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Fanfic: Thinking In Little Green Boxes

Thinking In Little Green Boxes, by DireSquirrel

This fic can be summed up in one phrase: What if Deadpool raised Harry Potter? Wait! Don't go!

Harry was supposed to be left at #4 Privet Drive all those years ago, but due to a mix-up, he gets sent to #4 Privy drive instead, where one Mister Wilson is staying at the time.

From there, Wade raises Harry, who in turn gains Deadpool's insanity.

Hilarity Ensues.


This fic provides examples of the following:

  • Actor Allusion
  • Actually a Doombot: Don't worry, that was just the Life Model Decoy of Cedric Diggory.
  • Arch-Enemy: JAMESON!!!
  • Axe Crazy: Harry got this from Deadpool, too.
  • Back from the Dead: Harry died at some point between 1st and 2nd year in a crossover event, but got better.
  • Batman Gambit: Harry concocts a couple of plans that just involve having Doctor Doom and the Punisher doing what they do naturally when given the incentive.
  • Big Bad Wannabe: Crabbe and Goyle try to beat up Harry. They get curbstomped by Harry.
  • Big Screwed-Up Family: Harry Has Two Daddies (since Deadpool and Cable exchanged DNA and all) so that means Harry gets adopted into that mess known as the Summers' Family Tree, plus there’s the biological family and Sirius to consider as well. He calls Scott "Grandpa" and Jean "Grandma". So far Jean seems to be the only one who exercises any sort of control at all (that succeeds anyway, and it's rare)
  • Body-Count Competition: Harry and Wolverine have a contest to see who can kill more Dementors. The competition is pretty close until Harry runs out of bullets.
  • Broken Masquerade: The introduction of TV to wizards reveals them to the entire world, and they aren't aware of it.
  • Bullying a Dragon: Frequently subverted "Remember, it's important to be nice to the lady that can destroy star systems."
  • Canis Latinicus: Like you guys are using real Latin either.
  • Clasp Your Hands If You Deceive: while plotting and planning and considering that Dumbledore must have been replaced by Skrull Harry does the Gendo pose.
  • Cloning Blues: "Too bad it was just a clone."
  • Clueless Chick Magnet: Neville
  • Comedic Sociopathy: every mention of the "Punisher's War Journal."
  • Crack Fic: It's Deadpool raising Harry Potter, what did you expect?
  • Crapsack World: The fact that the wizarding world of Harry Potter warrants an entry in this trope on its own page is addressed as various agencies and super hero teams find out how the wizarding world works and do not like what they find... and then take action to do something about it. This culminates in a segment where Harry hires She-Hulk to represent him as a lawyer so that he can get out of being charged for unlawful use of sorcery.
  • Cross Over Ship: Sirius Black and the Black Cat. Fred and George Weasley and the Stepford Cuckoos. Harry and Pixie.
  • Dangerously Genre Savvy
  • Deadpan Snarker
  • Death Is Cheap
  • Deconstructed Trope
  • Destination Defenestration: The first act of the Magic Avengers is to throw most of the Ministry workers out windows.
  • Disproportionate Retribution: Harry's revenge on Emma Frost.
  • Dinosaurs Are Dragons: "DINOSAURS ARE NOT DRAGONS!"
  • Everything's Better with Dinosaurs: Harry turns into an allosaurus.
  • Evil Laugh: Doom gives Luna pointers on how to do the Evil Laugh.
  • Evil Mentor: Doctor Doom to Luna.
  • Extreme Omnivore: Owls taste delicious!
  • Fan-Art
  • Fate Worse than Death: Harry's revenge against Emma Frost. Also, Deadpool giving a shrunken Rhino to Harry.
  • Female Feline, Male Mutt: Felicia and Sirius
  • Fiction500: Thanks to his inheretance and putting his pikachus to work robbing the other wizarding families for years Harry essentially owns the Wizarding World.
  • From Bad to Worse: For the wizards, the robbery of Gringots by pikachus gets a lot worse when the basilisk emerges from a pokeball.
  • Heroic Comedic Sociopath: Deadpool, Harry/Arthur B. Wilson, Illyana Rasputin
  • Hulking Out: Harry the allosaurus animagus.
  • I Need a Freaking Drink: Professor Flitwick remarks that Harry's first year was a bad year to give up drinking.
  • Insane Troll Logic: Lamp Shaded, when Harry rips J. Jonah Jameson a new one: "Oh, okay... So Magneto is okay, because you can see his face through the helmet, even if he tries to kill all humans and stuff, but Spider-Man's a bad guy because you can't see his face. Gotcha."
  • Insistent Terminology: Doorknobs, Jessica Dumbledore, etc.
  • Lampshade Hanging
  • Large Ham: DOCTOR DOOM!
  • Lethal Joke Character: Emma Frost (or rather her clone) realizes this about Harry a little too late...
  • Luke, I Am Your Father: Harry says this to Voldemort, in a reenactment of the trope naming scene.
  • Madness Mantra: I AM A BANANA!
  • Magnetic Hero: There's something about Potter that attracts people to him... even though he's stark, raving mad.
  • Mind Screw
    • Harry does this to one of his opponents in the danger room, whose power is apparently the ability to share other peoples' awareness. He shares Harry's mind and realizes there are people watching them... through a screen, just staring at them and watching and OH GOD MAKE IT STOP!!!
    • As of chapter 47, Voldemort attempts to learn Dumbledore's secrets through Harry's mind (through their special mental link) only to break himself and order Bellatrix to get a mind healer to erase everything he has found in Harry's mind.
  • Mistaken for Pedophile: Hagrid is mistaken for a pedophile.
  • More Dakka: Harry's solution to many a problem — it's super-effective!
  • Muggles Do It Better: From the Punisher's War Journal:
    I've finally figured out how to bypass the defenses of Voldemort's hideout. It was actually easier than dealing with the Mob, since Death Eaters aren't quite as good as taking pain as they are dishing it out. They also have absolutely no experience or talent for psychological warfare or interrogation, rather they just choose to cast a few spells and expect things to work. They also don't expect people to be able to dodge. They called me a muggle, whatever that means, I called them target practice.
  • Never Mess with Granny
  • No Fourth Wall: It's Deadpool and son, they probably tore it down on father-son day. Though Deadpool does ground Harry and as punishment forbids him from breaking the fourth wall for five chapters.
    • For reading ahead in his own book. There are rules after-all.
    • Naturally, Harry can only manage to follow the punishment for a chapter or two before he becomes unable to resist breaking the fourth wall again.
  • Noodle Implements: The reason why Harry isn't allowed to take sweets from strangers anymore involves a credit card, some doom-bots, a guy with metal skin, a flying car, and a really big magnet.
  • Noodle Incident: Harry: "Magneto and I tend not to get along ever since that incident with the — oh, I was told never to speak of that again. Sorry."
  • No Social Skills: As Harry points out he was "raised by mutants and assassins."
  • Oh Crap: Harry — sorry, Arthur Bea Wilson succumbs to utter despair during the dragon egg part of the Triwizard Tournament when he sees that Lockheed is his opponent.
  • Overly Long Gag: And spun and spun and spun and spun and spun and spun and spun and spun...note 
    • In this chapter alone, there are 7634 moments where the term 'and spun' is written plus one typo. Overly Long Gag, INDEED!
  • Psychic Static: Harry and Arthur Bea Wilson use various techniques to piss off Voldemort while he possesses Harry. These include Henry The Eighth, Aqua's Barbie Girl, inbred pureblood jokes, Madonna's Like A Virgin, and finally belching Der Ring des Nibelungenin in German with armpit noise as the base and Arthur singing the female parts in the style of Carrot Top.
  • Reading Ahead in the Script: The Philosopher's Stone arc ends when Harry reads ahead in the book to find that Quirrel was Voldemort. Disappointed by this, Deadpool punishes Harry by banning him from Breaking the Fourth Wall for five whole chapters. Harry kept to it... mostly.
  • Reality Ensues: A strange man shows up at the front gate asking to see a little boy that doesn't know him. Hagrid goes straight to jail. (Subverted: he is now a Magic Avenger.)
  • Retcon: Enough fans hated Harry incinerating Emma Frost for the writer to undo that and have Harry tranq dart a now-good Juggernaut instead.
  • Rockumentary: Harry does one in the House of M.
  • Running Gag:
    • Several, such as Pokemon references and Harry's identity theft and frequent use of the credit card of Doctor Doom.
    • Early on had this little gem:
    Dumbledore He's just like James.
    McGonagall You say that like it's a good thing.
  • Serious Business: When it comes to breaking the fourth wall, even Deadpool has his standards.
  • Schedule Slip: Harry wonders if they've lost the readers after a few months.
  • Split Personality: Harry and "Arthur B. Wilson."
  • Shout-Out: To Godzilla, James Bond, The Muppets, Sesame Street, Scooby-Doo, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, and Harry does the Gendo pose.
    • Care of Magical Creatures... I CHOOSE YOU!

      Harry's quite a Pokemon fan; he refers to taking advantage of Gringott's absurd exchange rates to ludicrous profits as the "Rare Candy bug", pikachus show up, etc. Hell, Harry basically invents Pokemon in universe.
    • I had no idea The Yankees attracted so much hatred.
    • And Harry is aware of this page.
  • Stupid Sexy Neville: After Neville returns from Asgard, Draco has to remind himself to sneer not to stare.
  • Suspiciously Specific Denial: "Wonder-Mutant-Dad is most certainly NOT the new janitor at Hogwarts."
  • These Are Things Man Was Not Meant to Know: Arthur's Mind rapes Prodigy simply by being Medium aware.
  • Timey-Wimey Ball: Lampshaded and abused. Harry takes a time turner all the way back to WWII, then stops himself from using it, resulting in two Harrys, which confuses the wizards.
  • Took a Level in Badass: The Ćsir give Neville several levels by force after Harry accidentally teleports him onto Bifröst.
  • Torture Technician: The Cookie Monster
  • Transparent Closet: Draco ogles Asgardian!Neville.
  • Villains Out Shopping: Kang the Conqueror shows up just to watch the Tri-Wizard Tournament.
  • We Can Rule Together: Harry does this to Voldemort during the scene mentioned in Luke, I Am Your Father above.
  • What Kind of Lame Power Is Heart, Anyway?
  • Who Dares?: ...interrupt DOOM!
  • Why Don't You Just Shoot Him?
  • Wolverine Publicity: And here we hang that lampshade.
  • Writing Around Trademarks: Harry transfigures some "adolescent, mutant, practicing Japanese martial arts tortoises."
  • You Keep Using That Word: "Defense Against the Dark Arts? Why would I want to take an art class?"
  • You Remind Me of X: Jean and Minerva agree that Emma Frost is "a female Snape." Also Harry's Magic Avengers: Ron = Cap, Hermione = Scarlet Witch, Draco = Iron Man, Neville = Thor, Rita = the Wasp, Hagrid = Giantman, Pixie = Wolverine, and Harry = the Hulk.

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