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Quotes / Dwarf Fortress

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Due to the fact that Dwarf Fortress is, by default, insane in many aspects, it is no surprise that there exists a wealth of memorable quotes to be found about it on the Internet, or perhaps elsewhere. Here are some of them.

Toady and Devblogs

We don't want another cheap fantasy universe, we want a cheap fantasy universe generator.

The cyclops I was quested to kill had a thousand year history of badassery, and all of that without the leg it lost in the Year 3 (a dwarf bit it off... I should probably deal with that).

there are still some kinks to work out with the in-game transformation. For instance, I misplaced a few lines of code and all of the castle guards ended up switching genders and getting entirely new appearances ten times per step.

In bug news, the zombies in a necromancer's tower became suspicious after the necromancer failed to age and he fled into the hills.

My adventurer fought through around sixty zombies in the tower, killed the necromancer, learned the secrets of life and death, and then raised various limbs (not my own). Then I talked to one of them, and it told me that it was peasant. It was flattered but had no need of my services. I imagine its little fingers were shaped into the form of a mouth and they flapped back and forth while it spoke with a high-pitched voice. I guess there's still work to do.

Well, I would have gotten to the trading interface, but a bridge opened a hole to the underworld instead. Again.

Of course, you might prefer raining "blood", but we don't have generic blood anymore and I don't think it's proper to add it now that we've got real alternatives, though perhaps a slurry of some kind would be appropriate later. It didn't even work out right with the rodent man blood — the indexing was screwed up, and we ended up with "a dusting of rodent man skin"... dandruff snow.

Lately I've been standing in the keep with a skill-inflated hero, stabbing the site's goblin overlord in the head with a spear, and seeing what happens.

I also cleaned up the trading stuff a bit more and fixed an odd bug where telling one companion to wait while having another companion follow you caused them to hack at each other until only one was left.

Today's success was to have a crying mother spit on me and call me a murderer, so that's where we're at. Of course, people familiar with modding or magma crabs might guess that the first time she spit at me, the glob came out frozen and my murderous character, being handy with a sword, batted the saliva ice cube out of the park.

Most of yesterday I spent trying to be robbed by bandits, but they kept looking away from me and forgetting I was there cowering (yielding after they demanded it). Hopefully that'll be sorted out soon as well.

[Bugfix note] Babies don't start strapped with a knife

We rescued our first child! The seven dwarves are now caring for Obol, a four year old human they found in the goblin pits. An impressionable child, she inherited the goblin ethics of valuing power over others and her personal dream is to take over the world. I'm sure it'll be fine.

Bay 12 Forums

Quotes about how difficult/awesome the game is

Aklyon: Personally, I like [DF] because after climbing the damned learning cliff, I'm too elitist to consider not liking it.

Aklyon: Dwarf Fortress: You have a team of hundreds working for four years to make a game where you save the world again. We have one guy for four years make a near-infinite world generator, write the physics, generate histories, form detailed descriptions of every human, elf, dwarf, and goblin generated, caverns, and huge randomly generated monsters made out of who knows what. You. guys. suck.

Karnewarrior: Your game is working on giving NPC's lives. Our game is working on giving them a working nervous system.

GreatWyrmGold: ...And no one notices that a desert titan is made out of ice. No, ice capybara in the desert? Normal. Someone kinda figured out the military? Amazing!

MasterMorality: You get hit where you get hit. This may or may not cripple you for life. It may or may not kill you in one shot. You're [sic] dwarf just lost a leg. Suck it up, bitch. No, you're not getting that leg back. In fact, that creature over there is going to pick your leg up and beat you to death with it. You won't respawn.

drakon136: I've got a siege coming in from above, demons from below, some forgotten beasts in the middle, lava flooding in between the forgotten beasts and the demons, and half my population going berserk. All in all, a normal day in Dwarf Fortress.

nbonaparte: It's like if Tolkien taught your Geology 101 class, but you were drunk and playing the Sims during the lecture. Then you had a dream that got them all confused.

starhero: I don't understand, though that is about right with anything DF related.

Other forum quotes

Aravin: Thx Toady DF isn't 3D game))
Deon: Actually it is, with a full DirectX support.

SpiralDimentia: Oh god, you guys are dicks, I think I just unleashed a horde of demons into my base.

Raphite1: Yeah. My plan was to drop some kittens into the siege, and have my dwarves freefall into battle, landing on top of the kittens. The plan was kinda dumb though because the kittens were standing on grates, and the goblins killed them with arrows just as I was releasing the freefalling dwarves. So the dwarves weren't able to land on kittens and just fell and died.

Akhier: Quite simple really. trees are actually the first stage in an elf's life cycle. once the young elf inside the tree gets old enough if there are enough elves around it will hatch leaving behind perfectly serviceable logs to use. so remember when you chop down a tree you kill an elf to! Happy deforestation day ;D
Grendus: And thus the dwarves discovered that their forges were indeed elf powered. And there was much rejoicing.

Mrhappyface: I Once tried to make a mild sedative syndrome that's spread by cats. However, I forgot a few zeroes when setting the ignition point. So instead of my dwarves yawning, and then taking a peaceful nap, they scream and run around as their body roasts from the inside out.''

Reasonableman: The amount of malice in this thread is actually causing me some concern. I mean, chaining up mothers and forcing them to breed, just so we can drown their children to harvest their organs? Does this strike no one else as absolutely horrific?
Pilsu: You misspelled 'hilarious'

PsychicKid: here's 7 inebriated borderline psychotic bastards, go dig out a living space for 200 more of them that will be coming soon btw there's also a terrible tentacle monster-panda made out of barf to deal with have fun

hiroshi42: [The Bay12 community will] routinely talk about kitten slaughter, the best methods to immolate creatures without destroying their stuff, or how to produce 'children' with personality problems beyond the dream of psychoanalysts but no one is going to insult your mother.

Urist Imiknorris: Also, this is a horrible inhumane idea and why didn't I think of it.

Let's Play

Seth Creiyd: My god... this was a terrible idea.

Andreus: I have no idea where anything is. I have no idea what anything does. This is not merely a madhouse designed by a madman, but a madhouse designed by many madmen, each with an intense hatred for the previous madman's unique flavour of madness.

Noodle 0117:: note: I might need a bit more time getting the update up, since my computer literally crashed from the sheer amounts of gore, death, and dwarven engineering awesome.

Kefkacrazy:: "We have treasures of the ages piled around the fort in heaps of rotting garbage and flesh. We've created a home for a malevolent deity of ill fortune who seems predisposed to strike at us, the players, directly, in a way not seen since the days of the Virtual Boy. Our riches are guarded, not by traps or dwarven steel, but by the fact that the surface around us is so full of the murderous, the insane, and the murderously insane that one group of looters merely gets massacred by a group of marauders, and that's before the horrible abominations against nature trundle through and decapitate and/or assimilate the survivors. We have seen kobolds become conquerors, seen the very walls fracture and crumble before unnatural misfortune and poor forethought, and placed all our hopes in a batch of tortured, soulless children and the literal avatar of annihilation itself, because every other God worth mentioning turned away from us in horror a long, long time ago. Our home is no more and no less than a beacon of slaughter, a living, breathing organism that eats life, drinks hope, and shits misery as every sentient race in the known world gathers here to offer their best and bravest at the altar of Terry.

Nietzsche wrote, "He who fights with monsters should look to it that he himself does not become a monster. And when you gaze long into an abyss the abyss also gazes into you." Friends, we are not he who fights monsters. We are not he who gazes into the abyss.

We're the thing in the abyss that's gazing back!"

TV Tropes Forums (link)

Tuefel Hunden IV: I found out there are apparently a limited number of night creatures. So I am guessing if you manage to kill all the night creatures you won't fear the night, the night will fear you.

Adapted from "Dwarf Fortress"

Blueeyedrat: I will have to deal with a troll and a giant cave swallow in the vicinity first, but my blade traps should make short work of them. What's your airspeed velocity now, bitch?

fishsicles: I think [Toady] fixed [werecurses] spreading to undead, but right when 2012 came out I remember my necromancer adventurer was torn apart by his zombie limb army turning into weregorillas.

Edwards Grizzly: We seem to be incredibly lucky in that this evil biome's mists cause instant death, rather than turn-into-a-shambling-husk-and-murder-everyone-who-ever-loved-you.
fishsicles: Not technically instant, for big enough creatures; those water buffalo sat around oozing blood for a few days before they kicked it. But for a dwarf, probably instant yeah.
Count Dorku: ...this is how we define luck nowadays?! I'm terrified in many languages.


GeneralissimoFranco: I had a game where a kitten killed a cyclops, but beyond that my experience mirrors yours.

UltimateCarl: This is the point where I'd normally call bullshit, but having (un)successfully ground no less than ten forts into destruction and abandoning three more to boredom after guaranteeing success I 100% believe that this happened in your game.
Ibid. (In reaction to above quote)

The bad news: Dwarf Fortress is the first AI to achieve complete sentience. The good news: Urist McH.A.L. Cancels Destroy Mankind: Needs 250,000 Giant Cave Spider Silk Socks.
A random Facebook commenter

Thanks to the central chamber being floodable, in the case of a siege, all I have to do is lure the gobbos in and throw the lever. Then, my dwarves can keep going about their business, while the goblins are busy sorting themselves by density.

most games basic tutorial: 2 mins
Dwarf fortress basic tutorial: 2 hours
F*ck yeah dwarf fort!

A game which chronicles the lives and accomplishments of stumpy alcoholics as they struggle to avoid sobriety. A game where the most ludicrous events happen daily, where civilizations rise and fall just because someone left a Necronomicon in the public library. A game where the UI is so useless and convoluted that you would honestly have an easier time playing Microsoft Excel.