- The poetic language is followed by a much simpler statement: "Magic: it was something that Harry Potter thought was very good".
- "Harry's ghost".
- Ron is tap dancing when he first arrives on the scene... and then he eats Hermione's family. He's also wearing a "Ron shirt", which is just as bad as him.
- Hermione threatens to get aggressive, but is introduced as "the reasonable Hermione".
- After Ron offers "Ron magic", it's revealed that Harry thinks of Ron as a "loud, slow, and soft bird"— and he doesn't like to think about birds.
- Ron is nervous because he's going to have spiders all over his body soon.
- The trio's reason for teleporting instead of climbing to the castle is because "witches are not climbing".
- Ron observes that the door to the castle is closed... then, a ghost named, of all things, Mr. Staircase, appears and declares, "Locked!". The trio then start "screaming about how closed it [is] and asking it to be replaced with a small orb". Eventually, Hermione figures out the password: "BEEF WOMEN!".
- The Death Eaters "looked bad".
- Harry tears his eyes out and throws them into the forest upon noticing Voldemort, who then raises his eyebrows at the now-blind Harry.
- Harry calls Voldemort a "very bad and mean wizard".
- One Death Eater is wearing a shirt that reads, "Hermione Has Forgotten How to Dance". Hermione responds by dipping his face in mud.
- Ron throws a wand at Voldemort... and everyone applauds.
- Harry mutters, "Ron's the handsome one", and then when the Death Eaters' heads blow up, he thinks, "Not so handsome now". And as he's thinking, he's dipping Hermione in hot sauce!
- The librarian uses books as decorations.
- Hufflepuff apparently has a pig mascot, which pulses like a frog and which Dumbledore names Hagrid.
- Harry, Ron, and Hermione sing, "We're the only people who matter! He's never going to get rid of us!".
- The narration clearly states that the Dursleys are not going to come to the castle in this book.
- Harry boasts that the Dark Arts had better be worried... as he's falling downstairs... for an entire summer.
Funny / Harry Potter and the Portrait of What Looked Like a Large Pile of Ash