If Milhouse's bed-wetting problem comes up, take a drink.
Take a drink if Apu says, "Thank you, come again!"
If Homer actually says, "Let's all go out for frosty, chocolate milkshakes!" or some variation, down a whole drink.
Take a drink if Dr. Hibbert laughs.
Take a drink every time something bad happens to Hans Moleman.
In "My Fair Laddy", take a drink every time the new gym coach says the word, "Bombardment!" If you take this one, make sure you have an ambulance nearby.
Take a drink if Sideshow Mel interjects with a hammy sentence.
Take a drink for every time Disco Stu says his name.
Take a drink for every child of Cletus that shows up in the episode you're watching.
Take a drink for every Non-Sequitor Ralph Wiggum says.
Take a drink for every time Gil predicts/hopes that his luck is finally turning around. Take another if he refers to himself as "ol' Gil" in the process.
Take a drink for every time Moe wishes he were dead or that someone would kill him. Take another whenever he actually attempts suicide. (Use caution when watching the Christmas episode segment which is entirely about Moe being suicidal.)
Take a drink whenever Yes Guy says, "Eeye-e-e-es!"
Take a drink whenever a telephone hotline plays hold music that's extremely inappropriate for the crisis at hand.
Take a drink for every time Professor Frink makes one of his Jerry Lewis-like nonsense sounds.
Take a drink every time Patty or Selma mention Mac Guyver or Grandpa mentions Matlock, two if someone else mentions it.