Quotes / Stage Mom

Music

Rest your shoulders, Peaches and Cream
Everywhere a Judas as far as you can see

— Tori Amos, "Professional Widow"

Web Original

By what we're sure is a total coincidence, Jackie Coogan is the namesake of the Coogan Act, which safeguards the financial earnings and other rights of child actors and came about after an adult Coogan sued his mother and stepfather for squandering all of his money. So Jackie's family wasn't merely terrible — they were groundbreakingly terrible.

— Cracked on the making of The Kid (1921)

Using your children as proxies for fulfillment of dreams you never realized yourself is an excellent parenting technique endorsed by both Dina and Michael Lohan.

— Erin Gloria Ryan, Jezebel

Sergeant Asshole McPlasticFace tells her child army that she (read: the producers) have all sorts of 'fun things' planned for Spring Break. Nobody makes 'fun things' sound like the opposite of fun the way Kate Gosselin does. After 13-year-old Mady lets her mom know that she isn’t into "fun things," Kate goes full dramatic Game of Thrones and tells her daughter that she has one last chance at REDEMPTION! ...Basically, Kate Gosselin knows this is really HER show and the bitch is going to perform.

— Michael K., "Basic Cable’s Most Terrifying Blonde Botox Monster Is Baaaaaaack"

But that’s what happens when you spend 90% of your day in the Kardashian Khompound’s "lower office" (aka the 7th circle of Hell) kounting your kash and brainstorming new ways to pimp out your family with Satan’s public relations expert; you really start to forget about the things that truly matter, like encouraging your 17-year-old to get plastic surgery.

— Dlisted, "Kim Helped Konvince Kylie To Get Lip Injections"

Western Animation

Sarah Lynn: I wanna be an architect when I grow up!

Sarah Lynn's Mom: Mommy didn't do what she did to that Star Search producer for you to be an ''architect.''

— BoJack Horseman, "Prickly Muffin"

Sadie: Please, Mom. Don't make me do this!
Barb: Make you? You said you wanted to sing!
Sadie: Yeah, I did! I did! I did, I did! Just like I say lots of things! Like, "Hey Mom, swimming looks fun," then bam, suddenly I'm anchoring a 400-meter relay for the Beach City Seals! "Hey Mom, I thought signing up for softball would be nice!" Six birthdays later, I'm still getting nothing but knee pads and batting helmets! "Hey Mom, I want to sing in this year's Beach-a-palooza," and what do I get? This! I just thought, for once, I'd get to do things my way, but you came in and took over everything like you always do!
Barb: I just wanted everyone to know how talented my daughter is!
Sadie: This is not your daughter!

— Steven Universe, "Sadie's Song"

Real Life

"I'm a genius, too!"

— Murry Wilson, father of Brian Wilson

"I went to Kit Culkin’s house, pleading with him for two hours. We’d hired 60 people; they’d be out of work at Christmastime. I had at least eight or nine months of my creative life invested. I felt it was cruel and out of place to call his son a powerful movie star and take advantage of it."

— Michael Lehmann on directing The Good Son

"I knew Kit [Culkin] very, very, very well. I made every deal he ever had, and a lot of the difficulties were not about money; that’s the reason it would get so difficult and toxic. Because it wasn’t about money. It was about power."

— Ken Weinrib, Macaulay Culkin’s former lawyer

"When he disappeared after the [custody] trial, first he stole all my memorabilia, like my very first costume and all the things I had collected over the years. My pictures, this and that. Stuff that I was going to put in storage and dig out when I was 50 or 60 for a laugh. He took that with him."

— Macaulay Culkin, about his father Kit.

"There were movie-star demands — big rooms, the mother there, all the stuff. ‘We need the presidential suite at The Bristol!’ It was just a sense of entitlement. The biggest stars don’t do that kind of thing."

— Anonymous crew member on 27 Dresses

"I have never experienced anything like Nancy Heigl. It’s about the mouth. 'F— you. You are a f—ing liar.' … Whatever you'd say, you were an idiot. The call would be, 'This is the worst craft service we've ever had! There's nothing to eat! This is the worst wardrobe!' You knew that every day, you were going to get slammed."

— Anonymous crew member on Life as We Know It

"My mother was truly a stage mother. A mean one. She was very jealous because she had absolutely no talent. She would sort of stand in the wings when I was a little girl and if I didn’t feel good, if I was sick to my tummy, she’d say, ‘You get out and sing or I’ll wrap you around the bedpost and break you off short!’ So I’d go out and sing."

— Judy Garland, about her mother Ethel.

"My mother had a marvelous talent for mishandling money - mine."

— Judy Garland, about her mother Ethel.

"Mother decided we had to be stars. She started to drag us to any place someone important might see us. It worked but at what cost?"

— Judy Garland, about her mother Ethel.

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