Corrupt-a-wish.

Granted, you are their first food.

I wish I can populate my personal Discord server.

granted. your discord server is populated with Your Mom incessantly telling to get a real job even after you actually get a real job

---

i wish your mom gay

Granted. Ur dad lesbian

I wish for a suit of chainmail

The thing that was gonna be powerful, then not, then powerful again

Granted. If you don't forward it to twenty-five other people, you'll be cursed with misfortune.

I wish I had more to do with my time.

I like cute things. You gotta deal with it.

Granted. You now have 3 novels to write, 2 buildings to finish, and four wars to prevent by tomorrow.

I wish I was in better physical condition.

All is not lost. Not yet.

Granted, but it doesn't matter how fit you are when you're stuck behind the register in a Soul-Sucking Retail Job.

I wish the national news media didn't turn the COVID-19 pandemic into its own drinking game.

I hope you get tiny bits of eggshell in all your omelettes for the rest of your life!

Granted. Now it's a serious threat that's killing millions.

---

I wish my beard didn't take so long to grow

All is not lost. Not yet.

Granted, it grows super fast and strangles you.

I wish to do physics.

Mankind is unloveable. No more kindness!

Granted. The physical personification of physics has sex with you until you die of exhaustion and/or dehydration.

---

I wish people stopped freaking out over Coronavirus and emptying stores of toilet paper and paper towels.

All is not lost. Not yet.

Granted, but "mischief night" pranks quadruple thanks to the abundance of toilet paper.

I wish water didn't go down the hoooooole...

I hope you get tiny bits of eggshell in all your omelettes for the rest of your life!

Granted. Now it goes up your hole instead.

---

I wish I made twice as much money as I currently do while still working the same hours.

All is not lost. Not yet.

Granted, your co-workers are jealous of you and they begin to abuse you until you quit your job.

I wish the next President of the United States would be an awesome guy with a cool, over-the-top mech for gun-blazing.

Granted. As awesome as he is, he is terrible at running a country, and soon he resorts to having to use his mech suit at every opportunity which just makes him even more unpopular for using excessive force.

I wish I was my avatar!

If Sirin was the main protagonist... Kinda, anyway.

Granted, the weight of your bust damages your spine.

I wish the Game of Thrones ending did not suck.

Mankind is unloveable. No more kindness!

Granted. The ending is fine, but now you've got to sit through the abruptly-written series finale to The Conners, and listen to audiences complain about shoehorning Roseanne back into what used to be her story (until, you know, that happened).

I wish I could produce and direct an Oscar-worthy movie on a shoestring budget.

I hope you get tiny bits of eggshell in all your omelettes for the rest of your life!

Granted. The movie's success inspires a horde of copycats who oversaturate the industry with low-budget films lacking any of the heart or effort of the original, ruining movies forever.

---

I wish that I could fall asleep on command.

Edited by ArgonianLorekeeper on Mar 18th 2020 at 10:41:02 AM

You can find me here now.

Granted, you are told to fall asleep. However, they never tell you to wake up and you eventually die in your sleep.

I wish for a worldwide Mushroom Samba.

The League of Heroes

Granted. It is a literal mushroom samba. All the mushrooms of the world become sentient and acquire a fondness for Brazillian dancing. This causes a massive disturbance in our everyday lives, as we now have to avoid hurting the sentient dancing mushrooms.

---

I wish for adorable, widely available, durable, reasonably priced Warrior Cats plushies.

Granted. They're dyed with toxic substances including lead and arsenic, making them unsafe to play with.

I wish for a blessed greased +2 silver dragon scale mail.

I like cute things. You gotta deal with it.

Granted... providing you can kill this dragon you can make its hide into scale mail armour, sure.

I wish there was a way of forgetting about certain world events.

granted. and that way is sending yourself to another world, where even more horrific stuff is currently happening there

i wish i can cosplay as mateo

Granted. But you can never wear any other clothes again.

---

I wish for sexy space babes who don't wanna eat/conquer/enslave humanity.

All is not lost. Not yet.

Granted, they're only sexy by alien standards. To humans, they're Gonk at best or Starfish Alien at worst.

I wish TV Tropes would have its official Discord server.

Granted. No one ever posts anything there.

I wish I had a room of my own that I didn't have to share with anyone.

I like cute things. You gotta deal with it.

Granted. Welcome to solitary confinement.

I wish I could think of something to wish for.