Funny / The Simpsons Season 3

The Simpsons Funny Moments Index
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Moments pages are Spoilers Off. You Have Been Warned.

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Marge: “Well...I guess [Homer] will be happy when he comes to."

36. - "Stark Raving Dad"

• Homer is too lazy to fill out his own psychiatric evaluation form, so he asks Bart to do it for him. Big mistake:
  Bart: Hey, Dad? "Do you hear voices?"
  Homer: (annoyed) Yes, I'm hearing one right now while I'm trying to watch TV!
  Bart: (puts a mark on the form) Yes. (to Homer) "Are you quick to anger?"
  Homer: Bart! Shut up or I'll shut you up!
  Bart: (puts a mark on the form) Yes. (reads from the form) "Do you wet your pants?" (shrugs) Well, even the best of us has an occasional accident... (checks "yes")
  • Homer then shows the Bart-filled form to Mr. Burns and Dr. Monroe:
    Homer: So... Did I pass?
    Mr. Burns: Eh, he, he, he, he! No.
    (two security guards grabs Homer and starts dragging him away)
    Smithers: Careful, men! He wets his pants.
• The mental patient who thinks he's Michael Jackson (with the real Michael Jackson providing his speaking voice; Kipp Lennon did his singing voice on the "Lisa It's Your Birthday" sequence), makes a phone call to Bart, who is understandably incredulous that the person on the other end is Jackson:
  "Michael": It's true. I'm with your father in a mental institution.
  Bart: Uh-huh. And is Elvis with you?
  "Michael": He could be. It's a big hospital.
• This bit:
  Bart: Mom, Dad's in a mental hospital!
  Marge: Oh, dear. Mother was right.
• When Michael introduces Homer to The Chief from One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest, saying he hasn't said a word in years.
  Homer: Hiya Chief!
  Chief: Hello. (doctors crowd around him all amazed) ...Well, it's about time someone reached out to me.
• Homer talks to Bart on the telephone as he's in the mental hospital.
  Homer: (on the phone with Bart) Boy! When I get home I'm gonna wrap my hands around your neck and... (sees asylum doctors looking at him questioningly) ...and smother you with kisses.
  Bart: Geez, Dad, whatever they have you on, cut the dose.
• Homer then tells Bart to do some preparations for Michael's visit:
  Homer: Now make sure we have plenty of cold cuts and put some beer on ice—
  "Michael": Um, Homer, I'm a vegetarian, and I don't drink.
  Homer: [suspicious] Are you sure you're here voluntarily?
• Marge tries to convince one of the hospital doctors to release Homer.
  Marge: If you'd just talk to my husband for five minutes without mentioning our son, Bart, you'd realize how sane he is.
  Doctor: You mean there really is a Bart?! Good Lord!
• Homer meets Floyd, the "Rain Man" of the institution.
  "Michael": Give him any two numbers and he can multiply them in his head, just like that.
  Homer: Okay. Five times nine.
  Floyd: Forty-five.
  Homer: Wow!
• The rerun edited to include the famous Take That! against George H. W. Bush:
  Bush: We're going to keep on trying to strengthen the American family; to make American families a lot more like The Waltons and a lot less like the Simpsons.
  Homer: Huh?
  Bart: Hey! We're just like the Waltons. We're praying for an end to the Depression, too.

37. - "Mr. Lisa Goes to Washington!

• The airplane scene shows Bart in the cockpit.
  Pilot: The controls on the plane are similar to the ones on your bicycle. So, do you wanna see where we hang up our coats?
  Bart: No thanks. I'd rather just push this button.
  Pilot: No! (Bart pushes it, oxygen masks fall out of compartments over passengers)
  Homer: (screams) We're all gonna die! (passengers scream as the plane lands)
• The Simpsons tour Washington D.C.:
  • Visiting the Smithsonian:
    Homer: (on a balcony seeing money being pressed) Oh, money... (drools)
    Worker: (Homer's drool lands on his head) Hey! Watch it, chief!
  • The IRS:
    Marge: Oh look, Homer! It's the IRS.
    Homer: BOOO!
    IRS agent: (peeks out of window) Oh, boo yourself.
  • The National Air and Space Museum:
    (Bart is inside the cockpit of an airplane, pretending to fly it and making sound effects)
    Homer: Bart! Get out of the "Spirit of St. Louis!"
    (Bart ignores him and continues to make sound effects)
• The pianist at the contest annoys Bart so much he finally slingshots him while singing a song about Lisa.
  Lisa: Bart!
  Bart: Lise, you taught me to stand up for what I believe in.
• Homer reading the family a story of wilderness survival:
  Homer: Then I heard the sound that all Arctic explorers dread... the pitiless bark of the sea lion! (gasp) He'll be killed!
  Marge: Homer, he obviously got out alive if he wrote the article.
  Homer: Don't be so... (flips page) Oh, you're right.
• Homer asking Faith what VIP stands for - one letter at a time, out of order, and he has to ask about the "I" again.
• Bart is relaxing in the hotel room getting a massage, having his laundry done and eating delicious food when Homer walks in and, horrified, is ready to kill Bart for seemingly spending a fortune on room service. However Bart quickly reminds Homer the trip was all expenses paid, and next thing the viewer knows Homer is happily joining Bart in his overindulgence, getting his own massage while smoking a cigar.
• One of the essay judges thinks Lisa's essay is too good and that her parents wrote it. After interviewing Homer, she decides to award Lisa an additional 10 points.

38. - "When Flanders Failed"

• Bart tries to fight back against Dolph, Jimbo, and Kearney when the trio are harassing Lisa. The trouble is, Bart skipped out on all of his karate lessons and only knows how to do "The Touch of Death" from playing video games.
• Earlier, Bart teases Lisa by threatening "The Touch of Death" on her which makes her scream and run away.
  Marge: Bart, don't use the Touch of Death on your sister!
• Upon learning that Flanders is financially ruined and forced to close his store, Homer decides to help him by calling in some "favors".
  Homer: Hello, Jerry? This is Homer Simpson. Remember last month when I paid back that loan? Well, now I need you to do a favor for me.

39. - "Bart the Murderer"

• Fat Tony "explains" to Bart how hijacking a truckload of cigarettes isn't wrong.
  Bart: Are you guys crooks?
  Fat Tony: Say Bart, is it wrong for a man to steal a loaf of bread to feed his starving family?
  Bart: No.
  Fat Tony: Suppose you have a large starving family. Is it wrong to steal a truckload of bread to feed them?
  Bart: Uh-uh.
  Fat Tony: And say your family don't like bread, they like... cigarettes.
  Bart: I guess that's OK.
  Fat Tony: And what if instead of giving them away, you sold them at a price that was practically giving them away. Would that be a crime, Bart?
  Bart: ... Hell no!
  Fat Tony: Enjoy your gift.
• Chief Wiggum: Fat Tony is a cancer on this fair city. He is the cancer, and I am the... uh... What cures cancer?
• There's a quick moment when Wiggum drops by the Social Club:
  Fat Tony: Chief Wiggum, you honor us with your presence.
  Chief Wiggum: Baloney! I won't rest until one of us is behind bars — you!
  • For a fraction of a second, you can see Wiggum realize what he just said before he corrects himself.
• Marge points out that a pizza delivery truck has been parked across the street for two weeks. The surveillance team inside realise their cover is blown and drive off. Soon after, they're replaced by a second van, "Flowers By Irene."
• The hilarious way everyone at court frames Bart as the brains of the operation, when in fact he's only been with Tony's crew for about a week at the most.
• When Fat Tony and his goons corner Skinner in his office, Skinner demands to know how they got past the hall monitors with as much shock as if they were trained security guards.
• During Bart's nightmare, Homer is among the crowd baying for Bart's blood chanting "Kill my boy" while holding a sign saying that.

40. - "Homer Defined"

• As the plant is about to catastrophically melt down, Mr. Burns is putting on an advanced radiation suit (which is clearly labelled "Smithers") while Smithers stands by.
  Smithers: Sir, where's my radiation suit?
  Mr. Burns: (annoyed) Oh, how the hell should I know? (covers the label)
• Also, Smithers says something to Mr. Burns only seconds away from the meltdown.
  Smithers: There may never be another chance to say: "I love you, sir."
  Mr. Burns: Oh, hot dog. Thanks for making my last few moments on Earth socially awkward.
• Burns claims that "Meltdown" is one of those annoying buzzwords. "We prefer to call it an unrequested fission surplus."

41. - "Like Father, Like Clown"

• During the chalkboard gag - "I will finish what I start" - Bart runs out of the classroom mid-sentence.
• This exchange:
  Lisa: We've come to talk to you about your son.
  Rabbi Krustofski: I Have No Son!! (slams the door)
  Bart: Rats. We came all this way and it's the wrong guy.
  Rabbi Krustofski: (opens door) I didn't mean that literally! (slams door again)
• Lisa: A man that envies our family is a man in need of help.
• Homer's reaction to hearing how Krusty's father disowned him.
  Homer: Boy, you don't have to follow in my footsteps.
  Bart: Don't worry. I don't even like using the bathroom after you.
  Homer: Why you little—!
• During the montage of Bart trying to persuade Rabbi Krustofski to reconcile with his son, he shows up in the middle of a circumcision. "Sorry, my friend, I'm still not convinced. And this is hardly the time or place to discuss it."
  • Bart dresses up as a Hasidic Jew for a lot of those conversations. After yet another failure, he comes home, slumps into a chair, and says, "Oy, this guy's tough!"

42. - "Treehouse of Horror II"^note A.K.A. "The Simpsons Halloween Special II"

• Jimbo and Kearney threaten to egg Homer's house if Homer doesn't give them any candy — and they still egg the house just because they're jerks.

A. - The Monkey's Paw^note A.K.A. "Lisa's Nightmare"

• Homer tries to make a wish that can't backfire with the monkey's paw.
  Homer: I wish for a turkey sandwich on rye bread with lettuce and mustard and and I don't want any zombie turkeys, I don't want to turn into a turkey myself, and I don't want any other weird surprises. You got it?
  (a turkey sandwich appears and Homer takes a bite of it)
  Homer: Not bad. Nice hot mustard, good bread, the turkey's a little dry— (horrified) The turkey's a little dry?! Oh, foul accursed thing! What demon from the depths of hell created thee?!
  • The funniest part is that the monkey paw did grant his wish about not having any weird surprises.
  • A bit of Freeze-Frame Bonus: the sandwich included tomatoes, which Homer did not ask for.
• After Lisa wishes for world peace - "Lisa, that was very selfish of you!" - Kang and Kodos invade the now disarmed world, armed with clubs and slingshots. "Your superior intellect is no match for our puny weapons!" After Ned takes the paw and wishes to get rid of them, away, they get chased off by Moe. "AHH! He's got a board... with a nail in it!"
  • The aliens then assure themselves that humanity is on the path to self-destruction due to escalating weaponry, in the form of increasingly larger boards and nails.
• Ned Flanders getting the Monkey's Paw and all of his wishes going well (for now) elicits this response from Homer.
  Homer: (petulant) I wish I had a monkey's paw!
  • "Well, now that I've saved the world maybe I oughta spruce-up the ol' homestead!"

B. - The Bart Zone^note A.K.A. "Bart's Nightmare"

• Bart's class is taught different material in school.
  Edna: Well, class, the history of our country has been changed again, to correspond with Bart's answers on yesterday's test. America was now discovered in 1942 by "some guy", and our country isn't called America anymore. It's Bonerland.
  • And then later in the episode the sign on Dr. Marvin Monroe's door proclaims him to be a member of the Bonerland Medical Association.
• "Oh, good! The curtains are on fire!"
• Bart punishes Homer for refusing to change the channel from a football game that he had a bet on, by transporting him out of the room. We then hear this from the TV: "The kick is up... It's looking good! The ball is turning into a fat, bald guy! And it's no good! And you know what we say every time something strange happens— it's good that Bart did that! It's very good!" All said in football announcer-speak.
  • And then the channel changes:
    Krusty: Well, we're still on. 346 consecutive hours, and all because of one little boy who... who WON'T LET ME STOP!! Anyway, now let's go over and see if Sideshow Mel has any more of those legal, over-the-counter wake-up drugs of his!
• Otto's reaction to Bart driving the bus:
  Otto: Hey, this is fun, isn't it?! We're gonna die, aren't we?!
• Bart prank calls Moe, "Hey everybody! I'm a Stupid Moron With An Ugly Face, And A Big Butt, And My Butt Smells, And I Like To Kiss My Own Butt!" Then he says "wait a minute..." in the same tone as usual, implying that Bart didn't use his powers to make Moe repeat that statement and that Moe was actually tricked.
• Bart changes Homer back into a human after they bond and sharing a lot of heartwarming moments... and then Bart wakes up from his dream screaming his head off.

C. - If I Only Had a Brain^note A.K.A. "Homer's Nightmare"

• Homer gets a job as a grave digger... on the night that Mr. Burns and Smithers are searching for a brain to implant into their new robot. They found Homer asleep in the grave he was digging, assuming he's dead.
  Mr. Burns: Hello! An open grave! Smithers, get him out quickly; the stench is overpowering.
  Smithers: Uh, sir? That's Homer Simpson... (scoff) he wasn't exactly a "model employee."
  Mr. Burns: Well, who is a model...(Death Glare) employee?
  (Smithers' head vanishes, replaced with just a floating brain wearing glasses)
  Smithers: (panicking) Simpson will do just fine, sir!
  (Smithers drags the bag with Homer in it over rocks, etc., making him moan in pain, presumably waking up)
  Smithers: Did you hear that, sir?
  Mr. Burns: No, I didn't. Who is it? Frankenstein? The booger man?!
  Smithers: It's the man in the bag, sir; I think he's alive!
  Mr. Burns: Oh. (walks over to the bag, wielding a shovel) Bad corpse! *thwack* Bad corpse! '*thwack* Stop! *thwack* Scaring! *thwack* Smithers! (Homer whimpers inside the bag, now out cold) Satisfied?
  Smithers: Thank you, sir.
• Mr. Burns is removing Homer's brain from his head so it can be placed into the robot.
  Mr. Burns: Smithers, hand me that ice cream scoop.
  Smithers: Ice cream scoop?
  Mr. Burns: Damn it, Smithers! This isn't rocket science, it's brain surgery!
  • Burns wearing Homer's brain on his head. "Look at me! I'm Davy Crockett!"
  • Burns' reaction after the robot activates. "It's alive! Oh, that fellow at Radio Shack said I was mad! Well, who's mad now?!"
  • Burns calling the robot with Homer's brain an abomination as we see his creation snoring while resting his feet on the desk.
  • After putting Homer's brain back in his body and confirming that he was alive to begin with. "Oh, you're right, Smithers. I guess I owe you a Coke."
  • Burns describing his symptoms, after the robot fell on top of him:
    "Every bone... shattered. Organs... leaking vital fluids. Slight headache. Loss of appetite."

43. - "Lisa's Pony"

• The number of people Lisa called about buying a new saxophone reed before Homer: Marge, Ned Flanders, Patty, Selma, Dr. Hibbert, Reverend Lovejoy and "that nice man who caught the snake in our basement."
• Bart performs a "Boy of 1,000 Voices" act at the talent show, which makes him the boy with 1,000 days^note (That's roughly two years and seven months, longer than he could expect to still be in Elementary School if he aged normally.) detention.
• One boy's act is an a capella performance of "My Ding-A-Ling". Skinner hastily yanks him off the stage before he can finish the refrain.
  "THIS ACT IS OVER!"
• Homer hints around the idea of purchasing a horse (for Lisa) to Marge right before they go to sleep.
  Homer: Maybe I should just cut my losses, give up on Lisa, and make a fresh start with Maggie.
  Marge: Homey, you got to stop looking for the quick fix. If you keep spending time with Lisa, she'll forgive you.
  Homer: Marge, if I spend any more time doing these girl things I'm gonna, you know, go fruity. No, you were right the first time with that quick fix idea. Let's see, quick fix, quick fix. Ah, I'll buy her that pony she's always buggin' me for.
  Marge: We can't afford to buy a pony.
  Homer: Marge, with today's gasoline prices, we can't afford not to buy a pony.
  Marge: That's ridiculous.
  Homer: Marge, I gotta get her a pony. When I look in Lisa's eyes, I don't see love anymore.
  Marge: That's no reason to buy a pony.
  Homer: See, even when you yell at me I can see love in your eyes.
  Marge: Stick to the subject.
  Homer: (singsong) Haha, you love me.
  Marge: (murmur) Let's be realistic. A pony is very expensive, and we have enough trouble paying bills as it is.
  Homer: (drifting off) Yeah, yeah, yeah.
  Marge: You sound like you're going to buy a pony. Promise me you won't.
  Homer: Mm.
  Marge: What was that? Was that a "yes" or a "no"?
  Homer: Ba.
  Marge: (angrily) Those aren't even words!
  Homer: Snuh.
  (Marge groans and shuts off the light; Homer grins happily in the dark)
• Milhouse watches Bart as he mocks Homer's effeminate mannerisms at Lisa's tea-party. Homer sees the boys and angrily chases them down.
• Homer is tired from working the graveyard shift at the Kwik-E-Mart. On the drive home, he has a sleep deprivation-induced hallucination, and when the animation returns to "reality", we see he has driven through a fence without noticing. He pulls into the garage, taking out the mailbox on the way and crashing into the front wall, demolishing a shelving unit. As he gets out of the car, a circular saw falls onto his head; he barely flinches and simply walks upstairs to the bedroom where he falls asleep for less than 2 seconds. As the alarm clock rings, Homer shuts it off and immediately gets back up.
  Marge: Homie, how long do you plan to do this?
  Homer: I dunno, how long do horses live?
  Marge: Thirty years.
  Homer: (wearily) D'oh...
• Lisa barely eats any of the humongous ice cream sundae Homer bought her.
  Lisa: I'm done.
  Homer: Aww, that cost $88!
• This dialogue:
  Mr. Burns: (laughs evilly, then quickly coughs when he realizes he is being noticed) I was just thinking of something funny Smithers did.
  Smithers: I didn't do anything funny today.
  Mr. Burns: (whispers) Shut. up.
• And this:
  Bart: Hey, how come Lisa gets a pony?
  Homer: Because she stopped loving me.
  Bart: I don't love you either, so give me a moped!
  Homer: And I know you love me, so you don't get squat.
• Homer explains to Marge about his new job, in another room so the kids wouldn't hear.
  (cut to the kids at the kitchen table, they hear a loud thump)
  Bart: Oh my God, she killed him!
  (the kids run to the living room and see Homer asleep)
• "First you didn't want me to get the pony, now you want me to take it back. Make up your mind!"

44. - "Saturdays of Thunder"

• Bart initially makes his first cart, complete with Homer's absolute obliviousness as to why his son is asking for power tools, capped off by him yelling "BART! You can't weld with such a little flame! Stupid kid." as he and Lisa leave for the video store.
• The race official who sees Li'l Lightnin' and tells Bart, "Your father's not supposed to help build the racer, but you could at least consult him about it."
• Martin crashes into the wall and catches fire during the soap box derby race. A rescue crew puts out the fire on the racer as Martin runs screaming.
• Barney gets pepper-sprayed after asking Patty and Selma if either of them is Mary Tyler Moore (who was the basis for one of their haircuts). His cries of pain interspersed with drunken burps can be amusing.
• Nelson is told not to smoke in the pit area and he extinguishes the cigarette using his tongue.
• The sheer out-of-nowhere bizarreness that is the "Underwater Parenting" test and its shark-induced failure.
• A conversation Homer has with his brain:
  Homer (reading): “Cosby's First Law of Inter-generational Perversity: No matter what you tell your child to do, he will always do the opposite.” Huh?
  Homer’s brain: Don't you get it!? You gotta use reverse psychology!
  Homer: Well, that sounds too complicated.
  Homer’s brain: Okay, don't use reverse psychology.
  Homer: All right, I will!

45. - "Flaming Moe's"

• The Flaming Moe song, a parody of "Where Everybody Knows Your Name" complete with animation in the art style of the Cheers opening credits:
  ♪When the weight of the world has got you down
  And you want to end your life
  Bills to pay, a dead-end job
  And problems with the wife
  But don't throw in the towel cause there's
  A place right down the block
  Where you can drink your miseries away
  At Flaming Moe's (let's all go Flaming Moe's)
  Where Liquor in a mug
  Can warm you like a hug
  And happiness is just a Flaming Moe away
  Happiness is just a Flaming Moe away♪
• Homer exaggerates what Marge tells him in the bedroom.
  Marge: Homer, maybe you can take some consolation in the fact that something you created is making so many people happy.
  Homer: Oh, look at me! I'm making people happy! I'm the magical man, from Happyland! In a gumdrop house on Lollipop Laaaaaaane! (storms out, then sticks his head back in) Oh, by the way, I was being sarcastic!
  Marge: Well, duh.
  • Marge's expression during the whole scene sells it. She clearly doesn't appreciate him being a dick about it.
• Homer gets so mad at Moe screwing him over that the next morning, all he can say or hear during his anger-induced hallucination is the name "Moe":
  Marge: Bart, are you going to Moe the lawn today?
  Bart: Okay, but you promised me Moe money.
  Marge: I Moe, I Moe...
  Lisa: Mom, when Bart's done, can we Moe to the Moe-vies? There's a Moe-tinee!
  Marge: Of course! All work and Moe play makes Moe a Moe Moe.
  Bart: Moe Moe Moe Moe Moe?
  Marge: Moe Moe Moe Moe...
  Lisa: Moe Moe Moe Moe Moe Moe.
  Bart: Mo-Mo-Mo-Moe...
  Maggie: (takes pacifier out of her mouth) Moe.
• Bart's prank call to Flaming Moe's backfires.
  Moe: Hugh Jass? Oh, somebody check the men's room for a Hugh Jass.
  Hugh Jass: Uh, I'm Hugh Jass.
  Moe: Telephone.
  Hugh: (takes it) Hello, this is Hugh Jass.
  Bart: Uh, hi.
  Hugh: Who's this?
  Bart: Bart Simpson.
  Hugh: What can I do for you, Bart?
  Bart: Uh, look, I'll level with you, mister. This is a crank call that sorta backfired, and I'd like to bail out right now.
  Hugh: All right. Better luck next time. (hangs up) What a nice young man.
• Frink trying to figure out the secret ingredients to the Flaming Moe.
  Frink: The secret ingredient is... LOVE?! Who's been screwing with this thing?!

46. - "Burns Verkaufen der Kraftwerk"^note In English, it inaccurately translates to "Burns Sells the Power Plant". The actual translation is close but grammatically incorrect: "Burns to Sell the Power Plant". Also, just to be a Grammar Nazi, it should be das Kraftwerk.

• Homer's Dream Sequence in "The Land of Chocolate" is an absolute classic. Just the sheer childlike joy he radiates as he munches on everything in sight (including a chocolate Scottish terrier) is enough to induce helpless giggling.
  (Homer is still singing to himself and daydreaming)
  Hans: Mr. Simpson...? Mr. Simpson!
  Homer: (snapping out) Huh!? ...Ohhoho, I'm sorry. We were talking about chocolate?
  Fritz: Zat vas ten minutes ago!
• Mr. Burns' reaction to the amount of money he'll get by selling the plant.
• Burns' prolonged routine of pretending to be scared of the Germans, as they stand there and ineffectually tell him to stop.
• Homer's line of "I own stock?!?" after his stock broker calls him.
• Smithers listening to an audiotape to learn Sycophantic German. "You looken sharpen todayen, mein herr."
• "We regret to announce the following layoffs, which I will read in alphabetical order. Simpson, Homer. That is all."
• Immediately after Bart makes a prank call - "Come on, guys, do I have a Bea O'Problem here?" - Marge sends him to Moe's to collect Homer. When Bart nervously walks in and tells one of the barflies that he's looking for Homer, Moe realises he knows that voice - as little Bart Simpson. "I haven't seen you in years!"
  • The prank call itself has Barney delivering a delightful zinger to Moe:
  Moe: Come on, guys! Do I have a Bea O'Problem^note B.O problem here?!
  Barney: Ya sure do! (He and the other patrons- including Homer- all laugh at him.)
• One of the Germans tries to talk to Homer, who starts panicking, which Horst thinks is a miscommunication problem.
  Horst: Homer, could we have a word with you.
  Homer: No?
  Horst: I must have phrased that badly. My English is, how you say, inelegant. I meant to say, can we have a brief, friendly chat?
  Homer: Noooo!
  Horst: Once again, I have failed. (takes out a German-to-English dictionary) "We request the pleasure of your company for a free exchange of ideas."
  Homer: NOOOOOO! (runs away)
• Mr. Burns won't pour his heart out to Smithers... but he will pour it out to Snappy the Alligator puppet.

47. - "I Married Marge"

• Barnacle Bill's Home Pregnancy Test. "Ahoy mateys, if the water turns blue, a baby for you. If purple ye see, no baby thar be." It turns pink. "If the test should fail, to a doctor set sail."
• Homer and Marge leave the cinema after seeing The Empire Strikes Back.
  Homer: Wow, what an ending! Who'd have thought Darth Vader was Luke Skywalker's father?
  (everyone in line starts complaining)
  Man waiting to see the film: Oh thank you, Mr. Blow-the-Picture-for-Me!
• Marge and Dr. Hibbert looking at the ultrasound, in which Bart turns away from the screen. "If I didn't know better, I'd swear he was trying to moon us."
• Homer shooting down Marge's name suggestions because of potential insults, but misses an obvious one that would rhyme with Bart. Note that if he had one extra finger, he would have caught it.
  • But since no one has ever made fun of Bart's name, Homer made the right choice.
• Baby Bart's first act of random destruction is setting Homer's tie on fire.
  Homer: WHY YOU LITTLE— He did that on purpose!
  Marge: Homer, how could he? He's only ten minutes old!
• Dr. Hibbert's horrified reaction upon learning Homer's now a nuclear technician.
• Homer yells, "D'oh!" (and a man in traction shares in his pain) after Dr. Hibbert implies that Marge is pregnant.
• "Simpson huh? I'll remember that name."

48. - "Radio Bart"

• At the very beginning, Homer gets Distracted by the Sexy on a show Lisa's imitating, and she asks him for money. He hands her a huge wad of cash.
  Lisa: Dad, this is $110!
  Homer: (still distracted) Oh, sorry. (hands her his entire wallet) Here you go.
  (Lisa hurries off with the wallet)
• During the commercial break, Homer sees an ad for the Superstar Celebrity Microphone and thinks it could be a good birthday present for Bart.
  Announcer: But order now, supplies are limited!
  Homer: Limited?! (quickly dials the phone) Do you have any of those microphones left?!
  Telephone Operator: (sitting in a warehouse stacked to the roof with the microphones) Uhhh, yeah a couple.
• Bart sticks a "Property of Bart Simpson" label on Homer's butt after Homer tells Bart not to use the microphone/radio set for pranks. A very nice visual stealth pun of the phrase, "Your ass is mine" (or "...belongs to me.")
• After Bart falls down the well, Homer and Marge are interviewed.
  Homer: It's not our fault. We didn't want the boy. He was an accident.
  Marge: Homer!
  Homer: Um, could you edit that last part?
  Kent: Mr. Simpson, we're live coast to coast.
  Homer: D'oh!
• The poorly programed robots at Wall E. Weasel's.
  Weasel: Hey there, I hear it's your birthday. How old are you?
  Bart: Well, I'm-
  Weasel: That's great! Would you like us to sing you a special song?
  Bart: Hell no.
  Weasel: You got it! Ready, Signor Beaverotti?
  Beaverotti: I'm-a ready. And-a one, and-a two...
  Animals: (singing, badly) You're the birthday, you're the birthday, you're the birthday boy or girl...
• Once Bart gets stuck down the well, none of the police can help because they're all too fat. Cue Chief Wiggum yelling at them.
  Wiggum: Look at you! You're a bunch of marshmallows.
  Cop: Why aren't you going down the well, chief?
  Wiggum: (taken aback) Oh, you know... because I'm too f... important.
  [The officers scoff]
• The cliffhanger before the last commercial break has the diggers discovering the canary is dead and fleeing out of the hole, screaming. After the break, it turns out the canary died of natural causes and they all run back into the hole, still screaming.
• Jasper's reaction to everyone trying to save Bart: "It's an old-fashioned hole digging! By gum, it's been a while."
• Homer opens two Neapolitan ice cream tubs in the freezer to find that all the chocolate is gone while the vanilla and strawberry are untouched. He then asks Marge to get some more, instead of just asking for a tub of chocolate.
• "Sting!" It's funny to consider that even this early in the series, Bart is completely unfazed by celebrity appearances.

49. - "Lisa the Greek"

• Smooth Jimmy Apollo, a professional football prognosticator who's right 52% of the time.
  Jimmy: When you're right 52% of the time, you're wrong 48% of the time.
  Homer: Why didn't you say that before?!
• Chief Wiggum using Moe's little black book (for illegal betting) as a bar coaster.
• In a Call-Back to "Dead Putting Society", Lisa browses the card catalog at the library for information on football:
  Lisa: Football... Football... "Homoeroticism in", "Oddball Canadian rules", "Phyllis George and"...
• Homer and Lisa betting on one match:
  Lisa: I'd bet my entire college fund on it.
  Homer: You got it (picks up the phone and calls Moe.) Moe, $23 on New York!
• Lisa has to read a paper to her class on the happiest day of her life.
  Lisa: The happiest day of my life was three Sundays ago. I was sitting on my daddy's knee when the Saints, who were four-and-a-half-point favorites, but only up by three, kicked a meaningless field goal at the last second, to cover the spread.
  Miss Hoover: (appalled) Dear God!
• The lame Super Bowl half-time show, which just consists of guys in alien costumes singing "Rock Around the Clock".
  Bart: Oh, this sucks. Come on, snipers, where are you?
• Homer asks what teams Lisa likes in the afternoon games.
  Lisa: Well, I like the 49ers because they're pure of heart, Seattle because they’ve got something to prove, and the Raiders because they always cheat.
  (Jump Cut to after the game)
  Announcer: And in an extremely suspicious play the Raiders win!
• Reverend Lovejoy sermonizing to an almost-empty church on Super Bowl Sunday:
  Lovejoy: Well, I'm glad some people could resist the lure of the big game...
  Man: OH MY GOD, I FORGOT THE GAME! (runs out)

50. - "Homer Alone"

• "Look, lady, this had better be g—" "ROARGHARORGH!!" Extra points for the flecks of spittle Marge sprays on her car window.
• Homer, seeing the news report of a woman holding up traffic while at work:
  Homer: Hey, sweetheart, what's the matter? Not getting enough of the good stuff at home? (the camera zooms in on Marge) D'oh!
• Mr. Teeny spills his chocolate ice cream and starts pushing buttons in Krusty's car. Krusty is appropriately pissed off:
  Krusty: Mr. Teeny, stop fiddling with the buttons or-oh, now you've gotten chocolate all over everything!
• Homer gets attacked by Santa's Little Helper while trying to cheer Maggie up with a puppet show.
• Maggie wanders away from the Simpson residence during the night. Sometime the next day, Homer picks up the phone and asks for the Department of Missing Babies. The music on hold is "Baby Come Back" by Player.
• The subplot of Bart and Lisa being left with Patty and Selma while Marge is on vacation is a goldmine of hilarity.
  • When Patty and Selma first come to collect the kids, Bart and Lisa have their faces pressed against the window glass with expressions of absolute terror. But this is nothing compared to Maggie's reaction; she grabs onto the front door frame of the house and holds on for dear life. Lisa says, "Wish I'd thought of that."
  • Later, we see Bart and Lisa having lunch: tongue sandwiches, with drink options including clamato, Mr. Pibb, and soy milk.
    Lisa: That's all right. [yawns] I think I'll just hit the hay.
    Selma: It's 12:30 in the afternoon!
    Lisa: [glumly] I'm aware of the time.
    Selma: Hmm. Lisa, you'll sleep in my bed. Bart, you'll be sleeping with your Aunt Patty.
    Bart: [uneasily] ... in your bed?
    Patty: Uh-huh. Oh, and I should warn you, I'm told I snore. [she chuckles; Bart and Lisa grab each other's hand under the table] Ooh, Divorce Court is on in five minutes! [she and Selma leave]
    Bart: Lisa, I'm scared!
    Lisa: You think you know fear? Well, I've seen them naked!
    Bart: AAAAAAAAAHH!!
  • Having gone to bed but not to sleep, Bart is rummaging through his aunts' closet...
    Lisa: [sitting up in Selma's bed] Bart, you shouldn't be looking through other people's things. [but even she can't deny her curiosity] Find anything good?
    Bart: I've said it before, and I'll say it again: [holds up an enormous brassiere] AY CARAMBA! [drops the bra, then finds what looks like a small pistol] Hey, Lis! [pretends to fire the gun] Bang! Bang!
    Lisa: Bart, that's a blackhead gun!
    Bart: EWWWW! [drops it as though scalded by it]
  • When Homer finally recovers Maggie after she ran away in the middle of the night to find Marge, he stops by to pick up the other two on his way to meet Marge at the train station. He runs into Selma and Patty's apartment building... and exits much more slowly, with Bart and Lisa hanging onto his ankles for dear life. With two swift kicks, he launches them into the back seat of the car.

51. - "Bart the Lover"

• After Todd Flanders swears at dinner, Ned calls Reverend Lovejoy who is about to eat his dessert:
  Ned: Sorry to bother you, Rev. Lovejoy, but I'm kind of in a tizzy. My son Todd just told us he didn't want to eat his damn vegetables.
  Lovejoy: Well, you know kids and vegetables. What was it? Asparagus?
  Ned: No, no, Reverend, the point is, he said a bad word!
  Lovejoy: Oh, oh, right, yeah. Well, kids usually pick these things stuff up from someplace. Find out who's doing it and... direct them to the Bible.
  Ned: Where in the Bible?
  Lovejoy: Uh... Page 900. (hangs up)
  Ned: But Rever-
  Lovejoy: (looks down at his dessert, which has melted) Damn Flanders.
• Homer makes contributions to the Swear Jar; every time he swears, he has to put in a quarter. This starts a montage of scenes in which he can't control his swearing:
  (in church, Homer blindly puts money into a collection plate)
  Bart: Homer, that was a 20!
  Homer: DA—!
  (Jump Cut to him dropping two coins into the jar)
  (while bowling, the last pin fails to fall over)
  Homer: OH, YOU SON OF A—!
  (Jump Cut to him dropping more change into the jar)
  (Homer sees Ned Flanders after being suggested by Homer to shave his mustache while taking out the trash)
  Ned: Hey Homer! You know, I owe you one, buddy! No sooner than I shaved off the ol' cookie-duster than a lady cast me in a commercial! (checks mail) I tell you, the way these checks keep coming in, it's almost criminal.
  Homer: (after Ned walks away) YOU DIRTY BAS—!
  (Jump Cut to him dropping even more change into the jar)
  (Homer finishes building a very shoddy dog house. It doesn't have a door)
  Homer: Whaddya think, Lisa?
  Lisa: How's the dog supposed to get in?
  Homer: Well, he just goes...(pause) Awwwwww—
  (Jump Cut to him dropping still more change into the jar)
  (Homer is asleep in a hammock. Out of nowhere, a beehive falls down and on to his stomach)
  Homer: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA—
  (Jump Cut to a badly stung hand dropping a huge pile of change into the jar)
• A little later, Homer is building the doghouse and smacks his thumb with a hammer.
  Homer: Oh. Fudge. That's... broken. (he turns around and steps on a nail, which goes through his foot and sticks out of the top of his shoe) Fiddle-dee-dee. That will require a tetanus shot. I'm not going to swear, but I am going to KICK THIS DOGHOUSE DOWN! (he does just that, with his injured foot)
  • Homer and Marge discussing the terms of when he has to use the Swear Jar.
    Homer: What if I hit my hand?
    Marge: Yes, Homer.
    Homer: What if I light myself on fire?
    Marge: No, Homer.
    Homer: What if I see something really weird in the sky?
    Marge: Yes, Homer.
    Homer: What about when we snuggle?
    Marge: (pauses to think about it) That's okay.
• The whole family composes a letter to Mrs. Krabappel explaining why "Woodrow" (a fake man Bart made up to screw with her after he saw her personal ad) can't see her again. They come up with a lot of rejected ideas. Bart's and Homer's are the funniest ones, from Bart suggesting that "an alligator bit off my face," - Marge points out this is disgusting, and that if she really loved him it wouldn't matter if an alligator bit off his face, which Homer says he may hold her to — to Homer repeatedly pitching "3 simple words: I am gay."
  Marge: Homer, for the last time, I'm not writing that!
• Homer's drunken post card:
  Maybe it's the beer talking Marge, but you've got a butt that won't quit. They've got these big chewy pretzels here eegaaafooa beer $5? Get outta here...
• After Bart accidentally breaks the class fish tank, Mrs Krabappel looks at the yo-yo in the tank and follows the string to Bart's finger. "I didn't do it."
• Bart imagines teasing a tiny Edna with a yo-yo.
  Edna: Bart, if I were you and you were me, would you give the yo-yo back?
  Bart: (after the imagine spot) Absolutely!
  [Edna scoffs]
• According to Mike Reiss, there were children visiting the recording studio and accidentally walked in on Dan Castellaneta yelling swear words.

52. - "Homer at the Bat"

• The Umpire explaining the rules when the SNPP plays the Springfield Police.
  Umpire: Ok, let's go over the ground rules. You can't leave first until you chug a beer. Any man scoring has to chug a beer. You have to chug a beer at the top of all odd-numbered innings. Oh, and the fourth inning is the beer inning.
  Chief Wiggum: Hey, we know how to play softball!
• The bet with Mr. Burns and his rival is for $1,000,000. When the bet is made, Mr. Burns declares he wants to make it interesting, much to Amandopolis's confusion.
  Amandopolis: What, $1000000 isn't exciting enough for you?
  Mr. Burns: I'm sorry, I was thinking about something else.
• Burns' initial plan for hiring ringers for the softball team, all of whom had been retired and dead for decades. "In fact, your right fielder has been dead for 130 years."
• The hypnotist scene:
  Hypnotist: (waving a watch back and forth) You are all very good players.
  Players: (in unison) We are all very good players.
  Hypnotist: You will beat Shelbyville.
  Players: We will beat Shelbyville.
  Hypnotist: You will give 110%.
  Players: That's impossible. No one can give more than 100%. By definition, that is the most anyone can give.
  • Later in the episode, it is revealed that the hypnotist made Roger Clemens think he is a chicken. When Burns confronts him about it, the hypnotist hypnotizes Burns into thinking he did a good job.
• Barney Gumble gets into an argument with Wade Boggs.
  Barney: And I say England's greatest Prime Minister was Lord Palmerston!
  Wade Boggs: Pitt the Elder!
  Barney: LORD PALMERSTON!
  Boggs: PITT! THE! ELDER!
  Barney: Okay, you asked for it, Boggs! [he punches out Boggs]
  Moe: Yeah, that's showin' 'im, Barn! (Dismissively) 'Pitt the Elder'...
  Barney: LORD PALMERSTON! (he punches out Moe)
• The professional players go through mishaps, including what happens to Ozzie Smith, who Smithers describes as having "fallen off the face of the Earth."
  Ozzie Smith: (while falling into oblivion) AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH—Cool!—AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!
• Jose Canseco saves a baby from a house fire. He then gets sent back in to save a cat. He then gets sent back in to save a player piano. This goes on for several hours, and apparently no one bothers to call the fire department. "The drier goes on the right."
• Mr. Burns constantly getting on Don Mattingly for sideburns only he can see. Even after Mattingly completely shaves both sides of his head, Burns still claims to see them and boots him off the team despite already having lost seven other ringers.
  Mr. Burns: [gasp] Mattingly! I thought I told you to trim those sideburns! Go home! You're off the team, for good!
  Mattingly: Fine. Still like him better than [George] Steinbrenner.
• With 7 of the professional baseball players suffering misfortunes and an 8th one kicked off the team for (non-existent) sideburns, Mr. Burns has no choice but to rely on his employees on the roster and delivers his version of a Rousing Speech.
  Mr. Burns: [coughs] All right, you Ragtag Bunch of Misfits! You hate me, and I hate you even more! But without my beloved ringers, you're all I've got. So I, uh, want you to remember some inspiring things that someone else may have told you during the course of your lives, and go out there and win!
  (The team cheers; all of them proceed onto the playing field except Homer, whom is stopped by Mr. Burns.)
  Mr. Burns: Not so fast, Simpson. The man who plays your position is still here. (cut to Darryl Strawberry waving, then back to Mr. Burns) Hit the pine.
  • Homer is benched in favor of Darryl Strawberry. Bart and Lisa start heckling him, much to Marge's disappointment, but they explain he's a professional, used to this sort of thing. Cut to a depressed Strawberry wiping away a Single Tear.
• Marge records Homer at the game, even though he's benched. She turns the camera away when he starts scratching himself.
  Marge: Kids, tell me when your father stops scratching himself. (Beat) Kids?
  Bart: We'll tell you, mom.
• Homer wins the game for his team by getting hit in the head with the baseball. Then there's the team's victory photo (which closes out the episode). We see the professional players all reflecting their predicaments (such as Ozzie Smith being a ghost, and Ken Griffey Jr. and his gigantism), and an unconscious Homer lying down face-first.
• The credits wrap with a parody of "Talkin' Baseball" written by Terry Cashman himself called "Talkin' Softball, except instead of celebrating the sport's great players, the song discusses the hilarious and absurd fates of Burns' ringers, including the still-hypnotized Clemens, radiation-crippled Scioscia, grossly-disfigured Griffey Jr., and punched-out Boggs.

53. - "Separate Vocations"

• During a montage of Bart acting as Hall Monitor, he proves to Principal Skinner that Nelson wrote a note from his mother excusing his absence.
  Seymour: Forgery! So he didn't have leprosy.
• The very specific questions of the aptitude test:
  Mrs. Krabappel: (reading off test) "Question 1: My favorite animal is a) a carpenter ant, b) a nurse shark, or c) a lawyer bird."
• When Principal Skinner offers Bart a position as Hall Monitor after hearing of him pursuing a career as a policeman, Bart imagines himself appearing on a courtroom tv broadcast with his face censored and his voice altered to sound like Steve Allen.
  Blue-Haired Lawyer: Now, Witness X... would you please tell the court what you saw?
  Bart: [in Steve Allen’s voice] I'd be more than happy to. I saw Mr. Montone there... seal Mr. Palaccio in an oil drum... and roll him off the pier.
  Mr. Montone: [pulls out a knife in anger] I KILL YOU!! [lunges at Bart, grabbing by the shirt color, about to stab him]
  Bart: [in Steve Allen’s voice] Ay Carumba!

54. - "Dog of Death"

• This conversation between Mr. Burns and Smithers:
  Smithers: People like dogs, Mr. Burns.
  Mr. Burns: Nonsense, dogs are idiots. Think about it Smithers, if I came into your room and started sniffing at your crotch and slobbering all over your face, what would you say?
  Smithers: Umm...if you did it, sir?
• Kent Brockman wins the lottery on the air during the newscast.
  Kent: [reading his numbers] 38? 49? Oh my God. I won. I WON!!!! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! [spins around in his chair] Ahem. Recapping our top story, the winner of the state lottery is... me, Kent Brockman. Can we get a shot of me? [an image of Kent spinning around in his chair is posted] There ya go. In other news... [clearly disinterested] Tragic mix-up today in Cleveland... Many people killed... Ummmm... Goodbye! [runs off]
• Homer and Marge discuss about Kent Brockman.
  Homer: Well, he's got all the money in the world, but there's one thing he can't buy.
  Marge: What's that?
  (Beat)
  Homer: A dinosaur.
• Homer has an Imagine Spot of what would happen if he won the lottery. Somehow, he thinks winning the lottery will result in him becoming gigantic, golden, covered in jewels, and being made King of Springfield.
• Upon losing the lottery
  Grampa: Sigh, I knew we wouldn't win...
  Homer: Well, why didn't you tell the rest of us? (beat) WHY DID YOU KEEP IT A SECRET?!
• This gem when the family are deciding how to save the money for Santa's Little Helper's operation.
  Homer: I've figured out an alternative to giving up my beer. Basically, we become a family of traveling acrobats.
  Marge: Homer, I don't think you've thought this through.
• The closing disclaimer: "No dogs were harmed in the filming of this episode. A cat got sick, and somebody shot a duck, but that's it."
• When Homer brings up "Doggy Heaven", Bart asks if there's a Doggy Hell.
  Homer: "Well (looks thoughtful for a split second) of course! There couldn't be a Heaven if there weren't a Hell!"
  Bart: "Who's in there?"
  Homer: "Oh, Hitler's dog and that dog Nixon had. What's his name? Uh, Chester?"
  Lisa (glaring) "Checkers!"
  Homer: "Yeah! One of the Lassies is in there, too! (uncertain) The mean one! The one that mauled Timmy!"
• Homer puts up fliers on the wall of a building that's about to be demolished.

55. - "Colonel Homer"

• Homer's annoying interruptions while watching The Stockholm Affair:
  Homer: I think that guy's a spy.
  Marge: Well of course he's a spy! You just saw him go through spy school!
• Homer is not used to compliments.
  Lurleen: Oh Homer, you're just a big sack of sugar.
  Homer: Thanks! You did say sugar, right?
• Another example:
  Homer: Guess what, Lurleen. I got you a gig on TV!
  Lurleen: Oh, Homer! You're as smart as you are handsome!
  Homer: (angrily) Hey! Oh, you meant that as a compliment.
• Lurleen wants Homer to be her manager.
  Homer: Really? Well, I should warn you, I'm not great with figures.
  Lurleen: That's okay.
  Homer: I make a lot of stupid decisions.
  Lurleen: Nobody's perfect.
  Homer: I did bad in school.
  Lurleen: I didn't even go.
  Homer: My personal hygeine has been described as...
• Marge first meets Lurleen.
  Marge: Thought you said she was overweight.
  Homer: Marge, it takes two to lie: one to lie and one to listen.
• Lurleen's song "Bagged Me A Homer". Most people usually aren't quite as blatant that they're after a married man:
  Lurleen: I used to play the field,
  I used to be a roamer
  but the seasons' turning around for me now,
  I finally bagged me a Homer!
  That's right, I finally bagged me a Homer!
  Recording guy: Lurleen, we're going to have to cut you off. There's some kind of grinding noise on the track. (Cuts to Marge angrily grinding her teeth.)
• Homer's obliviousness to Lurleen's advances comes to a head after she sings "Bunk with Me Tonight."
  Homer: Oh, that's hot. There isn't a man alive who wouldn't get turned on by that. (stands up) Well, goodbye!
• Homer selling Lurleen's contract:
  Homer: Now before we negotiate, I have to tell you I'm desperate to unload Lurleen, and I'll take any offer.
  Agent: I'll give you fifty bucks.
  Homer: YOU SON OF A- sold.

56. - "Black Widower"

• At one point, the Simpsons appear to be watching a parody of Dinosaurs that looks eerily familiar:
  Lisa: These talking dinosaurs are more real than most real families on TV!
  Bart: It's like they saw our lives and put it right on the screen.
• Sideshow Bob gives a "review" of MacGyver to Selma. The withering sarcasm of Kelsey Grammer and the hilarious poses Bob goes through make for a great combination.
  Bob: No, Selma, this is lying: "That was a well-plotted piece of non-claptrap that never made me want to retch!"
• Bob can't resist taking a shot at Krusty after winning the "Best Children's TV Sidekick" Emmy while still in prison, and Krusty gives it right back to him: "This is one more Emmy than you'll ever win, you bantering jack-in-the-box!" "Just don't drop that thing in the shower, Bob!" "No-talent shill!" "Second banana!" "Panderer!" "Bore!" Then Bob has to be restrained and sedated by the guards.
• When Bob is describing how the overcrowded prison cells reduced him and the other cons to mere animals, cut to Bob in one such cell.
  Bob: Who took my chapstick?
  Offscreen Voice: Oh sorry. Here. (hands it back)
  Bob: I don't want it.
• Lisa getting jealous of Maggie being the flowergirl. "If you wanna go for cutesiness instead of competence, fine."
• This dialogue, when Selma asks Bob to give her a foot massage:
  Bob: (muttering to himself) Soon, I will kill you...
  Selma: What?
  Bob: Son pied sentit beau...that's French for "Her foot smells lovely."
  Selma: Oh...
  Bob: (muttering again) Prepare to be murdered...
  Selma: Huh?
  Bob: Eh pah dee meh moo-doo...that's...Sanskrit for "You toes are like...(cringes) perfume..."
  Selma: Oh...
  Bob: (muttering once again) Voy a matar a usted...
  Selma: What?
  Bob: Oh, that's Spanish for (menacingly) "I'm going to kill you..."
• Bart gives The Summation of how he figured out Sideshow Bob's plan. He then details how he tried to explain his realization to Homer:
  Bart: (voiceover) [Selma's] only hope was a young boy, and his slow-witted father...
  Flashback Bart: Dad! When Aunt Selma lights up her cigarette, at the end of MacGyver, she'll be blown to kingdome come!
  Flashback Homer: ...Come again?
  (cut to Bart trying to explain the situation to Homer via a demonstration by using a gas stove, then reading to him from a science text-book, then with a hand-drawn schematic, and finally with hand puppets)
  Bart: (voiceover) After trying four times to explain it to Homer, I explained it to mom, and we were on our way...
• "I'll be back! You can't keep the Democrats out of the White House forever! And when they get in, I'm back on the streets! With all my criminal buddies!"
• After the flashbacks reveal that the family saved Selma in the nick of time, Bob asks why the room still exploded. Wiggum admits that he and the other cops had celebratory cigars right outside the room and forgot about the gas. Absolutely nobody was hurt; he just accidentally tossed a lit match into the room.

57. - "The Otto Show"

• The entire first half with Spinal Tap. "We salute you, our half-inflated dark lord!"
• Otto drives madly to school after his impromptu concert (which includes crashing into Spinal Tap's bus, none of the police officers bothering to get the license number of the bus as it crashed through a police picnic, and all the bystanders rushing to pay phones after seeing the "How Am I Driving?" bumper sticker on the detached bumper). This is followed by his explanation to Principal Skinner and the cops that he doesn't have a license or wear his own underwear.
• Otto mistakes Marge's sister Patty for a male-to-female transsexual.
  Otto: Have you always been a chick? I-I don't want to offend you, but you were born a man, weren't you? You can tell me. I'm open-minded.
  Patty: "Welp, won't be needing this!" (quickly discards the green pen used for correct answers)
• Otto studies for his driver's test.
  Otto: Alcohol increases your ability to drive. (flips to answer key) False?! Oh, man!
• Patty tells Otto that he failed every segment of his driver's test, and misspelled "bus" on his application.
• Skinner tries to drive the kids to school.
  Skinner: (after sitting at an intersection for so long he has grown a 5 o'clock shadow) Let me in! Let me in! (honks bus horn)
  Ralph: (singing) He steps on the clutch and the toilet goes flush! Hail to the-
  Skinner: Shut up!
• Most interactions between Otto and Homer this episode. At one point he pokes Homer's belly and calls him Poppin' Fresh, and tells him he's supposed to giggle. At another, Homer is horrified to see the sink clogged by Otto's hair.
• Homer demands Otto to stop playing the guitar so he can hear himself think:
  Homer: (I want some peanuts.) That's better.
• "I'll show him who's a sponge!"
• Bart trying to convince his parents to let Otto crash in with them.
  Bart: Mom, I thought you might forget our little conversation this afternoon, so I took the precaution of recording it.
  Marge: What conversation?
  Bart: (on tape) Mom, can Otto live in our garage for as long as he wants? (impersonating Marge's voice) He sure can!
  Homer: Marge! What were you thinking?
  Marge: That's not my voice!
  Homer: Oh, everybody says that when they hear themselves on tape.
• After Otto gets evicted from his apartment:
  Otto: Can I at least get my stuff?
  Landlord: All I found in there was a jar of mustard and a couple of old cycle magazines.
  Otto: Wow! I had mustard?
• In Otto's second attempt at a driving test, he bonds with Patty over hating Homer. In particular, his story about Homer having a piece of food stuck to his face for three days. "And it wasn't little either, it was a chicken wing!"

58. - "Bart's Friend Falls in Love"

• The entire Raiders of the Lost Ark parody at the beginning, complete with Homer acting out the roles of both the giant boulder and the natives from the beginning of the film.
• Mrs. Krabappel teaching her students sex education via the educational short "Fuzzy Bunny's Guide to You-Know-What". Some choice moments:
  • The students' reaction to the graphic sex scene.
  • Mrs. Krabappel responding to Fluffy Bunny's orgasm with a nonchalant "She's faking it."
  • "Nine months later, Fluffy gave birth to fourteen beautiful bunnies . . . eight survived."
  • In the post-film discussion, Bart asks about how to create a half-man, half-ape creature.
    Mrs. Krabappel: I'm sorry, that would be playing God.
    Bart: God-schmod, I want my monkey man!
• The "Homer Sez: Increase Your Wordiness" still features Homer-esque definitions for words he used in the subplot where Marge tries to order him a subliminal weight-loss tape, but the company sends him a vocabulary builder tape.
• Lisa has an Imagine Spot of Homer's funeral, in which Homer had to be buried in a piano crate because of how obese he is. The crate ends up crushing everyone mourning his loss.
  Marge: (sobbing) I wish they had never invented fried cheese!
  • His tombstone shows how much he weighed when he was born (nine pounds, six ounces) and his weight at the time when he died (402 pounds, one ounce) instead of his date of birth and date of death, also adding to the humor.
• Homer as a hostage negotiator:
  Homer: Listen, Tabbouleh, we're ignoring all your demands. What do you say to that?
  (Tabbouleh cocks a Uzi and kills Homer)
• Milhouse's reaction after Samantha's father takes her away. "How could this happen? We started out like Romeo and Juliet but it ended up in tragedy."

59. - "Brother, Can You Spare Two Dimes?"

• Homer is getting a physical exam at the power plant.
  Doctor: This can't be right, this man has 104% body fat... Hey, no eating in the tank!
  Homer: (nonchalantly) Go to Hell.
• Mr. Burns asking for advice from his lawyers. Sort of.
  Mr. Burns: Before you begin, let me make one thing clear to you: I want your legal advice, I even pay you for it, but to me, you're all vipers! You live on personal injury! You live on divorces! You live on pain and misery! ... but I'm rambling. Would anyone like some coffee?
  Blue-Haired Lawyer: I'll have some coffee.
  Mr. Burns: Want it black, don't you? BLACK LIKE YOUR HEART?! It's so hard for me to listen to you. I HATE YOU ALL SO MUCH! I'm sorry, it's my problem, I'll deal with it, please continue.
• Bart and Lisa's take on Mr. Burn's tacky award show:
  Lisa: This is the biggest farce I ever saw.
  Bart: What about the Emmys?
  Lisa: I stand corrected.
• After the first Annual Montgomery Award for Outstanding Achievement in the Field of Excellence, Homer and Joe Frazier go to Moe's, where Homer's still down about his destroyed couch. Frazier tries comforting him, until Barney interjects.
  Barney: Hey, Frazier, shut up!
  Frazier: Barney, you've been riding my back all night!
  Barney: Oh, yeah? Care to step outside?
  Frazier: Let's do it.
  (they step outside. Barney's not even out the door before Frazier starts kicking his ass)
• Herb shows up at the Simpsons' front door.
  Herb: What am I going to say? This is the guy who ruined me. But on the other hand, he's family. So many conflicting emotions, how to express them?
  (Homer opens the door)
  Homer: Herb? (Herb punches Homer)
• A little bit later:
  Herb: Sorry, Homer, but I'm still mad at you. Every word you say makes me want to punch you in the face!
  Homer: Well, while you're a guest in my house could you just kick me in the butt?
  Herb: I'll try, but I'm not making any promises!
• This brief exchange:
  Herb: Lisa, aren't you happy to see me?
  Lisa: Why didn't you write, Unky Herb?
  Herb: Hey, if I wrote to you, what was I supposed to say? "Dear Lisa, last night I used a rat for a pillow, thanks to your pop"?
  Lisa: I see your point.
• This exchange between Homer and Herb when he sees the prototype baby translator:
  Homer: I can't believe we blew 2,000 bucks on this, when right now rollers could be kneading my buttocks!
  Herb: Homer, could you stop thinking about your ass?!
  Homer: I tried, but I can't...
• Herb goes bankrupt in a game of Monopoly. Homer pokes fun at him about it and gets punched in the face for his troubles.
• And at the end:
  Herb: Maggie, who brought me my fortune, I'll give you anything you want in this world.
  Maggie: (baby gibberish)
  Translator: I want what the dog's eating. (cut to a shot of Santa's Little Helper eating from his dish)
  Homer: D'oh!
  Herb: (chuckles and tickles Maggie's chin) I'll get you something nice.

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