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Literature / The Longest Joke In The World

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So, there's a man crawling through the desert...

A story about a wish-granting snake and a world-ending lever.

Can be found here.

It is strongly recommended that you read the joke before continuing.

Contains examples of:

  • Apocalypse How: Planetary human extinction, if the lever is pulled.
  • Deadly Euphemism: "The fourth request".
  • Doorstopper: In comparison to other jokes, anyway. This is, of course, the draw.
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  • Feghoot: Spoiled slightly by the title, the whole thing is a setup for the punchline of "BETTER NATE THAN LEVER".
  • Four Is Death: The first three bites from Nate change you in whatever way you desire. The fourth, however, can only grant one thing. Of course, he only gives it if you ask.
  • I Cannot Self-Terminate:
    • Jack's predecessor, Samuel, was unable to kill himself due to his supernatural Healing Factor, so he asked Nate to kill him when grew tired of living.
    • Nate is unable to die by most means. When he grows tired of life, he asks Jack to kill him with a sword.
  • I Gave My Word: Jack has always prided himself on this. Nate can tell, and figures the Magically Binding Contract won't ever come up if he just asks Jack to promise to keep things secret.
  • Magically Binding Contract: The second bite enforces an oath of secrecy.
  • Overly Preprepared Gag: This thing is over 10,000 words long. It's practically a novella. And all to set up a bad pun.
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  • Thirsty Desert: The setting of the story is a vast, barren desert with no shade or water sources.
  • Three Wishes: Nate's bites. They can only change you, but within that limitation, you can do almost anything. The first is free. The second requires an oath of secrecy. The third requires an oath to pull the lever, if you genuinely believe humanity has gone bad and needs to be ended. He can bite a fourth time, but there's only one thing he can give you with the fourth bite.

Alternative Title(s): Nate The Snake


Example of: