The Simpsons Season 1 / Funny

Moments pages are Spoilers Off. You Have Been Warned.

1. - "Simpsons Roasting on an Open Fire"

Bart's rendition of Jingle Bells, using the Batman Smells lyrics instead, during the school pageant.
Homer answers the phone.
Homer: Y'ello?
Patty: Marge please.
Homer: Who is this?
Patty: Can I speak to Marge?
Homer: (irritated) This is one of her sisters, isn't it?
Patty: Is Marge there?
Homer: Who shall I say is calling?
(long pause)
Patty: Marge please.
Homer: (hands Marge the phone with a scowl) It's your sister.
Bart steps into a tattoo parlor.
Bart: One "Mother," please.
Tattoo Artist: Wait a minute, how old are you?
Bart: 21, sir.
Tattoo Artist: Get in the chair.
Homer has a Drama Queen moment when he discovers Marge paid all the Christmas shopping money to remove Bart's tattoo.
Homer: It's true! The jar's empty! Oh my God! We're ruined! Christmas is cancelled. No presents for anyone!
The Santa training scene where Homer forgets the names of the reindeer.
Homer: Dasher... Dancer...
Instructor: Mm-hmm?
Homer: Prancer...
Instructor: Mm-hmm?
Homer: Nixon... (the instructor rolls his eyes) Comet and Cupid... Donna Dixon?
Instructor: Sit down, Simpson.
Homer hits his head on the workshop door while working as a Mall Santa.
Homer: Hey, little ones! Santa's back! Ho ho [thump] D'OH!
After Homer comes home to rest, Patty and Selma irk him into buying a Christmas tree.
Homer: Merry Christmas.
Patty: It's Christmas? You wouldn't notice that around here.
Homer: (about to go upstairs) And why is that?
Selma: Well, for one thing there's no tree.
Homer: Well I was just on my way out to get one!
Lisa: Can we go too, dad?
Bart: Yeah, can we?
Homer: NO!! (slams the door)
- Homer drives through town looking for an affordable tree, with each lot looking shabbier and shabbier and still out of his range. Eventually, he resorts to just poaching a tree off someone's property and driving off with it, while the owner fires at him with a shotgun.
  Marge: Oh, it's beautiful, Homer!
  Selma: Is that a birdhouse?
  Homer: ...It's an ornament!
  Patty: Do I smell gunpowder?
After Bart has his tattoo removed, he watches television with Lisa, Maggie and Homer poking the bandage. Each time, he lets out a yell of "Ow! Quit it!"
Homer shopping for Christmas presents at the Circus of Values. He buys pantyhose for Marge, pads of paper for Bart and a steak chew toy for Maggie.
Homer: It says it's for dogs, but she can't read.
The family singing "Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer" over the closing credits.
- After the line saying his nose glows and the reindeer games part, Bart rattles off "Like a light bulb!" and "Like strip poker!" respectively to the annoyance of Homer. Lisa even gets in the act when she shouts "Like schnozzola!" for the name-calling.
- Homer screwing up Santa's line:
  Marge: Take it, Homer!
  Homer: Oh! Rudolph, get your nose over here so you can guide my sleigh today.
  Grampa: Oh, Homer.
- The ending where Bart's addition of "Like Attila the Hun" is interrupted by Homer strangling him.

Commentary

During the commentary for the rejected version of "Some Enchanted Evening", the participants repeatedly say "Gee whiz..."

2. - "Bart the Genius"

This.
Teacher: You know what happens when you mix acids with bases, don't you?
Bart: Of course I do.
*KABOOM!* (everyone and everything is covered in green goop)
Bart: Sorry.
(the two hamsters run away)
- Also Homer trying to coax Bart out of his room and Bart not falling for it.
After Bart confesses to Homer, Homer switches and chases a naked Bart to his room, leading to Homer angrily beating on the door and this simple gem of a dialogue.
Marge: What's going on with those two?
Lisa: I think Bart's stupid again.
The famous Kwyjibo scene.
Homer: Wait a minute, you little cheater! You're not going anywhere until you tell us what a kwyjibo is!
Bart: Kwyjibo: um, a big dumb balding North American ape... with no chin.
Marge: And a short temper!
Homer: I'll show you a big dumb balding ape! (knocks over the coffee table and starts chasing Bart)
Bart: Uh oh, kwyjibo on the loose!
- Every other player, even Lisa, can only come up two and three-letter words. Meanwhile, Maggie is using her alphabet blocks to spell "EMCSQU". Homer has "OXIDIZE" on his rack, but he instead settles for "DO".
  Homer: (looking cluelessly down at "OXIDIZE") How can anyone make a word out of these lousy letters?
When Skinner has Bart, Marge, and Homer in his office:
Skinner: He's frequently absent from school, then gives teachers pathetic excuse notes that are obviously childish forgeries when compared to...
(Skinner notices that the check Homer just wrote for him has the exact same scribbly handwriting as a so-called forged note)
Skinnner: ...Well, at any rate, it is my reluctant decision...
When Homer asks Dr. Pryor how it's possible that Bart is a genius, he replies, "Well, genius-level intelligence is usually the result of heredity and environment... although in some cases it's a total mystery."
Bart's genius classmates using their IQ to con him out of his lunch.

3. - "Homer's Odyssey"

The string of newspaper headlines regarding Homer's public safety crusade, culminating in "Enough already, Homer Simpson!"
- The fact that one of the signs he's responsible for reads, "Sign ahead".
Bart's prank call to Moe's:
Moe: (answers phone) Moe's Tavern.
Bart: Is Mr. Freely there?
Moe: Who?
Bart: Freely! First initials, I.P.
Moe: Hold on, I'll check. (to bar) Uhh, is I.P. Freely here? Hey, everybody! I. P. Freely!
(bar patrons snicker)
Moe: ...Wait a minute. (into phone) Listen to me, you lousy punk, when I get a hold of you, you're dead. I swear I'm gonna slice your heart in half!
(Bart and Lisa laugh their heads off, Moe hangs up)
Homer: You'll get that punk someday, Moe.
Moe: Oh, I dunno, he's tough to catch. He keeps changing his name!
Mr. Burns telling Homer, "You're not as stupid as you look. Or sound. Or our best testing indicates."

4. - "There's No Disgrace Like Home"

Mr. Burns needs a card to remember the Simpsons' names.
Mr. Burns: Ah, hello there, uh...uh...
Homer: (whispering to Smithers) Simpson, Homer.
Smithers: Here you go, sir. (hands Mr. Burns a card with list of the Simpson family and their names)
Mr. Burns: (looking at card) Ah, oh yes, uh, oh, and this must be your lovely wife.. .Marge. Oh ho, look at little...Lisa. Why, she's growing like a weed! And this must be, uh, Brat!
Bart: Bart.
Homer: Don't correct the man, Brat!
Marge sings "Hey brother, Pour the Wine" at the company picnic.
- When Homer rescues Marge from herself, her head is tilted back and her mouth is hanging open! Marge is completely gone!
  Homer: Snap out of it, Marge. You've gotta come with me. The boss is going to make a toast.
  Marge: Well, I'm not much of a drinker. (Marge passes out)
  Homer: You've picked a perfect time to start.
At the picnic, Mr. Burns tells them to make themselves at home, to which Bart tells Homer that he can lie around in his underwear and scratch himself.
This, when Homer announces the family's going to Dr. Marvin Monroe:
Lisa: You're sending us to a doctor who advertises on pro wrestling?!
Homer: Boxing, Lisa. Boxing. There's a world of difference.
- Also, when the family urge him not to pawn the TV and Marge suggests her engagement ring instead. Homer replies, "Now, I appreciate that honey, but we need $150 here.
Homer spots what he believes is the ideal family leaving Mr. Burns' company picnic. They appear dressed as angels, sing "Bingo" together and drive into a ray of light leading to heaven. The same family is later seen in Dr. Monroe's waiting room, ignoring each other with glares on their faces.
Dr. Marvin Monroe tells the Simpsons to draw what gives them the most stress. Everyone draws Homer. When Dr. Monroe asks Homer to show what he drew, Homer admits: "Sorry, I wasn't paying attention", revealing an irrelevant drawing of a plane dropping bombs.
Dr. Monroe has the family hit each other with padded mallets. Bart points out that they work better with the padding removed and proves this by whacking Dr. Monroe's leg with it.
Dr. Monroe's trying to help the family by connecting them to electrodes and allowing them to shock each other. ("My finger slipped. [bzzt] AAAH!" "So did mine!") At the height of it, they burden the energy grid, causing all the lights in the city block to flicker.
- The event is noticed by the nuclear power plant:
  Smithers: Boy! Someone's really gobbling up the juice, sir.
  Mr. Burns: Excellent. (studying a meter) Excellent! Perhaps this energy conservation fad is as dead as the Dodo.

5. - "Bart the General"

Abe tells Bart to stand up for himself when Nelson bullies him, only for Jasper to walk through and take his newspaper despite his protests.
Any scene with Herman, the one-armed military antiques store owner.
Herman: When he leaves the Kwik-E-Mart, we start the saturation bombing. You got the water balloons?
Bart: Two hundred rounds, sir. Is it okay if they say "Happy Birthday" on the side?
Herman: Well, I'd rather they say "Death from Above", but I guess we're stuck.
- During the "peace signing" scene at the end, Herman repurposes the Treaty Of Versailles, he just adds Bart and Nelson's names to the treaty.
One of the words Abe doesn't want to hear on TV again: "family jewels". Earlier, Homer claiming kicking people in the "family jewels" is a traditional Simpson technique.
- Bart tries taking Homer's advice during one of the fights with Nelson. It doesn't work, Nelson just pushes him away.
Homer calling his dad a "tall, grey haired kid" after Grampa throws a water balloon on him from Bart's treehouse.
After Bart leads the kids to victory against Nelson, one boy reenacts the famous Times Square Kiss photo with Lisa. However, she slugs him right afterwards.

6. - "Moaning Lisa"

Homer and Bart play a boxing video game:
Homer: Come on, come on, let's go.
Bart: (as announcer) In the red trunks, with a record of 48 wins and no losses, the undisputed champ of this house, Battling Bart Simpson! Whoopee! Woo-woo-woo! And in the lavender trunks, with a record of zero wins and 48 defeats... oh, correction, humiliating defeats, all of them by knock-out...
Homer: Must you do this every time...?
Bart: Homer "the Human Punching Bag" Simpson!
- Followed by a KO in the first round.
- Bart's boxer defeats Homer's boxer by punching his head off. Bear in mind this was a couple years before Mortal Kombat was made.
- There's also the last scene of that arc, which has Homer about to beat Bart thanks to lessons from a local video game wizard... and then Marge switches the game off to announce Lisa's recovery from depression, allowing Bart to quickly retire from video boxing to preserve his record as the undefeated champion.
Marge tells Homer about a note she received from school.
Homer: What did you do this time, ya little hoodlum?
Bart: I didn't do it. Nobody saw me do it. There's no way they can prove anything.

7. - "The Call of the Simpsons"

Homer sets a trap for a rabbit, which flings it far into the distance. Animal abuse has never been funnier.
- Homer is surrounded by animals biting at him. He tries to get them off by rolling on the ground while moaning amusingly.
Homer as Bigfoot.
Homer: (after being tranquilised) Avenge me, son. Avenge my death. (begins snoring)
The results on whether or not Homer is Bigfoot: inconclusive.
Doctor: He's either a brilliant beast, or simply a below-average human being.
The ridiculously decadent mobile home the Simpsons check out at the dealership, it's a two-story monstrosity thats far more luxurious than the family's actual house. It's more a mansion on wheels than anything.
Homer walks away from the family toward the canyon, thinking he's all alone:
Homer: What am I gonna do? I've murdered us all!
Homer's Echo: Murdered us all! Murdered us all...
Homer: Shut up!
Homer's Echo: Shut up! Shut up...
Homer: D'oh!
Homer's Echo: D'oh! D'oh...

8. - "The Telltale Head"

Homer listens to a football game on a Walkman and the broadcast somehow syncing up with Reverend Lovejoy's sermon.
"IT'S GOOD! IT'S GOOD! IT'S GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOD!!!!! It's... good to see you all today."
The Sunday School scenes:
Milhouse: Will there be cavemen in Heaven?
Teacher: Certainly not!
Bart: Uh, ma'am, what if you're a really good person but you're in a really, really bad fight and your leg gets gangrene and it has to be amputated. Will it be waiting for you in heaven?
Teacher: For the last time, Bart, yes!
- Soon after:
  Teacher: The ventriloquist goes to heaven, but the dummy doesn't!
  Bart: (raising hand) Oh, oh, oh! Me!
  Teacher: Bart?
  Bart: What about a robot with a human brain?
  Teacher: I don't know! All these questions... is a little blind faith too much to ask?
On the cinema marquee: Space Mutants 4: The Trilogy Continues

9. - "Life on the Fast Lane"

Homer being so depressed, he doesn't even react to getting hit in the head.
Bart: Dad, you didn't even say, "Ouch!"
Homer: Oh sorry. Ouch.
Homer: My birthday?
Lisa: No.
Homer: It's my birthday?! What do I get? I love birthdays!
Marge: No, Homer! It's mine!
Homer trying to make excuses for the fact that the bowling ball had his name engraved on it - "So you'd know it was from me!" - and that it was drilled for his fingers - "I couldn't very well chop your hand off and bring it to the store, could I?" When Marge then insists on keeping it for herself, he points out that she doesn't know how to bowl, basically admitting that he didn't intend for her to use it. "Whoops."
The end of the episode parodies the famous ending scene from An Officer and a Gentleman, complete with knockoff Joe Cocker music.
Homer: Marge! What a lovely surprise! You're here to see me, right?
Marge: Of course! (cuddles and kisses him on the cheek)
(Homer picks her up and carries her past his cheering co-workers)
Lenny: Way to go Homer, way to go! (ignores the dial behind him turning from "Okay" to "Danger")
Worker: Hey, what'll I tell the boss?
Homer: Tell him I'm going to the back seat of my car, with the woman I love, and I won't be back for ten minutes!

10. - "Homer's Night Out"

Homer is about to strangle Bart after finding out he was the one who took the picture of him dancing with Princess Kashmir, but he is stopped by Marge, who strangles Homer for dancing with the stripper in the first place.
Homer: Why you little...
Marge: Why you big...(to Bart) Bart, go to your room!
Bart: I'm outta here.
Homer: Look, Marge? Honey? Baby? Doll?
Marge: Homer, I don't even want to look at you right now.
Homer: What are you saying, honey?
(Marge points out the door)
Homer: But, where would I sleep?
Marge: My suggestion, is for you to sleep in the filth you created!!
Homer: Would a motel room be okay?
(Marge slams the door in annoyance)
Homer stays at Barney's apartment room.
Homer: (looking out the window) Hey Barney, see those tiny rows of light? The middle one is my house. Someone must have left the porch light on.
Barney: Hey, that's rough, pal. (leaves offscreen) Hello? Is this Marge? Turn off the damn porch light!
(Homer sees Barney on the phone)
Homer: Barney!
Barney: Homer's not made of money, you know.
(Homer grabs the phone from him)
Marge: (through the phone) Who is this?
Homer: Don't listen to him, Marge! He's—
Marge: It's you! Hmph! (hangs up)
Marge recognising the name of Homer's supervisor Eugene Fisk and asking if he used to be Homer's assistant (He was, in a previous scene). "Hey, what is this? The Spanish Exposition?"
At the restaurant, Bart changing a sign from "Cod platter" to "Cold Pet Rat".

11. - "The Crepes of Wrath"

The Krusty doll repeats the lines "I like to play with you" over and over until the batteries die.
Homer miraculously recovers from his back injury when Bart agrees to go to France on foreign exchange.
Skinner tells Homer that the exchange student living with them will be an Albanian. "You mean all white with pink eyes?"
Homer's final promise to Albanian exchange student/spy Adil has humor in it. As Adil is being loaded onto the plane to be deported, Homer tearfully promises to send him "those civil defense plans you wanted!".
Bart: (sincere) Bye, Spanky.

12. - "Krusty Gets Busted"

Everything from the Krusty the Clown show that opens the episode.
Kent Brockman's recounting of Krusty's life and show houses a few funny moments:
- Brockman muses about how Krusty's endorsement of pork products may have led to an infamous blooper on his show. During one such advertisement of these meats, Krusty experiences an intense heart attack, complete with exaggerated facial expressions as he gasps for air and falls to the floor. His child audience laughs uproariously, believing his behavior is an intentional part of the show.
- One old clip shows Sideshow Bob gently smothering a pie into Krusty's face... prompting him to quickly, violently deck him in the face.
Chief Wiggum tasks Homer with identifying Krusty out of a police lineup of clowns. Homer immediately encounters a problem: seeing all of these clowns at once just makes him laugh uncontrollably.
Wiggum: Ready, Mr. Simpson?
Homer: Yes, sir.
Wiggum: Send in the clowns!
[A police lineup of utterly miserable clowns holding number cards enters the room, Krusty included. Homer begins to chuckle.]
Wiggum: ... So, Simpson... [Homer's laughter interjects.] Which one is it?
[Homer stops to focus, but the moment he begins weighing his options, his chuckling creeps back out.]
Homer: Heheheh! Well, if the crime is making me laugh, they're all guilty! Heehahaha—!
Wiggum: No, no! Which one is the robber?
Homer: Oh, definitely number... *WHEEZE* Hahahaha... AHAHAHA—!!
Wiggum: Simpson...SIMPSON!!
Homer: [sheepishly] Four.
Everyone laughs at Homer when they see in the surveillance video that Homer screamed and jumped into the chips when he saw "Krusty" carry a gun.
Homer: D'oh!
Krusty nearly blows things at his trial from the beginning.
Judge: Krusty the Clown, how do you plead?
Krusty: I plead guilty, your honor!
(the crowd gasps, Krusty's attorney whispers something to him)
Krusty: (laughing) Oh, sorry, I mean not guilty. Opening night jitters, your honor.
(Krusty's attorney Face Palms)
Then there's his trial:
Krusty: (nearly crying) Is it a crime to bet on sporting events?
Attorney: Yes, it is!
Krusty: (sheepishly) Oh. Sorry.
When the guilty verdict is read, Krusty's attorney lets it slip that he's not terribly good at his job:
Krusty's Attorney: I knew it! This happens to me every time...
[Krusty glares at him.]
Sideshow Bob remakes the show as a highbrow educational program, but doesn't bother to change his grass skirt costume.
Before Bart outs Sideshow Bob for framing Krusty, they have this exchange.
Bob: Let's try to remember Krusty, not as a hardened criminal, but as that lovable jester who honked his horn and puttered around in his little car—
Bart: And shot you out of a cannon.
Bob: (glares at Bart) And shot me out of a cannon. Yes, we will never forget that, will we?

13. - "Some Enchanted Evening"

"Leave Homer?!" "Don't use his name!" "Leave Pedro?!"
The entire Rubber Baby Buggy Bumpers Babysitting Service scene. Marge calls but the family is blacklisted from there because the kids are hellions. Homer calls back:
Homer: Hello, this is Mr... Sampson.
Receptionist: Didn't your wife just call a second ago?
Homer: No, I said Sampson, not Simpson.
- She buys it, and immediately starts badmouthing the Simpsons, referring to Homer as the big ape father. Homer's facial expressions are hysterical, as is his attempt, through gritted teeth, to defend his "neighbors".
Bart: You don't have a clue, do ya dad?
Homer: (throws shaving cream at him) Out, boy! Out!
Bart: (leaving) What a grump!
- What follows:
  Marge: Precious, I think I hear the doorbell.
  Homer: (sweetly) I think you're right, dumplin'. (angrily) Bart! Get the door!
Homer at the flower shop.
Homer: I'd like some flowers.
Florist: What kind of flowers?
Homer: Y'know, pretty ones. Not dead.
Florist: We have some beautiful long-stem roses. They're $55 a dozen.
Homer: One, please.
Homer carefully shaves away his five-o'clock shadow in preparation for his dinner date with Marge... but a few seconds later, it miraculously pops back into existence, and he pays it no mind.
At dinner, Homer gets to choose a lobster from a tank. The waiter has to point out to him that "when you choose one that's floating upside down, it somewhat defeats the purpose of selecting a live lobster."
After the news vans arrive, Homer tries to weakly explain why he untied the Babysitter Bandit, subtitled "Homer Simpson: Local Boob".

Funny / The Simpsons Season 1

1. - "Simpsons Roasting on an Open Fire"

2. - "Bart the Genius"

3. - "Homer's Odyssey"

4. - "There's No Disgrace Like Home"

5. - "Bart the General"

6. - "Moaning Lisa"

7. - "The Call of the Simpsons"

8. - "The Telltale Head"

9. - "Life on the Fast Lane"

10. - "Homer's Night Out"

11. - "The Crepes of Wrath"

12. - "Krusty Gets Busted"

13. - "Some Enchanted Evening"

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Funny / The Simpsons Season 1

Edit Locked

1. - "Simpsons Roasting on an Open Fire"

2. - "Bart the Genius"

3. - "Homer's Odyssey"

4. - "There's No Disgrace Like Home"

5. - "Bart the General"

6. - "Moaning Lisa"

7. - "The Call of the Simpsons"

8. - "The Telltale Head"

9. - "Life on the Fast Lane"

10. - "Homer's Night Out"

11. - "The Crepes of Wrath"

12. - "Krusty Gets Busted"

13. - "Some Enchanted Evening"

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Index

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