Quotes: Bullying a Dragon

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    Anime and Manga 

Scar: (solemnly) If you interfere, I will eliminate you as well.
Roy: Oh, is that right? (hands Riza his gun) You guys stay out of it.
Riza: Colonel Mustang! Sir!
Scar: "Colonel Mustang?" ...So this is the The Flame Alchemist. Volunteering yourself to receive judgement... this is truly an auspicious day!
Roy: So you know who I am, yet you STILL want to challenge me. Bad decision.

    Fan Fiction 

Carrie as you'll soon find out, warns us of the danger of underestimation, of messing with the wrong person and not treating everyone with the respect they fully deserve. While this may be tempting for some, it will be an insult to the one you abuse, and may end in your untimely death.'

Please. Mitch Mitchelston had it coming. He was a bastard who thought he could pick on outcasts with deformities. He was a dumb ass who thought he could spend the rest of his days poking a bear, and foolishly expecting to never be mauled. Mitch Mitchelston - what a fucking idiot.
Buttercupp, Villain, Chapter 2

    Film - Animated 

You let one ant stand up to us, then they all might stand up. Those "puny little ants" outnumber us 100 to 1. And if they ever figure that out, there goes our way of life! It's not about food, it's about keeping those ants in line.

We are being framed! Someone's actually trying to frame the Justice League! Who would have the balls?

Guess nobody told you: If you mess with the wolf, you get the fangs.
Wolf Boss, Kung Fu Panda 2

Batman: One hellspore can turn an entire planet into a firepit, what will happen to Apokolips when 500 go off, simultaneously?
Darkseid: You dare! YOU DARE!? (Throws Batman into a column) I could destroy you with a single blast of my Omega Beams.
Batman: You could, but that wouldn't stop the hellspores would it? (Darkseid throws Batman into a wall)

    Film - Live-Action 

Loki: What have I to fear?
Tony: Let's do a headcount here: your brother, the demi-god; the super-soldier, a living legend who kinda lives up to the legend; a man with breathtaking anger management issues; couple of master assassins - and you, big fella, you've managed to piss off every single one of them.
Loki: That was the plan.
Tony: Not a great plan.

Daggett: I'm in charge here!
Bane: Do you feel in charge?

You have strucked Hercules.


Do not meddle in the affairs of dragons, for you are crunchy, and good with ketchup.

Slughorn: I might have been in hiding, but some funny rumors have reached me since Dolores Umbridge left! If that's how you treat teachers these days-
Dumbledore: Professor Umbridge ran afoul of our centaur herd. I think you, Horace, would have known better than to stride into the forest and call a horde of angry centaurs "filthy half-breeds."
Slughorn: That's what she did, did she? Idiotic woman. Never liked her.

Never laugh at live dragons, Bilbo you fool!
Bilbo Baggins, The Hobbit

    Live-Action TV 

Now, to put that in hacker terms, Anonymous is a hornets' nest, and Barr said, "I'm going to stick my penis in that thing." Because, faster than you could say "Get these hornets off my penis!" Anonymous took down Barr's website, stole his emails, deleted the company's backup data, trashed his twitter account and remotely wiped his iPad.
Stephen Colbert, The Colbert Report

Smaug: Did my people not warn you?
Stephen Colbert: Of what?
Smaug: Never laugh at a live dragon, mother*BLEEP*!

Madame Kovarian: So, what have you heard?
Dorium Maldovar: That you pricked the side of a mighty beast, Madame Kovarian, and entirely failed to run.
Doctor Who, "A Good Man Goes To War"

Tywin: What would it take to make the common soldier stupid enough to try his luck with The Hound?
Varys: Ten silver stags maybe.
Tywin: Make it a hundred.

Vladimir has 10,000 tanks and you have three. Why would you start a war? Discuss.
David Mitchell, Mock the Week, "Questions That Were Rejected From [2008's] Exams"


There's just no limits to the boundaries you push
I warned you but still you just fuck with my mind,
There's no escape from this rage that I feel,
Nothing is real

No you can't renege
I love to see you beg
Dream this moment as you run away
You will only separate me from
All I believe this moment
In brutality
You're the one who kept on pushing
Till I made you bleed

It is always quite foolhardy
For a young and ill-trained party
To gather at a tavern and to say
"We have had it with our teachers.
Let's go off and kill some creatures,
And find a ton of gold to haul away."

And that is called bashing the balrog
And the people who long to attack
Think, once they have bashed on the balrog,
The balrog will not bash them back

It is equally foolhardy for that armed and eager party
To win one lucky battle and feel sure,
"We have polished off a goblin,
But he left our fighter hobblin'.
Perhaps this magic potion is the cure."

And that can make bashing the balrog
Too much for the cleric and elf,
Who find, when they're facing the balrog,
That their fighter is not quite himself.

It is even more foolhardy for the changed and weakened party
To stare back at the balrog and to say
"We can zap and we can bite you.
We are quite prepared to fight you.
We suggest you turn around and fly away."

And that's called insulting the balrog,
For balrogs aren't easy to bluff.
They know, with a competent balrog,
No army is half strong enough.

And it's just a bit too tardy when a member of the party
Succeeds at his IQ roll and exclaims
"Try a Light spell or Entangle
While I get a better angle,
For I think I know a way to douse his flames."

And that is called fleeing the balrog,
And those who are wiser agree:
While comrades are bashing the balrog,
It's safest to go climb a tree.

It is almost as foolhardy for the others in the party
To bravely join the fray with spell and sword.
It has no chance of destroying.
At the worst you'll be annoying,
And at best you'll keep the foe from being bored.

And that is called bashing the balrog.
But should any witness survive,
He'll see, once you've bashed on the balrog,
The balrog will skin you alive.

So no matter just how hardy be the fools within your party,
And no matter just how lucrative your aim,
If it ever is suggested
You can get by unmolested,
You should rise and pound the table and exclaim,

"We never can win against balrogs,
However the dice might be tossed.
For the rules of this game are obscure and arcane,
And the party that plays it is lost!"
Leslie Fish, "Bashing the Balrog"

    Newspaper Comics 

Huey: People say the brawl at the basketball game teaches kids a bad lesson. I disagree! I think Ron Artest taught a lot of kids a valuable lesson that day. Don't talk trash and throw things at an agitated black man, or stand near anyone who does, or a wholesale a** whuppin' may descend upon you like a Florida hurricane.
Caesar: I wonder why they don't teach that in school?


Ed Gruberman: Listen, shrimp! Now are you gonna show me some fancy moves, or am I gonna start wipin' the walls with you?
Martial Arts Master: Ed Gruberman, you fail to grasp Tae Kwon Leap. Approach me that you might see.
Ed Gruberman: All right! Finally some action!
Martial Arts Master: Observe closely, class. Boot to the Head! (WHUMP!)
Ed Gruberman: Owww! You booted me in the head!

    Tabletop Games 

Never taunt an embermage, "What are you going to do about it?"
Akin, seasoned askari, Magic: The Gathering, "Incinerate"

    Video Games 

In four years, I have made no threat - and fanatics have lined up to hate us simply because we exist.
The Arishok, Dragon Age II

Why they insist on thinking they can kill people like you and the Warden, I will never guess.
Zevran to Hawke, Dragon Age II

And people actually attack you? Voluntarily?
Sergeant Kylon, Dragon Age: Origins

District Attorney: Do you know who you're fucking with here?! I'll have your badge, you moron!
Cop 1: Shut up. You found anything back there?
Cop 2: "Found anything?" He's got half of Mexico in here! Must be two tons of Mary here!
D.A.: What? But... but I've never seen... how could it have...?
Cop 1: Eloquent defense you got there, buddy! (slams D.A.'s head into the windshield)

Anyone who fights us is either stupid or on Saren's payroll. Killing the latter is business. Killing the former is a favor to the universe.
Urdnot Wrex, Mass Effect 1

You really think you can kill the leader of the Saints?
Richie, Saints Row 2

Mess with the bull, you get the horns.


Superman: Bruce was only playing with [Connor]. He always did that to me when we were kids. Tying explosives to my cape... always reminding me that I'm not human... sticking Kryptonite in my locker after painting it with lead... calling me a naive Farm Boy who had his head under too many cows' behinds to know any better... He's such a kidder.
Lois Lane: Clark, you're in denial.
Superman: It keeps me from killing him, Lois.

Nick: Are you pickin' a fight wif' me?
Narrator: Anyone with half a brain would know that this question, asked in this tone of voice, by a man of this size, has exactly one correct answer.
Enireth Frat Boy G: Yes I am. What are you going to do about it?
Narrator: That was not it.

    Web Original 

Telling a lion-man of the Full Moon to "yiff in hell" is almost always a horrible idea as he can rip you and thousands like you to pieces without even trying. Yet it is still totally Worth It.
1d4chan on the Lunar Exalted

We then cut to classic Super Hero cliche #37: our hero's status as an ass-kicker is established via rescuing a woman either being robbed or raped. A corollary of that cliche is the absolute moron who thinks he can take on a guy who looks like this.
Linkara in his Atop the Fourth Wall review of Spawn #1

Gohan: My daddy's not gonna let you get away with this!
Ginger: Big (bleep)ing whoop, we beat Piccolo, and that guy's strong as shit!
Gohan: Yeah? So did my dad!
Ginger: By himself?!
Gohan: Yeah!
Garlic Jr.: ...Oh god, your father's Goku. Oh my GOD, you morons stole Goku's kid?! How?! How did you steal Goku's kid?!
Cinnamon: Well, first we beat up his wife...
Garlic: Oh my shit.
Dragon Ball Abridged, Dead Zone Abridged

Why would you call someone that size a name? He's a giant and he has a weapon. He looks like he would wear your skin as a trophy, and that's what he does!

I always wondered how long real-world persecution of mutants would last.
"We had ourselves a lynching party last night for that mutant SOB!"
"How'd it go?"
"Well, we lost about seven people, and the mutant survived. But we think itíll go better next time!"
John Seavey, mightygodking.com

The closest thing we get to any normal kind of reaction is when the jockey character tells Scott to stick with his own kind, peharps a commentary on racism, and everyone laugh him out of the dance. But the only thing that stuck in my mind during this whole scene is that this dude is angatonizing a friggin' werewolf! He rips his shirt open with his deadly claws! Did he not stop to think that starting a fight with a mythological monster was a bad idea?

For the first time in his career it looked like Fedor wanted something dead. Poor Tsuyoshi Kohsaka could only look on in horror while the world's greatest fighter experienced rage for the first time and redefined the ways a human body could express it. Almost immediately, Fedor threw TK into the ground and rezoned his head for strip mining. He punched and punched and only stopped to stand up and stomp a hole into his face. The ref took this opportunity to pause the fight and let the doctors glue together the remaining scraps of Tsuyoshi's skull. After some debate on the sensibility of it, they soon restarted the fight. "Heh," said a shadowy man now standing in TK's corner with a wheat scythe.

There are some flaws in this movie.... Not to mention so very stupid lapses in the scriptwriting. Take for example a scene where Kara lands on Earth and two white crackers immediately try to rape her. She is dressed in her Supergirl outfit and is clearly using her powers. The white crackers simply dismiss this though and say "Heh, this girl has fight in her hyuck hyuck." I'll say! She's Supergirl! You are trying to rape Supergirl. Are your inbred synapses so slow to fire you canít figure that out you brain-dead hillbillies!?

    Western Animation 

Strike me again, and I will bury that rod in your spark.
Predaking, Transformers Prime

    Real Life 

But, as it is, we have the wolf by the ear, and we can neither hold him, nor safely let him go.
Thomas Jefferson to John Holmes, discussing slavery and the Missouri question at home in Monticello, 22 April 1820