The Neverending Instruction Manual

How to Keep Working: Figure out what your job is. Perform that job. Do it every day. Do not stop to eat. Do not stop to sleep. Do not stop. Keep working, until the day you die. Keep. Working.

How to die: Take that gun that you pulled off of the dead policeman. Put it up to your temple, and pull the trigger.

Works best if your name is Donald J Trump.

How to change your name to Donald J Trump: Go to the court and inquire about the process to change your legal name. Endure the bureaucracy and the various lawsuits from the Trump estate.

How to go to court: Try to walk around naked in public. Especially in front of a preschool.

How to walk around naked: Remove shirt. Remove pants. Remove underwear, or bra if you are wearing one. If you are wearing a hat, you may keep wearing it. You are now naked. Begin walking, be it at a slow, seductive pace, or at a more casual, apathetic pace. Works best if— THIS GAG HAS BEEN ERASED DUE TO PERCEIVED SEXISM. -Father's Against Rude Television.

How to Walk Casually: Take one step forward, then another, and swing your arms to a happy tune while doing so. Repeat until you reach your destination, bump into someone or something, or fall off a cliff.

How to bump into someone: See someone, and push your whole body into them. Prepare to fight.

How to prepare to fight: Stockpile weapons. Practice with wooden weapons with a skilled fighter. Read up on books written by Sun Tzu. Watch action movies. Drink Red Bull.

How to drink red bull

Find a red bull. If unable, find a can of red paint and a bull of any colour. Apply paint to bull until sufficiently red colored, then put bull into blender. Drink the results.

Note: This manual is not responsible of any bull related injuries that may occur during bull the handling process.

No cans of paint were harmed in the making of this entry.

edited 1st Nov '16 12:29:14 PM by pepimanoli

How to apply paint: You need a brush and paint. If you're using watercolor, the paint should be mixed with a bit of water before you apply it. You can apply any other kind of paint (oil-based, wall paint, poster paint) directly without mixing. Dip the brush in paint, then wipe the brush on the thing you want to paint (canvas, walls, a bull...). Alternatively, you can use an airbrush or a spray paint. You can apply paint in any way you want; get creative!

No cans of paint were harmed in the making of this entry.

How to Use Spray Paint: Get a can of spray paint, shake it, and squeeze the nozzle while vandalizing the walls like a thug. For an added bonus, wear gangsta clothes while doing this.

No cans of paint were harmed in the making of this entry.

How To Vandalise The Walls: Choose a wall to deface. Cut the wallpaper. Write insulting messages on it. Throw food at it. Admire your handiwork. Then clean it up, you barbarian. Works best if a can of paint

How to Admire Your Handwork: Walk away for at least three meters. Look at what you have made. Put your hand to your chin in admiration. Smile. Edit some details if you want, as this is a good way to notice anything you do not like in your handwork.

If your handwork is a pie or any other starchy sweet, works best if you are female.

How to walk away:

Identify the object, person, animal or other that you want to walk away from. Then look at your surroundings and try to trace a route from your position to a place farther away from whatever you are trying to walk away from. Try not to crash into anything while walking away. You may also want to make a map to help you find the best spot and the best route to it. A 3d model of the area can also be of help. If the area around you is too cluttered you may also borrow explosives to clear the path for easier walking away. If not sure of the appropriate amount of explosive, use the largest available.

You will not regret it.

How to make a map

First, chop down a tree and make paper out of the wood. Second, find and milk a squid for ink. Third, return to area you want to make a map off. Fourth, study area. Fifth, dip finger in ink and draw any and all noticeable objects in area on the correct spot relative to each other.

How to chop down trees: Grab an axe, or chainsaw, or any sharp object, and go to town on any tree. You can find them in the backyard, in the park, in the forest with that crazy murderer, wherever good times are had.

How to go to town: Find a town that you want to go to. Select your method of transport, be it a car, a bike, a ship, your HM slave, or a teleporter. Use your selected method of transport to go to that town. Watch out for traffic and/or rampaging angry red-painted bulls.

How to Use an HM Slave: Catch a Bidoof and evolve it into a Bibarel. Teach it any combination of Cut, Surf, Strength, Waterfall, Rock Smash, and Dive. Bring it in your party only when you need to get past that Insurmountable Waist-Height Fence, and dump it in the PC when you're done.

I don't think that's what HM means in this entry.

edited 4th Nov '16 8:42:16 PM by TroperNo9001

How to do your homework:

Step 1: Procrastinate until the last day.

Step 2: Do it like your life depends on it.

Step 3: Submit it unfinished with a crushing sense of desperation.

Step 4: Await next homework and cry.

Rinse, repeat.

edited 4th Nov '16 8:34:35 PM by fdiaperhead

How to repeat: Do that thing you do, again. Do that thing you do, again.

How to do that thing you do, again:

Think back to what you just did, then perform the same actions in the same order using the same or similar materails.

How to think back to what you did

Recall your previous actions. Then, determine which one is the last one. In order to do so you will have to order chronologically all the actions you just recalled. Once you determined which action is the last one, carefully analize it. Try to gather why you did that action and what were it's consecuences. You may be forced to think back to what you did after a particularly heinous crime. Also you may be deprived of your freedom, your life or your dinner.

How to Analyze Something: Wear a Tinfoil Hat, scrutinize every last detail of the thing you want to analyze, and make a wild conspiracy theory surrounding it. Nine times out of ten, it'll have something to do with the Illuminati.

How to have dinner: Prepare a meal, preferably the kind that makes you full. Alternatively, go to a restaurant and order a meal there. Make sure to have and eat the meal at evening or at night, otherwise it won't be a "dinner". You can have dinner by yourself, or you can have dinner with someone else, be it your family, friends, or your significant other. After-dinner snacks optional.

How to wear a tinfoil hat: Prepare some aluminium foil, then fold it in the shape of a hat. Wear it on your head to protect from reptilian government lies, hypnotizing psychic mind waves, and Bill Cipher.

edited 7th Nov '16 5:01:13 AM by anza_sb

How to prepare aluminum foil: Visit a grocery store and get a shopping cart. Make sure it's not broken or malfunctioning. Go to the correct aisle and pick up the brand that satisfies you the most. Also pick up any delicious confections along the way. Go to a cashier and make the payments for the goods. Do not shoplift. Bring the aluminum home and make sure you know why you bought it.