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What Nintendon't!
What Nintendon't!
Anime
I'm all alone, forgotten, like a black family in Bush America.
— Leo Kakinoki, Ghost Stories
Panty: Did she seriously refer to herself as Barbie? Like the outdated fetish doll with a zillion lame-ass occupations?
Stocking: She did, and I'm allergic to plastic. Let's get outta here before we catch slut-face.
Stocking: She did, and I'm allergic to plastic. Let's get outta here before we catch slut-face.
Comic Books
Deadpool: Like Han Solo said to Chewbacca in Return of the Jedi, "Fly casual."
AIM scientist: Actually, I like the three new films better. The special effects are fantastic, and Hayden Christensen is an amazing actor.
(Beat Panel)
(BLAMM!)
Deadpool: (now holding Bill at gunpoint) Say Jar Jar Binks is an abomination. Say it!
Bill: Jar Jar Binks is an abomination! JAR JAR BINKS IS AN ABOMINATION!
AIM scientist: Actually, I like the three new films better. The special effects are fantastic, and Hayden Christensen is an amazing actor.
(Beat Panel)
(BLAMM!)
Deadpool: (now holding Bill at gunpoint) Say Jar Jar Binks is an abomination. Say it!
Bill: Jar Jar Binks is an abomination! JAR JAR BINKS IS AN ABOMINATION!
— Deadpool
All of this is faker than a politician in election season... We are in a movie studio!
— Filemón, Mortadelo y Filemón, "¡Silencio, se rueda!"
Comic Strips
Calvin: I'm thinking of starting my own radio talk show. I'll spout simplistic opinions for hours on end, ridicule anyone who disagrees with me, and generally foster divisiveness, cynicism and a lower level of public dialog!
Hobbes: It would seem you were born for the job.
Calvin: Imagine getting paid to act like a six-year-old!
Hobbes: It would seem you were born for the job.
Calvin: Imagine getting paid to act like a six-year-old!
Fan Works
So, I gave him tons of drugs which caused him to blow up like a balloon, and then just, blow up. Kinda like that psychic guy from that film Daisuke was talking about - I mean, the actual guy, not some lazy blue and yellow recolour.
— Monokuma, Danganronpa: Paradise Lost
But eventually the changes did come back and it was getting too scary for me…scary and stupid. I mean, ugh, Space Jam, heeeellllooo! That movie was terrible! And don’t get me started on Baby Looney Tunes! Whose bright idea was it to turn everybody into babies?!? You can’t party with babies! I didn’t mind the Duck Dodgers one too much, I guessed, but things were getting a lot more dangerous for good ol’ Party Pony.
"Hmmm, I've got an idea! Let's see what's on TV! TV always has great shows on... except that Tiny Toons thing... spew."
"I prefer none of you blow crap up indoors like some gender-reveal gimmick."
— Date Masamune, Sengoku Basara fanfic Having fun while you can
Film — Animated
"Look at all the tiny students and the tiny teachers whose tiny paychecks reflect their size AND THE VALUE SOCIETY PUTS ON EDUCATION!"
— Professor Poopypants, Captain Underpants: The First Epic Movie
Formerly Lehman Brothers
— Subtitle under the front door sign for the Bank of Evil, Despicable Me
"It's almost like stealing people's personal data and giving it to a hyper-intelligent AI as part of an unregulated tech monopoly is a bad thing."
— Mark Bowman, The Mitchells vs. the Machines
(the Teen Titans are violently beating up someone they think is Slade)
Fake Slade Actor: Whoa-whoa-whoa-whoa, guys! I'm just playing Slade in the movie! It's me, Shia LaBeouf!
Beast Boy: Oh, it's Shia LeBeoufs. THAT'S EVEN WORSE THAN BEIN' A VILLAIN!
(the Titans resume their beat-up of Shia LaBeouf)
Fake Slade Actor: Whoa-whoa-whoa-whoa, guys! I'm just playing Slade in the movie! It's me, Shia LaBeouf!
Beast Boy: Oh, it's Shia LeBeoufs. THAT'S EVEN WORSE THAN BEIN' A VILLAIN!
(the Titans resume their beat-up of Shia LaBeouf)
Film — Live-Action
"Batman's a fascist!"
— Rudy Reyes, Blue Beetle (2023)
Vic: It's not the union's job to give solutions.
Sid: You can say that again.
Lord Hampton: Your Majesty! The Queen is in labour!
King Henry: Don't worry. They'll never get back in.
"Vampires. No interviews."
"Makes King Kong look like a dwarf!"
—Danish Tagline for Godzilla (1954)
"You don't need a chainsaw to have a massacre."
—Tagline for The Prowler
Daffy Duck: How's this for a new team name: The Ducks!
Literature
This does not appear to be an authentic Fillmore cartoon, although the authors of this book have captured accurately the strip's level of humor.
"Anyway, [your mother having commandeered your young life] sucks. I'm your mom now. The rules are, no Tarantino movies and bedtime is never."
— Myla to August, One Last Stop, Chapter 3
August: Hey, do you mind if we put the radio on?
Isaiah: God, please. If I have to listen to Bon Iver for another block, I'm gonna drive into a telephone pole.
Isaiah: God, please. If I have to listen to Bon Iver for another block, I'm gonna drive into a telephone pole.
— One Last Stop, Chapter 7
Be wary of strong drink. It can make you shoot at tax collectors - and miss.
Live-Action TV
"This plate is just about as good as any major god (audience laughs). Take that, organized religion, take it!"
Lorne Michaels: Of course Sarah (Jessica Parker)'s breasts are beautiful. I just don't want the audience to think you're sexist.
Nicolas Cage: Sexist? I'm not sexist! That's the last thing I am!
Lorne Michaels: All right, Nic. If you're going to talk about killer bods, I think you should mention... Sofia Coppola.
Nicolas Cage: (grabs Lorne) Hey! That's my cousin!"
Lorne Michaels: You see? I-I-I-I did that to make a point. You see, when you're talking about someone that's close to you it's different, isn't it?
Nicolas Cage: Oh... oh... oh you're right. Oh God! They must hate me! What am I going to do?
Lorne Michaels: Don't worry, you'll be fine.
Nicolas Cage: Well they-they-they probably think I'm the biggest jerk who's ever been on the show.
Lorne Michaels: No, no. That would be Steven Seagal.
"That's not music. That's EDM."
— Eleanor, The Good Place
Kaitlyn: Y'know guys, do you think we'll ever get to go Australia like the Power Rangers?
Ryan: Shit, not after the dump they took at the box office!
JB: Yeah, we can flush our movie down the toilet.
Ryan: Shit, not after the dump they took at the box office!
JB: Yeah, we can flush our movie down the toilet.
"I mean does it still exist? Must be a medical term for people who want to visit Weston-super-Mare."
— Dorien Green, Birds of a Feather, "Business is Business"
Dream-Darryl: We would've been nearly legit.
Dream-Garth: Can you be "nearly legit"?
Dream-Darryl: O' course. Tha's when you know yer at it, but everyone else thinks yer a pillar of the community.
Dream-Garth: Oh, what, like the government?
"Do you know how hard it is trying to break into show business? Lana Turner didn't make it until after she died!"
— Shelley DuPont, Girls on Top, "Staying Alive"
"Our main story tonight concerns The World Cup. It's like the Super Bowl, except the rest of the world actually gives a fuck."
"'Listen to a timeshare presentation' is dead last on the list of things that I want to do for five straight hours, right after 'watching Avatar: The Way of Water' and of course 'hearing other people talk about watching Avatar: The Way of Water'."
"Well l've been in the city for thirty years and I've never once regretted being a nasty, greedy, cold hearted, avaricious, money-grubber… Conservative!"
—City gent, Monty Python's Flying Circus
Carly: I asked our fans to send in ideas for what they want to see me do on iCarly.
Freddie: Well let's delete all the ones from Mandy Valdez, and any with the word "feet" in the filename.
Freddie: Well let's delete all the ones from Mandy Valdez, and any with the word "feet" in the filename.
Professional Wrestling
"Fans, as Hollywood Hogan walks away and you look at forty thousand plus on hand, if you're even THINKING about changing the channel to our competition, fans, do not, because we understand that Mick Foley, who wrestled here one time as Cactus Jack, is gonna win their world title. Ha! That's gonna put some butts in the seats, heh."
— Tony Schiavone on the January 4, 1999 episode of WCW Monday Nitro. This comment would seriously backfire in WCW's face.
"My little brother Seth Rollins... Exactly, no pop!"
—Roman Reigns on the February 2, 2024 episode of WWE Smackdown.
Radio
"Well, as Scottish football managers never say, here we are in the second round."
— Humphrey Lyttelton, I'm Sorry I Haven't a Clue
Tabletop Games
"Did you have a chance to read the novel I sent you?"
As he continues musing, I find myself growing rather queasy: an odd smell is building in the room. "Yes, I read it. I'll even tell you what I think of it," he says, his voice dropping a full octave. The guttural sound that follows mutates into a raspy, grating sound. As his facade is dropped, I see the vampire for what he really is: his blonde hair turns into greasy dreadlocks; his skin withers into a brittle reptilian cast. He hunches in his chair, and suddenly, the faint aroma of perfume I found so delightful becomes the unspeakable tang of a bathroom urinal cake.
"What's the matter, kid? Who were you expecting, Brad Pitt?" The next sound on my tape recorder is the prolonged sound of retching as I vomit profusely.
— "Interview With A Vampire," Vampire: The Masquerade - Clanbook: Nosferatu (Revised)
Video Games
What's with this low-quality world setting! It doesn't make any sense! I told them not to make 2D show into a 3D movie!
— Takenaka Andersen, Fate/Grand Order
“Where'd you learn to cook, truck driving school?”
— Gourmet Guy, Paper Mario 64
Jeane: It's too terrible. It alone will jack up the age rating of this game even further.
Travis: So what? Who cares?
Jeane: What if the game gets delayed? You don't want this to become No More Heroes Forever, do you?
"Now, let's play Metal Gear for real!"
— Falcon, Silent Scope 2note
"I hate the Art of Fighting, but I wanna be the king of fighters!"
— Dan Hibiki, Street Fighter Alpha 3
"Dude, you've been hanging here like, forever."
— Sam "Serious" Stone, Serious Sam II, finding "Secret Duke's skeleton"
Visual Novels
My goals for the next playthrough are: 1) Unlock The Slut, 2) Complete The President, 3) Win The Game. Actually, that sounds like politics as usual in the good ol’ US of A.
— Bryan Choi
discussing the visual novel Ladykiller in a Bind
discussing the visual novel Ladykiller in a Bind"A tornado of sharks? Not even Hollywood could conjure up something that insane."
— Phoenix Wright, Phoenix Wright: Ace Attorney – Dual Destinies, Case 5-DLC: "Turnabout Reclaimed"
Web Original
Trixie Bottoms: Um, I wanted to ask, are we gonna be using any sheep? 'Cause I worked with sheep before, I just... I just wanna know if I need to do it again.
Interviewer: No, we couldn't find any Navajos that would do a straight porno.
Interviewer: No, we couldn't find any Navajos that would do a straight porno.
Hi, I’m Robert Brockway from the Internet. You may know me from my time at Cracked.com, an affiliate store website that also once published comedy.
—1-900-HOTDOG
Next up, I've got us some tickets to go and see some live comedy... at the Emirates. Or was it a pantomime? Or a farce? Anyway, please don't be alarmed if you see any raving loonies... it's probably just Gooners losing their shit on Arsenal Fan TV!
. Or was it a pantomime? Or a farce? Anyway, please don't be alarmed if you see any raving loonies... it's probably just Gooners losing their shit on Arsenal Fan TV!— John Terry, 442oons, "Who Won The League? Chelsea! Chelsea! (2016-17)"
"The only one that stands out among [the emoji characters] is the Patrick Stewart Poop, who might as well be the official mascot of Sony Animation: a poorly-drawn piece of crap that spews out jokes that no one with a sense of humor would think it's funny."
— AniMat on his review of The Emoji Movie
Another boring sprite movie that shamelessly steals from 8-Bit Theater
Fighter: Blatant ripoffs!
Black Mage: Terrible echo effects!
Thief: REEEEALLLYYY BAAAAAAAD VOOOOOIIIIIIICEAAAAACTIIIIIIING!!!!1!!1
Black Mage: Stolen dialogue!
Red Mage: 30 seconds long, but 4 megs in size!
Thief: <<UNINTELLIGIBLE>>
Fighter: Insert meaningless battle here!
Billy: GIIIIMMEEEEE URR MUNNEEEEYYY!!!!!!!11!1
Fighter: Blatant ripoffs!
Black Mage: Terrible echo effects!
Thief: REEEEALLLYYY BAAAAAAAD VOOOOOIIIIIIICEAAAAACTIIIIIIING!!!!1!!1
Black Mage: Stolen dialogue!
Red Mage: 30 seconds long, but 4 megs in size!
Thief: <<UNINTELLIGIBLE>>
Fighter: Insert meaningless battle here!
Billy: GIIIIMMEEEEE URR MUNNEEEEYYY!!!!!!!11!1
— Arfenhouse 2
Kid: (playing with an apple and orange that have faces drawn on them) Hey, Apple! Apple! Apple! Hey, Apple!
Father: Well, we failed. (cocks a shotgun) Don't look, honey.
Father: Well, we failed. (cocks a shotgun) Don't look, honey.
Jurgen Klopp: The festivities are about to begin, so please take your seats.
[Cut to Tottenham's table, which has no cutlery]
Dele Alli: What's this, we've got no silverware?
Dele Alli: What's this, we've got no silverware?
[Klopp giggles, while Mauricio Pochettino sheds a tear]
Klopp: Barcelona! We didn't mean to put you front and center, but unfortunately, all the corners were taken too quickly!
! [Laughter, as Lionel Messi raises a middle finger at Klopp under his Hand Puppet]
Klopp: Before we begin, I want to thank a special person, without whom we would not be here today, Mr. Loris Karius.
[Karius suddenly turns upon hearing his name, inadvertently dropping a meatball right onto Karim Benzema's dish]
Klopp: Thank you for showing our American overlords the importance of spending a lot of money on a competent keeper.
[Klopp points at Alisson, who shrugs as Karius glares back at them.]
the importance of spending a lot of money on a competent keeper.[Klopp points at Alisson, who shrugs as Karius glares back at them.]
Filmmaker: It's, like… Winnie da Pooh, but he do de murder.
Doobus: Dude, he shouldn't see this! Also, he didn't even do anything to you! Why would you make this?
Filmmaker: 'Cause it's a passion project I've had in my mind since I was a little baby. This is like, what my life has been leadin' up to, man—
Doobus: (interrupting) You got this from a Robot Chicken sketch.
Filmmaker: Shut the fu— shut up.
Doobus: Dude, he shouldn't see this! Also, he didn't even do anything to you! Why would you make this?
Filmmaker: 'Cause it's a passion project I've had in my mind since I was a little baby. This is like, what my life has been leadin' up to, man—
Doobus: (interrupting) You got this from a Robot Chicken sketch.
Filmmaker: Shut the fu— shut up.
Vegeta: C'mon, Nappa, let's not forget why we're here.
Nappa: To insult people, Vegeta?
Vegeta: No, Nappa, not just to insult people... but to insult people more specifically.
— Dragon Ball Z Abridged - Team Four Star AWA Special
Garmadon: Think of the dumbest opinion you've ever heard.
Lloyd: Dareth should've been the Green Ninja?
Garmadon: Worse.
Lloyd: Jay should be the team leader?
Garmadon: Worse, I said!
Lloyd: Nya should've been with Cole!
Garmadon: WORSE!
Lloyd: ASPHEERA IS A...GOOD...VILLAIN!
Lloyd: Dareth should've been the Green Ninja?
Garmadon: Worse.
Lloyd: Jay should be the team leader?
Garmadon: Worse, I said!
Lloyd: Nya should've been with Cole!
Garmadon: WORSE!
Lloyd: ASPHEERA IS A...GOOD...VILLAIN!
Lamar Jackson: My whole team is out and we’re forced to start guys from the Baltimore Orioles.
[cut to Calais Campbell throwing pads and a helmet on Orioles outfielder Cedric Mullins]
Cedric Mullins: Please! We can barely play baseball!
"Getting angry about books made for horny teenage girls was ridiculous then, and it's ridiculous now."
"This is Eggman's crypto mine. It produces enough energy to power all of Station Square… or mint one NFT."
Sonic.exe: I am the personification of all things evil. Malice incarnate. I… am your fan base's deepest desires.
Sonic: Oh, no.
Sonic.exe: (Evil Laugh) Oh, yes.
Sonic: I really am washed up if this is what the fans consider cool.
Sonic.exe: It gets worse. I was revived by the Friday Night Funkin' community.
Sonic: (retches) I think I'm gonna be sick…
Sonic: Oh, no.
Sonic.exe: (Evil Laugh) Oh, yes.
Sonic: I really am washed up if this is what the fans consider cool.
Sonic.exe: It gets worse. I was revived by the Friday Night Funkin' community.
Sonic: (retches) I think I'm gonna be sick…
"Don't worry, I'm not gonna sit here and complain for seven minutes straight about how this show is about as historically accurate as a Disney movie. We're advanced these days. We don't turn to cheap tourist amusements for our misinformation, we have TikTok for that!"
Dr. Eggman: (to a de-aged Tails in his classroom) What!? No iPad in class! (looks at the video)
Sing-A-Long Video: 🎵Five little hedgehogs jumping in a bin, one fell out and broke his skin! Yaaay!🎵
Dr. Eggman: (stares at the tablet in horror, before giving it back to Tails) Actually, this should mess you up pretty good.
Sing-A-Long Video: 🎵Five little hedgehogs jumping in a bin, one fell out and broke his skin! Yaaay!🎵
Dr. Eggman: (stares at the tablet in horror, before giving it back to Tails) Actually, this should mess you up pretty good.
Aria, if you could figure out a way to absorb negative energy through the internet, we could take over the entire fucking multiverse in a day.
— Adagio Dazzle, My Little Pony: Totally Legit Recap, "Rainbow Rocks (Part 1)"
The Joker: Do you know how many incarnations of the Joker there's been? Tons! And do you know what the best ones have in common?
2017!Pennywise: They're not Jared Leto?
The Joker: [grumbling] Yes...
Jesus, it's like asking a "karen" to put on a mask.
"He goes to, get this, a Product Placement in a Sandler flick: Bed, Bath & Beyond. He goes to the Beyond section of the store, which yes, is a joke from Family Guy, but they stole a ton so it balances out."
"I know these Disney sequels were just an easy way for Hollywood to make money, but think about how much more money they could've made if they just made good sequels."
— James "TheOdd1sOut" Rallison, "Movies I Thought Were Weird"
""We're supposed to be supervillains, what are we doing? Giving poor financial advice, spreading fake news, what are we, fucking Facebook?
Pete: It seems like… for the first time in a century, the world is our oyster! So many up-and-coming artists being carved out of the woodwork as we speak! The love and joy we once brought to the world years ago can now be rekindled, in the modern day with brand new hands! New ideas! Oh, I'm so excited, Mickey! What do you think these wonderful minds are gonna do with us now?
Mickey: Two horror movies and a Steam game.
(Beat)
Pete: That's it?
Mickey: Pretty much.
Pete: Okay.
Mickey: Two horror
movies and a Steam game.(Beat)
Pete: That's it?
Mickey: Pretty much.
Pete: Okay.
In Twilight, vampires can go approximately 1-2 weeks between meals. Now, for 3.5 books the Cullen clan comprises of seven members. So that adds up to 175-350 exsanguinated animal bodies left behind per year- something which the US forest service would find highly alarming. Similarly, the Volturi with its seven members would be leaving behind that many human bodies. While the locals of Volterra may not necessarily notice that tourists were going missing, the friends and families of the tourists certainly would, and it wouldn't be long before Volterra developed a reputation as a literal tourist trap. "Okay, but that's Twilight," you might say, "Surely other books are better?"
Take Eragon for example. It's like the hideous mutated offspring of Star Wars and Lord of the rings set atop a dragon. The fact that there's a dragon that the hero gets to ride tends to distract people from the fact that the story is a gibbering monster.
Our story begins in a low-budget superstore. That's right, Walmart!
— Toadsworth, StacheBros, "The Year Luigi Stopped Believing In Santa Claus!"
Did you want to read an embarrassing 1994-era alt.toys.transformers fanfic in official comic form? Good news!
"And meanwhile, singles have become a vestigial concept. An obsolete idea that no longer matters in the music industry, like cassettes, or MTV, or Pitbull."
"Insolent girl! Your incessant Disney references are futile! Now I shall do all the fans a favor and destroy the most annoying Yu-Gi-Oh! character ever!"
— Anubis, Yu-Gi-Oh: The Abridged Movie
A sequel having less stuff than the original is always a tough sell, it'd be like putting out a new smartphonenote without a headphone jack.
— Ben "Yahtzee" Croshaw on The Crew 2, Zero Punctuation
Producer: Plus, Sophie Turner is playing Jean Grey now, we get to put her front and center. You know, she is really popular coz of Game of Thrones.
Screenwriter: That's a good point and people associate that show with good writing.
Producer: And they always will, I can't wait to see how they wrap that old thing up.
Screenwriter: That's a good point and people associate that show with good writing.
Producer: And they always will, I can't wait to see how they wrap that old thing up.
— Screen Rant Pitch Meetings, "Dark Phoenix Pitch Meeting"
Western Animation
Those cannot be your only shoes...what am I saying, it's Russia, people probably come from miles to have their picture taken in them.
— Sterling Archer
BoDean and Bobby: [while "enacting" a scene from The Empire Strikes Back, with Bobby's outfit very slightly resembling Darth Vader] [they very poorly mimic lightsaber sounds]
BoDean: Bring it on Darth you big black son of a bitch.
Bobby: [attempts to mimic Vader Breath] Luke, I am yo daddy.
BoDean: No. W-Wait, are you serious Bobby?
Bobby: Imma kill you! [briefly stutters] Imma kill you!
BoDean: *BEEP*k you. [They get in a fist fight and start grunting]
Malloy: This is definitely better than those horrible prequels*.
Woody: [grunts] I'm parry-dogging.
Malloy: Quiet! Luke's about to bite Anakin's nose off.
Bobby: [attempts to mimic Vader Breath] Luke, I am yo daddy.
BoDean: No. W-Wait, are you serious Bobby?
Bobby: Imma kill you! [briefly stutters] Imma kill you!
BoDean: *BEEP*k you. [They get in a fist fight and start grunting]
Malloy: This is definitely better than those horrible prequels*.
Woody: [grunts] I'm parry-dogging.
Malloy: Quiet! Luke's about to bite Anakin's nose off.
—Brickleberry, "Aparkalypse [sic]"
Principal Shepard: In fact, just yesterday, [Chris] tried to pass this drawing off as his advanced art project. [shows Peter and Lois a picture of Bob Belcher]
Lois: Oh my.
Peter: I'm very embarrassed.
Lois: Oh my.
Peter: I'm very embarrassed.
— Family Guy, "Space Cadet"
You've gone from crazy like a fox to crazy like Fox News!
— Amy Wong, Futurama
Hey, Heathcliff! Eat your heart out.
— Garfield, Garfield and Friends
Amy: One History of Electrolysis, please!
Book Mobile Vendor: Here you go, Amy!
Billy: The Dunderhead's Guide to Idiocy?
Book Mobile Vendor: Enjoy, Billy!
Ed: The Catcher in the Rye?
Book Mobile Vendor: Not today, Ed.
Book Mobile Vendor: Here you go, Amy!
Billy: The Dunderhead's Guide to Idiocy?
Book Mobile Vendor: Enjoy, Billy!
Ed: The Catcher in the Rye?
Book Mobile Vendor: Not today, Ed.
And the best part of climate change is... NO ONE BELIEVES IT'S REAL! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!
— Dr. Blight, OK K.O.! Let's Be Heroes, "The Power is Yours"
Rick: I did it, Morty! I killed the versions of us that were in Space Jam! Help me with the bodies!
Morty: (cheerfully) Wow! How'd you do it, Rick?
Rick: It was easy, Morty! They welcomed death! They wanted out, Morty!
Morty: (cheerfully) Wow! How'd you do it, Rick?
Rick: It was easy, Morty! They welcomed death! They wanted out, Morty!
For your dark and terrible deeds, I shall turn Care-a-Lot into a dark and terrible place, a hell on Earth! I shall turn Care-a-Lot into...New Jersey!
— The Great Cloudkeeper in the Sky, Robot Chicken
[singing] We're proud to present on The WB, another bad show that no one will see! [disgustedly walking off] Ah, I need a drink...
— Michigan J. Frog, The Simpsons, "Lisa's Sax"
Troglor, I can't allow them to make an independent Gwimbly game! It's my IP to sit on and do nothing with!
— The CEO of Insane Groundbreaking Games, Smiling Friends, Gwimbly: Definitive Remastered Enhanced Extended Edition DX 4K (Anniversary Director’s Cut)
Spongebob: Hey, Patrick! What am I now?
Patrick: Uh...stupid?
Spongebob: No, I'm Texas!
Patrick: What's the difference?
Patrick: Uh...stupid?
Spongebob: No, I'm Texas!
Patrick: What's the difference?
Lapis: What's that shadowy place over there?
Steven: Oh, that's Jersey.
Lapis: Is it populated by machines?
Steven: No, those are cars. They make a lot of smog though. [coughs] You'd like it in Jersey. The people here seem to hate the Earth too!
Steven: Oh, that's Jersey.
Lapis: Is it populated by machines?
Steven: No, those are cars. They make a lot of smog though. [coughs] You'd like it in Jersey. The people here seem to hate the Earth too!
— Steven Universe, "Same Old World"
Larry: Who are you?
Peach: [singing] I'm from the IRS! And I've come to tax your-
[Larry slams the door on him, before turning to the camera with a sly grin]
Peach: [singing] I'm from the IRS! And I've come to tax your-
[Larry slams the door on him, before turning to the camera with a sly grin]
— VeggieTales, "Oh, Santa"
Real Life
"It was a big year for 3D movies. Toy Story, Despicable Me, Tron. Seems like everything this year was three-dimensional. Except the characters in The Tourist.
"Nothing for Sex and the City 2? No, I was sure the Golden Globe for special effects would go to the team that airbrushed that poster. Great job. Girls, we KNOW how old you are. I saw one of you in an episode of Bonanza, for [bleep] sake."
"There is a scene in this movie where a penguin bites Dane Cook in the crotch. I'd like to find that penguin and buy it a drink."
"We are sick and tired of girls getting up there with dancers and karaoke tapes in back of them. What you’re gonna hear on stage is live music. All the bombs are real. All the music is real. The guys you see on stage playing their instruments are playing their instruments. No karaoke singers allowed. No fake bullshit. Leave that to the Rihanna, Schmihanna and anybody who ends their name with an ‘A.’ This is real stuff."
Bon Jovi was one of the four finalists in the "Worst Rock Band Ever" competition. But they didn’t take the overall prize. If I did a “Worst Country Artist Ever” competition, there is little doubt in my mind that Garth Brooks would take the title in a cake walk. Plus...when things are wet, they are slippery, so that album title makes sense. What the hell does Ropin’ the Wind mean, though? It sounds like some cryptic name for a fart to me.
But they didn’t take the overall prize. If I did a “Worst Country Artist Ever” competition, there is little doubt in my mind that Garth Brooks would take the title in a cake walk. Plus...when things are wet, they are slippery, so that album title makes sense. What the hell does Ropin’ the Wind mean, though? It sounds like some cryptic name for a fart to me.— J. Eric Smith, Best of the Blockbusters: The Greatest (Popular) Record Ever; Round 1, Bottom Half of the Bracket: Garth Brooks, Ropin' the Wind vs. Bon Jovi, Slippery When Wet (2005)
; Round 1, Bottom Half of the Bracket: Garth Brooks, Ropin' the Wind vs. Bon Jovi, Slippery When Wet (2005)