Deadpan Snarker / Star Wars

• Obi-Wan Kenobi: Jedi Knight and Master of Snark
  • From Episode I, after the Trade Delegation try to kill the Jedi before even meeting them, he quips on the run. "You were right about one thing, Master. The negotiations were short."
  • Then when Jar Jar warns them not to expect a warm welcome in Otoh Gunga:
  "Oh, don't worry. This hasn't been our day for warm welcomes."
  • In Episode II, he muses in a dogfight, "This is why I hate flying." And when Anakin sarcastically says "Excuse me" and jumps out of a moving speeder, Obi-Wan calmly says, "I hate it when he does that."
  • Also, in the arena:
  Anakin: We relayed your message just like you requested, Master. Then we decided to come and rescue you.
  Obi-Wan: (glancing at his handcuffs and chain) Good job.
  • And later (also in the arena) when Anakin is worried about Padmé, Obi-Wan draws his attention to the fact that she's freed herself and has climbed to the top of her pillar: "She seems to be on top of things."
  • In Episode III, when the Invisible Hand begins to fragment: "Not to worry, we are still flying half a ship." And when they finally crash-land, "Another happy landing."
  • Later, after he takes out General Grievous with precision blaster-fire Obi-Wan discards the blaster simply saying "So uncivilized." (This is a reference to his earlier (later?) line in Episode IV about the lightsaber being "elegant weapon, of a more civilized age" and being "not as clumsy or random as a blaster" and it is made even funnier in the book. He spends a moment thinking of the absolute worst word in his vocabulary, a real crusher. "Uncivilized" is what he came up with.
  • Earlier in the fight with Grievous (in the novelization):
  Grievous: I was trained by Count Dooku himself.
  Obi-Wan: Funny. I trained the man who killed him.
  • Age does not wither his snark nor the years condemn. In Episode IV, when Luke tells "Ben" Kenobi that his uncle says that Obi-Wan is dead, the Cool Old Guy assures him, "Oh, he's not dead." Then he takes a quick look at his desolate surroundings and adds, "Not yet."
  • In the novelizations, even his internal narration is snarky:
  (while clinging to a flying assassin robot hundreds of miles above Coruscant) This is not the best idea I ever had.
  • And if you want to see him dial it up, check him out in the Clone Wars animated series.
• Anakin Skywalker in Revenge of the Sith. When Obi-Wan points out the inadvisability of trying to clear pesky droids off his fighter's wing by shooting at them: "I agree, bad idea." (And then he does it. Although he does blow half of the fighter wing off in the process.) When asked if he can fly the Invisible Hand as it's falling toward Coruscant's surface: "Under the circumstances I'd say the ability to fly this thing is irrelevant." (And then he does it.)
  • His snark is even worse in the novelization of Revenge of the Sith, especially when as Vader he's killing the Separatist leaders:
  Rune Haako: We surrender! Please — you're a Jedi!.
  Vader: You fought a war to destroy the Jedi. Congratulations on your success.
  Nute Gunray: You can't! Lord Sidious promised we'd be left in peace.
  Vader: The transmission was garbled. He promised you'd be left in pieces.
  Shu Mai: We were promised a reward, a handsome reward...
  Vader: I am your reward; you don't find me handsome?
  • And, like Obi-Wan, the version of Anakin in the Clone Wars animated series is even snarkier.
  • Anakin may have "Taken a Level in Snark" after he became Darth Vader with a healthy dose of menace thrown in. Highlights include his classic "I find your lack of faith disturbing" to the idiot he was force-choking Episode IV and his line from the sequel: "We would be honored if you would join us", given to Han and Leia, who he'd just caught in his trap.
• Failing hyperdrive + Princess Leia = instant snark. Actually, a lot more situations than that. Apparently, she gets it from her father.
• Han Solo, whose snarkiness is most present in The Empire Strikes Back:
  (the ground of the asteroid they just landed on shakes violently)
  C-3PO: Sir, its quite possible this asteroid is not entirely stable.
  Han: Not entirely stable? Well I'm glad you're here to tell us these things. Chewie, take the professor in the back and plug him into the hyperdrive.
  (the ground shakes again; Leia falls and Han catches her)
  Leia: Let go please.
  Han: Don't get excited!
  Leia: Captain being held by you isn't quite enough to get me excited.
  Han: Sorry sweetheart... We don't got time for anything else.
  • In A New Hope, smuggler Solo and Jedi master Obi-Wan "Ben" Kenobi engage in quite a few moments of Snark-to-Snark Combat:
  [Luke gets shot by the remote.]
  Han Solo: [laughs] Hokey religions and ancient weapons are no match for a good blaster at your side, kid.
  Luke Skywalker: You don't believe in the Force, do you?
  Han Solo: Kid, I've flown from one side of this galaxy to the other. I've seen a lot of strange stuff, but I've never seen anything to make me believe there's one all-powerful Force controlling everything. There's no mystical energy field that controls MY destiny. It's all a lot of simple tricks and nonsense.
  Ben Kenobi: [gets up and takes a blast helmet] I suggest you try it again, Luke. This time, let go your conscious self and act on instinct. [puts the helmet on Luke, which covers his eyes]
  Luke Skywalker: [confused laugh] But with the blast shield down, I can't even see! How am I supposed to fight?
  Ben Kenobi: Your eyes can deceive you. Don't trust them. [Watches Luke succeed in blocking the lasers]
  Han Solo: I call it luck.
  Ben Kenobi: In my experience, there is no such thing as luck.
  Han Solo: Look- good against remotes is one thing: good against the living..that's something else!
  [The Millennium Falcon is captured by the Death Star's tractor beam]
  Han Solo: They're not gonna get me without a fight!
  Ben Kenobi: You can't win. But there are alternatives to fighting.
  [The crew of the Millennium Falcon have evaded discovery by the Stormtroopers and emerge from the ship's secret compartments.]
  Han Solo: This is ridiculous. Even if we could take off, we'd never get past that tractor beam.
  Ben Kenobi: Leave that to me.
  Han Solo: Damn fool, I knew you were gonna say that!
  Ben Kenobi: Who is the more foolish? The fool, or the fool who follows him?
  • In Episode IV (after Han Solo shoots Greedo), "Sorry about the mess," and (after he shoots out an intercom) "Boring conversation anyway." Another gem from Han Solo in Episode VI, on the way to the Sarlacc's Pit while he was half-blind:
  Luke Skywalker: There's nothing to see. I used to live here, you know.
  Han Solo: You're gonna die here, you know. Convenient.
  Luke: Just stick close to Chewie and Lando. I've taken care of everything.
  Han: Oh. Great.
  • A little earlier, when first reunited with "the kid":
  Han: How are we doin'?
  Luke: Same as always.
  Han: That bad, huh?
• C-3PO is something of a snarker in A New Hope.
  C-3PO: Just you reconsider playing that message for him!
  (R2 beeps a question)
  C-3PO: No, I don't think he likes you at all.
  (R2 beeps again)
  C-3PO: No, I don't like you either.
  ...
  C-3PO: I would much rather have gone with Master Luke than stay here with you. I don't know what all this trouble is about, but I'm sure it must be your fault.
• Luke has a few moments in the original trilogy...

Luke: You know, between his howling and your blasting everything in sight, it's a wonder the whole station doesn't know we're here.

• But in The Last Jedi he gets much much snarkier. Well, given Mark Hamill's other famous role, this was inevitable.
  Luke: What do you know about the Force?
  Rey: It's a power that Jedi have that lets them control people, and make things float.
  Luke: Impressive. Every word in that sentence was wrong.

• You could probably even include R2D2 on this list. While C-3PO is the only one who knows exactly what he's saying in that odd binary language of his, the viewers can get a pretty clear idea (through his partner's translations and reactions) and he can seem somewhat sarcastic at times.
  • In the Enemy Lines 2-parter, we finally get an insight into Artoo's dialogue (albeit an insight done by Aaron Allston, who tends to create a World of Snark in whatever story he writes). The part where Artoo is programmed to insult anyone who queries him may or may not count (depending on whether the programming was responsible for the quality of the insults, or Artoo himself), but after that part of it, Artoo does get one dig in when Threepio asks him how he'd be able to tell direction:
    Artoo: If you get there within the next eight standard hours, east will be where the sun is.
• The Snark Awakens Poe Dameron seems to be the snarker-in-chief of the sequel trilogy, especially when he's in extremely dangerous situations. Rey, Finn, and even Kylo Ren get in on the fun occasionally too.

  Poe: So who talks first? You talk first? It's just very hard to understand you with all the... Apparatus.

• Yoda is arguably the most snarkiest Jedi character.