- In the episode, "#1 Fan", where Josh becomes the chief of the Campfire Kids Scouts, Megan locks him in a tent and the kids decide to have a party. After Megan asks Wendy if she's alright, Josh basically goes crazy, asking for someone to let him out.
- Crazy Steve. What stands out is the episode where they get stuck in their house because of a flood, and have a crankable TV. Turns out Crazy Steve likes watching Dora the Explorer.
Crazy Steve: Come on Dora, you're the one with the map, don't ask me!
Crazy Steve: Come on Dora! Andale, andale! Mas rapido! You call yourself an explora!?
Crazy Steve: You will take a break when Dora finds her way to that banana tree. Come on Dora it's right over there!
- And it's not Dora related but:
Crazy Steve: What happened to the picture!?
- When sneaking into a club, Drake devises some fake names: Jefferson Steelflex and Alvin Yakitori.
Drake: They could be real names...
Josh: Yeah, on Planet Crazy-tron!
- From the same episode, we get this:
- In the episode where Drake hustles people out of their money because Josh is such a great pool player Josh decides to teach him a lesson by having the two of them play against intimidating thug-like bikers in a bar downtown. After being scared out of his mind Josh reveals that both thugs were simply his old camp counselors and he asked them to scare Drake so he wouldn't scam people anymore. The best part is Drake's reaction to being told this:
Drake: "Where did you go to camp?!"
- Whilst trying to not let their parents find out they have a sheep in the house: "To the garage, we've got smoothie trouble!"
- In "The Bet", Drake and Josh were so engrossed in their addictions (Drake was eating an absurd amount of sweets while Josh was busy playing video games) that they forgot to pick Megan up with the umbrella that their mother gave them, so Megan arrives home wet from the rain. Drake just gives her an umbrella.
- Josh hallucinating he's playing a game while in biology class.
Josh: (daydreaming) I miss video games...so, so much...
Princess: JOSH! The evil dragon has locked me in his castle!
Josh: (rubs his eyes incredulously)
Princess: Press B to save me, Josh! PRESS BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!
Josh: (hammering his finger on sink) I'M PRESSIN' IT!
Biology Teacher: Josh? Josh!
Josh: (still daydreaming) Yes, Princess? (what's going on quickly dawns on him)
Biology Teacher: Please pay attention.
- "COCKA-DOODLE-DOO! THE COW SAYS MOO!"
- This little exchange at the beginning of the episode Alien Invasion:
(Drake and Josh are in their room. Drake has the stereo playing really loudly while Josh is trying to do his homework.)
Josh: Hey! Hey!
Drake: (while eating a sandwich) Oh, sorry. Do you want some sandwich?
Josh: No! Iím trying to do my homework! Could you please turn that off?!
(Drake turns off the stereo and picks up his guitar.)
Drake: (singing in blues) Oh cranky Josh, he is getting so cranky, so very cranky... (Josh breaks his pencil out of anger) ...and now he's breaking things. Somebody could call to the pencil repairman.
Josh: DUDE! Could you please stop that improvisational blues tune? Donít you have homework to do?
Drake: My homework has already been taken care of.
(Drake gives a note to Josh.)
Josh: (reading note) "Please excuse Drake from his homework. He twisted his liver and is unable to write, read, or bathe. Yours truly: The Doctor."
Drake: (proudly) Wrote it myself!
Josh: Shouldn't 'The Doctor' have a name?
Drake: Oh, yeah. Here, gimme that. (takes note from Josh and thinks for a few seconds) Bob! "Bob, the Doctor". (writes it down on note) Yeah?
Josh: (sarcastically) Oh yeah, yeah! That is perfect!
- "It's SPHERICAL! SPHERICAL!!"
- While it's quite a sad episode, the ping-pong in "Josh is Done" is outright hilarious, especially as the boys play as kung-fu masters.
- "Are you ready to ping the pong?"
- "You have smashed the window of transparency!"
- When Josh takes a trip to a store called, "Guitar World" to replace Drake's old one that caught on fire.
- The entire beginning of Battle of Panthatar, where Drake and Josh talk to "everyone under the age of 5", parodying shows like Dora the Explorer where they wait for the audience to respond. Even funnier is the fact that Drake gets cookies from the "kid viewer", and Josh gets spit in his eye. Even with the modified fourth wall poor Josh can't catch a break.
- Just to show how much the world seems to hate Josh, here's a bit where he's reprimanded for saying something completely nice and inoffensive:
Delivery Man: Package for Josh Nichols. (hands Josh the box)
Josh: (smiling) Thanks. Have a good day!
Delivery Man: Don't tell me what to do. (walks away)
(Josh's smile falls).
- Anytime Josh attempts to be dramatic.
Josh: I may have tripped. BUT THAT DOES NOT DIMINISH THE IMPACT OF THIS EXIT!
(puts on glasses) I am not an emotional man. But... (pulls off glasses)
I will go to the ends of the earth to prove that my client, Drake Parker, is INNOCENT! (slams hand on table, but smashes glasses while doing so)
- "Megan's New Teacher" has Drake struggle to climb up a rope to get into Megan's school to help Megan sabotage Josh's teaching evaluation. He then yells for Megan to come up, only for her to come in through the classroom door seconds later.
Drake: How did you get in?
- "Helicopter". Basically the entire episode. A crowning example, however, is Josh knocking out their pilot (with only Drake and them in the helicopter), managing to wake him, then using the fire extinguisher to blast him out the helicopter with a parachute.
Josh: I EXTINGUISHED OUR PILOT!
- Everyone who rode the Demonator's reactions to the ride:
Random Guy: It's like a part of me died, and another part of me has just been born.
I don't even care that I puked!
Drake: (to Megan) You rode the Demonator?
Josh: Yep, she rode the Demonator.
Megan: (dazed) Oh, I rode the Demonator.
Josh: So how was it?
: It was like taking a piggyback ride on a wild tiger through the eye of a tornado.
Drake: (both he and Josh are dazed) We rode the Demonator.
Josh: The greatest rollercoaster...in the history...of mankind.
Drake: It's better than love.
Josh: It's better than girls.
Drake: (snaps out of daze) Okay, don't get crazy!
- Anytime Drake shows his Book Dumb.
Drake: There's a NEW Jersey?
Josh: Yeah, they just opened it.
- Megan's really bad cover-ups for her suspicious behavior in "Megan's First Kiss."
Megan: (on the phone) Why don't you meet me by the— (sees Drake and Josh) Bye! (hangs up the phone)
Drake: Who were you on the phone with?
Megan: I wasn't on the phone!
Drake: Yeah, you were.
Josh: We just saw you.
Megan: No, you didn't!
Drake: Yeah, we did!
Josh: We were standing right here!
Megan: Coming, Mom!
Drake: Mom's not even home.
Megan: (after measuring their necks) What are you doing Saturday night?
Drake: We're going to a concert.
Drake: (to Josh) Because we bought tickets.
Josh: Not you! (to Megan) Why do you want to know what we're doing Saturday night?
Megan: I don't care what you're doing.
Drake: But you just asked us.
Megan: Or, maybe you just asked yourself. Yeah. Think about that!
- And then, Drake even believes Megan's last cover-up!
Drake: 'Kay, I wanna know what her deal is!
Josh: Yeah, she's up to something.
Drake: First, she hangs up the phone and pretends to not be talking to anybody...
Josh: Then she measures our necks and asks of our social plans...
Drake: Wait. She said we asked ourselves about that.
Josh: Really, you're not a smart boy.
- At the end of the episode, Megan kisses Drake and Josh on the cheek and tells them that she loves them. Shocked, Drake turns to Josh and sees that he's crying... ...Except it was really just because he was kicked in the throat.
- One episode has Drake and Josh try to get part time jobs so they can get some money... and they get a job in a Sushi place. Their job? To pack boxes of Sushi. Cue the inevitable homage to I Love Lucy.
- In "Tree House", the boys build a new treehouse for the neighbor kid, only for them to get trapped inside because Drake didn't put in a door.
Josh: Where's the door hole?
Josh: You were supposed to cut it out with a power saw.
Drake: Dude, I'm gonna.
Josh: Oh really?
Josh: So get the power saw.
Drake: Okay, I will. (walks straight into the wall) I see the problem.
Josh: Oh, DO YA!?
- Josh's big speech at the end of "Girl Power" is simultaneously hilarious, heartwarming and awesome:
You see what you do?! One night, one night, I ask you to help me and you ruin it! Drake:
Josh I- Josh:
(interrupting) I told you how important this was to me. I told you that this was my last chance to impress Mindy's parents! I spent like two days working on this dinner, and 300 bucks on a dumb harpist (turning to address her) who at this point should STOP. PLAYING!
(the harpist stops) And I don't even care what you think of Mindy, 'cause she is the greatest thing that ever happened to me, and I can't date her because you wrecked it! Alright? You wrecked my dinner, you wrecked my $100 ice sculpture, and you wrecked my relationship! Drake:
(beat) You spent $100 on ice? Josh:
(Yells and attacks Drake)
- The entire Cumin waffle scene some highlights include:
Drake: You told me to put cumin in his waffles.
Josh: I said cinnamon. Cinnamon!
Josh: We were flavoring a waffle, not a chimichanga!
Drake: Anyone want a tangelo?
Josh: Mmm half tangerine half, elo.
Drake: (fake British accent) Ello.
- The Twist Ending to "The Wedding"'s opening segment:
Drake: You know, Josh and I disagree on a lot of stuff, but I bet he hates Aunt Catherine just as much as I do.
(cut to a wide shot of the living room... where we see that Drake and Josh were standing next to each other)
Josh: (to Drake) ...do you?
Drake: (to Josh) (scoff) Totally!
- The opening to "I Love Sushi" sees Drake and Josh telling the audience about a revelation they had: things tend to go bad whenever they do things together. They then proceed to rhetorically ask them if they knew about this. Cue the segment becoming heavily derailed as Drake and Josh sheepishly learn that yes, the audience already knew this.
- For whatever reason, the opening sees Drake trying out various hats on a watermelon.
- When Drake mispronounces "South America". Josh's face makes the scene even funnier.
- Drake and Josh had a bet to see who would be faster- Drake painting a picture of Abraham Lincoln in a bikini or Josh stacking 100 cans of tuna into a pyramid. As Drake puts the finishing touches on his painting, he wonders if he'll beat his brother. Sure enough, Josh is "10 seconds till pyramid". Except for one thing: Drake's upstairs, and he's downstairs. Cue Drake stomping on the floor.
(Josh's pyramid comes down in an avalanche of tuna)
Josh: ..........MY TUNA!
- Drake and Josh getting stranded in the middle of nowhere in the dead of night on the way to a wedding because Drake borrowed a ramshackle car from complete numbskull Trevor. After having his suit jacket eaten by the engine and several failed attempts to get underway, Josh gives up... on life.
(Josh starts looking around at the road, then mouths, "Ah!" with a big smile)
(Josh picks up a big rock)
Josh: Here. (passes the rock off to Drake)
Drake: What's this?
Josh: Big rock.
Drake: W...What do you want me to do with it?
Josh: KILL ME!!
- Drake decides to borrow hyper-nerd Clayton's water bottle... so he can spit out his mouthwash. Clayton's reaction sells it, like he's mourning a best friend or even a compatriot.
Clayton: (still holding the tainted water bottle and pointing to it) Wh-hhh-WHYYYYYYY??? Yuck...