You're all sick!
Random Mill Worker: Oh, be nice. (break whistle blows)
Homer: Wh-what's going on?
Foreman: Hey...We work hard, We play hard.
(The steel mill then turns into a stereotypical gay nightclub, complete with smoke machines, flashing lights, and man dancing in front of a slow-moving fan while his and the fan's shadows are cast all about.)
Earlier, he makes him sit in front of a huge billboard ad for cigarettes showing two sexy girls pillowfighting:
Homer: Well, it's been two hours. How do you feel?
Bart: I don't know. I kind of want a cigarette.
169 - Brother from Another Series
Lisa beliving that stopping Cecil, Sideshow Bob's brother, cannot be done.
Sideshow Bob: Oh, I see. When it's one of my evil schemes, you can't foil it fast enough, but when Cecil tries to kill you, it's "hopeless, utterly, utterly hopeless!"
This moment after Cecil's plan failed.
Chief Wiggum: Well that's some good work, Lou. You'll make Sergeant for this.
Lou: Uh... I already am Sergeant, Chief.
Chief Wiggum: Perhaps you are - But I say Bob goes back to jail!
Sideshow Bob: But surely... I mean— I caught Cecil!?
Chief Wiggum: Maybe so. But Lou here says you were resisting arrest.
Lou: No, I didn't, Chief.
Chief Wiggum: Quiet, Lou - or I will bust you down to Sergeant so fast, it'll make your head spin!
170 - My Sister, My Sitter
171 - Homer vs. the Eighteenth Amendment
When Prohibition is declared in Springfield, Homer comes up with a surprisingly clever workaround. He garners a large amount of money, which impresses Marge. Naturally, Lisa calls Homer out for his actions. The response that she gets is a simultaneous "Go To Your Room, Lisa!" from Homer, Marge, and Bart, complete with pointing upstairs.
Rex Banner looks over Springfield, determinted to stop the alcohol bootlegging.
Rex Banner: You're out there somewhere Beer Baron. And I'll find you.
Homer:(faint shout from across the town)No you won't!
Rex Banner: Yes I will!
Homer:(faint again) ... Won't!
Homer runs out of liquor and decides to brew his own.
Marge: What on earth happened down there?
Homer: Uh, nothing, Marge. I think it must have been that bean I had for dinner!
Homer: Kamboom! Blam! Oh, excuse me again, dear.
Marge: Homer, there's no point in pretending you're making those noises. Your homemade liquor is exploding again.
Homer: What's that, dear? Kablamo!
Marge: You made a little money, and had the fun of being a wanted criminal; why not give it up, while you're ahead?
Homer: Boom.
Then Homer goes downstairs and there's another explosion. A few seconds later he runs outside on fire, rolls around screaming until the fire is out, then stands up and calmly says "I've thought about what you said, honey, and I've decided to quit."
Homer's toast after the Prohibition law was repealed.
Homer: To alcohol! The cause of... and solution to... all of life's problems!
172 - Grade School Confidential
A moment that could be controversial.
Maude Flanders: We're talking about S-E-X! In front of the C-H-I-L-D-R-E-N!
Krusty:Sex Cauldron?! I thought they closed that place down!
In the Latin American dub, it's "children" instead of "cauldron", making Krusty not only dumb but also, possibly, a pedophile; it's still hilarious but slightly creepier.
173 - The Canine Mutiny
174 - The Old Man and the Lisa
Mr. Burns is the guest speaker at Lisa's "Junior Achievers" club:
Lisa: Does your plant have a recycling program?
Mr. Burns:(confused) "Re-cy-cling"? (He turns his mental dictionary to "R", and searches but doesn't find "recycle" anywhere)'' I'm afraid I'm not familiar with that term, you adorable little ragamuffin.
Lisa: You never heard of recycling? It means to reuse things to conserve our natural resources.
Mr. Burns:Ooh, so Mother Nature needs a favor? Well, maybe she should have thought of that when she was besetting us with droughts and floods and poison monkeys! Nature started the fight for survival, and now she wants to quit because she's losing? Well, I say "hard cheese"!
Real Estate Agent: And, I'm sure a pro-wrestler such as yourself will appreciate all the closet space, Hitman.
Bret Hart:(sniffs) Eww! This place has got old-man stink!
Smithers:(to Mr. Burns) Don't listen to him, sir. You've got an enchanting musk.
175 - In Marge We Trust
176 - Homer's Enemy
177 - The Simpsons Spin-Off Showcase
178 - The Secret War of Lisa Simpson
Bart puts 15 megaphones end-to-end, making the amplification louder, and says "TESTING!". The result is a sonic feedback loop so huge, it sends a shockwave throughout all of Springfield, breaking every window in the process and even Homer's Duff beer bottles.
Season 9
179 - The City of New York vs. Homer Simpson
Definitely a "Funny Aneurysm" Moment now, but Homer rushing up both World Trade Center towers to use the bathroom, only to get his car ticketed again while doing so, leading him to yell a "D'OH" that the entire city hears.
Homer's response to Lisa asking if they can go back to New York City again someday: "We'll see, honey. We'll see."
180 - The Principal and the Pauper
181 - Lisa's Sax
Homer and Marge meet with school psychiatrist Dr. J. Loren Pryor to discuss 5-year-old Bart's sadness, only for it to turn into a discussion about 3-year-old Lisa's potential. Dr. Pryor advises Homer and Marge to start nurturing Lisa's gifts now, believing her potential to be limitless.
Homer: Wow, think of all the possibilities... (In a thought bubble, Lisa is given a medal)
Imaginary Announcer: Lisa Simpson has won the Nobel Prize...
Homer: Nah... (Image changes to show Lisa, now wearing a gi, getting a medal)
Imaginary Announcer: Lisa Simpson has won the Nobel Prize... for kickboxing!
Imaginary Lisa: Hi-Ya! (Lisa kicks the presenter)
Homer:(intrigued) Hmm...
Later in the flashback, Springfield is suffering a major heatwave:
Ned Flanders: Uh, Homer?
Homer: What, Flanders?
Ned: Well, sir, I hate to be a suspicious Aloysius, but DID YOU STEAL MY AIR CONDITIONER?! (cut to footprints leading from a gaping hole in Ned's wall to the Simpsons' where the air conditioner is propped up with planks and duct taped to the wall.)''
Homer: I'll admit it looks bad, Flanders. But doesn't the Bible say "Let he who is without sin cast the first stone"? (Homer gets hit by a stone thrown by the 5-year-old Rod Flanders) Ow!
Rod: Got him, Dad!
Before 5-year-old Bart goes off to school:
Homer: Now, son, on your first day of school, I'd like to pass along the words of advice my father game me.
(Homer thinks back to when he was 5-years-old)
Flashback Abe Simpson: Homer, you're dumb as a mule and twice as ugly. And if a strange man offers you a ride, I say take it!
Homer:(back in present) Lousy traumatic childhood!
182 - Treehouse of Horror VIII
From the first segment "The HΩmega Man":
From the second segment "Fly vs. Fly":
From the third segment "Easy-Bake Coven":
183 - The Cartridge Family
The waiting period before Homer can get his gun. He has to wait 5 days so he sits in the front of his house, when a montage of "shootable" things, like his neighbor Ned Flanders (riding by on a lawn mower), Patty and Selma, a family of ducks and a truck with the Target logo pass in front of him. All while The Waiting from Tom Petty plays in the background.
Homer's bizarreImagine Spot when he ponders what would happen if he used to use his gun to rob the Kwik-E-Mart (In short, he becomes a Southern U.S senator with a giant plantation, with Marge in a bikini right next to him dancing the Monkey).
Homer: I'll do it! I'll rob the Kwik-E-Mart! All right, put your— (he is then seen driving away from the store, with a sandwich in his hand) D'oh! Oh well, I'll rob it next time. (takes a bite out of the sandwich)
Homer bought a gun, and Marge does not like that:
Marge: I don't want any guns in the house Homer, they only cause accidents! Remember when Maggie shot Mr. Burns?
(This is funnier when you know that the alternate ending to "Who Shot Mr. Burns" was that Smithers shot Mr. Burns, rather than Maggie.)
Homer turns out to be more of a gun nut than the NRA. Double points when he turned on the TV with his gun...and the show that came on had a cowboy fall off a roof after getting shot. Let's put it this way: you can tell you're in trouble when you're told off by a crabby old lady, a mobster, a hillbilly, a cynical bartender, and a TV clown with a seedy underbelly.
Agnes:(with her typical motherly sternness) I've never seen such recklessness.
Bart discovers the gun hidden in the veggie crisper in the fridge and decides to play William Tell with Milhouse. Milhouse holds the apple in his mouth.
Milhouse:(Takes apple from his mouth) JINX!
184 - Bart Star
185 - The Two Mrs. Nahasapeemapetilons
At the bachelor auction, Moe walks onstage, and without stopping, walks straight to the "Rejects" section.
Apu:(Entering the Simpson's house with his mother from India) Honey, I am in my home!
Homer's advice to Apu after the secret about Marge not really being Apu's wife is revealed to his (Apu's) mother.
Homer:(runs in from the kitchen) Ice cream man! Ice cream man! (runs out the front door)
Nelson:(to Bart) You destroyed Hitler's car. What did he ever do to you? (punches Bart in the stomach)
After the family is kicked out of their own house, Homer decides to ask the police for help:
Homer: Carnies took over our house, you've gotta help us!
Chief Wiggum:(sarcastically) Well well, look who's here, Mr. No-Bribe. Sure, we'll help you, just sit down and wait for detective "Like-I-Give-A-Damn".
Homer: Thank you so much!
When the family is thinking of a way to get their house back:
Bart: I say we set fire to the house, kill them that way.
Marge: We don't want to kill them, we just want our home back!
Russian UN Representative: Yes, that's we wanted you to think! (switches placecard around from "Russia" to "Soviet Union")
The following montage with Russia reverting back to the Soviet Union (and the ominous choir music).
Zombie Lenin: Must. Crush. Capitalism.
Also this line from the Naval Reserve recruitment commercial: "After basic training, you only have to work one weekend a month. And most of that time, you're drunk off your ass!"
Grampa's story of JFK's "terrible secret" during his war service:
Kennedy: Ich bin ein Berliner.
Abe: He's a Nazi! Get him!
198 - The Trouble with Trillions
199 - Girly Edition
The first edition of "Bart's People'':
Bart: Joe Banks, eighty-two years young, has come to this pond every day for the past seventeen years, to feed the ducks. But last month, Joe made a discovery. The ducks...were gone. Some say the ducks went to Canada. Others say, Toronto. And some people think, that Joe used to sit down there, (camera moves to another nearby pond) near those ducks. But it could be, that there's just no room in this modern world, for an old man...and his ducks.
(cut to Mr. Burns and Smithers watching)
Mr. Burns: Smithers... you think maybe my power plant killed those ducks?
Smithers: There's no "maybe" about it, sir.
Mr. Burns:(sniffles) Excellent.
Groundskeeper Willie: Away with ye! I have to finish him off while I'm still temporarily insane!
Willie asks "Wha?!" when Lisa says that Bart is his son. No other voice actor can top that sort of surprise and alarm.
200 - Trash of the Titans
Rod's trip to Diaper Hill:
Rod: Look, daddy, I'm king of the mountain!
Ned: Rod, you get down from there!
Homer wakes up and sees the trash pile in his front yard gone. He then gloats about it in the kitchen.
Homer: This is a very, very proud day for us! Especially me, your father, me, beat City Hall! It's just like David and Goliath, only this time, David won!
Lisa's Brain: Oh, I know, I heard it too. Here's some music. (Beethoven's "Für Elise" plays.)
When all hell is breaking loose in Springfield as the garbage eurpts from the ground, Ned Flanders and his sons are burying a dead rabbit (complete with mini-tombstone) in their back garden and praying, "Dear Lord, please take Mr. Bunny up to Heaven...". Cue the rabbit corpse erupting from the ground and shrieks from the three Flanders. Wonderfully morbid.
Also, Ray Patterson's speech after being re-instated.
Ray Patterson: I'm not much on speeches, but it is so gratifying...to leave you wallowing in the mess you've made, you're screwed. Thank you, bye.
Homer getting beat up by U2's security, all completely visible on their huge concert screen while the band plays "Pride (In the Name of Love)".
201 - King of the Hill*
The title refers to the show created by Mike Judge and Greg Daniels.
202 - Lost Our Lisa
203 - Natural Born Kissers
Season 10
204 - Lard of the Dance
Before they go get the grease at Springfield Elementary, Homer and Bart have a little prayer:
Homer: Dear Lord, I know you're busy, seeing as how you can watch women changing clothes and all that. But if you help us steal this grease tonight, I promise we'll donate half the profits to charity.
Principal Skinner: Lisa, the president of Harvard would like to see you.
Harvard President: Nasty business, that zero. Naturally, Harvard's doors are now closed to you, but I'll pass your file along to (snickers) Brown.
Skinner: Mmmm, Brown. Heckuva school. Weren't you at Brown, Otto?
Otto: Yep. Almost got tenure, too.
Lisa: No! Not Brown, Brown, Brown... (continues repeating "Brown" as the scene fades back into reality)
Miss Hoover: Lisa, you're saying "Brown" an awful lot. Are you okay?
211 - Homer Simpson in: "Kidney Trouble"
212 - Mayored to the Mob
When Homer saves Mark Hamill and Mayor Quimby from rioting nerds during a Sci-Fi convention:
Homer: Mr. Hamill! Mr. Mayor! Come on!
Mark: Who are you?
Homer: Homer Simpson, nerd buster! And I'm getting you outta here!
Mark:(clutching his ankle) Gaah! I can't, Homer! I twisted my ankle! You guys go on without me!
Homer: Never! (picks Hamill and Quimby up) Follow me! (Homer kicks nerds aside as he brings Hamill and Quimby into a spaceship Hamill was in moments ago. He shuts the ship's door, then opens it a couple seconds later). How was I supposed to know it's not a real spaceship?
Making this even better is that it was a SANDCRAWLER.
To become a bodyguard, Homer attends a boot camp run by Leavelle, also played by Mark Hamill:
Leavelle: As a bodyguard, your only loyalty is to your protectee. Not to your family, not to your country, not to Moo-hamad!
Homer: Even during Ramadan?
Leavelle: Shut yo sasshole, boy!
As Homer is picked to be Mayor Quimby's new bodyguard:
Homer: WOOHOO!
Marge: Homer, I don't think you were listening to what they just —
As Homer and Louie fight, Mark Hamill suddenly appears to offer wisdom:
Mark: Homer, use the for-
Homer: The Force?
Hamill: The forks! Use the forks!
213 - Viva Ned Flanders
The chase sequence, featuring Elvis Presley's rendition of "Viva Las Vegas", has the most hilarious subversions of Mugged for Disguise, as Homer and Ned attack two janitors in a closet, only for the janitors to walk out unscathed and Homer and Ned collapsing, and So Long, Suckers!, as Homer and Ned get in a prize car about to drive off, only for every casino employee to overtake them.
214 - Wild Barts Can't Be Broken
215 - Sunday, Cruddy Sunday
216 - Homer to the Max
When Homer changes his name to Max Power, and introduces himself:
(Homer goes past the bar window, hanging by his belt from the horn of a charging rhinoceros.)
Lenny: There he goes.
Words cannot do the delivery of that line justice.
219 - Make Room for Lisa
220 - Maximum Homerdrive
Homer hears about "The Slaughterhouse" from Lisa during dinner in the dining room.
Homer: Wait, there's a place like that in Springfield? Then why are we eating this crap? (he shoves all of the food and dishes off the dining room table) Come on, everybody! We're going to "The Slaughterhouse"!
Marge: You didn't need to knock the food on the floor.
Homer:Didn't I?
As Homer is driving on the highway with Bart in the late Red Barclay's semi truck, he sees a young boy moving his arm in the back of a passing car.
Homer:That little punk! I'll teach him some manners! ( he steps on the gas pedal and moves closer to the rear of the car, the young boy gasps)
Bart: No, dad. He wants you to blow your horn.
Homer: Ohh. (He smiles and pulls down the cord hanging from the ceiling to his right. It releases the trailer of the semi from behind the truck.)That little punk!
In the subplot, Marge and Lisa are waiting for someone to ring the new doorbell.
Marge: Anyone? Anyone at all?
Lisa:(looking out the window) Oh! Milhouse is selling seeds and he's coming this way - Oh, the birds got him.
Milhouse:(runs by the window, trying to ward off three chirping birds that are attacking him) Aaahhh! Aahh! Not the face!
More prospects
Lisa: Hey! People are coming! I think they're Jehovah's Witnesses.
Marge: Yes!
Noreen:(just before her partner rings the bell) Wait, Marvin, I just had a thought. Maybe we're bothering people by trying to change their religion. What if we don't have all the answers?
Marvin: You're right, Noreen. Let's go get real jobs. (They walk away, discarding their pamphlets)
A little while later, in a desperate attempt to have a visitor ring the doorbell, Marge decides to order some garlic bread from "Luigi's".
Marge:(saying to Lisa as the Wiseguy from "Luigi's" is approaching the front door) This is it, honey. We did it. (The Wiseguy knocks on the door instead of ringing the doorbell)DAMNIT!(Lisa moans) Ring the bell!
The Wiseguy: Why? You already know I'm here, don't ya?
Marge: Just do it!
The Wiseguy: Nothin' doin', missy. Now do you want your half-order of garlic bread or not?
Marge: No, but if you'll just ring the - (she hears tires screeching as the Wiseguy drives away in the "Luigi's" truck)
221 - Simpsons Bible Stories
From Marge's Dream:
From Lisa's Dream:
The Pharaoh (Principal Skinner) having a conversation with his servant.
Pharaoh: All right, read me back what I have so far, Mrs. Krabapatra.
Pharaoh: Mmm-hmm, very good. Uh, giant eye, dead fish, cat head, cat head, cat head, guy doing this (Strikes the "Walk Like An Egyptian" pose).
From Homer's Dream:
From Bart's Dream:
From the ending:
Homer: *in hell* They're out of hot dogs! And the coleslaw has pineapple in it! Ahhhhhhhh! German potato salad!"
222 - Mom and Pop Art
Homer going apeshit while trying to build a barbecue pit. He has to quickly build the grill due to it all falling in the cement, and having to read the French instructions.
Homer: Ew, English side ruined! Must use French instructions! Le Grille? What the hell is that?!
The barbecue pit appears to have put together properly, but Homer is just holding the box. (See picture on the top of the page)
Homer: Ah, that's one fine looking barbecue pit. WHY DOESN'T MINE LOOK LIKE THAT?! WHY?! WHY MUST LIFE BE SO HARD?! WHY MUST I FAIL AT EVERY ATTEMPT AT MASONRY?!" (breaks down crying)
A little while later, Bart watches through the window.
Marge: How's your father's project coming along?
Bart: I think he's almost done. (Then Homer screams hilariously, charges the pit with an umbrella, sticks it in an opening where it opens up and he falls backwards on to the grass.) Yep, he's done.
Plus the bit where Homer unknowingly insults his creator, and a huge pencil comes down, like it's going to erase him, only to be revealed as part of the art museum.
"Soup's on, fat boy!"
The scene where Homer comes up with his Zany Scheme.
Homer: I've got a great idea for a new art project that will make everyone love me again!. Step 1: Steal all the doormats in town.
Bart and Homer do just that, and then throw the mats on street drains to block them.
Scarlett: Oh Rhett, Rhett! Oh, Rhett, where will I go? What'll I do?
Rhett: Frankly my dear - (voice suddenly changes) - I love you, let's remarry!
Bart: They cut out the best word!
Hans Moleman: Didn't there used to be a war in this movie? (is dragged away by nurses)
224 - Monty Can't Buy Me Love
Professor Frink: I am detecting a gigantic amphibious life-form, it's long and it's heading this way. Oh good glayven it's on my shoe! It's a small frog. Just get off, just get off there. Stupid machine, oh wait a minute, this isn't the Monsterometer, it's the Frog-Exaggerator!
The parts with the Scottish people are also hilarious. First:
Willie: The whole town's turned out! I've never seen 'em so excited! (Cut to a group of about ten people standing looking emotionless and slightly bored)
And second (shortly after the above "Frog-Exaggerator" scene):
Mr. Burns: We're the laughing stock of the town! (Cut to the same group as before, with the same expressions as before)
Dr. Hawking: Your theory of a donut-shaped universe is intriguing, Homer. I may have to steal it.
Homer: Wow, I can't believe a guy I've never heard of is hanging out with a guy like me.
Moe: All right, it's closing time. So who's taking the tab?
Homer:(hiding his mouth, speaking monotonously) I am.
Dr. Hawking: I didn't say that.
Homer:(still monotonous) Yes I did. (Dr. Hawking hits Homer with his spring-loaded punching glove)'' D'oh.
226 - Thirty Minutes Over Tokyo
Marge wants Homer to go on the trip.
Marge: Come on Homer, Japan will be fun. You liked Rashomon.
Homer: That's not how I remember it.
Homer's great line after the emperor of Japan introduces himself "Oh yeah well I'm clobbersaurus" than he proceeds to wrestle him.
When the Simpson family goes on the Japanese game show, where the meet the host Wink, voiced by George Takei.
Wink: Now, our game shows are a little different from yours. You reward knowledge. We punish ignorance.
Homer: Ignor-what? (fire shoots out of Homer's microphone into his face, making the audience laugh)
Wink: Our categories are: "Ow, that hurts!", "Why are you doing this to me?", and "Please, let me die!".
(The family huddles up in discussion)
Marge: We'll go with "Ow, that hurt!", Skip.
Wink:(annoyed) My name is Wink! (he presses a button that lowers a skunk which sprays in Marge's face)
Season 11
227 - Beyond Blunderdome
228 - Brother's Little Helper
At the fire safety fair, Ralph Wiggum sits on Hosey the Bear's lap, but he apparently mistakes him for Santa Claus:
Ralph: And I want a bike, and a monkey, a friend for the monkey...
Hosey: You're not going to start any fires, are you?
Ralph: At my house, we call them "uh-ohs"!
The fire safety play:
Principal Skinner: Fire can be our servant, whether it's toasting s'mores, or raining down on Charlie. But it can turn not-so-nice, as you'll see in this skit by the volunteer fire department players.
(The curtains part, revealing a hippie "crash pad." Ned and Maude Flanders, dressed in late-60s attire, open the door and walk in.)
(The curtains close. Apu walks onstage to address the audience)
Apu: But Mad Dog was wrong. The fire burned through the night and cost him the use of his pants. Which just goes to show you...
(Ned pokes his head from behind the curtain)
Ned: Sorry to break character, but these stunt pants are getting mighty toasty!
Maude: Uh, roll, Neddie, roll!
Ned:(rolling around) It's not working! It just spreads the flames!
229 - Guess Who's Coming to Criticize Dinner?
This gem of an exchange:
Marge:(nervously) Homer, don't go in there... my woman's intuition is telling me that something bad will happen to you if you do.
Homer:(nonchalantly) Oh, Marge, your woman's intuition always acts up when I do something new. I do something dangerous at least once a week and nothing bad's happened to me so far. (Walks into main entrance of "Taste Of Springfield", whistling, and proceeds to step in a puddle, get hit in the back of the head by a Frisbee, and bit in the back of the neck by a bat.) Hey! A bat! That's new!
Herald: My liege, thine daughters Gonherrea, Regan, and Cordelia.
Krusty:(standing up, not even restraining a grin) What is this? Merry Olde England or Petticoat Junction? (Chuckles nervously)
(Audience boos him in unison)
Krusty:(angrily) Hey, lighten up! It's a comedy!
Actor playing Herald:(whispering) No, it's not.
Krusty:(shocked) It's NOT?!?!?
The part where Homer is trying to write a restaurant review without Lisa is always funny:
Homer: I don't need Lisa to write a good review. (reads) The food at the Gilded Truffle really... What's a good word? (Maggie sucks on her pacifier) Sucks! That's great! And the bread was really... (looks at Santa's Little Helper) Come on, help me out here!
Santa's Little Helper: Ruff!
Homer: Rough? I don't know, you've been pitching that all night.
Santa's Little Helper: Chewy?
Homer: Chewy? That's inspired!
Homer's song about eating that parodies "I Feel Pretty" from West Side Story; made funnier by the fact it's not as obvious until the last part:
Homer: I like pizza, I like bagels, I like hot dogs with mustard and beer, I'll eat eggplant, I could even eat a baby deer! La la la la la la la la la la! See that baby dear on the yard there....
230 - Treehouse of Horror X
From the first segment "I Know What You Diddily-Iddily-Did":
From the second segment "Desperately Xeeking Xena":
The Collector (Comic Book Guy) uses Darth Maul's double-bladed lightsaber to battle Stretch Dude (Bart) and Clobber Girl (Lisa). He is defeated by the knowledge that he has taken the lightsaber out of its original packaging.
From the third segment "Life's a Glitch, Then You Die":
231 - E-I-E-I-(Annoyed Grunt)*
AKA E-I-E-I-D'oh!
Seriously, nobody mentioned Glove Slap?
232 - Hello, Gudder, Hello Fadder
Homer picks up a bowling ball and looks at it. Mr. Burns' face inexplicably materializes in front of him.
Mr.Burns:Simpson!(Grunts in disgust) Even for a bowler, you're fat!
(Beat, then)
Homer: Hey, guys, is it normal for you to see your bosses' face in a bowling ball?
Carl: Actually, I'd say you're having a severe psychotic episode.
Homer:(mumbling in rage) Psychotic...what a lousy, rotten...stinking... (tosses ball down lane, gets a strike) Huh?
Lenny: Wow! A strike! Hey, if that's psychotic, then what am I taking these for? (dumps an entire bottle of medicine down a trash can)
When Homer makes the record , he throws his bowling ball through the floor, and we hear someone yell "OW!".
Hans Moleman: "NO ONE CAN ESCAPE THE LAIR OF THE MOLES!"
233 - Eight Misbehavin'
From the same episode, the family are at Shøp talking to a 'guy' dressed as an allen wrench:
Bart: Cool costume!
Allen Wrench:(robotic voice) It's not a costume. They found me inside a meteor!(opens and closes his claws menacingly)
Marge: Excuse me, where are your hamper lids?
Allen Wrench:(normal voice) Hamper lids...uh third floor. (turns to Bart) I need tungsten to live! TUNGSTEN!!
Shortly after Apu and Manjula have octuplets:
Manjula:(looks at clock, gasps) Apu! You're late for work!
Apu: Oh, I had the most beautiful dream where I died...
Manjula: Oh, no, you don't! Not till they're out of college!
Apu: Listen, I'll die when I want to!
But Apu is too sleepy to work at the Kwik-E-Mart:
Apu:(dazed) Thank you, steal again...
(Ned Flanders shows up)
Ned: Well, morning, Apu! How are the little blessings?
Apu: Oh, they're a ravenous swarm of locusts. Just eating and screaming and grabbing and poking and pulling and drooling, and two have cradle rash? How can you get cradle rash when you sleep in a suitcase?!
Apu:(whispering) These animals certainly behave strangely at night...
(Cuts to a family of lemurs behaving normally)
(Cuts to a turtle swinging through tree branches at above-average speed)
(Cuts to three koalas, snarling, viciously devouring a kangaroo corpse. The koalas look up, blood caked on their faces, and the one in the middle snickers sinisterly)
234 - Take My Wife, Sleaze
235 - Grift of the Magi
The school tries to get money out of Mr. Burns with a hilariously Anvilicious play.
Principal Skinner: Who will eat the poisoned stew? It could be anyone... it could even be Mr. Burns!
Mr. Burns: This play really speaks to me!
During the play:
Ralph: Hello, I'm Dr. Stupid! I'm going to remove your liver bone! (chops the head off a Mr. Burns dummy with a saw) Oops, you're dead!
Mr. Burns:(darkly) I never did like that Dr. Stupid...
Lisa and Bart distract the Hibberts whilst Homer breaks in to steal their Funzo. He knocks over the Christmas tree and begins screaming as the dog chases him around the room.
Bart & Lisa: Silent night...
Homer:(screams and crashes)
Bart & Lisa: HOLY NIGHT!!
Homer's song about stealing Funzos is good too:
(to the tune of "Tiny Bubbles") Writhing Funzos in my sack...writhing Funzos hurt my back...''
Homer: I want you guys to give my wife the best treatment money can buy!
(EMT's roll sign to read "Beth Israel")
Homer: Whoa, whoa, whoa! Don't go nuts!
(Sign switches again to read "St. Mary's")
Homer: Eh, little better.
(Sign switches again to read "Springfield Presbyterian Hospital")
Homer: Beautiful.
237 - Faith Off
238 - The Mansion Family
During an award ceremony, everyone in Springfield (except Homer) has won an award.
Homer: Oh, why won't anyone give me an award?
Lisa: You won a Grammy.
Homer: I mean an award that's worth winning!
(Words run across the bottom of the screen: "LEGAL DISCLAIMER: Mr. Simpson's views do not match those of the producers, who don't consider the Grammy an award at all.")
Plus when they leave. Homer still hasn't won anything, and takes home a large statue resembling an award instead.
Marge: That's not an award. It's part of the set.
Homer: Nothing you say will diminish this honor!
The Chinese pirates spot Homer's party on Mr. Burns' yacht:
Pirate #1: Looks like another homosexual party boat. They always have such nice things!
Pirate #2: Perhaps we should pay them a visit.
Pirate #1: A deadly visit?
Pirate #2: Well, let's play it by ear.
"Set a course for Hidden Pirate Island, AKA Hong Kong!"
At the start of Mr. Burns' checkup, filling out his medical form.
Mr. Burns:(reading) Cause of parents' death...(writing) Got in my way.
The scene where Mr. Burns learns the results from his check-up:
Mr. Burns: Well, doc, I think I did pretty well on my tests! You may shake my hand if you like.
Doctor:(shirking away) Well, under the circumstances I'd rather not.
Mr. Burns: Eh?
Doctor: Mr. Burns, I'm afraid you are the sickest man in the United States. You have everything.
Mr. Burns: You mean I have pneumonia?
Doctor: Yes.
Mr. Burns:Juvenile diabetes?
Doctor: Yes.
Mr. Burns:Hysterical pregnancy?!
Doctor:(surprised) A little bit, yes. You also have several diseases that have just been discovered... in you.
Mr. Burns: I see. You're sure you haven't just made thousands of mistakes?
Doctor: Uh, no, no I'm afraid not.
Mr. Burns: This sounds like bad news.
Doctor: Well, you'd think so, but all of your diseases are in perfect balance. If you have a moment I can explain. (He displays a door and a series of plushies.) Here's the door to your body, and these are oversized novelty germs. That's influenza, that's bronchitis, and this cute little cuttle bug is pancreatic cancer. Here's what happens when they all try to get through the door at once. (He pushes the plushies through the door, mimicking The Three Stooges sound effects.) Woop-woop-woop-woop-woop! Move it, chowderhead! (Speaking normally.) We call it "Three Stooges Syndrome!"
Mr. Burns: So what you're saying is... I'm indestructible?!
Doctor: Oh, no, no. In fact, even a slight breeze could...
Mr. Burns:(leaving wistfully) Indestructible...
This exchange between Mr. Burns and Smithers, after the medical check-up:
Mr. Burns: Do they know how many eggs it laid in your brain?
Smithers: I'd prefer not to know. Frankly, one is too many.
Mr. Burns: "Smithers, this monkey is going to need most of your skin."
The Doctor's other two patients:
Doctor: Everything's fine, John. Lay off the chili and you should be all right.
(Fidel Castro snickers beratingly)
Pope John Paul II: Don't you laugh, Fidel! I've been in the car with you!
(Castro turns away, giving a sheepish expression)
Plus the credits, when Homer is poor again and complains about how the people listed are all loaded with money.
Homer: I wanna be rich! (sobs) Like THESE GUYS! And look at all these rich people here! Not as rich as they should be, of course, BUT STILL RICH! Big money! Look at all the names! They all have MONEY! And have lots of money! Oh, he's poor. BUT LOOK AT ALL THE PEOPLE WHO AREN'T! Oh, look at all the people who can buy and sell me! I should send a list of these names to the IRS! I'm takin' 'em all down! Look at all the rich people! OH, LOOK AT THAT RICH—
Gracie Films logo: Shh!
Homer: Don't shush me, you rich bastard!
239 - Saddlesore Galactica
This exchange:
Homer: Did that really happen? Or was it all just a beautiful dream?
(trap door opens)
Murderous Troll: No dream, fat ass! Lose the race! (closes trap door)
Homer: D'oh!
240 - Alone Again, Natura-Diddily
241 - Missionary: Impossible
242 - Pygmoelian
After Moe sees his face on the calendar which was covered by several stickers:
Moe: Am I really that ugly?
Carl: It's all relative. I mean, is Lenny really that stupid? Is Barney really that drunk? Is Homer really that lazy, bald and fat?
Moe:(tearing up) No, it's worse than that!
(Moe, Lenny, Barney, and Homer burst into tears)
Carl:(looking directly at the audience) See, this is why I don't talk much.
When Homer finds out the results of testing himself in a self-evaluation magazine:
Homer: Okay, non-smoker...add eight years...According to this I'll live to be...forty-two? Aaooww, that's horrible! I won't even live to see my children die!
Also, when Homer tries to defend himself in court...by referring to the jury as "drunken hicks." Something about that part and the Smash Cut to everyone in the family working in a chain gang.
En route to Florida
Lisa: Mom! Bart's sitting next to me!
Bart: Mom! Lisa's growing!
Marge: Quiet, you two, your father's had a nervous breakdown!
Homer: My pockets hurt!
The whole "I like that! You're hired" Running Gag with the waitress, concluding with "Those cops are chasing off my employees! beat I like that!"
This exchange never fails to get a laugh:
Whip Man: No listening...you hear me?
Homer:(thinks for a moment) ...No?
Whip Man: You just don't learn do ya? (whips Homer)
Homer: I want to set the record straight: I thought the cop was a prostitute. (sits there and smiles like he just said the smartest thing ever)
Homer: They can't take our house; my potbellied pig is in there! (sobbing) Oh, Mr. Porky....
Also, Jim Forbes' over-the-top narration creates a few laugh-out-loud scenes: "...The dream was over. Coming up - was the dream really over? Yes it was. Or was it?"
Season 12
From Treehouse of Horror XI:
In the first segment "G-G-Ghost D-D-Dad", Homer narrowly avoids getting crushed by a falling tree.
Homer: Hehe, stupid horoscope!
(A Planet Hollywood sign destroys half the car.)
Homer: Hehe, stupid horoscope!
(A pickaxe goes flying through the windshield and embeds itself in Homer's head.)
Homer: Hehe, bloopid bloroblope!
Over dinner, Homer tells the family that nothing happened except for the rattlesnake, the pickaxe and the testicle [Noodle Incident incident]].
After he dies from choking on broccoli, Homer has to do a good deed to in order to go to heaven. The first thing he tries? Eating the same piece of broccoli that killed him in the first place, which kills him again.
When Ghost Homer lifts Principal Skinner's mom into the air in order to help her cross the street more easily, Mrs. Skinner complains that people can see up her dress now, then Homer, partly by accident and partly out of frustration, drops her into traffic which kills her.
Homer: Um, I'm pretty sure she was going to be the next Hitler!
From Bye Bye, Nerdie, Homer's explanation for why he hasn't left for work yet:
Homer: They said that if I come in late one more time, I'm fired. I can't take that chance!
From New Kids on the Blecch:
Lisa realizes the subliminal messages of Bart's songs:
Lisa: Otto, you're being brainwashed!
Otto: Yeah, probably! Yvan eht nioj!
Lisa confronts Lt. Smash:
Lt. Smash: It's a three pronged attack. Subliminal, liminal and superliminal!
Lisa: Superliminal?
Lt. Smash: I'll show ya (leans out the window) Hey, you! Join the navy!
Carl: Uh, yeah, alright.
Lenny: I'm in!
Lt. Smash: Of course, now that you know this... I can't let you leave.
(Turns around and Lisa is gone. He turns back to the window to see her already halfway down the street.)
Lt. Smash: Oh.
Don't forget The Reveal of his real name - "Yeah, I'm not L.T. Smash. I'm Lt. L.T. Smash."
The Stinger, with 'N Sync extolling the virtues of the navy.
"We've had a lot of fun today, but it was at the expense of the navy. The men and women of the navy are protecting us 24/7 from such bad guys as Godzilla and jellyfish! So head over to your enlistment office and sign up for a 2- or 4-year hitch! We signed JC up just a few minutes ago!"
Homer: Oh Lisa, it doesn't mean anything. Like "Shamma-lamma-ding-dong," or "Give peace a chance."
The short song Homer makes up to keep himself busy in Hungry, Hungry Homer:
What really makes it funny is that Dan Castellaneta adlibbed the lyrics during production.
Homer:(singing and shuffling his feet while chained to the lawn chair) Dancin' away my hunger pangs. Movin' my feet so my stomach won't hurt. I'm kinda like Jesus, but not in a sacreligious way.
Homer gets so hungry, he starts crawling towards a pretzel when he hallucinates:
Chavez: Because you don't know what Cesar Chavez looks like.
Also, when Homer is trying to convince Sherri to go to a dance with Bart.
Homer: Come on, why won't you go out with Bart?
Sherri: He's a smelly, ugly dork.
Homer: Please, "ugly" is such a smelly word. Who would you rather go out with?
Sherri: Tommy. [indicates a handsome boy bathed in an angelic glow]
Homer: Well, duh! He's breathtaking. But Bart has inner beauty, like you'd find in a rodent. [cut to Bart, gnawing rat-like on a cracker, then back to Homer]
Homer's search for the executive office.
Homer: Is this the executive office of the ball club?
Equipment Manager: No, this is the equipment shed.
Homer: Oh. Well, is that it?
Equipment Manager: No, that's where we keep the water heater.
Homer: Is...?
Equipment Manager: That's a tractor.
Homer: I see.
Basically, every single moment of Trilogy of Error:
Dr. Nick: Inflammable means flammable? What a country!
When Lisa is trying out the Gymnastics class for free at the open house of the Springfield YMCA:
Coach Lugash: What a little angel! How old are you?
Lisa: Eight.
Lugash: Eight? Too old! Go home, grandma!
Homer is injured in a prison rodeo, and ends up in their infirmary. One of the inmates is an incredible artist, and has a painting of a unicorn in space, hanging on the wall.
Basically everything in the second half of The Computer Wore Menace Shoes. From the clever references to The Prisoner, to the Faux-Homer with the terrible German accent who replaces him at home after he's sent to the Island ("Aren't there any evil movies on? Maybe something about an evil island?"), to the bizarre koala with the funny glasses at the end. It's one of the funnier episodes of Season 12.
Homer:(laughing) Oh man, look at Shemp, he is so high.
Otto: Whoa I just realized something: "Shemp" is "hemp", spelled backwards.
Homer: And Otto spelled backwards... is Otto.
Otto:(dumbstruck and looks at Homer) Now I'm scared.
As part of Homer's roast from Gump Roast, Principal Skinner's mother walks on stage wearing what was supposed to be a skimpy, sensual dress. Everyone stares in silence for a moment before this exchange:
Abe Simpson:(standing up) What is keeping that dress together?!
Sideshow Mel:(Also standing up) The collective will of everyone in this room!
Manjula: Apu, why aren't you pressuring me for sex?
Apu: Oh how could you accuse me of repeated infidelity?! Why, I am so angry I could just, I could just fall asleep! (snores)
Plus Homer walking home backwards, and then jumping home backwards on the ladder.
Homer tries to recruit Apu for the reenactment:
Homer: Hey Apu, in a Civil War reenactment we need lots of Indians to shoot!
Apu: (beat) I don't know which part of that sentence to correct first.
Later:
Skinner: This battlefield is rife with inaccuracies. You dead people, stop playing cards! Stonewall Jackson, stop rollerblading!
Disco Stu: The South shall boogie again!
Frink: Well, if you don't like that you're definitely not going to like my steam powered super spider, with the stepping and the squishing and the webs made of NYLON!
"The Second Battle of Springfield was fought by the North, the South and the East, to keep Springfield in, out of and next to the Union respectively. Now, the actual battle was fought there, where that man is standing. But he won't move, so we'll do it here."
Wiggum/Polonius: I hide behind curtains because I have a fear of getting stabbed.
Also:-
Homer/King: I have returned from the dead!
Bart/Hamlet: It looks more like you've returned from the buffet!
Homer/King: Why you little!
(Homer tries to strangle him and his hands just go straight through._
Homer/King: You must avenge me! Aveeeenge meee!
Bart/Hamlet: How?
Homer/King: I dunno. Surprise me. Surpriiiiise meeee! (disappears through the wall. A few seconds later, comes back.) "It's cold outside, you'll need a sweater. A sweeeaaaater!!"
Homer is about to be gunned down by Mafia thugs, and they're suddenly shot. Cue the arrival of Chief Wiggum... but what's this? Wiggum isn't the shooter. As they wonder who shot the Mafia guys, cue Maggie sitting in her crib upstairs next to the window, with a gun. Then Homer and Marge come upstairs and she hides the gun under her pillow!
Marge: Aw, she's probably dreaming of the time she shot Mr. Burns.
The spoof of the opening sequence of The Sopranos.
Season 14
From the Treehouse of Horror XIII segment "Send In The Clones":
One of the clones is visiting Abe at the retirement home:
Abe: Then after World War II, it got kinda quiet 'til Superman challenged FDR to a race around the world. FDR beat him by a furlong! Or so the comic books would have you believe. The truth lies somewhere in between and ZZZ... (he falls asleep).
What all of the clones immediately do after becoming an unintelligent army (thanks to the magic hammock), EAT FIELD CORN:
Gil Gunderson: Ah, look at that corn. Ol' Gil's hard work is finally paying off. (numerous Homer Simpson clones run by and devour all of his crops) Well, at least I got my health. (a few more come by and eat him, leaving only his skeleton) Ohh...
The clones peeing behind a beer factory.
The Enron ride at Efcot from Special Edna.
Electric Car: Hello. I'm an electric car. I can't go very fast. Or very far. And if you drive me, people will think you're gay.
Gay Animatronics: One of us! One of us!
Sponsored by the auto makers of America!
the end of that episode, where homer climbs over a Barbed Wire fence into Disney World:
"Mickey Mouse": Step away from the wall! step away from the wall!
Homer: It's so beautiful! one churro, please!
Vendor: that'll be fourteen dollars.
(homer sobs hysterically and then says "here" in a normal tone of voice)
The episode Pray Anything features the Springfield Church's congregation having to meet in the bowling alley because Homer bought the church. Krusty bowls a ball and it accidentally lands on Reverend Lovejoy's foot, leading to this priceless moment:
Rev. Lovejoy: And so we celebrate the—HOLY SHI—ning light of our Lord...
From The Great Louse Detective:
As the police can't figure out who's trying to kill Homer, they decide to release (Albeit, tagged) someone with... experience in trying to kill one of The Simpsons. (The extremely high security cell opens up to reveal... Sideshow Bob, restrained in such a manner he's suspended in the middle of the room.)
And then we cut to Sideshow Bob, who is mystified that Marge and the kids aren't the slightest bit surprised by something like this.
The constant shocks that Sideshow Bob receives, including one where the button gets stuck and gives him a prolonged shock. Bart sums it up best:
"I don't know how we ever had fun without him."
From the unofficial300th episode Barting Over:
Bart just found out he had a commercial gig as "Baby Stink-Breath" and informs Milhouse. Nelson then rides by on his bike:
Bart: Promise me you won't tell anyone about it.
Milhouse: I won't. But these things have a way of getting out.
Nelson:(while riding his bike, points to Bart and looks at him) Ha-ha! Baby Stink-Breath! (he crashes into a tree because he was still looking at Bart) Daaah! Gruuh! It was worth it.
This line which Tony Hawk states in the DVD commentary, he still uses to this day.
Tony Hawk: You're going down, Homer. Then up. Then down. Then back up again. That's how the game is played.
From Large Marge (context: Marge has just mistakenly been given breast implants instead of a liposuction):
Marge:"Oh yeah? Well, my husband will come back with me and he'll do a little malpractice on you!"
Doctor:(completely deadpan) "Oh yes, your husband, I'm sure he'll be furious."
"C.E. D'oh!" has four such moments:
The whole "how to strip for your wife" class was pure comic gold.
"Aww, nobody loves Oily Homer..."
The Successmanship Guy's description of his car: "That's a Bentley Mark XII. They gave one to me, one to Steven Spielberg, then they shot the guy who made it." Lenny comments that he'd hate to be in that union.
Homer talking about firing robots: "Don't tell me they can't cry."
Finally, Homer talking with the female employee at the retreat:
Female Employee: Homer, I'll go over the organization chart if you'll just stop staring at my boobs.
Homer: No deal.
Maggie dancing to Sex Bomb.
Homer gives Lisa his wedding ring so he won't get paint on it: This is a Band-Aid wrapped in tinfoil!" "My real one's inside a turtle."
"Mr. Spritz Goes to Washington" has this little number, as Lisa's waiting for the right distraction to slip an important bill into congress.
Homer: (bursts in on the ground floor, drunk) You call this a bicameral legislature??! (spits on the floor, and gets immediately assaulted by security, including whaling on his groin) OOOH—I say, I say, my groin!!
Season 15
From The President Wore Pearls:
Superintendant Chalmers is talking to Skinner about how to deal with Lisa. He then points to Willie outside and delivers the glorious line "Maybe that escaped mental patient you hired has some kind of toxin in his shack" at which point Willie waves cheerfully. "Yes, hello Willie".
From the same episode: "I'll be cooking me Lean Cuisine in yer kiln! HAHAHAHAHAHA!"
We got this segment of the musical:
Bart: Lisa is a fool.
Skinner: I think the rules are cool.
Willie: I'M FALLING IN THE POOL!
Bart's 'poem'.
Bart: Lisa is a nut. She has a rubber butt. Every time she turns around it goes putt-putt.
Milhouse asks Lisa if it's true the staff makes fun of the students in the teacher's lounge. Lisa says no and opens the door, just in time for us to hear:
Willie: Look at me! I'm Milhouse! I tuck me shirt into me underpants! (teachers laugh) I've got no friends, so I confide in Willie!
In The Regina Monolouges the family visits England to help Grandpa find a lost love, and are greeted by then-Prime Minister Tony Blair.
Homer:(after Blair leaves) Wow, I can't beleive I just met Mr. Bean!
The two gentlemanly gentleman making out. "Mmmmm-mmmmmmhmmm-mmmmyes, quite. Mmmmm!"
The family meets J. K. Rowling outside of a bookstore.
Lisa: JK Rowling! You've turned a whole generation of kids unto reading.
Rowling: Thank you, young Muggle.
Lisa: Can you tell me what happens at the end of the series?
Rowling:(sighs exhaustedly) He grows up, and marries you. (angrily) Is that what you wanted to hear?!
Lisa:(dreamily) Yes.
(the family leaves England)
Marge: It was nice of them to forget the whole thing if we agreed to take Madonna back with us.
Madonna:(from inside duffle bag Marge is holding) I keep telling you, I'm English!
Marge: English ladies don't pump gas naked!
The runner with The Scottish Trope, in which harm befalls Ian McKellen every time one of the Simpsons says the "M" word.
Homer: Mr. MacBeth, I'm so sorry.
Season 16
This exchange from Midnight Rx, after Homer, Ned, Apu, and Abe have been thrown in a Canadian prison:
French Translator:Vous pouvez quitter le Canada, mais ne retournez jamais.
Guy: I am a big fat French idiot.
French Translator:Je suis un grand gros - HEY!
"Goo Goo Gai Pan" has many:
Bart: What's menopause?
Homer: Son, menopause is when the stork who brings babies gets shot by drunken hunters.
The informational video:
Robert Wagner: So let's all give menopause a round of "meno-plause." (looks off-screen) Meno-plause? I'm not saying that.
In China:
Chinese consulate agent: The Chinese Government only allows wholesome, married couples to adopt. No "hen without cock." I apologize if that is a double entendre in your language. It is not in ours.
Homer:(high on sleeping pills) Hey look, a dragon!
Dragon outside window: Hello, Homer. Give me your peanuts and you may fly on my back.
Homer: I'll give...you...one!
Dragon: Oh, you are a very greedy man. The other dragons shall hear of this! (flies away)
Homer: Hey dragon! You fly like a girl!
(after learning what he has to do/pretend to be Selma's spouse, and immediately went out of being high thanks to Marge and Selma)
Homer:(at the preserved body of Mao Zedong) Awww, he's like a little angel who killed 50 million people. Yes you are, yes you are!
Chinese announcer: I regret to inform you that our star acrobat suffered an onset of outspokenness, and suffered a bullet-related death.
Chinese man #1: This is most disillusioning!
Chinese woman: It seems our leaders are not all-knowing!
Chinese man #2: Now I will question everything! Why doesn't Pearl Jam ever play here?!
Madam Wu: Lisa, soon you will have a Chinese baby sister who will surpass you academically.
Lisa Simpson: I don't know about that. I'm considered pretty smart.
Madam Wu: Well, Tibet was considered pretty independent. How'd that work out?
Homer: I was this woman's husband for a few days — in name only! — and beer will soon obliterate that memory. But I don't think this baby could find any greater love on your planet or ours.
Chinese Dragons:(singing) American jerks are going home/Now we sleep for a thousand years/When we wake the world will end.
The sequence of events that occur as Homer is cleaning out the garage. First, he finishes a can of Duff beer and throws it behind his shoulder:
Homer: Ahh...hmmm. Seems a shame to chuck out these cross country skis. Mmmmm...I'll keep one. (He snaps the other one in half and throws it in the garbage can.) Let's see now. (checks list)Kill spiders? We don't have spiders.
(Homer looks around for spiders and see one making a web around his right arm.)(screams) Ahhh! (He grunts about 10 times while trying to squish the spider. It crawls under a cardboard box.) Stupid spider! Afraid of dying?! (Homer sneaks over to the box and lifts it up; the spider is gone.) A-ha! Hmm? ''
(Homer looks around, then under the bottom of the box and sees about two dozen spiders fall on to his face, causing him to run around the garage and scream like a maniac. He finds a can of spider poison titled "Charlotte's Dead" and sprays it on his face.) YEEEOOOWWW! OOOWWWHHOOWW! WHAT?! SPIDER POISON IS PEOPLE POISON?!
After informing Marge in the bedroom that he won't be dying for many, many years, Homer getting his neck crushed by the bedroom window.
From Future-Drama:
This argument between Bart and Lisa:
Bart: You're gay for Moleman!
Lisa: No, you're gay for Moleman!
Moleman: (sadly) Nobody's gay for Moleman.
Future Homer buys the very first "hovercar" ever made. He's driving the car with Future Bart in the passenger seat. They enter the "Quantum Tunnel" and when they come out the other side, Bender from Futurama is now riding in the car with them. ["I.G.Y. (What a Beautiful World)" by Donald Fagen is playing in the background.]:
Bender: Alright! You guys are my new best friends!
Future Homer: You wish, loser! (he throws Bender out of the "hovercar" and Bender breaks apart) Ah heh heh heh heh heh!
From The Father, The Son and the Holy Guest Star, when Father Sean tells Bart of how he repented his ways after a drunken brawl with his dad.
Father Sean I was laying on the gutter, picking up my teeth, when suddenly St Peter himself appeared in front of me. "Sean, you wanker." he says, "Repent of your wicked ways or sod off." And then he gobbed in my face and turned back into a streetlight.
Homer not knowing how to say Bingo when he won at Bingo.
From "The Heartbroke Kid":
The spoof of the opening sequence, where the now-obese Bart is buying snacks from a vending machine instead of writing on the chalkboard. When the bell rings, it takes forever to reach the entrance. As he skateboards, the ground underneath him cracks, he bends the street sign he usually grabs, makes Marge's car spin out of control, and as he gets home, he lands on Homer's car, making him fly out. Finally, as the other Simpsons sit down on the couch, they look at each other, wondering where Bart is.
Bart: (groaning, clutching his chest) My heart! It hurts so much! Like it's caught in a vice!
Bart: Umm, it means you used to be afraid, but now you're not.
Rod:(to Flanders) I'm gay, daddy, I'm gay! Mrs. Simpson made me gay!
Marge: Uh, I believe he's saying 'he's okay.'
From The Girl Who Slept Too Little:
Bart: If you're looking for Lisa, she said she was going to spend the night in the boneyard out back.
Marge: And you're just sitting here!?
Bart: I figured the best thing I could do was monitor the news for any reports.
Marge: You're watching cartoons!
Season 18
The subplot of The Haw-Hawed Couple, where Homer is reading Lisa the Angelica Button book. When reading ahead, he discovers that Greystash dies to save Angelica from the "Suff-o-clock of Sandy Doom". Rather than upset Lisa, Homer improvises his own ending, providing the world with:
Homer: *sobbing at Moe's* No man should have to outlive his fictional wizard!
Best part is Angelica's delivery of the line "I somehow escaped from the hourglass!" And then Lisa reads the real ending and decides Homer's was better.
Homer: Um, they went to Star Wars land and...fought Star Wars.
Nobody mentions the opening of the episode?
Martin: Individually we are weak, like a single twig. But as a bundle, we form a mighty faggot!
Bart:' Well said!
(A title appears: fag•got (fag´• et) n. a bundle of sticks for fuel. [Fr. fagot, a bundle of sticks])
From Homerazzi, we have the following:
Fireman: Mr. Simpson, we've already been here 6 times this month!
Homer: Yeah, but, um, one of those times, I'd actually dialed 9-1-1 by accident but I was too embarrassed to admit it, so I set the house on fire. It feels good to tell the truth! No, I'm lying, it feels bad.
Also all of J. K. Simmons lines as the "Jamerson-ish" tabloid reporter.
(Looking through Homer's Photos)
Tabloid Reporter: Wonderful! Terrific! This has page one written all over it. Why the hell did you do that!?
Homer: I wanted to remember my place in a book I was reading.
From Marge Gamer:
Marge discovers the Internet, then the online role playing game "Earthland Realms".
When she can see her house from space, she realizes, via the Internet, Homer is sunbathing nude outside. Then, through the webpage, we see her chasing him. He hops the fence and runs into Flanders' house, where his parents are visiting.
Ned: "Homer, you've met my parents."
Homer: "Not naked I haven't!"
"The Shadow Knight? He's the most evil, destructive player in the game. He once beat me to death with my own life bar." It was either funny or unsurprising that the most evil, destructive, and successful (in Marge's words) player in the game was Bart.
After they killed the original Shadow Knight/Night, the new one kicked the head of a player like a soccer ball, it turned out the new one is Marge Simpson.
Moe (a head she's kicking around): "I'm paying $14.95 a month for this?"
''(Homer notices a guy waving a orange/yellow flag).
Homer: What's the matter buddy? The American flag not good enough for ya? (headbutts him)
Girl: That was my father!
Homer:(completely serious) I'm your father now.
From "Crook And Ladder", when Homer is trying to convince Moe to not steal a priceless clock from a burning building:
Moe:"I can't let go of it, Homer! It's been in my family for nearly forty seconds!"
Episode 400, "You Kent Always Say What You Want" has it's share of funny moments:
Kent Brockman *After Homer knocks a cup of hot coffee over him*: OW, THAT HURTS LIKE A *cuts to the Simpson family watching the news report, with Kents last words garbled*
Bart 'Etch-A-Sketch'ing the word for Marge, then not being able to erase the message, resulting in Marge destroying the toy.
Kent referring to his swear as 'A word so foul that it would only be muttered by Satan himself whilst on the toilet'.
The end of the episode, where Homer tries to announce the truth about the Fox network, but his voice is dubbed over with speech that instead promotes Fox programming. When Homer tries to tell the viewers the truth, he is quickly silenced by the 20th Century Fox Television and Gracie Films logos.
all: Ho-high, ho-high! It's time to now get high! We'll take some shrooms and go to our rooms...
The "Fountainhead" parody is pretty good as well.
"Ellsworth Toohey": MEDIOCRITY RULES!
Season 21
The subplot in the episode Thursday's with Abie revolves around Bart taking care of Larry the Lamb, a stuffed animal his class has to take home and care for. Bart hates the thing, which leads to this exchange:
(Bart is swinging Larry around while Santa's Little Helper bites it)
Bart: That's it boy, go for the nards!
Lisa: Bart! (grabs Larry) if you don't want him, give him to me.
Bart: How come you never act like this when I'm cruel to real animals?
Bart: I thought you Hindus were supposed to love everybody.
Lisa:(angrily) I'm a FREAKING BUDDHIST!!
Likewise, the main story, filled with Cassandra truths, brick jokes, ironicandmeaningful echoes, laced with a heaping helping of good, old-fashioned shout-outs to make any elderly viewer laugh. One exchange in particular got this troper, who took a cinema history course recently, laughing hysterically. It takes place during Abe's reminiscing of being a shoe-shiner on the platform for the Tinsletown (a.k.a. Hollywood) express. As the train pulls in, out steps the usual parodies of classic actors like Fatty Arbuckle, the Three Stooges, and Paul Muni (who, apparently, always looked like Frankenstein, even in real life), and Abbot and Costello. Abe looks up, realizes that he's shining the shoes of Clark Gable, and this exchange takes place:
Young Abraham: Oh, this? It's just Gone with the Wind. It's got a boring romance story, and only one swear word, but not a very good one. Here, you can have it.
Gable (curiosity raised): Gone With The Wind, eh? Let's see... (flips through pages) Garbage, garbage, my line, garbage, my line, garbage, garbage, my line, epic war plot, fancy dresses, Yes! I can do this! (closes book, hops on train)(Shouting) Thanks, kid! Don't tell this to another soul for about 60 years!
The scene in the episode Stealing First Base in which after Bart's earlier kissing of a girl lands the school in trouble, the school declares itself an 'Affection Free Environment'. An informational play is carried out with Skinner and Willie acting as Bart and the girl respectively, and the two of them, rather uneagerly, kissing each other.◊ When everyone in the assembly hall starts laughing at this, Superintendent Chalmers steps in and threatens to make them keep kissing until the kids stop laughing. Needless to say it doesn't stop.
From "The Devil Wears Nada", during Homer and Marge's attempt to play a romantic game:
Homer: Whisper into ass?! This game sucks!
From "The Color Yellow," when the family finds out that one of their ancestors who they thought were slave owners married their freed slave, thus making them 1/64 black.
Bart: So that's why I'm so cool.
Lisa: And that's my jazz is so smooth.
Homer: And that's why I earn less than my white coworkers!
Season 22
Most of the parts with Jermaine and Brett (or Ethan and Kurt) in Elementary School Musical.
"How Munched is That Birdie in the Window?": Child/pet psychologist, for Bart and Santa's Little Helper. "Now, Marge, from what I understand from our phone conversation, you have a terrible service provider."
While the ostrich attacked the Simpsons, one of them hit the ostrich with an object, after being beaten with the object from the ostrich, someone besides Homer, or Marge, or even Lisa said "WHY YOU LITTLE..." and strangled the ostrich.
This conversation, from when Lisa became the manager for Bart's Baseball team:
From the same episode: "I made baseball as much fun as doing your taxes!"
"Nein, nein! Why did I go to the nine o'clock show?" John Lennon would've found that hilarious!
in the episode where Bart's Angry Dad cartoon is turned into a short film, from Halle Berry's talks to to Randy Newman's "You've Got an Enemy".
Season 23
Homer's hostage video in "The Falcon and the D'ohman":
Homer: Death to America!
Ukrainian Gangster: Stick to the script.
Homer: Fine.
The couch gag from "Bart Stops to Smell the Roosevelt", which is done by Ren And Stimpy creator himself, John Kricfalusi. As a bonus, the episode itself is done at Rough Draft Studios, which not only does many other Simpsons episodes, but also did a number of Ren And Stimpy's second season, as well as all of the majority of those done after John's firing.
From the same episode, Chalmers' flashback to the last time he taught.
"If school failed me, does it have to go to Summer Jimbo?"
In "The Food Wife," Homer goes with Bart and Lisa to a video game expo. There is an "Angry Birds" demonstration where they have a stuffed bird aimed at stuffed pigs. The bird, however, misses the pigs completely, hits an actual construction site, and drops rafters on TNT causing the entire thing to blow-up.
Everyone cheers.
Later on Homer trying to get Bart and Lisa to the "Funtendo" showroom FPS-style while throwing discs at people, then when he gets hit he restores his health with a slice of pizza.
Gordon Ramsey telling Marge that she messed up with involving Homer in the first place, then telling her to get out of his dream, since he stole it away from her, to the point that Gordon HIMSELF wakes up in his bed wondering "What the bloody hell was that?!" before Marge wakes up proper.
The entirety of Neil Gaiman in "The Book Job." Especially the end: "I've cheated my way to the best seller list once again... AND I DON'T EVEN KNOW HOW TO READ!"
"CHEESEBURGERS, FRENCH FRIES, I'M ALL OVER THAT PAL"
In "Politically Inept, with Homer Simpson", there is a parody of the bottom markees of news networks. Highlights include: Obama declares mulligan on first term, Steve Jobs reveals iGhost and Gingrich looks forward to first term, fourth wife.
Homer as a spoof of TV conservative talk hosts, primarily Glenn Beck.
*Title Card* Thanks for 500 Shows. All we ask is that you go out and get some fresh air before logging on the Internet and saying how much this sucked.
At the beginning of "Them, Robot" Homer is trying to go the day without drinking alcohol for a physical, and sees his family as alcoholic drinks. He sees Abe as a bottle of Jack Daniels and tries to open his head, where at first he screams but then it becomes relaxing to him.
When Homer first sees Mr. Burns' robots employees he mistakes them for Comic-Con nerds.
Unsorted / Running gags
Everytime Mr. Burns says "Excellent", or when Nelson laughs at someone.
One Nelson moment in particular: In the episode The Debarted, the new kid Donny is catapulting garbage bags at and into the school off of teeter-totters. While the other kids adore him, Bart tries to prove he can do it to. Unfortunately for Bart, he ends up with garbage on his face. While the kids laugh, Nelson gives us this humorous variation:
Anything involving Homer and the rubber duck. "'Cause he wants it!"
For me it'll always be either be Homer's daydream where he eats the chocolate dog, or "BARTYOUWANNASEEMYNEWCHAINSAWANDHOCKEYMASK?!"
Many if not most of Grampa Abraham Simpson's rants would qualify. But a few classics...
"Dear Mr. President. There are too many states nowadays. Please eliminate three. I am not a crackpot."
"That's nothing! In my day, kids got spanked by Presidents all the time! Grover Cleveland spanked me on two non-consecutive occasions!"
"We can't bust heads like we used to, but we have our ways. One trick is to tell 'em stories that don't go anywhere! Like the time I caught the ferry over to Shelbyville? I needed a new heel for my shoe. So I decided to go to Morganville, which is what they called Shelbyville in those days. So I tied an onion to my belt, which was the style at the time. Now, to take the ferry cost a nickel, and in those days, nickels had pictures of bumblebees on 'em. 'Gimme five bees for a quarter,' you'd say. Now, where were we? Oh, yeah. The important thing was that I had an onion on my belt, which was the style at the time. They didn't have white onions because of the war. The only thing you could get was those big yellow ones..."
This editor can't decide whether his favorite Halloween Special is Number III ("Dad, you killed the zombie Flanders!" "He was a Zombie?"/The whole bottomless pit sequence in the first segment) or Number VI ("Don't scratch up them heads!"/"Step into the light my son!" "(Sounds of electrocution) YAHHHHHH!!!!" ), but he would like to give a special mention to Number XIV for two moments, the bit when God releases Homer from being the Grim Reaper ("Hey wait, this isn't Marge. This is her fat sister Selma.") or the part where Bart and Milhouse torment Homer with the stopwatch:
(Homer tries to eat donuts, but Bart and Milhouse keep making them disappear, until he pulls out a knife)
Homer: I can't go on! (Tries to stab self, but the knife turns into a banana) OHHHHHHH!!!! (Gets stripped naked) AWHHHHHHH!!! (Nelson appears out of nowhere)
Nelson: HA....(Also gets stripped naked)...HUH?!
Pretty much any time the characters have a conversation with their own brains. Particularly when Homer looks for a peanut under the couch, but finds a $20 bill instead.
Homer: Aww, twenty dollars? I wanted a peanut!
Homer's Brain: Twenty dollars can buy many peanuts!
Homer: Explain how.
Homer's Brain: Money can be exchanged for goods and services.
Insurance Agent: Now before I give you the check, one more question. Uh, this place "Moe's" you left just before the accident — this is a business of some type?
Homer's Brain: Don't tell him you were at a bar! [gasp] But what else is open at night?
Homer: It's a pornography store! I was buying pornography!
Homer's Brain: Heh heh heh, I would've never thought of that!
Homer signs up for the Big Brothers Big Sisters-style program:
Clerk: Mr. Simpson, why are you interested in becoming a big brother?
Homer's Brain: Don't say revenge...don't say revenge...don't say revenge...
Marge's Brain: Oh, we've got a winning hand, we can take the rest of the tricks.
(camera pans higher up)
Marge's Brain: Oh, we'd better be careful. The purpose of this game is to make friends. You don't make friends by winning.
(camera pans higher up)
Marge's Brain: Still, there's nothing more popular than a gracious winner.
(camera pans higher up)
Marge's Hair: Don't ask me, I'm just hair. Your head ended ago.
The following line left this troper in a fit of laughter for several minutes.
Ralph: When he grows up, I want to be just like me!
ANYTHING Ralph Wiggum says.
"I like men now!"
Bart and Skinner's duel, complete with Duel of the Fates playing in the background.
Any episode where McBain (the character, not his actor, Rainier Wolfcastle) appears.
McBain: "But Captain, I can't avenge my partner's death with this pea-shooter."
He holds up a normal-sized pistol.
Captain: "I don't wanna hear it, McBain. Tha-that cannon of yours is against regulation. In this department we go by the book."
(The Captain holds up the book of regulations. McBain draws his "cannon", a revolver bigger than his head, and fires it at the book. The book promptly disintegrates, along with a massive chunk of the wall behind it.
McBain: "Bye book!"
Smithers catching on fire and crying for help as Mr. Burns waters his garden...
The family goes to a fair and Homer begins to eat various shishkabobs. Bart hands him something that's merely a stick that's on fire, and Homer eats it. Realizing what just happened, Homer starts strangling Bart while breathing fire. Even Bart's laughing as he's being strangled!
Most of Troy McClure's movie titles, although two standouts include Lead Paint: Delicious but Deadly or Firecrackers: The Silent Killer.
Anytime a character argues with his or herself, taking both sides of the argument (with different tones of voice!), and managing to convince themselves to do what they where going to do in the first place.
Anything that Duffman says, just because of the same intonation being consistently used:
Duffman can never die! Only the actors who play him. Oh yeah!
Duffman's pension has been mismanaged!
One in the commentaries: For "Another Simpsons Clip Show," the guys have little to talk about regarding the actual episode, so instead they take the time to go over the creation of a typical episode from beginning to end. After an exhaustive cataloging of the tremendous amount of work that goes into each one, David Merkin notes that the process isn't truly complete until the fans label it the worst episode ever.
In the Apocalypse Now episode when he had to marry Mary:
Bart: I have to do this, mom. I love that big old cow!
Mary: How could you! I had to starve myself to get into this dress!
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