Funny / American Dragon: Jake Long

Season 1

  • In "Old School Training", Jake shows that while he may have mastered going full dragon, his heroic banter needs some serious work.
    The Huntsman: (to a trapped Lao Shi) I'll ask you one last time, old man. Where is the American Dragon?
    Jake: Right under your nose, dude! I'm like a booger that way! Ha! (realizes what he said) Wait... that didn't come out right.
  • This from "Eye of the Beholder"
    Fu Dog: Hey Carol, you wanna shake those things my way?note 
  • Jake shapeshifting into both The Huntsman and Rotwood in "Shapeshifter".
    Jake: (as Huntsman) Now, brothas and sistas! Bust a move and bring on the Huntsclan!
  • A scene from "The Heist," where Jake tries to retreive stolen leprechaun gold from a Donald Trump-like dark wizard, which requires Trixie and Spud to pose as 1970's lounge singers.
    Trixie: What's up, New York! Y'all out there like love songs as much as we do?
    Spud: (Interrupting her with a heavy metal scream) You better hold your mothers, 'cause you're going down, Mudbucket! Mudbucket! Buckets of Muuuuuuuud, Yeah!
  • An early episode with a talent show had Jake and a djinn fight on stage during Spud's magic show, and this exchange:
    Rotwood: "Magic creatures! There's magic creatures on stage!"
    Principal/ mermaid detective Derceto: "Well, professor Rotwood, it is a magic show..."
    Rotwood: "No, not magic magical creatures, real ones! Living breathing-"
    *the Djinn sets Rotwood's hair on fire, and he puts it off*
    Rotwood: "Fire-breathing, for that matter!"
  • The way Doctor Diente shut the Tooth Fairy up in "The Legend of the Dragon Tooth" has to be seen to be believed.
  • Rose, Huntsgirl, totally fangirling over Jaren MacArthur, (an obvious parody of Jesse McCartney) in the episode "Shapeshifter".
  • Jake and Rose, back when they didn't know each others' secret identities, rehearsing Antony and Cleopatra first in Jake's grandfather's shop and later in the Huntsman's house. With Rose preceding the first attempt by saying that Antony and Cleopatra (who they'll have to play) are forced to choose between love and their causes. And missing the magical scarab she and the Huntsman were hunting for.
    • Also, Rose's accidental double entendres about the kiss scene. Especially the first one.
    "It's not just a kiss, Jake. It's what represents, the totally intense connection between them. It doesn't just happen! It happens because they're ready to completely surrender to each other! So, are you ready?"
    • They finally go at Trixie's home. With Trixie's annoying grandmother getting in the way... And the magical scarab showing up, thus assassinating this last attempt at rehearsing by forcing them to exchange excuses to go out and beat each other up.
      • And right before the scarab showed up, a moment that, while funny, becomes much funnier later: Rose saying they were having trouble because, differently from Antony and Cleopatra, they hadn't been through anything together.
    • And then, due the Huntsman having got his hands on the scarab, on the night of the play Rose and Jake sorrowfully tell each other they can't do the play... And their theater teacher screaming and fainting on the background.
    • The punchline of the episode? Jake and Rose successfully return in time for the play, but Rose was injured and can't act, meaning that Jake has to kiss Spud. Who, in the meantime, had acted as both Antony and Cleopatra (with Trixie briefly taking over as Cleo).
      • Also, Trixie as Cleopatra. Without knowing a line. She was quickly pulled out by the same teacher who had forced her on the stage, but the public adored her.
  • All of "Fu Takes a Walk". Highlights include the flashback of how the last time he took a walk alone ended (held at gunpoint by the police while having a boa constrictor on his shoulders) and needing an English/Dog dictionary to speak to normal dog (by the way, he failed).
  • In "Dragon Summit", Councilor Andam having Jake fight three Brownies. The Brownies are much harder to fight than they look, but it's still incredibly funny.
    • Once Jake finally beats them, Lao Shi congratulates him in the most OOC way possible.
    [Sees the council staring at him like "WTF"?]
    Lao Shi: Uh, uh, I mean, uh, wise move, young dragon.
  • In "Hong Kong Nights", Fu claiming he once fought a young Lao Shi Matrix-style. He's promptly called on his bullshit, and admits that he (at the time a petty thief caught red-handed by Lao Shi) was defeated by Lao Shi shouting "Boo!" on his face.
  • For most of "Body Guard Duty" Trixie and Spud are trying to deal with Kara's prophecy they would tie the knot. Near the end they realized it was the knot of Spud's shoe.
    • Spud's attempt at defying Sara's prophecy he'd spill chocolate milk to prove their prophecies weren't always accurate: he left the mess hall and went out of the school, away from their chocolate milk... Then tripped and caused a truck to capsize and spill all the chocolate milk it was carrying. Even Sara was caught by surprise from how it happened...
    • From the same episode, the goblins badly disguised as schoolgirls.
    • Jake's reaction when Kara gets a vision about him getting one of the answers on his mythology test right.
    Jake: (hugs Kara and Sara) I'd kiss you if I didn't think you'd slap the living daylights outta me!
    Kara: Ooh, good call.
    Sara: I like kisses!
  • Grandpa's road rage during "The Heist". And this is a Gilligan Cut after he tells Jake about keeping a cool head.
    Lao Shi: HIT THE PEDAL, GRETEL! I'M NOT GETTING ANY YOUNGER! [shouts in Chinese]
  • In spite of the final Tear Jerker when Jake finds out that Rose is Huntsgirl, "Ski Trip" has its fair share of funny moments:
    • Rotwood proving himself an Iron Butt Monkey through continuous accidents and surviving;
    • on the bus for the eponymous ski trip, Rose is forced to sit near Brad, who tries to prove himself sensitive by crying a single tear on command before boasting he can do it;
    • Spud's attempts at wooing the skiliftnote , complete with Imagine Spot of them dating, marrying, and having skilift-human hybrid children;
    • Rose's WTF face when Trixie (who is rooming with her) cheerfully announces they'll do girl-talk.
      • Even funnier is how Jake got Trixie to do said girl talk.
    Trixie: Yo, Jake. Girl talk is not my scene, okay? Trixie does not do the giggly-headed, nail-painting, hair-braiding, boy-liking, light popcorn-nibbling flim-flam!
    Jake: I'll give you ten bucks.
    Trixie: Make it twenty, and I'll tape record homegirl snoring!
    Jake: Deal!
    • Once he found out that Huntsgirl is on the ski trip, Jake decided to bait her... And had Spud wearing the leprechaun costume he brought on the ski trip (Jake loves being prepared). Following attempts are even more ridiculous.
    • Rose accidentally dropping hints of her Secret Identity (one of which was reflexively throwing into Rotwood a guy who bumped her) and Jake's denial (including accusing Trixie of being Huntsgirl when she said on his face that Rose was).
  • During her fight with Fu Dog in "Fu and Tell", Yen-Yen starts an acrobatic move she learned in the kennel of a Shaolin monastery... And ends Punched Across the Room by a simple boxing punch that Fu informs her he learned in a Bar Brawl.
  • The unicorn's butt disguised as a mustached man in "Flight of the Unicorn".
  • "The Egg"
    • At one point, the egg ends up falling into a ball pit—talk about finding a needle in a haystack. After eventually recovering the egg, Jake is attacked by Huntsgirl and blasted into the sky by her staff. Then the attendant comes over to Huntsgirl, telling her she's to old to come into the ball pit, and Huntsgirl shuts the guy up by grabbing him by the collar then tossing him aside.
    Carnival Barker: Excuse me, maam, but the ball pit is for only kids age six and under.
    Huntsgirl: CAN IT, PIPSQUEAK! (tosses the guy straight into a cotton candy stand)
    • The ending - Jake's expression after mama gryphon eats her hatchling is just priceless, and Fu Dog's explanation of gryphon Bizarre Alien Biology just makes it even worse.
  • In "Ring Around the Dragon", Jake poses as a wrestler to bring a runaway 8-year-old giant back home to his family. During one of his matches, Jake is bitten on his tail. Cue a dragon screaming like a little girl.
  • How does Lao Shi settled a dispute between tribes of sprites over an enchanted apple? He ate it. He then burped and spit out the core.
  • All of Fu Dog's puns.

Season 2

  • Fu Dog Breaking the Fourth Wall in "Hairy Christmas".
    Fu Dog: Hey there, kids. If you haven't guessed by now, this is the American Dragon Hokey Holiday Special. Like all holiday specials, it's about family, togetherness—blah, blah, blah and all that other sappy garbage. Alright, let's get on with the main titles before I hurl egg nog all over the snow right here.
  • #88 and #89 trying to decide whether they should get The Huntsman an easy bake oven or a stuffed potato as a Christmas present.
  • This from "Bring It On"
    Lao-Shi: There has been an incident at the museum.
    Jake: I swear I didn't know that toilet was art.
    • When Trixie joins the cheerleader squad.
    Spud: I didn't know Trixie had a sister!
    • Later on, he says her knees (which he had never seen until that point) remind him of "smiley faces."
    • The cheerleader team can't pass near a wall without insulting it. Literally.
    • Have you ever seen a Gorgon's hair with split ends?
    • Trixie and the cheerleaders are playing Truth or Dare, and she's asked who she would kiss among their schoolmates... And, upon seeing him out of the window, she blurts "Spud?". Cue horrified screams.
  • This exchange between Jonathan and Fu Dog in "Hong Kong Longs".
    Jonathan: Okay, one more question: Are unicorns real?
    Fu Dog: Sure.
    Jonathan: Fairies?
    Fu Dog: You bet.
    Jonathan: Gnomes, elves, mermaids?
    Fu Dog: Yes, yes and yes.
    Jonathan: Santa Claus?
    Fu Dog: Just keep your eyes on the road and your foot on the pedal will ya?
  • The following question posed by Jonathan in "Hong Kong Longs".
    Jonathan: I have another question. Just bugging me; when they turn into dragons, what happens to their clothes?
  • The following from Fu Dog in "Hong Kong Longs".
    Fu Dog: Yeah but here's the good news, the eclipse only lasts a couple of hours. Kinda like most of my romantic attachments!
  • Spud and the inkblot images during the end credits to "A Befuddled Mind"
  • In "Dreamscape" when Lao Shi is yelling Rose is hiding behind Jake.
    • Rotwood's mind, with his wishes and memories, is beyond description. Also, it turns out he was a Butt-Monkey since he was a boy.
    • Jake's parents having a fight and setting on the mixer whenever they use profanities.
    • While chasing the Chimera through the dream doors, Jake decides to take a picture to Brad's dreams and wishes... And takes a picture when he sees him dancing in a tutu.
    • The return of Seventies!Lao Shi.
    • Spud's dreams. They are of him as Adam West's Batman... Only crazier and potato-themed!
      • Spudman almost defeating the Chimera by throwing potatoes at it. And without Rotwood waking everyone up right at that moment, they would have won.
      • The Spud-faced fishes and giant octopus.
  • Depressed!Jake during "Half-Baked."
    "Thanks, and enjoy the cupcakes. *grabs couple and pulls them toward him* But don't just enjoy the cupcakes, enjoy each other! 'Cause mortal enemies or not, you never know when you're going to be ripped apart by the hands of fate never to see each other again! Come back soon, you hear?"
    • Also, how he dealt with her disappearance:
      • first he barged in the house he knew she used to live in, convinced the Huntsman was keeping her there prisoner... And had to ask to the speechless family now living there if the "evil Huntsclan" had left a forward address;
      • then he tried his hand at pathetic hipster poems;
      • finally, he retired to a monastery with Spud to give up girls, but was booted out when the monks noticed the dozens of pictures of Rose in his cell. And Spud protested because he had already shaved his hair in a tonsure.
    • "You're flunking Home Ec?!" Thankfully, the victims survived his peanut brittle recipe with little damage to their braces.
    • How did Brad react to the girl at the kissing booth consuming a cupcake with Krylock venom and becoming an half Krylock with a Xenomorph-like second mouth? "Jackpot!" He then enjoyed having his head sucked by the second mouth.
    "So... Do I have to pay extra for that?"
  • Siren Says: Spud comes in wearing full plate armor, riding Fu who is also wearing armor, confronting Trixie in full plate armor after Jake knocked her on her back...
    Spud: "Avast, ye, scurvy dragon! That lass be the dark knight's quarry! Yarrr!"
    Fu: "Permission to bite him savagely, my pretty pretty?"
    Vikki: "Hmmm... maybe later."
    • And Trixie's casual takedown of Spud as he charges her...
    Trixie: "Hey, black knight, your boot's unbuckled."
    Spud: "Huh? Which one?" *trips and goes flying over her*
    • Vicki frustratedly lampshading the irony that she's a siren that suffers from Swimmer's Ear.
  • Last time he time-traveled before the series, Fu Dog went to Atlantis and sank the island by pulling the plug. Honest!
  • The young Huntsman in "Hero of the Hourglass" is a walking one, at least until he finally gets a matured voice.
    Jake: Dude, what's with the voice? You sound like an accordion stuck in a wood chipper!
    • Near the end, Fu is swearing he won't ever time-travel again... Cue a time-traveling Fu showing up and asking if it was a bad time.
  • In "The Academy" Sara shows up to warn Jake of the Huntsman's plan to destroy all magical creatures... And that Jake will have a huge zit next week.
  • From "The Academy", Spud working to break through the Huntsclan teleportation signal... And Fu's face when he does in five seconds what the Dragons have failed at for hundreds of years. First time he gets it wrong and accidentally summons the Octo-Puss (number 8 of the Top 13 Threats to the Magical Community), but after sending it back they get #88 and #89. They're captured so easily that Jake and his grandfather are embarrassed...
    • Jake and Spud infiltrate the academy. Cue lesson "Dragon Slaying 101" in which Spud adds to the teachers' explanation on how you identify dragons that you can do it also from their funny haircuts (admittedly, the ones he met do have strange haircuts...).
      • Same lesson: Jake getting drafted to play the dragon in a demonstration. Given by Rose (who has no idea of who he is, thus the first thing she does is throwing him around to show why you should never lower your guard).
    • At the Huntsclan Academy, Spud is a Chick Magnet. Spud!
    • Spud and Jake were forced to fight a Kraken for failing the chemistry test. Not for blowing up the lab (at least that's the impression the teacher gives). Oh, and the one (literally) kicking them in the arena is the Huntsman in person! At least Spud became an hero when he appeared to have tied up the monster...
    • They needed a distraction to get in the computer room from the dance. Rose, after saying it's a school like any other, whispers something in the ear of a random student, and, some gossip later:
    One of Spud's dates: "You said what about me?!"
    *Spud's dates try and kill each other again, and accidentally knocks out the Huntsman when he tries to break up the fight*
  • From "Family Business", Jake realizing he was in a dream, and thus letting himself getting photographed while in his boxers, and then realizing that, after all, it wasn't.
    • In his youth, Lao Shi was a pin-up model. Cue squicked faces from Jake and Fu.
    • This subversion of Tempting Fate:
    Jake: "At least tonight can't get any worse."
    *Someone knocks at the door. Jake opens, and finds it's the Grim Reaper, with a Dramatic Thunder*
    Jake: "Ok, just did."
    Fu *happy and saluting the Reaper*: "Marty?"
    Grim Reaper: "Fu, you old dog you!"
    Jake: "Hello, a little freaked out here!"
    Fu: "Jake, I want you to meet my old buddy, Marty! The Grim Reaper! Eh eh! Probably the best practical joker this side of Hades!"
    Marty the Grim Reaper: "Pull my finger!"
    *Marty proceeds to prank Jake and Fu.*
  • Fu appearing at principal Derceto's window at the start of "Something Fishy This Way Comes". Especially when he did dressed as a ballerina.
    • Jake putting Lao Shi's profile on a magical dating website. Doesn't seem funny... Then you see the less scary 'girl' to show up was the one with two heads who got in a catfight, and understand why Jake was laughing himself silly at the result.
    • And then, the payback: Lao Shi started dating principal Derceto, and they used him as a messenger of gifts and poems.
    • Jake's main suspect for the Kelpie's cover was revealed as one of the mermaid detectives hunting it down. So, what was the Kelpie masquerading as? The poodle that was dating Fu.
    • Spud confronting the Kelpie in a mermaid (sorry, merman) costume.
    Spud: "Feel my mighty tail!"
    *Spud weakly slaps the Kelpie's leg with the costume's tail, with the Kelpie and Trixie silently wondering how much stupider Spud could get*
  • Jake's Tempting Fate in "Breakout":
    Rose *frustrated with the Huntsman's close watch on her*: "I'd spend time together right now, but it's just too risky! If I need to see you, maybe I should just use my dream charm to talk to you in your dreams like before."
    Jake: "What's the worse that can happen when we're together? It's not like the Huntsclan will just come charging out of the-"
    *Huntsboys #88 and #89 comes charging and screaming out of the blue while chased by the Aztec Guardian Serpent, stop to tease Rose for her date, notices the Aztec Guardian Serpent is still there, and resume running*
  • In "The Doppelganger Gang", Jake's first attempts at the Doppelganger technique: the first time, instructed to let his energy flow out, he makes a flaming burp; the second time he produces a doppelganger of his human form that starts making martial arts moves in his boxers. At the sight of the latter, the group of troll Jake was supposed to defeat to save a unicorn and the unicorn started laughing themselves silly...
    • At the end, Jake has managed to (barely) solve the enormous schedule conflict that prompted him to create a number of Doppelganger and nearly get absorbed and killed by Yang Jake, the one who came out evil. But how can he assist Trixie in her contest when he's supposed to look after Haley? When she asks him, he replies he called in a favor... Cue Gilligan Cut to Fu Dog in a drag playing ladies with Haley.
      • And Fu is enjoying himself too! Then again, this isn't the first time we've seen him in drag...
  • An elderly Trixie savagely beating Jake with a pillow in "Young at Heart".
  • In "Fool's Gold" Jake is making a pretty penny running errands for a leprechaun, who, when he's doing a delivery, warns him to show up in human form, as dragons make the buyer "uneasy".
    Jake: "Uneasy? Who's the buyer, the Huntsman?"
    [The Huntsman calmly walks out of a bush to get the package and announces he is.]
    • Later in the same episode, the Huntsman and a few dozens apprentice-level members' Mass "Oh, Crap!" when they see Jake and Lao Shi paying a clan of Hobgoblin, a few trolls and a giant to fight them and outbid the Huntsman by adding two golden motorcicles to the leprechaun gold.