- In the episode where Josh becomes the chief of the Campfire Kids Scouts, Megan locks him in a tent and the kids decide to have a party. After Megan asks Wendy if she's alright, Josh basically goes crazy, asking for someone to let him out.
Josh: Could someone LET ME OUT OF HERE???!!! I hate camping too! I'm claustrophobic! I would like some s'mores!
Josh: I wanna whack the mole!
- Crazy Steve. What stands out is the episode where they get stuck in their house because of a flood, and have a crankable TV. Turns out Crazy Steve likes watching Dora the Explorer.
Crazy Steve: Come on Dora, you're the one with the map, don't ask me!
Crazy Steve: Come on Dora! Andale, andale! Mas rapido! You call yourself an explora!?
Crazy Steve: You will take a break when Dora finds her way to that banana tree. Come on Dora it's right over there!
- And it's not Dora related but:
Crazy Steve: What happened to the picture!?
- When sneaking into a club, Drake devises some fake names: Jefferson Steelflex and Alvin Yakitori.
Drake: They could be real names...
Josh: Yeah, on Planet Crazy-tron!
- In the episode where Drake hustles people out of their money because Josh is such a great pool player Josh decides to teach him a lesson by having the two of them play against intimidating thug-like bikers in a bar downtown. After being scared out of his mind Josh reveals that both thugs were simply his old camp counselors and he asked them to scare Drake so he wouldn't scam people anymore. The best part is Drake's reaction to being told this:
Drake: "Where did you go to camp?!"
- Whilst trying to not let their parents find out they have a sheep in the house: "To the garage, we've got smoothie trouble!"
- In "The Bet", Drake and Josh were so engrossed in their addictions (Drake was eating an absurd amount of sweets while Josh was busy playing video games) that they forgot to pick Megan up with the umbrella that their mother gave them, so Megan arrives home wet from the rain. Drake just gives her an umbrella.
- "COCKA-DOODLE-DOO! THE COW SAYS MOO!"
- This little exchange at the beginning of the episode Alien Invasion:
(Drake and Josh are in their room. Drake has the stereo playing really loudly while Josh is trying to do his homework.)
Josh: Hey! Hey!
Drake: (while eating a sandwich) Oh, sorry. Do you want some sandwich?
Josh: No! Iím trying to do my homework! Could you please turn that off?!
(Drake turns off the stereo and picks up his guitar.)
Drake: (singing in blues) Oh cranky Josh, he is getting so cranky, so very cranky... (Josh breaks his pencil out of anger) ...and now he's breaking things. Somebody could call to the pencil repairman.
Josh: DUDE! Could you please stop that improvisational blues tune? Donít you have homework to do?
Drake: My homework has already been taken care of.
(Drake gives a note to Josh.)
Josh: (reading note) "Please excuse Drake from his homework. He twisted his liver and is unable to write, read, or bathe. Yours truly: The Doctor."
Drake: (proudly) Wrote it myself!
Josh: Shouldn't 'The Doctor' have a name?
Drake: Oh, yeah. Here, gimme that. (takes note from Josh and thinks for a few seconds) Bob! "Bob, the Doctor". (writes it down on note) Yeah?
Josh: (sarcastically) Oh yeah, yeah! That is perfect!
- "It's SPHERICAL!"
- While it's quite a sad episode, the ping-pong in "Josh is Done" is outright hilarious, especially as the boys play as kung-fu masters.
- "Are you ready to ping the pong?"
- "You have smashed the window of transparency!"
- When Josh takes a trip to a store called, "Guitar World" to replace Drake's old one that caught on fire.
- The entire beginning of Battle of Panthatar, where Drake and Josh talk to "everyone under the age of 5", parodying shows like Dora the Explorer where they wait for the audience to respond. Even funnier is the fact that Drake gets cookies from the "kid viewer", and Josh gets spit in his eye. Even with the modified fourth wall poor Josh can't catch a break.
- Just to show how much the world seems to hate Josh, here's a bit where he's reprimanded for saying something completely nice and inoffensive:
Delivery Man: Package for Josh Nichols (hands Josh the box).
Josh: (smiling) Thanks. Have a nice day!
Delivery Man: Don't tell me what to do (walks away).
(Josh's smile falls).
- Anytime Josh attempts to be dramatic.
Josh: I may have tripped. BUT THAT DOES NOT DIMINISH THE IMPACT OF THIS EXIT!
(puts on glasses) I am not an emotional man. But... (pulls off glasses)
I will go to the ends of the earth to prove that my client, Drake Parker, is INNOCENT! (slams hand on table, but smashes glasses while doing so)
- "Megan's New Teacher" has Drake struggle to climb up a rope to get into Megan's school to help Megan sabotage Josh's teaching evaluation. He then yells for Megan to come up, only for her to come in through the classroom door seconds later.
Drake: How did you get in?
Megan: Through the front door. It's a school, Drake, not a bank.
- Everyone who rode the Demonator's reactions to the ride:
Random Guy: It's like a part of me died, and another part of me was just born.
I don't even care that I puked!
Drake: (to Megan) You rode the Demonator?
Josh: Yep, she rode the Demonator.
Megan: (dazed) Oh, I rode the Demonator.
Josh: So how was it?
Megan: It was like taking a piggyback ride on a wild tiger through the eye of a tornado.
- Anytime Drake shows his Book Dumb.
Drake: There's a NEW Jersey?
Josh: Yeah, they just opened it.
- Megan's really bad cover-ups for her suspicious behavior in "Megan's First Kiss."
Megan: (on the phone) Why don't you meet me by the— (sees Drake and Josh) Bye! (hangs up the phone)
Drake: Who were you on the phone with?
Megan: I wasn't on the phone!
Drake: Yeah, you were.
Josh: We just saw you.
Megan: No, you didn't!
Drake: Yeah, we did!
Josh: We were standing right here!
Megan: Coming, Mom!
Drake: Mom's not even home.
Megan: (after measuring their necks) What are you doing Saturday night?
Drake: We're going to a concert.
Drake: (to Josh) Because we bought tickets.
Josh: Not you! (to Megan) Why do you want to know what we're doing Saturday night?
Megan: I don't care what you're doing.
Drake: But you just asked us.
Megan: Or, maybe you just asked yourself. Yeah. Think about that!
- And then, Drake even believes Megan's last cover-up!
Drake: 'Kay, I wanna know what her deal is!
Josh: Yeah, she's up to something.
Drake: First, she hangs up the phone and pretends to not be talking to anybody...
Josh: Then she measures our necks and asks of our social plans...
Drake: Wait. She said we asked ourselves about that.
Josh: Really, you're not a smart boy.