"Men always want sex. The single rule we have about sex is that we only have it with people we’re attracted to, and to be honest: that’s a loose guideline, at best... Let me assure you, if you’re a woman and you’re with a man, he’s waiting for you to say go. It doesn’t matter if he’s a handsome millionaire and you’re a mail-order bride with a hump."
— Seanbaby's Final Last Word
, The Wave Magazine
The idea that men are always hungry for sex and would never willingly turn it down for any reason. If a man has even the tiniest chance to get sex as a reward for performing some task, then it is always Worth It
, no matter how difficult or costly the task may be, nor how disastrous the consequences. It doesn't matter if he's a virgin
or if he already has sex multiple times a day
, he'd forever be kicking himself for passing up a chance to do it just one more time.
To take one common example in fiction, on the rare occasion that a man is a virgin
, he will always want to initiate sexual activity with his significant other. He's never nervous or apprehensive about how the first time will go, just excited about the fact that he'll actually be having sex. And he'll never, ever
, be as satsified with the state of his (non-existent) sex life as his girlfriend is.
This is a form of Double Standard
related to All Men Are Perverts
and All Women Are Prudes
. As for how much bearing on reality
this trope has, well... On one hand, no, of course being male doesn't make one want sex literally every waking minute. Research does show, however, that the vast majority of somewhat younger men feel the need for sexual relief nearly every day, while the same generally doesn't seem to apply to women. But no, the desire is not so powerful that one simply can't resist it. Though it must be noted that social experiments indicate that as many as around 75% of men will say "yes" to any random, somewhat attractive woman offering them sex. Of course, this hardly suggests that 75% of men would be incapable
of saying no to sex if they had they opportunity. And of course, being a bit nervous about the whole thing is perfectly normal. But you can't expect fiction to live up to reality
, oh no.
The flip-side of this particular trope is that, since every man is a slave to his own libido, every woman is borderline celibate. It is a disgusting, unnatural, and outrageous
for any woman to put up with, let alone enjoy, let alone want
sex, and if one does show interest you should call a doctor and/or priest immediately.
There are certain situations in which this trope will always appear:
Sometimes, in a show aimed at a younger audience, sex would be inappropriate and/or can't be shown. Kissing will be used instead.
If a male character is shown not
jumping at the chance to have sex with someone (female), he will be gay. Or Mistaken for Gay
- the latter scenario can be Truth in Television
. This is also one if not the
defining factor of Double Standard: Rape, Female on Male
; the idea that a male cannot be raped because he unable to "not want" or "refuse"*
If an eager woman wants to have sex with an unwilling man (an inversion of this trope), it's All Women Are Lustful
This is a highly dangerous trope that is too often used as an excuse for rape in Real Life - it is a horrible experience to go through, and all too often the victims are shamed into silence by their attackers. If this is you, you need not be afraid. There are people who can and will help you.
And Now You Know
- Battered Men is a male-specific resource for men who are abused.
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- A painkiller TV commercial ends with a man and a woman in bed preparing for sleep. The woman declares that her headache is gone and turns off the light. A second later, she turns it back on, and we see the guy moving in for some action, only for her to shut him down. This implies that the only thing keeping a guy from trying to get some is a woman's headache.
Anime and Manga
- Subverted in Marvel Star Wars and some other Star Wars Expanded Universe comics featuring a young Luke Skywalker. Luke is popular with women to the point of being a Chick Magnet, but never initiates a kiss and in fact seems shocked whenever one is forced on him. The first time he encounters several Zeltrons who all want to sleep with him he's highly dismayed and only wants to get away; later in the series he's more comfortable around them but deftly deflects all offers and prefers to be by himself. When a fellow Rebel that he's friends with propositions him for some casual sex, he turns her down despite being in a spat with Leia.
- In American Pie, all of the guys are like this. One of the relationships in particular has the classic elements of this trope; the guy very badly wants to have sex with his girlfriend, but she's not ready and wants it to be "special", though she's OK with other forms of sexual activity like oral sex.
- Ends up being subverted in one of the four cases, as one of them ends up falling for his conquest and tells her he's willing to wait until she's ready. They end up doing it anyway.
- In the Lifetime Movie of the Week Cyber Seduction: His Secret Life, the male lead is always pressuring his girlfriend to have sex with him because he thinks he is ready.
- One of the skits in Extreme Movie revolves around this.
- Inverted in Miss March. The main character, Eugene, wants to wait to have sex. his girlfriend, on the other hand, isn't so sure about waiting.
- Subverted in Pretty in Pink, when Andie accuses Blane of this trope, he points out that he hasn't even tried to kiss her yet.
- At least one of the main boys in Weird Science is like this.
- The boyfriend who also happens to be the killer in Scream (1996) is like this.
- This trope is mercilessly parodied in Student Bodies:
Girl: Come on, we're at a funeral!
Boy: Funerals get me hot!
- The main character in Sex Drive is like this, to the point that when he finally loses his virginity to his best friend/girlfriend he asks the aforementioned question the second time he has sex with her.
- The 1985 movie Fright Night actually opens with a scene like this.
- Parodied, subverted and inverted in Another Gay Movie, the guys are gay, but they're all eager to have sex, while still being nervous about it. Plus, they all proclaim themselves to be the dominant "tops" of their relationship, including the submissive "bottom". The one who is most eager about having sex is actually a lesbian who "converts" several of her straight female classmates.
- Inverted in The 40-Year-Old Virgin. Nearly all of the potential sexual partners Andy passes up (including his girlfriend) are more eager than he is.
- Averted in The Graduate. Ben is quite shy and scandalized by the idea, and has to be talked into it. The woman in question was the wife of his father's business partner...
- Lampshaded in the 1987 Dragnet movie. The incredibly straight-laced Friday turns down a pretty woman, leading to this exchange
Pep Streebeck: Are you crazy? Silvia Wiss wanted you!
Friday: Now let me tell you something, Streebeck. There are two things that clearly differentiate the human species from animals. One, we use cutlery. Two, we're capable of controlling our sexual urges. Now, you might be an exception, but don't drag me down into your private Hell.
Pep Streebeck: You've got a lot of repressed feelings, don't you, Friday? Must be what keeps your hair up.
- Max in Hocus Pocus is like this, though it is a less explicit example. His little sister catches him feeling up his pillow at one point. He also hates it when people mention that a virgin had to light the black flame candle:
Max: I'll get it tattooed on my forehead, ok?!
- The brother in the 80's film Just One of the Guys is like this:
Buddy: Don't get me wrong. It's not like I've never had sex before; I've had lots of sex. It's just that now I'd like to try it with a partner.
- City Slickers: "Women need a reason to have sex; men just need a place."
- Twilight inverts this - Edward has myriad reasons why he doesn't want to sleep with Bella, and Bella is not about to listen.
- In the Focus On The Family teen novel "Just Like Ice Cream," the protagonist is convinced to have sex with her far more experienced summer love when he tells her sex is good... just like ice cream.
- Discussed and averted in The Dresden Files book Proven Guilty; Harry and Murph have one of several conversations about why they've never gotten together, and while Murph offers a Friends with Benefits situation, she's unwilling to commit to anything more serious. Harry, despite stating that he's pretty sure it's a legal requirement for a man to say yes to sex whenever it's on offer, he acknowledges that he couldn't keep the deeper and more serious emotions out of it, so they reluctantly decide that they should stay Just Friends.
- Blake Thorburn, the protagonist of Pact, is an aversion of this trope. As a single twenty-year-old man with several gay and bisexual friends, his sexuality is called into question, and he admits that though he is straight he isn't "practicing straight" and doesn't consider his sexuality to be an important part of his identity. He also turns down an offer from his best friend to be Friends with Benefits with another girl, referencing his hangups regarding physical intimacy.
Live Action TV
- In Boy Meets World, Cory feels ready to have sex, and is frustrated when Topanga decides to wait until marriage.
- In an episode of The Wire, when Dukie comes home and sees/overhears Michael with a girl, the snippet of dialogue we hear is Michael asking the girl who's with him, "Are you sure you want to do this? I don't want to hurt you." This also foreshadows a Back Story with Michael.
- In an episode of Curb Your Enthusiasm, Larry responds to his wife's concern that he never initiates sex by pointing out that he's always ready, and instructs her to tap him on the shoulder when she's ready. This backfires when she gives him the tap just after he's finished masturbating ("tapped out").
- In Degrassi The Next Generation, Peter doesn't pressure Darcy into having sex, but he clearly thinks he is ready, and is very eager to have sex with her.
- Also used with Declan and Holly J.
- Along with Alli and Johnny.
- Subverted in Season 1, when Jimmy is just as nervous about having sex with Ashley as she is. He just is better at hiding it.
- Subverted again with Post-Friendship Club Spinner, who pushes Darcy away when she reluctantly wants sex with him, knowing that it was wrong. He manages to stay true to the Christian thing until he stops dating Darcy in Season 6.
- The first time Holly J attempted to have sex, Blue outright said "I won't have sex with you," but they did hardly know each other at the time. Blue was eager, but has a shred moral fiber to him.
- Inverted with Married... with Children, where Peg Bundy always wants sex and Al Bundy is absolutely sickened by the very thought (though he's only sickened by the thought of sex with Peg, not sex in general).
- In the That '70s Show episode "The Pill":
Donna: All I'm saying is we have to wait for the right time.
Eric: Okay. How about now?
Donna: Um, no.
Eric: Okay. How about now?
Eric: Okay. Now?
Eric: Okay. Now, right?
Eric: I'll be waiting.
Donna: Shut up.
Eric: I've got a birthday coming up, so...
- The kissing variant is used in Lizzie Mcguire.
- The kissing variant is also used in iCarly between Sam and Freddie.
- Wizards of Waverly Place completely averts this the first time, then played on its ear the second time (kissing variant):
- In Season one Alex has no problem kissing a random guy just to stop her brother from mocking her over never being kissed, and she shows no problems with kissing a random stranger.
- However, when its a guy she actually likes, she's worried about him 'really getting around', and doesn't want to be just another girl to him. Turns out he's just as worried she'll be 'just another girl' and run off to brag to her friends after kissing him.
- All of the guys in the short-lived show Life as we know It are like this, but especially the main character. In one of the episodes, he manipulates his girlfriend into agreeing to have sex with him.
- Finn, from Glee is like this, but he's tame compared to Puck, who wears this trope like a badge of honor.
- Probably some form of subversion/inversion, as after the sex he is ashamed and regretful as "it didn't mean anything". He reacts like the girl in the second example of "where you will see this" in the trope description.
- Inverted with Kurt, who explicitly defines himself as a romantic who is uncomfortable with both the physical act and the emotional implications of sex and who knew that he really wasn't ready to have sex. He put his fingers in his ears and started singing when his Dad sat down to have The Talk with him.
- The Mystery Science Theater 3000 episode The Leech Woman had Crow turn the male protagonist of the film's second half into this, especially funny when the titular Leech Woman (as her young hot self) says his name and Crow replies "YES! I LOVE YOU! WHIPPED CREAM!"
- This exchange occurs between Hanna and Caleb in Pretty Little Liars (in the tv show):
Caleb: Are you sure?
Hanna: I'm sure.
- Funnily enough, in the introduction of a guy she is a Love Interest for, it's a celibacy club meeting. Gender Flip though, because it's Hanna's boyfriend at the time who is the one who actually wants to be celibate, and Hanna spends quite a while trying to get him to have sex with her.
- That Oz doesn't want to engage is a very, very bad sign of potential infidelity in Buffy the Vampire Slayer. Xander more or less lampshades this trope by saying Willow might have encountered Oz in one of the "seven annual minutes he's legitimately too preoccupied" (emphasis mine). On the other hand, when Willow first started propositioning him, Oz was the one who turned her down, saying he wasn't sure they were ready yet. In the above instance, Willow's worry wasn't just the lack of interest in her but the obvious interest he had in another girl.
- Oz is usually the one putting the brakes on things. This fact seems to stem mostly from the way that he's very conscious of a. the fact that he's older and more experienced than Willow and b. that Willow's motives in situations like this aren't always terribly healthy ones. His reaction to Willow's proposed makeouts in "Innocence" is just gorgeous:
"Sometimes when I'm sitting in class... You know, I'm not thinking about class, 'cause that would never happen. I think about kissing you. And it's like everything stops. It's like, it's like freeze frame. Willow kissage. Oh, I'm not gonna kiss you." (...) "Well, to the casual observer, it would appear that you're trying to make your friend Xander jealous or even the score or something. And that's on the empty side. See, in my fantasy when I'm kissing you, you're kissing me. It's okay. I can wait."
- One could argue that this trope is not so much Subverted as Played With—Willow comes onto him first about their first kiss and sex, but each time she seems to be doing it less because she really wants to and more because of another issue (first to make Xander jealous, later to "apologize" to Oz for cheating on him). While Oz turns her down both times, when they actually have sex, he initiates it.
- Inverted with painful hilarity in Flight of the Conchords. Bret meets a pretty girl, who pressures and bullies him into having sex before he's ready, lies about shipping out to Afghanistan the next day, avoids and ignores him afterwards, brags about him to her friends and leaves him with a reputation as a man-ho. On the other hand, played straight in the fact that Jermaine thinks that this is a wonderful setup and can't understand why Bret is so upset about it.
- In one episode of The Big Bang Theory Leonard feels the sting of this particular double standard when Penny demands sex off him after he ruins her ability to date morons, when he attempts to do the same to both Penny and ex-partner Leslie both reject him out of hand.
- In Seinfeld's episode "The Movie", Elaine says "Men can sit through the most pointless boring movie if there's even the slightest possibility that a woman will take her top off."
- Another episode had George become extremely intelligent after going without sex for a while due to his current girlfriend's illness. Jerry explains that this is because roughly 99% of his brain is normally obsessed with sex, and now that getting sex is not a possibility for George, it is free to function properly for the first time ever. Elaine then tries this with her current boyfriend, who is struggling to pass his licensing exam to become a doctor. It works, but it also has the side effect of making Elaine extremely stupid. Jerry explains that this is because men are always eager to have sex, therefore women can get sex so easily that they take it for granted.
Jerry: To a woman, sex is like the garbage man. You just take for granted the fact that any time you put some trash out on the street, a guy in a jumpsuit's gonna come along and pick it up. But now, it's like a garbage strike. The bags are piling up in your head! The sidewalk is blocked! Nothing's getting through! ...You're stupid!
- Castle loves playing with this trope. In one episode the guest star honestly questions whether Castle is gay or in a secret relationship because when she propositioned him he refused (which she said she had never heard a guy say in that context), in another one Esposito and Ryan quip that Castle wouldn't be able to resist a girl's advances on the grounds that "he's a man and he has a pulse", and another episode had most of the male cast absolutely dumbfounded that a woman apparently slipped a man a date-rape drug, with the men quipping "Who roofies a guy? All a girl has to do is ask" multiple times. Later revealed that the murderer attempted to invoke this trope, but the man in question subverts it by refusing to cheat on his fiancé with his ex.
- Averted in "I Wonder What the King is Doing Tonight" from Camelot.
- A notable subversion in Dragon Age: Origins with Alistair. Despite appearing to be a seductive, charming gentleman and snarky ladies' man, when your character manages to make him fall for you, unlike other members of your group, he will not "put out" on the drop of a hat because he doesn't feel ready to lose his virginity yet and needs you to respect that he needs time.
- Further subverted in that when he eventually is ready and decides to go for it, he is noticeably nervous.
The Warden: Are you sweating?
Alistair: No! I-I mean, yes! I mean... I'm a little nervous, sure. Not that this is anything bad or frightening or... well... YES.
- Shinjiro Aragaki of Persona 3 is an aversion. He knows damn good and well that he's going to die soon, so he's understandably very reluctant to give in, as much as he might want to. Once he does agree, though, he says he's not holding back.
- The Nostalgia Critic takes great pleasure in trashing this one. While he's a dirty-minded perv and loves sex, we mostly just see or hear about the times he was forced into sex.
- In the Futurama episode "Amazon Women In The Mood", Fry, Kif, Bender and Zapp are to be executed. The method: "Death...by ''snu-snu''! The reactions include "I never thought I would die like this...but I always really hoped!" and "The spirit is willing but the flesh is spongy and bruised." Plus facial expressions constantly shifting from glee to terror—except for Kif, who's only terrified, which causes Zapp to falsely accuse of being gay.
- ThunderCats (2011): In Legacy, Lion-O's got absolutely no problem using his ancestor Leo's relationship with fellow rebellion leader, Panthera, to score a makeout session right before Mumm-Ra's ship crashes into their current home planet in his vision of the past.
- Subverted later with Pumyra, when she starts flirting with him he just looks confused and vaguely disturbed, probably because he's been burned in the past and because she tried killing him just a few hours earlier.
- Then played straight at his attempts with courting Pumyra, although initial they prove to be...rather awkward.