Funny / The Simpsons Season 31

The Simpsons Funny Moments Index
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Moments pages are Spoilers Off. You Have Been Warned.

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663- "The Winter of Our Monetized Content"

• Marge should listen to the thoughts in her head more when talking to Homer.
  Marge: Any one can run a website to give an opinion, even...
  Marge's Brain: Don't say even you. Don't say even you!
  Marge: Even you.
  Homer: Even me?! I'll do it.
• Lisa accidentally starts a food fight by flicking a cold tater tot. When Skinner asks who started it and Lisa's name comes up...
  Lisa: It wasn't my fault. It was physics.
  Skinner: Fizik, I'm surprised at you. I expected more from a Turkmenistani exchange student.
• Homer becomes an internet celebrity, so Moe says he'll grant him any request. Homer has the bar renamed to Homer's.
  Moe: Ok, little more than I thought you'd ask for, but I respect the greed.
• Corporations privatize detention at the school to use them for labor, so Lisa leads a strike.
  Lindsey Neagle: How do you know about unions?
  Lisa: Because our history books end in the 1930s.
• After the inevitable loss of fame,
  Producer: What does everybody in show business love?
  Bart: Betty White?

664- "Go Big or Go Homer"

• Homer is the personal hero of an intern Mike at the power plant. Why? A Newspaper clip that reads Nuclear Plant Worker at Center of Tenth Nuclear Meltdown.
• Homer is over the moon to be a mentor.
  Homer: I finally have a person who depends on me to guide them through life.
  Bart and Lisa: [throw down Homer's new clothes]
• How Homer describes his intern.
  Homer: He listens with his mouth open, he's blocked by so many celebrities on Twitter and he thinks I'm the most valuable worker at the entire plant.
  Bart: Oh, I get it. He's super dumb.
• At the beginning of the episode, Mr. Burns gives Homer five dollars, which Smithers says is due to pills he's been taking. When Mike starts to insult him, he draws a shotgun and shoots Mike in the face. Smithers happily volunteers he's off the meds.
  Homer: You're lucky Mr. Burns's gun is over 200 years old.
  Mike: Yeah, but now my doctor says I can't get shot in the face again.
• Mike bets money on a basketball game after borrowing it from the mob. As he listens to it on the radio, Fat Tony and company alternatively raise and lower their guns based on the score.

665 - "The Fat Blue Line"

• The new police chief for the episode is hilarious, from her insults to Chief Wiggum ("You're so fat, you're bad cop and good cop.") to her inadvertent double entendres when describing Homer's butt ("we can watch your father's butt crack this case wide open.").
  • Homer, on dexterity of his butt alone, makes his wallet wiggle to the top. Investigator Carter reacts, "Thank God that thing is on our side..."
• Fat Tony's lawyer is horrified to discover his client is...innocent.
  Lawyer: How can I help you? I have nothing to plead.

666 - "Treehouse of Horror XXX"

Opening

• Turns out, Marge actually gave birth to a boy for their third child and Homer switched it out for Maggie. Despite her being the antichrist, Homer still thinks she's better than a boy.

Danger Things

• All girls have psychic powers, but have to hide them for safety.
  Lisa: Lost a lot of good people in Salem.

Heaven Swipes Right

• One of the dead bodies Homer can inhabit: Professor Farnsworth.

When Hairy Met Slimy

• Selma works as a maid in the power plant with a supposedly deaf maid. She, however signs: "I can talk. I just don't want to talk to you."
• Kang is held hostage by Mr. Burns.
  Burns: We're going to dissect you tomorrow.
  Kang: Wait, I can teach you things. How about the way to make clean energy?
  Burns: Then I'll dissect you tonight.
• When they break out Kang, Burns follows with armed men. When they almost shoot the alien, he yells at them to shoot the driver. Unfortunately, he didn't specify which... so they shoot their driver.

667 - "Gorillas on the Mast"

• Bart thinks that a "mermaid" at the aquarium has the most fake tail ever. He pulls at it, but reveals it's a fish wearing a fake human top.
• Lisa protests at the aquarium...until they give her a stuffed animal.
• Bart loses some fire ants for a prank and wonders where they went.
  Flanders: [with fire ants crawling on his face] Dear lord, thank you for these fire ants biting my face, entering my nose, testing my faith... Aw hell, where's the spray?
• Lolo the gorilla can sign five words: Friend, Love, Enemy, Kill, and Seinfeld.
• Bart and Milhouse free the gorilla. To do that, they need to lower a rope into the pit and make contact with it.
  Milhouse: Well, I guess it's your turn to do this, right, Bart?
  Bart: Right? Did I mention I'm allergic to gorilla fur?
  Milhouse: The one thing I'm not allergic to...
• When the gorilla gets out, it goes on a rampage. It starts breaking and bending everything in sight, including the bars to a cage... only to realize it's now trapped in there. The boys' reaction?
  Bart: We have a problem.
  Milhouse: [in a tiger's mouth] Make that two. [tiger puts him down next to another and starts purring] So, this is what it's like to have a loving family.
  Tiger: [in growls] When it stops talking, we eat it.

668 - "Marge the Lumberjill"

• At the school open house, one of the plays is a about a playthrough of a videogame. Skinner's justification:
  Skinner: Walkthroughs on Youtube are the only form of narratives these kids know.
  Largo: This is their Beckett!
• Marge leaves to be a lumberjack for a month. The house doesn't do too well.
  Grandpa: [to Snowball II and Santa's Little Helper] Bart, Lisa, I've done a pretty good job raising you this month. Now where's Maggie? There she is. [picks up toaster]
• Bart claims trees cause global warming and can grow back from sawdust. It's what his corporate-sponsored textbooks tell him.

669 - "Livin La Pura Vida"

• Marge gets invited on a massive family trip that she always wanted to go on. She races home to have a family discussion, leaving a trail of destruction. Namely, a billboard crashes on Lou the cop, Ralph gets swept away by his kite, and a wind chime store ignites. When they get home, Marge races inside. Bart, who was in the car, makes a cross and kisses the ground.
• The moment above is brought back later when Patty and her new girlfriend come on the trip.
  Marge: Well, Lou and his sister were gonna come, but a billboard fell on him and her wind chime store burned down.
• Lisa's reason for going to Costa Rica: biodiversity. Bart's reason for wanting to go to Costa Rica: kids carry machetes.
  Bart: Legalize it.
  • He later uses it throughout their trip. Including chopping the leg of the Van Houtens' bed.
• While Marge wonders what pura vida means, Hibbert and his wife get a good chuckle of it, at the same time and exatly same way.
• Homer's literal interpretations of Evelyn's countryisms are hilarious
• Homer and Patty's girlfriend Evelyn get along well...too well. When Patty yells at Marge, she snaps back at her. Also a Moment of Awesome.
  Marge: Patricia Maleficent Bouvier, I've put up with you badmouthing my husband for years, and I've had it! Evelyn's the one who got Homer drunk! She ruined my vacation photo! She's the bad influence! She may be a southern, she may be a woman, but you're dating a Homer!
  • Just The Reveal that Patty's middle name is Maleficent is really as appropriate as it is hilarious.

670 - "Thanksgiving of Horror"

• In the first segment, where most of the entire cast are turkeys, the scene where the turkeys are killed while Homer watches is mostly Nightmare Fuel, except for when the Patty and Selma turkeys are up.
• In the second segment, Marge gets replaced by an Alexa-type device which was made with her DNA/memories. When the device eventually becomes more loved than the real thing, Homer tries to reassure her that he still loves her, only to reveal he's a robot too. Marge's reaction?
  Marge: Well, this makes you forgetting my birthday even worse.
• When Marge asks if the digital Marge will feel pain when deleted, Homer tells her he paid extra for it to feel pain.
• In the final segment, in a parody of Alien, the kids are woken from hypersleep to receive instructions from Skinner.
  Skinner: If you are watching this, I'm dead.
  Kids: YAY!
• The reason humans have left Earth, according to Lisa's voice over, is because trying to counter global warming accidentally plunged the planet into a new Ice Age.
• When Bart puts the cranberry sauce into the matter replicator, a hologram Prof. Frink warns against replicating organic matter. Bart just skips through it, thinking it's just an ad.
• Later, Milhouse thinks the alien-cranberry creature is just lonely. He tries to reassure it, but it just grabs and attacks him.
  Bart: Milhouse's plan is working! It's distracted!
  Milhouse: This isn't my plan!

671 - "Todd, Todd, Why Hast Thou Forsaken Me?"

• Todd writes the chalkboard gag "Idle hands are the Devil's tool." with two hands.
• When Todd states he doesn't believe in God anymore, everyone in church gasps... except Lisa, who gives him a thumbs up. Ned faints, and the parishoners fan him with collection baskets since they're all empty.
• In a background gag, Mrs. Hibbert tries to pull a fire alarm to get out of a ballet recital. The handle breaks off and she then angrily tosses it to ground.
• Bart locks Homer out of the house naked until he can answer three riddles. He fails.
• Lisa tries to get Todd to convert to Buddhism until he tells her off.
  Todd: Maybe I'll reconsider your stupid religion when I re-incarnate as a worm!
  Lisa: In Buddhism, that's halfway to a yes.
• After Homer and Ned get hit by car, we see a huge vigil outside the hospital room.
  Lisa: Aw, look how many lives Dad touched. [seeing practically the entire town]
  Bart: Lisa, that's Flanders's vigil. Dad's is over there. [group of only Moe, Lenny and Duffman]
  Duffman: Vigil's are a surprisingly large part of this job!

672 - "Bobby, It's Cold Outside"

• Someone is stealing packages from people's porches, leading to this line...
  Random Guy: Oh no, someone stole my porch repair kit! [collapses]
• The line to see Santa at the village is eight hours long.
  Bart: I have to wait eight hours to see a fat, drunken idiot? I'm trying to get away from one.
• Lenny decides to make a dye pack bomb to catch the package thief.
  Carl: You think you're putting in too much gunpowder?
  Lenny: Back off! I learned how to do this from my Uncle Two-Fingers.
• Bart immediately assumes SB is Sideshow Bob. Homer dismisses it, and gives Chief Wiggum a more likely suspect: Selma Bouvier.
• Once Selma's arrested, Wiggum tells people to release Sandra Bullock, Steve Buschemi and Scott Bakula.
• Sideshow Bob offers to drive Bart home. Bart agrees if he gets shotgun...after which a guard gives him a loaded shotgun.

673 - "Hail to the Teeth"

• Bart has an app which shows Lisa getting uglier as she ages into her teenage years. With Bart, it shows him as a hunk...then dead at 17.
• Lisa's visit with the orthodontist, especially after her lips are stuck in smiling position.
  Orthodontist: At least you're happy.
  Lisa: Here, you need more nitrous.

674 - "The Miseducation of Lisa Simpson"

• Lisa enjoys the new school to no one's surprise. So does Bart, to everyone's.
• Homer comes to career day at the STEM school:
  Homer: I monitor the output at the nuclear power plant. If it gets into the red, I tell my family to leave town first.
  Principal: Now this is a great example...of a job that will soon be obsolete.
  • He then goes on to estimate how long each other patents jobs will last: librarian (5 years), taxi driver (5 years obsolete) and cannabis drone delivery (never).
• Bart arguing to have the non-gifted students continue the menial training they've been getting over Lisa's protests.
  Lisa: You should have the same opportunities as the gifted kids, not be trained for some side gigs.
  Bart: What's wrong with gigs? DJs get gigs! (kids agree)
  Lisa: Ugh, this has nothing to do with DJing! (Bart starts a rave.)
• The reveal: all jobs in the future will be replaced with robots except for the one job they refuse to do - ELDER CARE!

675 - "Frinkcoin"

• The web video about cryptocurrencies that Frink shows Lisa is hosted by Jim Parsons, who is trying a little too hard to prove that he's not a nerd.
• Anytime Smithers calls Mr. Burns "Monty" in the episode. On a First-Name Basis, they are not.
  • He eventually has to go to a support group for abused sycophants. Who are the most represented groups? Donald Trump, Roseanne Barr and Mariah Carey.
• The winner banners for Moe's trivia contests read "2016: No One", 2017: No One", "2018: Almost Lenny", and "2019: No One".
• Burns orders Smithers to give one of the nerds he hired a "McKinley rub", which is apparently rubbing one's armpit with your elbow.
• Burns decides to leave an equation that will disprove bitcoins in Springfield for a random citizen to solve.
  Krusty: You want someone in THIS TOWN to solve an equation? We're so dumb, we built an indoor wind factory.

676 - "Bart the Bad Guy"

• Skinner shows the kids a video about a dangerous YouTube stunt to dissuade them from copying it. Five minutes later, Bart's set up a channel to copy it.
  Bart: Shout out to my man Skinner for giving me the idea.
• Bart gets to see an early copy of Vindicators: Resurgence. He then uses it to get everything he ever wanted, including Skinner's toupee.
  • The only person his "powers" don't work on: Homer, who guesses that the movie ends happily anyways. So instead, Bart convinces him to also use his spoiler knowledge.
• Lisa chastizes Bart on using his spoiler powers for selfish ends. When he claims she would do the same, she becomes offended and says she would never exploit people like that. She changes her mind after dancing with one of the actors for the movie.
• Marble is serious about preventing spoilers: DEADLY SERIOUS.

677 - "Screenless"

• The Couch Gag is just Lisa all alone.
  Lisa: Am I the only one who remembered Daylight Savings?
• Maggie begging for attention while the others are distracted by their devices is what convinces Marge that the family needs to cut down on screentime. Why was Maggie seeking attention? To warn them that Hans Moleman was trapped under a fallen tree.
  Hans Moleman: [sees Maggie taken to bed] It's okay, baby. I'll be fine until morning. [morning comes] I'm doomed.
• When the family first has to cut down on screentime, the kids and Homer all have very low total times. Then, a screen time reversal man rings the bell, and tells Marge he forgot his device the last time he was here.
• Grampa accidentally brings a pack of wolves inside...which somehow includes Ralph Wiggum.
  Ralph: I'm a beta.
• One of the addiction centers has this slogan: Fifth Relapse is Free
• While at the rehab center, the head tells Bart that they'll stop him from playing first person shooters...by giving him a real gun.
  Bart: Take that second amendment.
• As he's taken away to jail, Lund tries to torture Chief Wiggum by hacking his radio. "Let's see how much you like Little River Band!" Turns out he likes it, a lot.

678 - "Better off Ned"

• Skinner decides to hold a school assembly to promote fitness, cancelling recess in the process.
  Skinner: We were voted the most sedentary school in the district.
  Kids: YAY!
  Skinner: No! It's a bad thing. Your vocabulary scores were also abysmal.
• Bart's prank on Flanders when he pretends he's bleeding is somewhat funny, but Flanders response is hilarious:
  Flanders: I can make that real blood, punk!
  Bart: What?
• Homer tries to get advice from Bumblebee Guy. He gives a great speech, but unfortunately, Homer doesn't speak Spanish.
  Homer: You don't get me at all.
• Homer supports Nelson, but he has one demand first
  Nelson: Are you sleeping with my mom?
  Homer: NO!
  Nelson: No one's ever said that to me before.
• Lisa wants Homer to get some help.
  Moe: Forty bucks of therapy coming up.
  Lisa: From a LICENSED therapist
  Homer: Moe has a liquor license.
  Moe: Yeah, let's not look into that too much
• Background signs at the Christian Pride parade: Jews for Jesus, Atheists for Nobody

679 - "Highway to Well"

• Lisa tries to stimulate conversation at the dinner table
  Lisa: You know, in some families, people go around the dinner table and say one thing they learned.
  Homer: OK, uh, I learned that.
• Marge helps people by recommending specific weed. Agnes is her first customer
  Skinner: Thank you. When mother's happy, I'm happy...or at least less miserable
• Otto's reaction to the new wellness-based marijuana sale is to freak out...especially when a cop gives him advice on what type to get
• Marge gets upset when Homer sells marijuana in a typical pot dealer den, despite her doing the same thing. As they argue, Bart sums up the interaction perfectly.
  Bart: Mom and Dad are having a drug war.
  • Marge is particularly asking Homer to stop so that she can move up in her company. Homer refuses
    Homer: I can quit anytime I want to. I just don't want to.
    Marge: What happened to the quitter I married?
    Homer: I quit quitting.
• Homer gets into Marge's party by pretending to be Kevin Smith's father. After he accidentally ruins it, the real Kevin Smith comes up.
  Kevin: Dammit Dad, what did you do?

680 - "The Incredible Lightness of Being a Baby"

• Homer and Cletus go catfishing. Homer succeeds...too well.
  • To get the catfish off, Cletus beats Homer with an oar

681 - "Warrin' Priests: Part 1"

• Lovejoy has trouble motivating the few parishoners who showed up:
  Lovejoy: Peace be with you!
  Churchgoers: (mumbled) and also with you.
  Lovejoy: Oh, you can do better than that.
  Churchgoers: We can but we clearly don't want to.
  Lovejoy: I can't hear you.
  Churchgoers: You obviously can
• Simpsons marriage counseling
  Lovejoy: I want to reassure you that I come in with absolutely no preconceptions. Now, tell me how this is all Homer's fault.
  • Of course, considering Homer's many, many, many previous escapades, no one in Springfield needs preconceptions to deduce that something is Homer's fault... unless it's Bart's, of course.
  • Why do they need counseling? Homer somehow sold the house.
• Burns insulted his barber who prepares to give him the Sweeney Todd treatment, only for Mr. Burns to leave because he was sharpening the razor too long.

682 - "Warrin' Priests: Part 2"

• Ned travels to hotels to leave Bibles...even if the guests are still there.
• Lisa has a disappoint board for all of her life's failures. The hook holding it up breaks.
  Bart: Hah hah. Even your failure boards a failure.
  Lisa: That nail was supposed to hold a lifetime of disappointments.
  • As a result, even her disappointment board disappoints her.
• Lovejoy honks at a truck driver. The man approaches him with a tire iron, and asks which hand he honked with. When Lovejoy decides not to say, he shows up later with both arms broken.

683 - "The Hateful Eight-Year-Olds"

• Homer tries to be romantic, but Marge doesn't trust it
  Homer: (suggestively) You know Marge, Lisa's at a sleepover, Grandpa's with the other ones and we are near the marina.
  Marge: I don't want to look for your sunglasses. It's been six years, move on!
• One of the mean girls can't laugh. Her mother got too much Botox while she was pregnant.
• Bart's Lyft driver is Skinner, who doesn't seem to recognize him just by putting on a hat and sunglasses.
  Bart: I thought I requested a drive with no talking.
  Skinner: Ha ha! I like you
• Lisa tries to convince the girl she initially befriended to leave with her after her Heel–Face Turn.
  Lisa: There's nothing for you here anymore!
  Addie: It's my house. All my stuff is here.

684 - "Way of the Dog"

• Santa's Little Helper's first dream starts with him chasing a butterfly, until it gets chased by Ralph. Later, the butterfly is chasing a scared Ralph.
• Bart gives Marge a hand-made ornament he made in Sunday school, a star made of freshly eaten popsicle sticks. ("The purple represents Jesus' blood.") Marge puts in the the back with other badly made ornaments, including a malfunctioning Krusty ornament that shoots sparks and a glowing plutonium rod disguised as a candy cane from Mr. Burns.
• Marge has issues with Christmas Cards.
  Marge: Bad dog! You're out of the Christmas Card photo. (Santa's Little Helper walks off sullenly). He's not really out of the photo.
  Bart: Can we be out of the photo?
  Marge: Everyone's in the photo!
  Lisa: OK, but not like last year. (cut to photo with entire cast in photo)
• Lisa tries to convince Homer to take the dog to a psychiatrist. Since he typically doesn't listen, she uses Bart.
  Bart: (reading) Dad, I know you are an honorable man. (laughing) Really, you're going with that?
• The family tries to appeal to Elaine, the psychiatrist, to help them.
  Lisa: I know you were once an inquisitive young girl like me.
  Elaine: Not quite like you. I knew when to stop talking.
• The psychiatrist describes how when a dog sniffs a lamppost, he smells all the people who passed it. Among them are Barney walking into the pole and punching it, Wendell getting his tongue stuck on the post and Gil plugging his TV onto it (only for it to short out when the pole is struck by lightning).
  • If you watch carefully, there is a chicken on Gil's TV, which becomes an Instant Roast when the lightning strikess.
• Bart demands to sleep outside with the dog. Homer forbids it.
  Homer: You will not sleep outside. You're not the boss here.
  Burns: Well, I am the boss, and your son paid me to tell you "He's sleeing outside!"
• Homer is so ashamed of the vet suggesting putting Santa's Little Helper down he puts on a neck cone so he doesn't have to look at him anymore. He predictably walks into a wall offscreen.
  Homer: I feel like the Pixar logo.
• The family decides to confront Santa's Little Helper original owner with the psychiatrist. On arrival, she slaps him.
  Les: Figured. Do you want a drink to throw in my face as well?
  Elaine: I'd like that.
  • Later, he goes into how Santa's Little Helper was taken from his mother once he realized how fast he was. We then hear another slap.
    Les: Figured you'd slap me again.
    Lisa: That was me!
    Bart: You cut in line. I want to slap him! (he slaps him, followed by Marge and Homer)
    Homer: OK Maggie, your turn. (Maggie slaps him)
• Marge states that the story has a happy ending, and everyone's story's resolved. Cut to the cat staring at the goldfish, making a slashing movement against her throat.

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