Corrupt-a-wish.

Granted - he became immortal, was driven insane by that power, and now rules the United States as a dictator.

I wish this post wasn’t a pagetopper.

Granted. Now...*SCRITCH*...OUT OF CHEESE ERROR...REINSTALL UNIVERSE AND REBOOT...

I wish for a "Hex"-based Windows skin.

Granted. You apply the skin, and you are now hexed.

I wish every video game, TV show, cartoon, anime, and comic book series were released uncensored and without evidence of Executive Meddling.

Granted, so much inappropriate stuff comes out that the Moral Guardians ban all comics and television forever before summoning Godzilla to destroy Japan.

I wish that I was the emperor of the universe.

Granted. You now have to deal with the politics and bureaucracy of that. And remember, Dystopia Is Hard.

I wish I had the power of The Needless.

Granted. Congratulations, you're immortal! Have fun watching The End of the World as We Know It!

I wish these nosebleeds would stop, because they're annoying.

Edited by CustardAndPie on Oct 17th 2018 at 3:32:35 AM

Granted. Your blood instead spews forth from a newly opened cavity in your skull, killing you.

I wish that I could pronounce “Cthulhu” correctly.

Granted, but saying his name makes him appear.

I wish that tvtropes would stop deleting what I'm trying to write.

Granted, but...why would you want to write that? You know that's against the rules, right?

I wish I knew the true purpose of the Big Red Button over there.

Granted, but you only learn it by pressing it. Unfortunately IT'S THE HISTORY ERASER BUTTON, YOU FOOL!

I wish for a 5 dollar bill.

Granted. It's counterfeit. In fact, it's counterfeit Monopoly money, which somehow doesn't even translate properly in the excessively weird oddities market.

I wish I could get this song out of my head.

Granted. The song is removed, along with the brain matter it's stored in.

I wish I had 20/20 vision.

Granted, you can only see things in the year 2020 and nothing else. And it's a hellscape.

I wish for the perfect sandwich.

Edited by Jaxfirebus on Oct 19th 2018 at 8:28:38 AM

Granted. It is devoured by Crabulon, the perfect one.

I wish to know slightly more about the universe.

Granted. It's a model, so it is a perfect replica of a sandwich.

I wish I had a really cool million dollars right now!

Edited by VengefulBale on Oct 19th 2018 at 8:41:24 AM

The million dollars are counterfeited.

I wish I could stop time

Granted, you can't move when you stop time.

I wish I can pilot the Ride Armor.

Granted, you should have wished to be able to pilot it well. Instead you crash and explode.

I wish that I could turn into an awesome square-cube law proof dragon.

Very well, now enjoy being hunted by the world's military and experimented on, then killed.

I wish I could never go hungry nor fat.

You are uncomfortably full.

I wish I could recite 8,000 digits of pi.

Granted, but that's ALL you can remember now.

I wish to know what's the one true religion.

Granted: All of its deities are Jerkass Gods who are enjoying our suffering without having to lift a finger because they know that Humans Are Bastards. Realizing this makes you go insane, desperate, and miserable; and said gods punish you further for knowing their existence by giving you immortality and a Fate Worse than Death.

I wish for Christmas Creep never to fall back before Halloween.

Granted, Christmas is no more so there is no Christmas Creep at all!

I wish that Power Metal was more popular.

Granted. The style is quickly diluted into a form you don't like.

I wish all humans lived for exactly 100 years, and remained perfectly healthy until that time.