Funny / The Baby-Sitters Club (2020)

Funny Moments from The Babysitters Club 2020. As usual, spoilers are off.

Season One

• "Kristy's Great Idea":
  • When Liz gets ahold of a babysitter, the conversation on her end goes, "How much an hour? What are you gonna do, breastfeed him?"
    • Funny Background Event on that one; Charlie's standing next to her, and at that line, his eyebrows go up and he just walks away like, "Okay, that's my cue to be elsewhere."
  • Mary Anne does her best to cut down Kristy's resistance to Stacey.
    Kristy VO: Maybe Mary Anne was right. Maybe new people weren't an invading force to be repelled at all costs.
    [music stops; cut to Watson at the table with the family and some Chinese food]
    Watson: Surprise! Have dim sum-thing to eat! [laughs dorkily]
    Kristy VO: Or maybe Mary Anne was a total idiot.
    • The so-serious way Kristy, in narration, calls Watson the ultimate invader.
• "Claudia and the Phantom Phone Calls":
  • Elizabeth tells Kristy that Watson's daughter, Karen, is so excited to meet her. When Kristy does meet Karen, she turns out to be a Deadpan Snarker (who's really going through a Creepy Child phase and simply has an active imagination) who stares at her unblinkingly.
    Kristy: Well, it's nice to meet you, Karen.
    Karen: Get out cookies. I need some refreshments for the wake I'm having for my doll. [walks away]
    Kristy: O.O
    [...]
    Kristy: ...Should we close her eyes?
    Karen: No. It's dark enough in the grave. Goodbye, Krakatoa. You lived. Now you're dead. [closes box]
    Kristy: ...Do we say a prayer?
    Karen: Krakatoa was an atheist.
  • After Kristy gets a call from an unknown number, Karen suggests it's the Phantom Caller.
    Karen: Have you heard of him? He calls you and calls you, and all the time, he's in your house somewhere. Watching you. Listening...to you. Smelling you. [inhales deeply and nods]
  • Then there's the Funny Background Event as Kristy is on the phone with Mary Anne.
    Mary Anne: What I wanted to tell you is Karen is going through a spooky phase, but she's actually a lot of fun.
    Karen: [as Kristy turns to look at her, kisses doll on the head] I'll miss you. [strokes doll's hair]
    Kristy: O.O
• "The Truth About Stacey":
  • Mary Anne strikes again.
    Kristy: Mary Anne, why do I love going over to your house so much?
    Mary Anne: Because it doesn't smell like a teenage boy?
  • Liz proves that she can outsnark her daughter when her engagement ring sets Kristy off again.
    Kristy: Frankly, I don't see why you need it to signify you're taken. Like property. What's next? Are you gonna start walking behind him all the time?
    Liz: Of course. And it would make us more comfortable if you would refer to me as "Ofwatson" from now on. No more "Mom". We just want everyone to be clear about where things stand.
  • When Sam enters Kristy's room with his bass guitar, from Stacey's perspective he looks like a rock-and-roll god. When he starts to show off his skills for the girls, he's about as good as you'd expect a completely untrained beginner to be. But he takes it oh-so-seriously.
  • Stacey can't think of an excuse to leave the meeting when her blood sugar begins to drop. She hastily says that she has to go walk her (nonexistent) dog. When asked about the dog, she nervously replies with "He's... round."
  • In an otherwise serious scene, where the members of the Baby-Sitters Club comfort Stacey after learning about her diabetes, they begin to list off people they know who have it. Mary Anne states that Halle Berry has it, causing the girls to stare. Mary Anne's response is to, rather uncharacteristically, defensively say, "What? She does."
  • Kristy tells the girls they have to do the most responsible thing of all. Mary Anne's guess? Vacuuming.
• "Claudia and Mean Janine":
  • Stacey and Claudia ask Mr. Spier if he's ever heard of Queer Eye.
    Richard: "Of cour—oh, no. They're not here, are they?"
  • As they look at the Humpty-Dumpty picture:
    Mary Anne: Just when I thought I was out, he pulls me back in.
    Kristy: It's the eyes. They haunt you.
    Mary Anne: Maybe it's a Horcrux. A piece of someone's soul is trapped in there, calling out to me.
• "Boy-Crazy Stacey":
  • Kristy expresses her surprise that Mary Anne's dad is letting her go to Sea City.
    Dawn: Yeah, how is Richard taking it?
    Mary Anne: [pauses as she thinks back; cut to Richard sitting at his desk looking at a photo, then breaking down in tears]
    Mary Anne: ...Pretty good...considering.
  • Vanessa Pike is going through a poetry phase, and could give Karen Brewer a run for her money in hilarity. "My darkened soul is broken and in pain. I hope at the beach, we get nothing but rain."
    • Later, Stacey narrates, "As a wise poet once put it, my darkened soul was broken and in pain. I hoped at the beach, we got nothing but rain."
    • At the end, a smiling Vanessa says, "The beach was a blast. I pray this trip was not my last."
  • Mary Anne sarcastically tells Stacey she should pretend to drown to get the attention of Scott, the cute lifeguard. Stacey asks "Do you think that would work?"
  • When Mary Anne was found buried in the beach sand by Toby and Alex, they ask her if she needs help getting out or if she's "doing this for the 'gram?"
    • Alex then comments to Mary Anne that he has helped people out of the sand several times as a local.
• "Kristy's Big Day":
  • The whole opening scene, pretty much.
    Kristy: When you think of weddings, you think of flowers, champagne, grown-ups crying because they're happy, which doesn't make any sense. But weddings are about more than all that stuff. [slowly pan out to reveal Kristy officiating a "wedding" between Karen and David Michael] They're about love, commitment, what happens when you join two people and their families together forever. Unless someone changes their mind, which they do all the time.
    Karen: We're all children of divorce, Kristy. Get to the good part.
    David Michael: Just do whatever she says.
    Kristy: Prepared for marriage already. Okay. Do you, Karen Amaryllis Brewer, take David Michael Thomas to be your lawfully wedded husband?
    Karen: Wait, what's his middle name?
    Kristy: Michael. David Michael Thomas.
    Karen: So, three first names. Weird, but I do.
    Kristy: And do you, David Michael Thomas, take Karen Amaryllis Brewer to be your lawfully wedded wife?
    David Michael: As long as it's just pretend.
    Kristy: So now, by the power vested in me by the state of Connecticut, I now pronounce you husband and—
    [Karen puckers up]
    Liz: Kristy, can you take the kids outside to play, please?
    Karen: We haven't even kissed yet.
    David Michael: And I didn't get to break the glass.
    Liz: It's not a Jewish wedding, honey.
    David Michael: But it would be cool to smash something.
  • Dawn's terrible attempt at pretending to be her mother on the phone, calling Richard.
  • Stacey asks Kristy to describe her dress.
    Kristy: [excited] Well, it's yellow, and it's long, and it's rustle-y. It kind of makes me look like— [Smash Cut to Kristy looking at herself in the mirror] —a banana. I look like a banana.
    Watson: Come on, it can't be that bad.
    Kristy: [whips fitting room curtains open] See?
    Watson: I think you look great.
    Kristy: The only person in the world that thinks I look great is Curious George, before he tries to eat me.
    Saleslady: The fit is perfect. It's like a glove.
    Kristy: Or a peel.
  • Richard Spier is so stressed out at the wedding, he needs a drink. He then turns to his 12-year-old daughter and asks if she wants one too. She just stares back. He downs it, then realizes too late that he doesn't know where to put the flute.
  • The girls are watching Richard with Sharon.
    Dawn: Think he'll propose tonight?
    Mary Anne: He has had, like, one-third a glass of champagne. [Beat] Anything could happen.
• "Hello, Camp Moosehead!":
  • Mary Anne asks Karen what Watson told her about the camp.
    Karen: That there are snakes, mostly when it rains. Which is a lot. And there are poisonous brown-tailed moths. But there's also a theater where you can put on plays.
    Mary Anne: Really?
    Karen: Yes. Unfortunately, [creepy tone] it's cursed by a crazed hermit, who was driven to madness by the singing from rehearsals. He kidnapped the entire cast...and they were never seen again. But the hermit's still out there...in a cabin in Old Camp. Some say, on quiet nights, you can still hear the vanished campers singing to him. [cheerfully] Okay, bye, Mary Anne! [skips away]
  • Dawn and the poor kids doing the Mockingjay salute when Claudia is led away to be confined to her cabin.
  • Kristy's face as she looks at the hand she used to touch a poison ivy-ridden Stacey's shoulder.
  • When Dawn announces the strike, the cast of the play walks. Mary Anne tells them to stay, but Nicky Pike says, "Sorry, Mary Anne. I'm a union guy."

Season Two

• Kristy and the Snobs":
  • As David Michael hates pancakes but doesn't want to say so after Watson so nicely made them, Kristy surreptitiously snatches one off his plate and horks it down.
    Kristy VO: In the old days, he'd slip whatever he didn't want to Louie under the table. Now I'm Louie.
  • Amanda Delaney gets in a good Take That!
    Amanda: You know that's a bath towel, right? What, were you born in a barn or, like, New Jersey?
• In "Claudia and the New Girl", Kristy comes down with strep throat. While she's going back and forth with her mom over wanting to run the club remotely while Liz wants her to rest, she suddenly stops in mid-sentence. Cut to Karen walking in in an old-timey nurse's outfit with "medication" (Tic Tacs) for the patient. Mother and daughter are momentarily speechless at the sight.
• "Stacey's Emergency":
  • Before leaving her dad's side, Mary Anne has three words:
    Mary Anne: Champagne? Steer clear.
    Richard: It happened once.
  • When the girls suddenly make themselves scarce.
    Watson: Are we contagious?
    Liz: No, honey. They just think we're deeply uncool, which is unfair because we are fun people.
    Watson: Yeah, so fun.
    Richard: So fun. Who would like a drink? I brought coasters from home. [holds up coasters]
    Watson: Oh... that's cool.
    [Richard leaves]
    Liz: Never mind.
  • Having found out that Liz and Watson are thinking about having a baby, Kristy is determined to show her support by winning the bid on a bassinet at the gala, and with the aid of Mallory and Mary Anne, endeavors to prevent anyone else bidding on it.
    Mallory: [blocks an obviously pregnant woman] Trust me, Ms. Papadakis, you think you want the baby stuff, but you don't. Now, this... [holds out hand; Kristy rushes to get something else and passes Mallory... a power drill] ...power tool, this you're gonna need.
    Papadakis boy: Cool, Mom. Let's bid on that.
    Mallory: Solid choice. You won't believe how much of this stuff you have to put together. None of it comes assembled. [accidentally starts drill and screams]
• Kristy trolling Stacey in "Jessi and the Superbrat".
  Kristy: So the nature scavenger hunt may work, but....Hey, Stace, do you think poison ivy still grows in winter?
  Stacey: Too soon, Kristy. Still! God.