Funny / The Simpsons Season 2

The Simpsons Funny Moments Index
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Moments pages are Spoilers Off. You Have Been Warned.

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14. - "Bart Gets an "F""

• Bart tries to explain to Martin that only geeks sit in the front row, and troublemakers go to the back row so no one can see what they're doing. Martin turns this into a mathematical formula: "The potential for mischief varies inversely with one's proximity to an authority figure," and shows Bart a card with "MOC 1/PA" on it. "Yeah, but don't say it like that."
• Bart has a moment of regret after celebrating the fact that he passed his history test.
  Bart: I passed, I passed, I... KISSED THE TEACHER! (spitting in disgust)
• Bart's imagined scene of him still being in the fourth grade as a middle-aged man and still being unable to comprehend Treasure Island:
  Bart: Look lady, I got a peptic ulcer, wife hocking me for a new car, and I need a root canal, will you quit bugging me about the stupid pirate?
  Bart Jr: Psst! Long John Silver, dad
  Edna: I heard that Bart Jr! I want to see both of you after class today
  Bart: D'oh! Thanks a lot, son!

15. - "Simpson and Delilah"

• This dialogue:
  Marge: I love you, Homer!
  Homer: I love you, Karl! Uh, Marge!
• On his insurance form requesting coverage on the Dimoxinil, Homer claims that it's "to keep brain from freezing".
• After Bart breaks Homer's bottle of Dimoxinil, Homer completely loses it and goes straight for Bart's throat:
  Homer: BOY! MUST! DIE!
  Bart: (strained) I love you, dad!
  Homer: (loosens his grip) D'OH! (drops Bart) Dirty trick...
  • Having calmed down, Homer tells Bart that he is not going to kill him, but rather tell three things that will haunt him for the rest of his life:
    Homer: You've ruined your father, you've crippled your family, and baldness is hereditary!
    Bart: (worried) It is?!

16. - "Treehouse of Horror"^note A.K.A. "The Simpsons Halloween Special"

A. - Bad Dream House

• Ominous Voice: They are all against you, Bart... You must kill them all... They all must die!
  Bart: Are you my conscience?
  Ominous Voice: I— Yes! I am...
• Upon first entering the house, the family discovers a strange portal in the kitchen that Lisa guesses leads to another dimension.
  Homer: Ohhh, handy! (tosses an orange into the portal; a ball of paper suddenly comes shooting out, hitting Homer in the head)
  Lisa: (reading the note) "Quit throwing your crud into our dimension."
• When Marge first walks into the kitchen, the walls are bleeding.
  Marge: Hmm, this place sure could use a woman's touch.
• Homer: (calling the estate agent) Mr. Plute, Homer Simpson here. When you sold me this house, you forgot to mention one little thing: YOU DIDN'T TELL ME IT WAS BUILT ON AN INDIAN BURIAL GROUND! ... NO! YOU! DIDN'T! ... Well, that's not my recollection ... Yeah? Well, all right, goodbye! (hangs up) He says he mentioned it five or six times.
• The scene where the Ominous Voice threatens the family by describing how they will die in such gross and disturbing methods, which eventually angers Marge enough to suddenly screech:
  Marge: SHUSH!! SHUT UP! Quit trying to push us around! Stop saying those horrible things and show some manners!
  (Beat)
  Marge: ...Look at me. I've never been so angry. My hands are shaking.
  Homer: Better than your eyes bursting.
• Bart: Hey, do the thing!
  Ominous Voice: What?
  Bart: Make the walls bleed!
  Ominous Voice: No!
  Bart: Hey come on, man! We own you!
  Ominous Voice: I don't have to entertain you!
  Bart: Hey come on! Do it! Do the blood thing! Come on, do it! Do it! Do it! Do it! Do it! Do it!
• Lisa's closing observation: "It chose to destroy itself rather than live with us. You can't help but feel a little rejected."

B. - Hungry are the Damned

• The aliens beam up every member of the family, but Homer is too heavy and so the ship has to utilize multiple beams to get him inside.
• Kang showing off the cable system, which receives television from over a million channels from across the galaxy. Except HBO, which would cost extra.
  • Similarly, their video game technology, which only progressed as far as Pong. When Bart and Homer make fun of how dated it is, Kang and Kodos remind them that they did build this spaceship.
    Bart: Hey, that's just Pong, man. Get with the times.
    Homer: Marge and I played that old game before we were married.
    Kang: (put out) Well, we did build this spaceship, y' know.
    Kodos: Anyone from a species that has mastered intergalactic travel, raise your hand!
    (they raise their tentacles. After a moment, Bart raises his hand, but Homer slaps it down.)
• The total screw of the reveal. Lisa, suspecting the aliens are planning to cook and eat them, steals Serak the Preparer's book, "How to Cook Humans". Then it turns out there's space dust on it, and it supposedly reads "How to Cook For Humans." Lisa blows off some more space dust, revealing it's "How to Cook Forty Humans". Then Kang reveals it really should read "How to Cook For Forty Humans."
• And Kang & Kodos' reaction to this? They're actually hurt. Poor Serak starts crying.
  Kodos: Well, if your plan was to make Serak the Preparer cry, mission accomplished.

C. - The Raven

• There's an inherent silliness in having Homer as the main character of the poem's recreation, as he's reciting Edgar Allan Poe's lines in his Simpleton Voice. Until he gets fed up with the Bart Raven and breaks character, yelling, "Why, you little!" He hits his head, and gets circling ravens going "Nevermore," over and over.
• Bart's interruptions.
  Narrator: Here I opened wide the door.
  Bart: This better be good.
  Narrator: Darkness there, and nothing more.
  Bart: You know what would have been scarier than nothing?
  Lisa: What?
  Bart: Anything!
  • Also, "Quoth the Raven-" "Eat my shorts!"

17. - "Two Cars in Every Garage and Three Eyes on Every Fish"

• The song on Mr. Burns' campaign commercial: "Only a moron wouldn't cast his vote/For Monty Burns!"
• The state motto: "Not Just Another State"
• Bart's blasphemous prayer:
  Bart: Dear God, we paid for all this stuff ourselves, so thanks for nothing. (gasps from everyone else)
• Burns' campaign manager asks the Simpsons to appear very affectionate to him. "But, we must remind you, he hates being touched."
• The nuclear safety inspectors reveals dozens of glaring safety failures all over the power plant, adding up to $56 million in costs to fix them!

18. - "Dancin' Homer"

• After Mr. Burns throws the first pitch in the baseball game, Homer and Bart heckle him.
  Homer: Hey, Burns! Hey! Rag-arm!
  Bart: Hey, you throw like my sister, man!
  Lisa: Yeah, you throw like me!
• "Bleeding Gums" Murphy's really long performance of "The Star-Spangled Banner", which wears out everyone except for Lisa.
• Bart tries to get a washed-up star player to sign his ball, but the player refuses. When Marge gets mad and goes over to get the ball signed herself, the player signs the ball with "Room 203, how about it? Flash".
  Homer: Wow, Flash Bailor came on to MY wife! You still got the magic, Marge.
• Homer and Mr. Burns get drunk and attempt to do 'the wave' together. Given there are only two of them, this consists of Homer and Burns alternatively standing up and yelling while raising their arms, as Bart and Smithers (and everyone else nearby) observe them in quiet befuddlement. Words really don't do justice to how ridiculous Homer and Burns look in this scene◊.
• Homer's performance at the game leads to Mr. Burns banning him from all company outings. We get to see a score card showing that Homer has made an ass of himself dozens of times before on various trips, represented by frowney face stamps.
• In Dancing Homer's routine, he spells out the name of the city with his body, except misspelling Springfield as "Springfeeld".

19. - "Dead Putting Society"

• This exchange:
  Lisa: I'm studying for the math fair. If I win, I'll bring home a brand-new protractor.
  Homer: Too bad we don't live on a farm.
• Homer is so confident that Bart will win the miniature golf tournament that he places a written wager with Flanders, involving the loser's father mowing the winner's lawn in their respective wife's Sunday dress. At Flanders' insistence, Marge changes the loser part to say "the father of the boy who doesn't win". After Bart and Todd agree to a draw, Flanders believes it's a tie and they can put it behind them now. But Homer reminded them the wager is for the boy "who doesn't win", Flanders says they both have to get mowing. Lisa comments that she's going to need therapy in the future. Homer's plan backfires since Ned enjoys it, as it reminds him of his fraternity days. Homer can be heard muttering words of lament as the episode ends.
• Homer reads out Ned's apology letter to the family, ridiculing the ridiculously awkward lines with his children (such as "I feel a great sadness in my bosom"). Marge chides them all for laughing at Ned's attempt to apologize to Homer for the argument they had earlier and leaves the room... to hold back her own laughter.
• Homer declaring a golf shot as impossible. "Jack Nicholson himself couldn't make it!" (as opposed to Jack Nicklaus).
• Lisa using her knowledge of geometry to show Bart where to aim a putt.
  Bart: "I can't believe it! You actually found a practical use for geometry!"
• The subject headings in the library's card catalog:
  Lisa: Golf, golf... "Anecdotes", "Eisenhower and", "Fashion", "Humor", "Japanese obsession with"...^note This joke gets a Call-Back in "Lisa the Greek when Lisa conducts a similar search on football.

20. - "Bart vs. Thanksgiving"

• Bart passes out in the gutter after donating blood on the bad side of town (and using Homer's driver's license to get away with it).
• During Bart's over-the-top Imagine Spot of the family rejecting his apology, they start blaming him for everything, including Uncle Sam blaming him for "America losing its way".
• When the family talk about Bart's stubborn refusal to apologise to Lisa, Abe comments that Homer was never stubborn. "He always folded instantly over everything. It was as if he had no will of his own. Isn't that true, Homer?" "Yes Dad."
• After finding out Bart has run away, Homer gets on the phone. "Hello, Operator! Give me the number for 911!" Matt Groening himself once considered this as being the stupidest thing Homer's ever done.
• Homer's Thanksgiving prayer turns into a mournful Self-Deprecation about the family.
  Selma: Worst prayer yet.
• After Homer repeatedly fails to light the fireplace, Lisa's centerpiece is later thrown into it, and instantly sets the whole thing alight. Though it's also one of the most emotional points in the episode, Abe delivers one hell of a Mood Killer to the horrific incident:
  Abe: Hey, that got her going.

21. - "Bart the Daredevil"

• Homer and Bart want to go see Truckasaurus, forgetting that the only night it's on is Lisa's first recital. Marge points out that there's probably enough time to do both. At the start of the concert, Skinner says the children will be playing Schubert's Unfinished Symphony. Homer declares "This shouldn't take long".
• By the end, Homer's so impatient to leave he's actually sneaked on stage, and picks Lisa up, only briefly returning her to let her bow to the audience. While he's still holding her.
• Lance Murdock's failed stunt. He successfully jumps over a large tank of water full of sharks, electric eels, piranhas, alligators, and a lion (all put under a frenzy by a drop of Murdock's blood) but as he rests his bike at the top of the landing ramp and waves to the crowd he falls in. Then he tried to climb over the side, almost makes it and is pulled back in by the lion.
  Bart: Bitchin'!
• Homer successfully stops Bart from jumping Springfield Gorge. However, he is standing on Bart's skateboard and rolls down the ramp where he is launched into the air over the big gap. All the kids gasp as he begins the jump.
  Homer: I'm gonna make it. I'M GONNA MAKE IT! THIS IS THE GREATEST THRILL OF MY LIFE! I'M KING OF THE WORLD! WOO-HOO! WOO-HOO! I— (yelling) WHAAAAH!
  • He falls down the gorge, hitting the rocky side multiple times along the way. When he lands at the bottom, the skateboard lands on Homer's head. The rescue workers inadvertently cause Homer to hit his head a few times on the way up. Being injured, Homer is put onto a stretcher and into an ambulance. It starts to drive away and it hits a tree; Homer rolls out of the ambulance and falls back down the gorge.
  • Even better: Years later, in The Simpsons Movie, Homer and Bart go back to that location on a motorcycle in the climax and the ambulance is still there.
• The short scene immediately after shows Homer in the hospital bed next to daredevil Lance Murdock, saying one of the best lines in the show's history.
  Homer: You think you've got guts? Try raising my kids.
• This gem from Bart and Otto, when he hears about Bart's planned stunt:
  Otto: You know Bart, as the only adult here, I feel like I should say something.
  Bart: What?
  Otto: Cool!

22. - "Itchy & Scratchy & Marge"

• Maggie knocks out Homer in a parody of the shower scene from Psycho.
• Homer calling in sick. "You heard me. I won't be in for the rest of the week. (beat) I told you. My baby beat me up. (beat) Oh, it is not the worst excuse I ever thought up.
• "AND THE HORSE I RODE IN ON!?"
• During Marge's protest, she asks if anyone can sympathize with her about her daughter (Maggie) hitting her husband (Homer) on the head with a mallet. She gets chants from several fathers with bandages on their heads.
• Roger Meyers asks his staff for suggestions about dealing with Marge. The suggestions he gets are, "Drop an anvil on her?", "Hit her on the head with a piano?" and "Stuff her full of TNT, then throw a match down her throat and run?"
  Roger Meyers: ... (with disgust) You people and your fancy college degrees.
• One of the show's eventual retaliations? Make a cartoon where a curmudgeonly blue haired squirrel nags Itchy and Scratchy for their violence, before getting decapitated in an Enemy Mine by the two.
  Homer: (laughing hysterically) Take that, ya dumb squirrel!
• Reaching a breaking point, Meyers and the studio ask Marge what she thinks Itchy & Scratchy should do instead of horribly killing one another. She suggests they share lemonade. Meyers stares at the animatics on the wall for a long time before finally declaring, in the most neutral tone possible, "That's... different."

23. - "Bart Gets Hit by a Car"

• Smithers stop checks on Bart after he has been hit by the car:
  Smithers: Uh-oh. I, uh— I think the boy's hurt!
  Mr. Burns: Oh, for crying out loud! Just give him a nickel, and let's get going.
• As Bart ends up in Hell, he tries to protest his innocence, so Satan decides to check up on his record:
  Satan: (sitting by his computer) Okay, let's just pull up your file here... (mumbles) Ah! Hmm... Seems to be a mistake. According to this you're not due here until the next time the Yankees win the penant; that's nearly a century from now. Ha, ha, ha! Boy, is my face red.
  • As Bart is then slowly coming back to life from his near-death experience:
    Bart: (as he hovers upwards) Um, say, is there anything I can do to avoid coming back here?
    Satan: Oh, sure, yeah! But... Eh, you wouldn't like it.
    Bart: Oh, okay. See you later then!
    Satan: Goodbye, Bart! Remember: Lie, cheat, steal, and listen to Heavy Metal music!
    Bart: (enthusiastically) Yes, sir!
• When the Simpsons' demand of a million dollars in damages arrives at Mr. Burns' office, he calls for Homer to be fired. Smithers cautions him against it:
  Smithers: Uhm, do you think that is wise, Mr. Burns? Think of the headlines!
  (cut to Mr. Burns' Imagine Spot)
  Headline 1: Burns Fires Ungrateful Employee
  Mr. Burns: Eh?
  Headline 2: Another Smart Move by Burns
  Mr. Burns: Hm?
  Headline 3: Hooray for Burns!
  Mr. Burns: Oooh!
• Mr. Burns invites Homer and Marge to his home in hopes of making a cash settlement, but first he offers some wine.
  Mr. Burns: There's plenty more where that came from.
  Homer: Mr. Burns, are you trying to get me drunk?
  Mr. Burns: Yes.
• When Lionel Hutz is introduced, Homer says that he saw him literally chasing Bart's ambulance.
• Burns and his lawyer kick off his defense by basically saying "Screw the Rules, I Have Money!"
  Blue Haired Lawyer: My client has instructed me to remind the court how rich and important he is, and that he is not like other men.
  Burns: I should be able to run over as many kids as I want!
• Burns's absurd flashback. Even Smithers isn't impressed.

24. - "One Fish, Two Fish, Blowfish, Blue Fish"

• The chalkboard gag: "I will not cut corners", followed by several lines of ditto marks.
• Bart making a prank call to Moe's Tavern is funny ("Seymour Butts? Hey everybody, I wanna Seymour Butts!"), but what makes this one notable is that Homer is trying to call Marge at the moment. After Moe angrily hangs up on Bart, Homer comes back and laments "Oh, it was busy."
• When the Simpsons enter the sushi restaurant, the chefs greet them rather loudly, scaring the hell out of them. When a waitress explains that the chefs were just saying hello, Homer turns to the chefs (whose backs are turned) and shouts "HELLO!", scaring them as well.
• Toshiro warning Homer that he may have ingested poison: "No need to panic. There is a map to the hospital on the back of the menu."
• Homer mocking Lisa after he is rushed to the hospital.
  Homer: "Try something new, Homer. What'll it hurt you, Homer?" I never heard of a poisoned pork chop!
• Homer goes through all Five Stages of Grief in roughly ten seconds.
  Dr. Hibbert: The first is denial...
  Homer: No way! Because I'm not dying!
  Dr. Hibbert: ...second is anger...
  Homer: Why you little...! (shakes first at Hibbert and yells unintelligibly)
  Dr. Hibbert: ...and after that comes fear.
  Homer: What's after fear? What's after fear?!
  Dr. Hibbert: Bargaining.
  Homer: Doc, you gotta get me outta this! I'll make it worth your while!
  Dr. Hibbert: Finally, acceptance.
  Homer: (completely relaxed) Well, we all gotta go sometime.
  Dr. Hibbert: Mr. Simpson, your progress astounds me!
• Homer asking Bart for a man-to-man talk. Bart takes it to mean he's going to get spanked.
• Homer addressing his sleeping children when he believe he only has a few hours left. He tells Maggie to stay sweet, he tells Lisa she'll make him proud, and he tells Bart, "I like your sheets."

25. - "The Way We Was"

• At the beginning, the TV goes dead and Homer and Bart notice that there's still faint signs of life in it and get up close to inspect it.
  Marge: This is sick! You're staring at a dot!
  Homer: (lamenting) She's right! SHE'S RIGHT!
• Bart pretends to gag and choke after Homer and Marge's heart-warming ending.
• Teenaged Homer tells teenaged Barney that he doesn't need English class because he's never going to go to England (funnier still when you realize that Homer would end up in England in the season 15 episode "The Regina Monologues".)
• Abe is well aware of Homer's drinking habits:
  Abe: Why don't you grab yourself a beer, boy?
  Homer: But Dad, I don't drink-
  Abe: Cut the crap! (in a mocking voice) "I just collect the cans, Daddy!" Now grab yourself a beer and get me one too!

26. - "Homer vs. Lisa and the 8th Commandment"

• Lisa calling out Marge on eating grapes at the supermarket ("THOU SHALT NOT STEAL!"), and then forcing her to ask the cashier to charge her.
  Cashier: (sighs) Hey! I need a price check on two grapes. That's right, two measley stinkin' grapes! (all while Marge gives a 'are you happy now' look at Lisa, who gives a 'yes I am' look right back)
• Bart taking advantage of the fact they learned about Hell in Sunday School to use the word as much as possible on the ride home. "Bart, you're no longer in Sunday School. Don't swear."
  Bart: Well, I sure as hell can't say I learned about hell unless I say hell, can't I?
  Homer: He has a point there.
• Lisa asks Reverend Lovejoy if it's stealing if a man takes bread to feed his starving family. Lovejoy replies, "Well, it is if he puts anything on it. Jelly, for example."
  • Followed by this exchange:
    Rev. Lovejoy: Now, Lisa, be honest with me. Is your father stealing bread?
    Lisa: Maybe. I don't watch him every minute.
• Jimbo hasn't shown up much in the series so far, but he shows up three times in this episode - and two out of those three times he's shoplifting in the background! Once in the supermarket, once in the Kwik-E-Mart.
• The opening scene parodying "The Ten Commandments".

27. - "Principal Charming"

• Bart's "Homer Sexual" prank call.
  Moe: One of you guys has gotta be Homer Sexual!
  Homer: Don't look at me.
• Marge reminding Homer of his promise to limit pork to six servings a week. "Marge, I'm only human."
• Homer analysing potential suitors for Selma. He dismisses one guy with "Cons: Complete stranger", and when he looks at a Laramie billboard, it says "Pros: Smoker. Cons: Just a sign." And when he meets with Skinner, it reads "Pros: Uses big words. Dislikes the Boy. Well-groomed. Cons: Possible Homer Sexual".
• Space Mutants V: The Land Down Under. In particular, a man dismissing the violently murdered body of a dingo they found offscreen with "It was probably just a wallaby!"

28. - "Oh Brother, Where Art Thou?"

• As with the Hell scene above, Bart gets away with saying "Bastard" as much as possible after finding out about Homer's long-lost brother. "His parents aren't married, are they? It's a correct word, isn't it?" When Homer admits he has them there (as Herbert was the product of a one-night stand between Abe Simpson [who was single at the time] and a dunk-tank carny who had sex with men for money), Bart starts singing "Bastard, bastard".
• The Shelbyville Orphanage director telling Homer that he can't give out information about his brother's whereabouts, but gives him fairly obvious clues pointing him to Detroit. Homer doesn't get it and resorts to bribery.
• This gem:
  Herb: I want you to help me design a car. A car for all the Homer Simpsons out there. And I want to pay you $200,000 a year!
  Homer: And I want to let you!
• Herb giving Homer a pep talk:
  Herb: From now on, before you do anything, say to yourself, "If I was ever sure of anything, I'm sure of this." Do you understand?
  Homer: (muttering) Sort of.
  Herb: Homer!
  Homer: What?
  Herb: Answer me again with self-confidence!
  Homer: Sort of!
• Homer's proposed car The Homer is a truly absurd sight.
  Homer: You know that little ball you put on the aerial so you can find your car in a parking lot? That should be on every car!
• Herb's staff calls up to complain about him; we only hear Herb's side of it. This leads to a bit when he tells them to call back and say the exact opposite of what they said on the first call (with Bart and Lisa listening on speaker phone):
  Engineer: "Homer Simpson is a... brilliant man with lots of well-thought-out, practical ideas. He's ensuring the financial security of this company. Oh, yes, and his personal hygiene is above reproach."

29. - "Bart's Dog Gets an "F""

• Lisa hitting Bart with a Logic Bomb:
  Bart: No way! She's faking! If Lisa stays home I'm staying home.
  Lisa: If Bart stays home, I'm going to school.
  Bart: Fine. Then... Wait a minute, if Lisa goes to school, I go to school. But then Lisa stays home, so I stay home, so Lisa goes to school...
  Marge: Lisa, don't confuse your brother like that.
• Homer tries to return his Assassins sneakers, claiming that his dog was bringing him his shoes when they just fell apart in his mouth. "I'm sorry sir, our warranty doesn't cover fire, theft, or acts of dog."
• Homer dictating a newspaper ad to get rid of Santa's Little Helper. "Free to loving home. World's most brilliant dog. Says, 'I love you' on command". The latter claim gets a groan out of Marge.
  • Made even funnier because the ad's photo shows Santa about to be strangled by Homer's hands.
• The "Where Are They Now?" Epilogue shows what happened to the dogs after they graduated obedience school.
  Buddy: Ran away from home.
  Lao-Tzu: Ate poisonous toad. Now in coma.
  Santa's Little Helper: Bit Bart. Homer didn't care.

30. - "Old Money"

• In the otherwise tearjerking scene after Abe finds out that Bea is dead: "They may say she died from a burst ventricle, but I know she died of a broken heart."
• The entire sequence of everyone pleading their cases to Abe as to why they should get his money.

31. - "Brush with Greatness"

• As the episode opens, Krusty has been broadcasting his show from Mt. Splashmore all week. He leads the live audience in a session of "Kroon Along with Krusty" that serves a shameless plug for the park. It works on the Simpson kids, though, leading to one of the series' funniest Overly Long Gags:
  Krusty and Kids: [singing] I want to go to Mt. Splashmore
  Take me, take me, take me, take me NOW!
  NOW, NOW, NOW, NOW, NOW!
  Mt. Splashmore, take me there right NOW!
  Lisa: This is a rather shameless promotion.
  Bart: Hey, it worked on me.
  Lisa: Me too.
  [Homer is napping on the couch as Bart and Lisa walk up]
  Bart, Lisa: Will you take us to Mt. Splashmore?
  Homer: [not opening his eyes] No.
  Bart, Lisa: Will you take us to Mt. Splashmore?
  Homer: [opening his eyes this time] No.
  Bart, Lisa: Will you take us to Mt. Splashmore?
  Homer: No!
  [cut to Bart and Lisa following Homer down the hallway]
  Bart, Lisa: Will you take us to Mt. Splashmore?
  Homer: No!
  Bart, Lisa: Will you take us to Mt. Splashmore?
  Homer: No.
  Bart, Lisa: Will you take us to Mt. Splashmore?
  Homer: No.
  [cut to the dinner table; Homer is trying to eat, Bart and Lisa aren't touching their food]
  Bart, Lisa: Will you take us to Mt. Splashmore?
  Homer: No.
  Bart, Lisa: Will you take us to Mt. Splashmore?
  Homer: No!
  [cut to Bart and Lisa watching TV with Homer on the sofa]
  Bart, Lisa: Will you take us to Mt. Splashmore?
  Homer: No!
  Bart, Lisa: Will you take us to Mt. Splashmore?
  Homer: No.
  [cut to Homer taking a shower; Bart and Lisa have pressed their faces against the glass]
  Bart, Lisa: Will you take us to Mt. Splashmore?
  Homer: NO!!
  Bart, Lisa: Will you take us to Mt. Splashmore?
  Homer: NO!
  [cut to Homer and Marge lying in bed; Bart and Lisa are standing by Homer's side]
  Bart, Lisa: Will you take us to Mt. Splashmore?
  Homer: NO!!
  Bart, Lisa: Will you take us to Mt. Splashmore?
  Homer: [overlapping with the kids] NO!!
  Bart, Lisa: Will you take us to Mt. Splashmore?
  Homer: [overlapping with the kids again] NO!!
  Bart, Lisa: Will you take us to Mt. Splashmore?
  Homer: NO- [Marge's eyes open; she pulls her pillow from under her head and puts it around her ears] IF I TAKE YOU WILL YOU TWO SHUT UP AND QUIT BUGGING ME?!
  Bart: Yeah!
  Lisa: Of course!
  Bart: Well?
  Bart, Lisa: Will you take us to Mt. Splashmore?
  Homer: YES!!
  Bart, Lisa: Thanks, Dad!
• Homer's swim trunks have a smiley face across the seat, but when he pulls them on, the smiley face turns to a frowny face.
• We get further evidence that Homer could do with losing some weight as he gets to the car...
  Marge: Homer, that suit doesn't leave much to the imagination!
  [Homer groans as he squeezes into place behind the wheel; his stomach honks the horn]
  Homer: Heads up, kids, I'm movin' the seat back.
  Lisa: [her knees pressed against her body, muffling her speech] It is back.
• Bart and Lisa enter the turnstiles for H2Whoa, thinking there's no line. Unfortunately, the line goes all the way back to the turnstiles, through a version of M.C. Escher's Ascending and Descending (AKA "the endless staircase"). Fortunately, Bart and Lisa have a way around waiting in line...
  Bart: Okay, Lis, turn on the waterworks, babe!
  Lisa: [begins crying Crocodile Tears] MOMMY! I WANT MY MOMMY!
  Bart: [leading a crying Lisa through the line] Step aside, come on! Spread out, spread out, lost kid coming through - look out, fatso. Comin' through, comin' through, pardon me, movin' to the front of the line! [sotto voce] Hey Lis, nice work, babe!
• Homer has a similar ploy to Bart and Lisa: claiming to be a line inspector so that he can push his way to the front of the H2Whoa line. However, while Lisa and Bart have the time of their lives going down the slide, Homer gets stuck halfway down.
  [Homer's plight is shown on a computer screen at the park's central command centre]
  Technician: Hmm. Looks like there's a jam in Delta Sector.
  Supervisor: Hmm. Well, it's too big to be human... well, send down a few kids, that should dislodge it.
• But Homer remains stuck fast, and the segment of the slide in which he is stuck has to be removed by crane. The Simpson family are shown watching the story on the news as the anchor estimates Homer's weight to be somewhere between 400 and 500 pounds.
• Homer asks his family if he's "just a little bit overweight", and not to pull any punches. There's an awkward silence before Lisa replies, "Forgive us, Dad, but it takes time to properly sugarcoat a response."
• The guy who delivers donuts to the plant is confused as to why they're piling up.
  Carl: Homer Simpson went on a diet.
  Donut Guy: Oh my god! And I just bought a boat!
• Burns acknowledges that he doesn't hate Marge's nude painting of him, and thanks her for not making fun of his genitalia. "I thought I did."

32. - "Lisa's Substitute"

• Martin: In a sample taken in this very classroom, a state inspector found 1.74 parts per million of asbestos!
  Bart: (interrupts Martin) That's not enough! We demand more asbestos! More asbestos! More asbestos!
  The rest of the class: (chanting with Bart) MORE ASBESTOS! MORE ASBESTOS! MORE ASBESTOS! MORE ASBESTOS!
• Martin puts up an campaign poster reading "A vote for Bart is a vote for anarchy." Cut to Bart putting up a poster saying exactly the same thing.
• Homer and Bart makes an election poster with the text: "SEX! Now that I have your attention: Vote for Bart!"
• Bart demanding a recount after he loses the election, which results in "One for Martin, two for Martin!"
• Martin posing with a prematurely printed newspaper reading "Simpson Defeats Prince."
• Mr. Bergstrom realising that Mrs. Krabappel is trying to seduce him.
• Bart showing his class a video of Snowball 2 being born and them being grossed out by it. And then...
  Bart: Look, this is cool. When I hit reverse, I can make them go back in.
  Class: (screams in horror)

33. - "The War of the Simpsons"

• As the guests of the house party are going home, Homer lies passed out on his back on the floor, audibly wheezing as he sleeps. Dr. Hibbert has some advice for Marge:
  Dr. Hibbert: If you want him to live through the night, I suggest you roll him onto his stomach.
  Marge: I will, Dr. Hibbert, thank you. Thanks for coming!
  Dr. Hibbert: (deadly serious) Remember: I said if!
• When Homer wakes up after his drunken escapades, Marge ushers him into her car, where she puts on a tape with the Mexican Hat Dance and turns up the volume:
  Marge: I wanna make sure the kids don't hear. When I was young, I always hated knowing my parents were fighting.
  (cut back to Bart, Lisa, and Maggie who are staring out the front window with concerned expressions on their faces)
  Bart: (forebodingly) They're fighting in the car again...
  Lisa: That music always sends a chill down my spine.
• Homer's own memories of the house party.
• Marge: (to Homer) I'm going to church alone today! You're going to stay here and explain to Bart why you scarred him for life!
  Homer: (outraged) No, I didn't! I— (hit by the realization) Oh... You meant inside, didn't you?
  • Home then tries to talk to Bart:
    Homer: Now, about last night... You might have noticed daddy acting a little strange and you probably don't understand why...
    Bart: (cheerfully) I understand why! You were wasted!
    Homer: I admit it! I didn't know when to say "when". I'm sorry it happened, and I just hope you didn't lose a lot of respect for me.
    Bart: Dad, I have as much respect for you as I ever did or ever will.
    Homer: Awww. (pats Bart's head)
• Grampa tricks the kids into cleaning the house by crying over being a bad babysitter.
• There's a flashback of how Bart scared off his first babysitter: by trying to run her down with the family car.
  Bart: (sinister) Back for more, eh?
• When Grandpa asks if the kids are sure they're allowed to have coffee, Bart snaps "for the last time, yes!".
• Reverend Lovejoy asks the couples at the retreat to do a trust exercise. Since Homer is absent, Marge asks if she has to do it. "No. Even if your husband was here I wouldn't recommend it."
• The weirdos at the bait shop describe Homer to a patron:
  Bait shop owner: (referring to General Sherman the catfish) If you ask me, and most people do, he's 100 if he's a day.
  Man: Has anyone ever caught him?
  Bait shop owner: One man came close. Name of Homer Simpson. Seven feet tall... with arms like tree trunks. And his eyes were like steel, cold and hard. Had a shock of hair, red, like the fires of Hell.

34. - "Three Men and a Comic Book"

• The chalkboard gag: "I will not show off◊", written in a medieval-style font.
• The Comic Book Guy's sarcasm is funnier here than it would be in later episodes.
• Marge tells Homer to check on Bart and his friends, as they're in the treehouse and it's beginning to storm. Homer lazily looks out the window to see them fighting as lightning strikes the tree and says, "They're fine."
• Bart asks the actor who used to play Fallout Boy in the Radioactive Man TV show if the ghost of Radioactive Man's actor, Dirk Richter, haunts the bordello the police found his bullet-riddled body in. Said actor breaks down in tears and tells the audience to leave Richter alone, which just confuses the audience of con goers.
  • Bart asks this horribly tasteless question almost immediately after the panel moderator asked the crowd to not bring up Richter's final years.
• Bart trying to get a discount at the convention by "cosplaying" as Bartman. It doesn't work.
• Milhouse is left dangling from the treehouse, with Bart given the choice between saving him or the comic. Milhouse, knowing he's in a rather dubious position right now, melodramatically sobs in hopelessness:
  Milhouse: I didn't even want the comic! I wanted Carl Yastrzemski with the big sidebu-ur-urns!
• As this happens, Martin, who Bart tied up out of paranoia, makes sure to get in an I Warned You at a disgruntled Bart:
  Martin: Just so you know, if you hadn't tied me to this chair, I could be saving the comic as we speak.
  Bart: (grumbles) Shut up. Shut UP.

35. - "Blood Feud"

• The beginning of the episode has the mayor introduce a sign to keep people informed of what is happening at the nuclear plant and what to do.
  Radiation Leak = Roll-up windows
  Meltdown = Flee City
  Core Explosion = Repent Sins
  • Homer's reaction to the last one. "Joke's on them. If the core explodes, there's no power to go to that sign."
• Mr. Burns, despite being in bad condition, isn't too thrilled to get help.
  Smithers: Oh no Mr. Burns! We've got to get a doctor!
  Mr. Burns: Absolutely not! No quack sawbones is going to apply his leeches to me. As long as there's an ounce of strength left in me, I.. (faints).
• Smithers desperate action to give his blood to Mr. Burns.
  Smithers: How long does it to take a sterilize a needle?
  Dr. Hibbert: A few seconds.
  Smithers: (rips his shirt and jacket open) Oh skip it! Just leave me enough to get home.
  • Dr. Hibbert's expression alone tells to the viewer how unnecessary Smithers's action was.
• Homer poses as Mr. Burns at the Springfield Post Office to reclaim a very insulting letter he wrote to him earlier.
  Homer: (using fake voice^note Which is totally unnecessary) Hello. My name is Mr. Burns. I believe you have a letter for me.
  Clerk: OK, Mr. Burns. What's your first name?
  (beat)
  Homer: (still using fake voice) ...I don't know!
  (cut to Homer and Bart outside the Post Office)
  Homer: (sarcastically) Great plan, Bart.
• This comment from Mr. Burns, after reading Homer's letter:
  Mr. Burns: I could crush him like an ant. But it would be too easy. No, revenge is a dish best served cold. I'll bide my time until... Oh, what the hell, I'll just crush him like an ant.
• Homer's letter to Mr. Burns:
  Dear Mr. Burns,
  
  I'm so glad you enjoyed my son's blood. And your card was just great. In case you can't tell, I'm being sarcastic. You... Stink! You are a senile, buck-toothed old mummy with bony girl-arms, and you smell like an elephant's butt.
• When Marge tries to calm down Homer when he gets angry about getting only a thank you card from Mr. Burns,
  Homer: (sincere) Marge, you're my wife and I love you very much. (mocking) But you're living in a world of make-believe. With flowers and bells and leprechauns, and magic frogs with funny little hats.
  Bart: Yeah, Mom. We got hosed!
• The scene where Marge demonstrates how well she knows her family. Bart has sixteen permanent teeth and eight baby, Homer's earmuff size is XM (Extra Medium?), and Bart is allergic to butterscotch, imitation butterscotch and glow in the dark monster makeup.
• Homer's mangling of Androcles' Lion, which ends with the lion giving Hercules "this big thing of riches".
  Bart: How did a lion get rich?
  Homer: It was the olden days.
• Marge asks Homer to have one sleep before sending his angry letter at Burns. He agrees, but tells Marge that he won't change his mind. Then we see his dream, which starts with him squeezing his pillow, imagining it as Mr. Burns' neck, transitioning to a bottle of syrup onto some pancakes, and by morning he's happily munching on the pillow.
• Turns out Bart found the letter and sent it anyway, figuring Homer would give up on his anger overnight. He can't get through his explanation before Homer does what he does.
  Homer: I'LL SHOW YOU MAD IN THE MORNING!
• Watching a despondent Marge and Homer, Bart laments that everyone had always said he'd destroy the family. Lisa gently says that they never actually meant it.
• Homer getting dragged out of the Power Plant by Mr. Burns' thugs.
  Homer: Do you have to twist my arm?
  Joey the Thug: I don't tell you how to do your job.
• Smithers playing the banjo.
• When Mr. Burns arrives with his gift, he hands Bart a crowbar. Bart thinks the crowbar is the gift, until Lisa corrects him.
• In the end, Marge tries to find an Aesop for the episode's events. No luck.
  Marge: The moral of this story is a good deed is its own reward.
  Bart: Hey, we got a reward! The head is cool!
  Marge: Well then, I guess the moral is no good deed goes unrewarded.
  Homer: Wait a minute! If I hadn't written that nasty letter, we wouldn't have gotten anything!
  Marge: Well... then I guess the moral is "the squeaky wheel gets the grease".
  Lisa: Perhaps there is no moral to this story.
  Homer: Exactly. It's just a bunch of stuff that happened.
  Bart: But it certainly was a memorable few days.
  Homer: Amen to that!

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