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Funny / Sons of Anarchy

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He's late for his 8 o'clock feeding.

  • Ah, Tig.
    Filthy Phil: Should we say a prayer or something?
    Tig: Hey baby Jesus, here comes some shit.
  • While burying bodies in Chigger Woods:
    Tig: We're running out of room up here...
    Happy: [nonchalantly] I know a thousand places to bury bodies.
  • "Slightly retarded child. Please adopt." After Juice drinks spiked coffee the Sons made for the police and screws up a raid because of it this is stapled to his chest after being dressed as a baby.
    You must have really pissed off your biker buddies.
  • From "Hell Followed":
    Tig: Whoa, whoa, whoa, Gem, where you going?
    Gemma: To find Jax and Tara.
    Tig: Oh, no, no, no, no, you heard what Clay said; family says put.
    Gemma: You got two choices, Tigger, tackle me, or tag along.
    Tig: Now look, I got nothing but adoration for you, but what are you giving me such a hard time for?
    Gemma: It's my nature, I'm a giver. (shoves Tig aside on her way out the door)
    Tig: This is why I beat hookers. (tags along)
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  • This exchange between Clay and Gemma in "AK-51", with Stahl providing the crowner at the end:
    Clay: What the hell did you do?!
    Gemma: Same thing you did, nailed some little tart from Nevada!
    Clay: Like I don't have enough shit oozing out of my ears, you gotta go and do this?!
    Gemma: You should have thought about that before your dick went on a cheerleader hunt!
    Clay: I didn't tell her to come here!
    Gemma: But she's here!
    Clay: Well, it's not my fault!
    Gemma: And it's not my pussy!
    Stahl: (to Kohn) That's why I'm single.
  • "I hate it when mommy and daddy fight."
  • "I've got Korean Tourists today, and they love Asian Elvis." "Thank you, thank you very much."
    • When Half-Sack beats him up backstage, Asian Elvis stays in character.
  • When discussing framing the Niners for a murder:
    Tig: Blame it on the angry black man.
    Clay: It's the American way.
  • Tara's idea of a wife-beater onesie for Abel.
    • Double funny when you realize that this is an actual piece of SOA Merchandise.
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  • Juice has been charged with drugging a vicious guard dog to keep it quiet. Unfortunately for Tig, Juice made a very poor choice of "sedative".
    Tig: (Whose ass has just been bitten by said dog) You gave crystal to a killer Doberman? Are you retarded?
    Juice: No! (pulls out his gun) Should I shoot him?
    Tig: No. (hands Juice the keys) Drive. Put it in. (looks at the blood on his hand) Look at my ass!
  • "I love you." "You should."
  • "Jesus is just a guy who cuts my lawn."
  • "He's right, it had to be Laroy. He's gotta die. Like, a lot."
  • Then there's the cleaner guy who disposes of Amelia (the caregiver) after her accidental death. "What body?"
    • Later on in season 4, when Clay confronts Piney, he's reading a Stephen King book!
  • Tara's reaction to Half Sack's infected nutbag, followed by Clay, Bobby, and Tig.
  • Jax suggest to the club they make porn movies. Clay, whose only interest is in guns and killing, is against it but knows it's a lost battle. With a Face Palm he asks the obvious question.
    Chibs: Everyone loves pussy.
    Opie: I second that.
    Juice: Thirded.
    Tig: I'm a very big fan of pussy.
    Clay: All in favor, like I gotta ask.
    All: PUSSY!!!
  • Episode 3 of season 4. Some black kids stole some guns from the Sons, and before the club can catch them they're pulled over by cops. Kozik shoots at the cops and drives off to lead them away, and the kids slump down in the car, high-fiving and just generally acting relieved. Then motorcycles surround them, Opie and Tig draw guns, and Jax ducks down into the window.
    Jax: (smiling) License and registration, please.
  • Episode 6 of season 4. Someone stole something from the club, and when they find the person in possession of the stolen object, he's shot and killed. After which, Happy unloads the rest of the clip into his dead body.
    Chibs: (deadpan) Did you get him?
    • And from the same episode:
    Gemma: This is why mothers should drown baby girls.
    • Bobby's WTF face at that comment really sells the funny.
  • Season 4's "Family Recipe" with Chucky hiding one of the heads in the pot of Chili and Gemma's reaction to discovering what he did all while having to hide this from the two cops sitting in the clubhouse. Probably doubles as a good amount of Squick too.
    Chucky: Hang on, Gemma. Hang on. It's not ready. Gemma. Hey!
    Gemma (stirs Chili and the head pops up): Hey! Did you follow the recipe?
    Chucky:I had to add a few things of my own.
    Gemma: I can see that. Take it to Happy, I think he likes it that hot.
  • If you look closely, there was a funny moment hidden in a particularly dramatic scene during the Season 3 finale. As Piney, Opie, Chibs, and Kozik ride a school bus to find Jimmy and Stahl, you get a good chuckle when see Chibs eating a PB&J and drinking from a juice box. Then you get good laugh when you see his juice is actually a legitimately packaged Jameson Irish Whiskey. Anyone else think juice box whiskey is an awesome idea?
  • When Juice tries to bond with Tig.
    Juice: (While Tig unzips his pants) What're you doin'?
    Tig: I'm gonna dunk my balls in your mouth, your gonna gag, I'm gonna laugh, we'll be best friends forever.
  • During Opie's wedding when he takes his vows
    Opies along with the whole club: I promise to treat you like my leathers and ride you as much as my Harley.
  • The club massacring the Russians to the tune of "What a Wonderful World".
  • When the crew first meet Chucky. Otto warns Clay and Jax that he has a "tic" that may make things awkward for the club. They assure Otto they can handle it, but when they see what this "tic" is, their WTF reaction is priceless.
  • "I'm gonna give you my hand so you can jerk off." "I accept that."
  • "Either join in or get out!"
  • From episode 5 of Season 5, the entire scene with Venus Van Damme, the councilman, and the councilman's stepson. Especially the bit where the entire club pretends to be occasionally bi-sexual to get the stepson to have sex with Venus.
    • There's just something about the way Chibs nonchalantly jerks off the air while saying, "Two dicks."
  • In the episode "Eureka" after the argument about how to rescue Tig hits a deadlock, Piney and Jax take things into their own hands and set off to rescue Tig anyway. Jax jumps up on the tow truck Piney's driving and the following epic lines ensue:
    Jax: Chibs! 'Sack! Come on!
    Happy: What's up?
    Happy: I'm in!
Jax's completely serious delivery as well as Chibs, Half Sack and Happy's absolute lack of hesitation is priceless.
  • Season 2 Episode 6: Gemma and Tara engage in some target practice using a poster for one of the porn studio's movies, which is hanging on a wall adjacent to the studio in front of several shocked and terrified starlets, then when another pulls up in her car firstly Tara points her gun (with the cylinder open) at the girl which Tara admits "was fun" to which Gemma replies "You're gonna love this" and proceeds to open fire on the car.
  • Gemma's solution to getting the prospects to stop calling her ma'am.
    Gemma: "Now you've had your hand on my tits. You can't call me ma'am anymore."
    • The prospect's reaction is particularly funny because he's just standing there unsure as to be turned on or mortified.
  • Unser is now known as "Uncle Touchy":
    Unser: "You realize that makes me sound like a pedophile?"
    Gemma: "That's why I like it."
  • "IMATITE" That is all.
  • Tig (who is scared of dolls) sees a pair of sexy mannequins during a promo shoot for a porno:
    Bobby: You alright, Tig?
    Tig: (Looking hilariously confused) Terrified, but totally erect.
  • "Another fine Irishman brought down by the bottle"
  • "Zero Dark Shithead". So Bad, It's Good, indeed!
  • Dirty cops apologizing to SAMCRO, what more do want out of life?
  • Gemma's freakout at the police station. And everyone saw it coming.
  • The fact that a dirty cop owns a donut shop is not lost on Chibs.
  • "Persia hasn't been a country since 637 AD. They're called Iranians."
  • Tig on pretending to be Ratface's father:
    Tig: My Dad used to rape me, just sayin'.
  • You could take Clay's soon to infamous "Pussy Sermon", stretch it out for an hour and a half, and I would watch the shit out of that shit.
    • It's a set up to attack a guard, but his ending lines.
    I nose the truth brotha.
  • This Season 4 gem:
    Chibs: The meet The Jelly Bean Lounge.
    Jax: What is it with the Russians and strippers?
    Opie They ain't strippers. Have you been to the Jelly Bean? It's horse meat in a g-string.
    Tig: I love The Jelly Bean.
    Juice Of course you do.
    Happy I love it too.
    Juice And the freak circle is complete.
  • From season six:
    Bobby: (Recovering from a gunshot wound) "West, you're gonna need to hold my dick while I pee." Beat "You're gonna need both hands."
    West: "Is he serious?"
    Juice: (Absolutely deadpan) "Yes. He's huge. You're gonna need both hands."
  • And shortly before that:
    Bobby: When was the last time you had your dick sucked?
    Juice: I don't think you're up to it brother.
    • From the same episode:
      Tig: I'm all over it, like jizz on his mama.
      Montez: Hey, my mama's dead, man.
      Jax: (deadpan) That won't stop him.
      Tig: Let's go, Tattoo.
      Montez: Blow me, boss.
  • After a mentally unbalanced girl has attacked the club's temporary headquarters:
    Tig: Why my bike? Do all teenage girls hate me?
    Jax: Yes, they do.
    Happy: (nods enthusiastically)
    Juice: {snorts in amusement)
  • What did that poor pigeon ever do to Jax? There it is, minding it's business and SPLAT!
  • Season 7, while spying on a Chinese drug shipment, Tig decides a good cover is pretending to receive a blowjob...from Ratboy. Specifically he grabs Rat's head and shoves it into his crotch, making moaning noises. He keeps this up even after the Chinese are gone.
    Ratboy: Are they gone?
    Tig: (moaning in pleasure) Nah, not yet.
    Ratboy: Jesus, man, are you getting hard!?
    • Earlier, there's this exchange:
    Ratboy: Shit, man. We been here for over four hours. You think Connor was wrong?
    Tig: I think you should stop whining.
    Ratboy: I'm just saying, what if Lin ain't moving his shit today?
    Tig: What if you stopped asking questions?
    Ratboy: What if you weren't such a dick?
    Tig: What if, when we're done here, we go to your house and I rape your mama?
    Ratboy: What if you find her on top of your dad slamming a big black dildo in his ass while he's calling out my name?
    Tig: Nice touch.
  • When Marks shows up unannounced at the porn studio, Jax tells him he's too late to star in 12 Inches A Slave. August is not amused.
  • Meta example: Entertainment Weekly has a poll on Gemma's fate which hints at what they expect is going to happen. The options are:
    • Live.
    • Die at Jax's hand.
    • Die at Chibs' hand.
    • Die at Happy's hand.
    • Die at Rat's hand.
    • Die at Jarry's hand.
    • Die at Unser's hand.
    • Die at Wendy's hand.
    • Die at Nero's hand.
    • Die at Abel's hand (!). one of the popular votes (!?!?!)
    • Die at her own hand.
    • Die at someone else's hand.
  • While it's a pretty sad moment overall, one might look at Milo in the series finale and have a chuckle thinking "Jax was killed by Vic Mackey!"
  • Dawn Trager's barbecue at the hands of Damon Pope in retaliation for Tig's murder of Pope's daughter. The poor acting by Kim Coates really sells the humor in that scene.

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