aka: Noodle Sutra
Wendy Ward: Adam, do you know what I used to do?
Adam Rafkin: You were a prostitute.
Wendy Ward: Adam, do you know what a two-fingered Mexican oil job is?
Adam Rafkin: No.
Wendy Ward: I do. Do you know what a double-knobbed rubber-bottom sex-basket is?
Adam Rafkin: No.
Wendy Ward: I own one, Adam. Adam, have you ever had a Dominican face-hat?
Adam Rafkin: No.
Wendy Ward: Of course you haven't. Cause I'm one of only six people in the world who knows how to do it, and Adam, when you get to page 80 I will do it to you. I'm even gonna throw in the incredibly difficult reverse ceiling squad, which normally requires a permission slip from a cardiologist.Someone with a lot of sexual experience knows a lot of maneuvers, but doesn't want to go into detail about them, for various reasons, so they refer to them by some name that isn't even remotely descriptive, and often has the name of a place in it, for some reason. Any innocent viewer will remain blissfully ignorant of the meaning of the phrase until someone tells them. Then they tend to wish they hadn't asked. One variation is where an unseen work describes or depicts a particularly bizarre, but nameless act. Another is where an act isn't named, only implied. Whatever the variation, it most likely involves one or two Noodle Implements. Related to Attack Pattern Alpha. Compare Head-Tiltingly Kinky, a similar way to stimulate (and amuse) the viewer by suggesting something unspeakably erotic but leaving most of the details to his or her imagination. And by the way, the punny page namer is the Kama Sutra, not Karma.
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Anime and Manga
- In episode 9.5 of DearS, Miu heads over to Takeya's house to check in on Ren, only to find her "Watching porn to study Takeya's preferences in the earthling ways of sex."
Ren: Holy cow, that looks pretty complicated...Miu: IS SHE SPINNING!?
- The "Elvish Tickler," in The Incredible Hercules. The mere mention of it brings a smirk even to Thor's face.
- During the Dave Micheline/Todd McFarlane run on Spider-Man, Peter once carried MJ to bed, promising "The Venus Butterfly", a reference to the L.A. Law episode mentioned below.
- Two of Dori Seda's works feature a foursome which look... difficult.
- A variation in Gold Digger: In during a dogfight, the appropriately-named Ace pulls off an "Inverted Full-Throttle Power Plunge", causing his girlfriend to blush intensely. The Author's Note explains that while said move is actually her favorite maneuver of his, this is the first time she's seen him pull it off in an aircraft.
- Edward Gorey's The Curious Sofa: A Pornographic Tale by Ogdred Weary. A Noodle Incident Porno, so to say. "That evening in the library Scylla, one of the guests who had certain anatomical peculiarities, demonstrated the Lithuanian Typewriter." Don't try at home unless you got anatomical peculiarities either.
- One Star Trek-themed issue of Twisted Toyfare Theatre had Kirk end up in the TNG era and meet Counselor Troi. Whatever was going through his head was enough to piss her off. And she comes from a culture that practices nude weddings.
Kirk: Sense thoughts, eh? So what am I thinking...?Troi: That's — that's disgusting! And impossible!Kirk: Not if you use a sawhorse.
- In Outsourced, a fictional position from the Kama Sutra is featured called "Monkey Pulls The Turnip" which is promptly dubbed impossible by the female lead.
- At the start of Austin Powers: The Spy Who Shagged Me, Austin is gung-ho to try out every single position in the Kama Sutra with Vanessa:
Don't you wanna try the "Wheel Barrow", or the "Praying Donkey", or 'The Chinese Shag Swing"?
- One of those positions is actually real, but we shall leave it as an exercise for the reader to decide which one.
- In Easy A, when Brandon asks Olive to pretend that the two of them had sex, he goes through a list of these:
Brandon: It doesn't have a bonk; it can be anything. It can be an imaginary butterbean, lemonsqueeze, cowbell—Olive: I don't know what any of that means.Brandon: Well, that's because you're a virgin.
- In Shanghai Surprise, when Sean Penn visits a famous courtesan, a servant offers him a plate of candies that will "assist him." When Sean argues that he needs no assistance, the servant girl sails into a hilarious rundown of the courtsan's expert maneuvers — immediately upon which Sean starts wolfing down the candies.
Servant Girl: My mistress is well-schooled in such ceremonial acts as the West Wind, the Wounded Tiger, the Willow Path, the Chair, the Obedient Wife. She has also mastered the Six Long Breath Stimulants, the Eight Shallow Penetrations, the Nine Minor and Eleven Major Positions, as well as the Technique of Passive Acceptance, Forceful Dominance, Contortion, and Mobile Union.
- Eating Raoul: Mary is reviewing the flood of incoming letters for their fledgling sex-fantasy business. She asks, "What's a Basket Job?" Returns as a Brick Joke later, as one of the swingers at the big party complains vaguely while recounting a half-heard story, "Some Basket Job!"
- Although forgettable in every other way, Deuce Bigalow: European Gigolo knew what it was and really went to town with this trope, giving us such intrigues as the Mud Pretzel, Turkish Snow Cone, Irish Facial, Filthy Lopez, and Cambodian Creamsicle. The Portuguese Breakfast even became a Running Gag, climaxing with some Comic Sutra almost being demonstrated on-screen!
- In A Brother's Price, Jerin and Cullen look at some erotic pictures that are not described. At one point, Cullen asks "Why would anyone want to put his mouth there?". Jerin is trained in the "Paths of Pleasure" and knows a lot more about such things than Cullen. (As the setting averts STD Immunity, men are required to be chaste until marriage, but Jerin apparently got a very detailed The Talk from his father and grandfather.)
- In Terry Pratchett's Pyramids, the sweet-natured and possibly even virginal handmaiden Ptraci manages to embarrass hardened pirates with her theoretical knowledge:
Ptraci defused the situation by grabbing Alfonz's arm as he was serving the pheasant."The Congress of the Friendly Dog and the Two Small Biscuits!" she exclaimed, examining the intricate tattoo. "You hardly ever see that these days. Isn't it well done? You can even make out the yoghurt."
- Likewise, in Maskerade, the details of Nanny Ogg's cookbook are tactfully avoided, although we know that Bananana Soup Surprise causes men to look thoughtfully at rulers and Strawberry Wobbler "Always gets a laugh" except from Granny Weatherwax.
- In Dragon Bones, the heroes look at the wall paintings in an ancient temple. Some of them are erotic, and the heroes speculate whether that's even anatomically possible. And "I don't want to be that man when she loses her balance".
- Lamb: The Gospel According to Biff, Christ's Childhood Pal includes a sequence in India where, while Joshua is learning things like yoga from Gaspar the Magi, Biff learns a number of bizarre sexual positions from a prostitute. It's obviously a take on the Kama Sutra, but seeing as the real Kama Sutra doesn't have positions like "The Rhinoceros Balancing a Jelly Donut on its Horn"...
- In Dead Witch Walking, Ivy gives Rachel a copy of a vampire dating guide so she won't accidentally set off Ivy's bloodlust. Rachel makes the mistake of reading it on the bus, and being asked about various acts by other bus riders.
- "Oh—my—God. Ivy's book was illustrated. ... Was there a third person in there? And what the hell was that bolted to the wall? ... There were two people. Three if you count the one with the...whatever it was."
- In Bridge of Birds, Number Ten Ox describes a sexual encounter in very abstract terms by explaining that the best way for two young people to "become acquainted" is through activities such as Fluttering Butterflies, Hounds by the Ninth Day of Autumn, and Six Doves Beneath the Eaves on a Rainy Day.
- Partially subverted; the last game mentioned is Phoenix Sporting in the Cinnabar Crevice, which is perfectly evocative of what they are doing if you think about it.
- Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas features a scene in a diner where the 325-pound Samoan lawyer "Dr. Gonzo" writes something on a napkin and surreptitiously hands it to a waitress at a diner. Upon seeing that it says "Backdoor Beauty?", the waitress (apparently a former prostitute) throws a fit.
- Fortune's Stroke, in the Belisarius series has an un-named book whose contents are never described. Various people, upon glancing at the contents, make remarks along the lines of "maybe you're flexible enough to do that, but me? Not a chance."
- Shadow Of The Lion has a position called the "twin Camellias", which involves a footstool and a number of cushions, and "could very well give a man a permanent back injury".
- The Iron Dragons Daughter: Jane gets a man to give her his true name in order to perform a technique that's better than "that thing with the scarf." She actually uses the name to turn him into fuel for Melanthon. And ends up shoving his clothes into a cabinet full of men's clothing, suggesting she's killed many men this way.
- A Song of Ice and Fire. Sex Slaves from Yunkai are trained in the way of "the seven sighs and the sixteen seats of pleasure," presumably referring to techniques and positions (or perhaps obscure erogenous zones?) respectively.
- Robert Rankin uses these in running gags, a notable example being "taking tea with the parson".
- In The Wise Man's Fear, the fae lust spirit Felurian teaches Kvoth such acts as Thousand Hands, Playing Ivy, and Waves Upon Lillies.
- Polit thriller "Und Jimmy ging zum Regenbogen" note by Johannes Mario Simmel. A courtesan of the Upper Ten-Thousand Who Rule The World names a few positions, but when the hero wants to know details, she shrugs it off with "Just the usual complicated perversions".
- Invented on the spot by the dojo master chiding his pupil in Angelmaker by Nick Harkaway: "Is that O-soto-gari? No! It is not! It is a yak making love with a tractor!"
- "Mexican Halloween" on an episode of Community isn't just a nickname for the Day of the Dead; Chang, Troy, and Jeff all seem to know what it is, while Abed and Annie don't.
- The above quote from Action. Later in the episode, she admits to another character that she made them up.
- Russell from Rules of Engagement seems to have a extensive list of these.
- And Adam, to his horror, discovers that Jen knows what several of these are.
- An episode of How I Met Your Mother had this, but since Robin was the center of the discussion, all the names were based around Canada. Read about it at www.canadiansexacts.org (a service of the Ministry of Health & Wellness).
- Of the "not named" variety Bones: discussing a sex scene in her latest novel, people talk about "page 186." Apparently Hodgins invented it (but even he apparently has no name for it; instead, he simply refers to it as "that thing I do"), did it to Angela, and Angela "suggested" to Brennan that the latter put it in her book.
- Similarly, in the Red Dwarf episode "Marooned," Lister asks if he can burn Lolita, and Rimmer tells him to "save page 61". Lister looks at it and says, "That's disgusting." then he rips it out, puts it in his coat pocket, and chucks the rest of the book in the fire. Kind of a subversion, as Lolita is a real book, so anyone can read it and find out what's so disgusting.
- Torchwood's Jack and Ianto do it with a stopwatch. Naturally, in and out of Slash Fic, the fans have puzzled over how that one works.
- To measure how long they can last without cumming. Not unheard of, in Britain at least.
- Elliot of Scrubs renown at one point gained a reputation for trampitude. When asked her 10 favorite positions, after the two she knew, she just started naming insects. Apparently "the stinkbug" is quite popular.
- The infamous "Venus Butterfly" reference from L.A. Law.
- The Daily Show likes to make references to these (the "Dirty Sanchez", which exists, being a particular favorite).
- Jerri Blank on Strangers with Candy, in keeping with her "stupid junkie whore" background.
- Not an act, but in the first episode of QI Stephen Fry told a story about having to explain to Prince Charles what a Prince Albert is.
Danny Baker: Did you tell him?!
Stephen: Well I didn't tell him it was a cock ring.
Danny: Well, what words did you use, then?
Stephen: I said, "It's a piece of jewelry worn in an intimate area..."
Danny: And he said, "Oh, a cock ring!"
- On one skit on Whose Line Is It Anyway?, Colin Mochrie mimes doing a slide-show (presumably) depicting sexual positions; the first example is something called "Pruning the Hibiscus."
- In Brazilian sitcom Sai de Baixo, Caco and Magda's favorite sex position is the "Legless Kangaroo".
- On one of the first episodes of Conan, Conan asks TBS' Standards and Practices which terms for sex he can use on the air. Among them were the "Tokyo Sandblaster" and "taking grandma to Applebee's."
- On the sitcom Two and a Half Men, "Japanese Rain Goggles" is mentioned.
- An episode of Saturday Night Live featured The Rock as an undercover cop who was dressed up as a drag queen and was promptly picked up by an astonishingly ignorant Leon Phelps, the"Ladies Man". "Helen Franklin" explains why he didn't arrest Leon even after his incessant offers of bizarre sexual acts.
"Helen": We have a list down at the precinct we go by, and, frankly, the kind of stuff you kept asking me to do, I just hadn't even heard of! I mean, what is an "Alabama Crab Dangler," anyway?!
Ladies Man: Yeah. Well, it's something that I invented. It's never really been done in practice - right now it's just, you know, theoretical.
- SNL also has Grady Wilson, who sells homemade instructional tapes demonstrating sexual techniques that are exactly as Fetish Retardant as their ridiculous names imply.
- The Jeffersons: Louise and Helen find themselves in an extremely rough bar, and start reading the grafitti on their table:
Louise: 'Roses are red, violets are blue, take off your clothes and I'll ...' —Isn't that impossible?Helen: Not according to that diagram.
- 30 Rock does this in passing when the TGS with Tracy Jordan writing team is drafted by Jack to come up with a new name for his mini-microwave:
Jack: Every one of the names we came up with was offensive in some language, including English, Frank.Frank: They knew what a "Hot Richard" was?
- In Friends, Monica gives Chandler tips on how to get his girlfriend Kathy (Joey's ex-girlfriend) to "agree" with him. She draws a diagram of a body and gives every erotic zone a number. The diagram is unseen, but the dialogue makes it obvious what some of the numbers are.
- Used for a Mythology Gag in Game of Thrones. Tyrion introduces one of Littlefinger's whores (played by contortionist Pixie Le Knot) as "one of four women in the world who can perform a proper Meereenese Knot" — a term George R.R. Martin gave to his problems sorting out the chronology of Dany's plot thread in A Dance with Dragons.
Whore: What do you call this position?
- In an episode of The Golden Girls, Blanche visits her boyfriend in the hospital. Merely mentioning something called a "Savannah Twister" nearly caused him to flatline.
- On New Girl, Schmidt suggests to Jess that she do "The Captain" with Nick as part of a revenge plan to break them up. The details are drowned out by Schmidt making a smoothie, but Jess is clearly horrified by what she hears. When she tries it out, she and (especially) Nick are traumatized by the experience.
- Farscape. In "Won't Get Fooled Again", our hero John Crichton is undergoing a Mind Probe, leading to all kinds of bizarre events in his head. At one point John is Strapped to an Operating Table, whereupon the three main female characters appear and offer to fulfill his sexual fantasies.
Zhann: (dressed as a Dominatrix) I can wear a Freudian slip.Aeryn: (dressed in a Naughty Nurse Outfit) I'll find new places to take your temperature.Chiana: (dressed as a Sexy Schoolwoman) I can teach you...the left-handed Latvian Rodeo Torture!
- In the opening scene of one episode of NCIS Bishop looks over the shoulder of her male coworkers and casually states that she had once performed one of the positions depicted in the magazine they're looking at. DiNozzo immediately asks if she's double-jointed.
- Stormbringer supplement Demon Magic, adventure "The Velvet Circle." The Serpent's Coils (a brothel in Ilmar) has prostitutes who know a Dharijorian love technique called "The Slithering Serpent."
- Warhammer 40,000 is fond of describing artwork influenced by Slaanesh as portraying people, beasts, and daemons in "blasphemous and improbable" positions.
Penlan: "I don't believe that's possible."Cain: "It's not, and even if it was it would be against regulations."
- Fates Worse Than Death, in its discussion of the lives of prostitutes in 2080 Manhattan, references such acts as "Half-and-a-Half" and "Around The World", but elaborates no further.
- Thanks to the mists of time, the details of what in Lysistrata is referred to as "crouching like the lioness on the cheese grater" have been lost, but a surviving menu from a Greek brothel shows that it was the most expensive item that could be purchased from a prostitute.
- There's this story of a guy who gets asked by a buddy whether he knows about the "orange position". Not wanting to admit he doesn't, he says yes. Now he has to find out what the hell it is about. When he asks a co-worker, she slaps him and complains to the boss. When he tells the boss what he asked her, he gets fired. When he asks his SO whether she knows about it, she also slaps him and leaves him. When he goes to a brothel he once frequented, he also gets slapped and banned for life. Then he goes on asking several whores on the street, getting slapped several times. Finally, he finds an older, washed-up prostitute who tells him she knows about the position, but doesn't practice it since it's illegal and an affront to human dignity. Completely desperate, he offers her all the money he owns. This makes her change her mind, and she tells him to come up to her room. The staircase leading there is pretty dark, and so she stumbles, falls and breaks her neck. And now we'll never learn how the orange position works.
- During the Ho-ing diversions in Saints Row 2, you're given one of these for each segment of each level. They're randomly generated from lists that aren't terribly long.
- In Kingdom of Loathing, during an encounter with a sleazy ghost in Dreadsylvania, your adventurer might stumble upon an abandoned bordello advertising a "Dreadsylvania Apricot Twist". The ghost explains "that's like the Apricot Surprise, only the twist is..." before the PC interrupts.
- In Dragon Age: Origins – Awakening, Sigrun, a female dwarf warrior, examines the books in a bookshelf:
"This one is a Nevarran romance—pretty spicy, too, from the looks of it. What's an Antivan milk sandwich? Oh. Oh, I see. I'll just... put that back."
- Just short of stated outright in The Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim with Haelga, a somewhat...enthusiastic supporter of Dibella, a Love Goddess. She has a letter from a mysterious lover complimenting her on her flexibility while wearing Daedric boots and suggesting that next time the note-writer should bring the trout. Her bedroom tells much the same story—a bed with handcuffs, leather strips, flowers, a horker tusk, a giant jar of honey, a shelf full of stamina potions, both volumes of The Lusty Argonian Maid, and Falmer blood elixir, a bottle of pure snake oil that supposedly encourages amorousness and improve stamina in bed.
- In Sabrina Online, when Sabrina and ZigZag (her porn-star boss) are out on a bar together, and a drunk dude starts hassling Sabrina, ZigZag pulls him aside and basically goes "Hey, why don't you and I slip away and * whisper whisper whisper* " resulting in the guy turning beet-red in the head, and escaping in a cloud of embarrassment. When Sabrina (foolishly) asks ZigZag what she was saying to the guy, she merely replies that she suggested some things that were illegal in 37 states and several entire nations.
- Some of Richard and Anne's bedroom antics in S.S.D.D, as some things their descendant Tessa and her robot boyfriend are into. Though they really don't leave much to the imagination.
- In Out There, Miriam makes a list of wild things she's done and shows it to Chuck. We never see what they are but we learn that some of them seem impossible and require at least two people. One of them involved Sherry in some way, much to her embarrassment (and attempted denial). Another one (which also involved Sherry) was "stupid", but apparently fun enough that Sherry would be willing to do it "once more", but "only once". Chuck responds by writing down some things he did, one of which makes Miriam's eyes widen and results in this exchange:
Miriam: You are so doing that with me tonight.Chuck: I don't think we can. The supplies are usually on back order. 
- While it's never specifically stated that any of these acts are sexual (and could therefore just be straight Noodle Incidents), Sherry's embarrassment and the mere fact that Miriam is involved is compelling evidence.
- This strip from Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal refers to "reverse triple-sodomy" and "electro-sporking". If the name is anything go go by, it's presumably the latter of those that requires two condoms, a certified induction coil and a three-inch-thick layer of styrofoam insulation.
- Ménage à 3 approaches this, although there's little attempt to disguise the general nature of what's being discussed or offered. The chief example is the "Swirly-Go-Round", a kissing technique taught to Gary by his gay friend, Dillon, that Gary accidentally discovers translates into spectacularly orgasmic cunnilingus. (Gary's unique mastery of said technique has turned him into a Sex God.) Also, ex-porn star Amber offers Gary the "Amberlux Vacuum", a fellatio technique "never used on camera".
- Oglaf has Ivan's adventure in the magical all-virgin city of Vanorva. Due to his history of "having sex things done to me" which has left him a Technical Virgin, the people of Vanorva declare him a "slut" and order his arrest. His wanted poster states that he is capable of "combat ejaculation", "self-saucing (7 flavors!)" and "flang".
- Subverted here.
- The Octopus, as mentioned in Gaijin Smash. Azrael won't describe the act itself, but his ex-girlfriend injured his penis while performing it on him.
- ''Spooning With Spoony'' and ''Linking Up With Linkara'' had a number of these, mainly referred to by name. Such as The Staten Island Helicopter, The Oklahoma City Taco Stand, the Orlando Dolphin Flip ("How did he do it with both of us at the same time?" "I thought only monks could do that!"), and the Puerto Rico Del Pollo.
- A fun (albeit NSFW) game to play on Urban Dictionary is to combine any two seemingly innocuous words and see what comes up. 90% of the time, it's someone coming up with a disgusting sex act that, as often as not, involves either bodily fluids/waste, humiliation of the woman, or both. Jezebel calls it "the trusted online compendium for all of those gross terms and phrases you don't know in Cards Against Humanity".
- The Octomount Tango from Where The Bears Are is strongly implied to count.
- The first Prostitute Mickey short has Mickey Mouse offer to do a "Fantasia" or a "Steamboat Willie" to his client Joe.
- In Zone's Skullgirls flash, one of The Announcer's comments (NSFW) is quipping that there isn't a name for the position Filia and Samson are performing and he suggests The Mississippi Mudslide.
- In The Venture Bros. fourth season finale, nearly every character has an idea for what exactly a "Rusty Venture" is, offering a variety of conflicting descriptions, each longer and more detailed than the last, but no consensus is reached as to what it really is. Brock Samson says it's just when you fap so hard your hands turn red, which not only takes care of the Rusty part but also references how long it's been since Rusty's had -ahem- relations.
- In one episode of Family Guy, the family is driving along when they see Peter standing on the curb whoring himself out (literally, as he's dressed as a female prostitute). Lois goes to chew him out, but Peter acts like she's a client, rattling off a list of sex acts he's willing to perform. The one that confuses Lois is "Cleveland Steamer", which Brian starts to helpfully explain, but Peter interrupts because he sees a policeman and pretends to be giving them directions.
- This one's actually a subversion, because the Cleveland Steamer is a real sex act (DO NOT look it up), but in the DVD's audio commentary, the writers assume that the censors thought it was made-up (or had something to do with Cleveland) because they can't imagine how they got away with it otherwise.
- An episode of American Dad! had an off-hand reference to the "Tennessee Logjam", which apparently requires three men, one woman, and a ladder.
- A sex act called the "Chuck Berry" has been referred to a few times, though they haven't said what it involves.
- Steve berates Hayley by mentioning her once giving a "Rod Carew" in a parking lot.
- Principal Lewis apparently invented a sex act called "A Warm Welcome", and started to tell a classroom full of students about how it was performed before stopping his explanation mid-sentence with a claim that none of the kids were "long enough" for it.
- Bob's Burgers - at a speed-dating session, moderator Linda asks everyone to name their favorite food and favorite sexual angle - Mike the mailman says "Fried green tomatoes" to both; Mort says "Chitty Chitty Bang Bang!"
- In the South Park episode "Proper Condom Use", the school has decided to teach Sex Ed at all grade levels, and Mr. Garrison is tasked with teaching it in Kindergarten. He goes around the room asking for names of bizarre sexual positions and writing them down on the chalkboard, to ensure that the kindergarteners are all paying attention.