Corrupt-a-wish.

Granted, you are a Sacrificial Lamb.

I wish I owned a gun.

Granted. It's just a nerf gun. After all, you didn't specify it had to be a working firearm!

I wish I had a machine that I could program to write the exact fanfiction I want to read right now, in perfect quality.

Granted. 100% of the fanfics is makes is CRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAP!

I want some steamed hams!

Granted PETA protests outside your house, your kitchen is on fire and you are sued for copyright infringement by 20th Century Fox Television and Gracie Films.

I wish I had one of those nice "impossible" vegan burgers...

Oh, it's really nice and delicious... but full of drugs to which you're now addicted, so you know, good luck with that.

I wish for a glass of red wine.

Granted. You have a glass made out of red wine

I wish videogame fighting styles actually worked

Edited by johannes4123 on Jun 9th 2019 at 5:46:48 PM

Granted. Suddenly, a randomassperson kills you with Hadoken.

I wish for next poster to come up with a better wish.

You'd said better, so...Correcting a bit I had with my last wish. Ha.

I wish I was a part of the main cast of both eras featured in Xenoblade Chronicles 2 and the Golden Country DLC, without being a Sacrificial Lion or Sacrificial Lamb.

Granted. You become The Scrappy.

I wish it was November already!

Granted. It is November 3047. The earth has long been destroyed by climate change and nuclear war, and you are the last survivor of a lonely, desolate apocalypse.

I wish to be hired for a job, any job.

Edited by Afterwards on Jun 12th 2019 at 4:46:05 AM

Granted. It's a shitty job in the ass-end of nowhere that pays really bad...and you're being forced to do it by the incredibly petty leader of The Syndicate, who's really pissed about the fact that you beat him in a game of Call of Duty.

I wish I was a part of the main cast of both eras featured in Xenoblade Chronicles 2 and the Golden Country DLC, without being a Sacrificial Lion, Sacrificial Lamb, or The Scrappy.

Edited by hanwen1234 on Jun 12th 2019 at 9:39:18 PM

Granted you are the worldwide Tingle of the franchise - only the population of Fiji likes your character.

I wish I could go on an away mission with Capt. Picard...

Edited by TairaMai on Jun 14th 2019 at 1:45:02 AM

That's still being a Scrappy.

Granted. You end up a Redshirt...see how that usually goes for 'em.

I wish I was immortal and ageless.

Granted. You are immortal

I wish the world would stop trying to re-enact the worst pages of our recent history.

Granted. We succeed without even trying

I wish we had access to FTL Travel

Granted. Now you will meet Eldritch Abominations in Hyper Space, and they're not friendly this time.

I wish the anime adaptation for JoJo's Bizarre Adventure: Steel Ball Run is out.

OOF! You just got ninja'd.

Edited by KJsixteen on Jun 14th 2019 at 8:37:01 AM

Granted. We have access to FTL Travel. Its called the Warp. And this is the prequel to 40k....

Its out! And bowlderized to hell and back. The executives also thought Viewers Are Morons and cut the scenes into a completely different story.

I wish I could've seen my future (well, my present now) as a grade schooler.

Edited by CenturyEye on Jun 14th 2019 at 11:37:15 AM

Granted, you Go Mad from the Revelation of seeing your future.

I wish for 400’000 dollars.

Here you go! it's all drug money and the police are now hunting you down.

i wish i could actually make decent music instead of my current digitally-produced garbage

Granted, you are no longer even capable of making garbage music. Unfortunately, that's what selling now, and your excellent music goes unnoticed.

I wish the Beatles had lasted longer, and their music didn't turn to crap over time.

Granted. Nobody likes them, though.

I wish for some vegan steamed hams! Num, num.

Granted. You try to eat them, but your stomach is confused by the paradox and barfs them right out.

I wish I could rock the suburbs, just like Michael Jackson/Quiet Riot/Jon Bon Jovi did.

Granted, you're beaten by the police for excessive noise levels.

I wish it hadn't rained today!

Granted. It hadn't rained today and it will never rain again. Ever.

I wish I could see how the past was like; not actually travelling in time, only seeing.

Edited by YourBloodyValentine on Jun 15th 2019 at 8:03:45 PM

Granted. You constantly see things from the perspective of the spot you are in, but 50 years back. This is a great opportunity to learn about the past, but you are functionally blind about the present

I wish colonizing Mars was practical