Funny: They Think It's All Over

    open/close all folders 

    Series 2 
Episode 1
  • For "Feel the Sportsman", David Gower and Lee Hurst had to identify footballing hard man Vinnie Jones, who came on stage wearing a big pair of comedy ears to give to Gary Lineker... who shook his hand and said, "Hi Vinnie!" while David and Lee were still blindfolded. Fortunately, neither David nor Lee heard the giveaway, and were inevitably alarmed when they removed their blindfolds to see whom they'd just been groping.

Episode 5
  • For "Feel the Sportsman", David Gower and Lee Hurst had to identify greyhound Mick the Miller. Which was made slightly easier as the dog had died in 1939 and been subsequently stuffed. The bizarre tone of the game was set when Nick introduced the game as the team's chance "to molest a stranger without fear of arrest"... and Lee made a beeline straight for Gary Lineker's teammate Gaby Roslin.
    Lee Hurst: Why'd you put a muzzle on a dead dog?
    Nick Hancock: To stop Rory kissing it.
  • The producers were clearly trolling Lee Hurst with their choices for "The Name Game". After six fairly run-of-the-mill names, the seventh name was Indian cricketer Srinivasaraghavan Venkataraghavan, the mere sight of whose name stopped Lee dead in his tracks for a moment... and yet David Gower was able to get the answer correct just from a vague comment about "van driving" and the fact that the name was extremely long. The eighth name was Brazilian footballer... Tim. Lee finally came completely unstuck on the ninth name, Indian cricketer Laxman Sivaramakrishnan.
    Nick: Say that name again, that was brilliant.
    David: Srinivasaraghavan Venkataraghavan?
    Nick: That's brilliant. That's- that's actually longer than some of your innings!

Episode 6
  • In "The Name Game", Rory McGrath and Lee Hurst had to give their clues as impressions. Lee's names included Eric Cantona, and he started by kicking David Gower in the chestnote ; when this didn't trigger a name, he vaulted over the opposite desk and kicked Gary Lineker's teammate Frank Skinner in the chest. David and Lee's teammate, Teddy Sheringham, still guessed Jean-Claude Van Damme before he thought of Eric Cantona.

    Series 3 
Episode 8 (Christmas Episode)
  • Nick Hancock's desk was decorated with flashing coloured lights. Then he began his introduction...
    Nick: Hello, and welcome to this special Christmas edition of- (the lights short circuit and explode in spectacular, if harmless, fashion) ... They Think It's All Over. (rips the lights from the desk and throws them to the back of the stage)
  • As David's team were preparing to select a number on the Injury Board, a moment that David Gower and Lee Hurst had scripted without the knowledge of the other panellists took place:
    Voice: Mr. Gower! Mr. Gower!
    David: (impatiently) Oh, what now!? (scoots his chair back)
    (a young East Asian man climbs out from under the desk, holding his back)
    Man: I'm sorry, I just cannot keep doing this... (hobbles off stage to the laughter of the audience and David's other teammate, Steve Backley)
    Lee: Well, that's bad news-
    Nick: How long have you two been cooking that up?!
    Lee: I was gonna say, that's bad news for me! (begins to climb under the desk)

    Series 4 
Episode 4
  • In this episode's "Feel the Sportsman", David Gower and Lee Hurst had to identify the Cambridge University Boat Club (who had won that year's Boat Race between Oxford and Cambridge), who appeared on stage with their oars and arranged themselves as they would do in the boat (with the eight rowers sitting single file and the cox at the front facing the others). After being told their time had started, Lee took two steps forward and immediately tripped over one of the rowers, literally falling head over heels.

    Series 5 
Episode 2
  • A round of "Sporting Bluff" about cyclist Chris Boardman quickly goes off the rails:note 
    Tony Banks: (reading card) Chris Boardman is allergic to lycra... aren't we all, dear?
    David Gower: (reading card) On, er, long cycle races, Chris Boardman suffers from "numb penis" syndrome, which is probably why he ends up with an odd-shaped helmet.
    Lee Hurst: I get a lot of that "numb penis" syndrome as well, and I find it affects my wrist at the same time.
    John Moloney: It certainly wouldn't affect anyone else's.
    Lee: You're so bitter since I dumped you, John.
    Nick Hancock: So! Chris Boardman! (grins at the camera)
    Lee: (reading card) Chris Boardman's bike...
    John: Right!
    Lee: (bends fingers back in "preparatory knuckle crack" gesture, then winces and shakes his hand) That hurt!...
    John: Yeah, that's what you said last time.

Episode 3
  • For "The Name Game", Lee Hurst and Rory McGrath had to draw Pictionary-style clues for their names. Lee's names included British swimmer Duncan Goodhew, who is famously unable to grow hair; Lee, who is also bald, drew an arrow on the giant pad and positioned his head next to it, then pantomimed swimming. His next name was 1966 World Cup winner Bobby Charlton, and when a stick figure rendition of Charlton's famous combover didn't trigger anything in David Gower and Alistair McGowan, Lee drew a combover on his own head.

Episode 6
  • The panellists managed to manipulate Chris Eubank into describing the very large New Zealand rugby player Jonah Lomu as "a big poof". When "Feel the Sportsman" rolled around, Gary Lineker and Rory McGrath had to identify... Jonah Lomu. (Although Lomu didn't quite seem to understand why his appearance was so funny.) After Gary and Rory successfully identified Lomu, Nick Hancock claimed that the production assistant in charge of booking had originally misunderstood their request and tried to book Joanna Lumley.

Episode 8 (Christmas Episode)
  • The guests for this episode included Sooty with the "assistance" of Matthew Corbett (his then-puppeteer) on David Gower's team, with Graeme Le Saux on Gary Lineker's team.
    • In the "Excuses" round, David's team had to identify javelin thrower Steve Backley's explanation for ending up with a suitcase full of women's underwear after returning from the 1997 World Championships in Athletics in Athens. Matthew claimed that Sooty knew the answer, but wanted to whisper it to Nick (Sooty famously only being able to "communicate" by whispering in a person's ear), which Nick allowed... and then declared Sooty's answer correct and gave David's team three points.
    • Matthew tried his luck again in "Sing When You're Winning" when David's team had to complete a song first heard on the terraces at Norwich City in 1902 and sometimes still heard even now, and claimed that Sooty's friend Sweep (who only communicates by making a squeaking noise), who was sitting at his feet, knew the answer. This time, Nick refused to give him the points... prompting Sooty to produce a gun and point it at Nick, squirting him with water. Nick responded by upending his bottle of water over Matthew's head. The fracas continued into the beginning of "Feel the Sportsman".
      Nick: David and Lee, you're first, you have 90 seconds (Sooty begins firing his water pistol at Nick again) to tell us who your mystery sportsman is, while I go and get a gun.

    Series 6 
Episode 3
  • Gary Lineker was frequently squeamish if the sportsman in "Feel the Sportsman" were somehow messy or slimy, so he was none too happy when he and Rory McGrath had to identify the very muddy bog-snorkelling champion Craig Napper. Gary proceeded to march over to Nick and wipe his muddy hands on his blazer (after Nick quickly covered his face with his sleeves).

Episode 5
  • Nick Hancock declared at the beginning of the programme that because Gary Lineker had just been replaced as the face of Walker's Crisps by Michael Owen, every mention of the word "Walker's" would be treated as a swear word and bleeped. Inevitably, when Gary's team came to play "The Name Game", every sports figure he and Fred MacAulay had to name was called Walker (Formula 1 commentator Murray Walker, footballer Des Walker, etc.) - which was not only bleeped when they gave the answer, but asterisked out in the subtitle for the audience.

    Series 7 
Episode 7
  • This episode's "Feel the Sportsman" was one of the series' funniest:
    • David Gower and Jonathan Ross had to identify retired Middlesbrough and Republic of Ireland forward Bernie Slaven, who, as part of a bet earlier in the year, had bared his backside in a shop window after Middlesbrough had beaten Manchester United 3-2 at Old Trafford. Slaven appeared in a kilt which he raised over his backside, on which was painted the result of the match; Jonathan's reaction when he realised that the mystery guest whose mostly bare backside he had just felt was not, as he initially thought, a young lady is hysterical.
      Jonathan Ross: [sniffing his hands in dismay] It's the smell of a man! It's the smell of a man's arse! I didn't agree to this!
      [later, after David has correctly identified Slaven]
      Nick Hancock: So, how can you recognise the smell of a man's arse so easily?
    • However, this was topped when Gary Lineker and Rory McGrath then had to identify rally drivers Colin McRae and Nicky Grist, who pulled up in a rally car which launched a shower of oil all over the unsuspecting Lineker and McGrath, as well as host Nick Hancock and guests Jeff Green and Gary McAllister. (The oil cannon was more powerful than originally intended, but when it failed to work properly during preparations for the episode, the producers decided too much oil would be funnier than not enough oil. The stunt had the unfortunate side effect of completely ruining Gary's 600 suit, which he had received from Jonathan as a gift.)
      Nick Hancock: [holding up a completely oil-covered card] How am I meant to do the next round, for God's sake!?

    Series 8 
Episode 8 (Christmas Episode)
  • The set was decorated with a tree with a stuffed bird, complete with tweeting noise. After Nick Hancock asked the first question, David Gower produced a hunting rifle and "shot" the bird to silence its tweeting. Scripted, of course, but still hilarious.
    Nick: Classic Gower timing. Played the shot long before he needed to. And got a duck!

    Series 9 
Episode 1
  • During "The Name Game", the wheels came off completely for Jonathan Ross when he had to get the posh David Gower and the extremely posh James Hewitt to guess the name of Leicester City and Wales midfielder Robbie Savage, and gave "Lily" as the clue for "Savage". Hewitt's first guess? Early 20th century actress Lillie Langtry. Things deteriorated from there:
    Jonathan Ross: Okay, this is a footballer, I think... I think he's from boring Leicester City.note  Erm... first name is like Someone the Robot, second name is like Lily... (no reaction) If you were wild, ROAR, really...
    James Hewitt: (under Jonathan) Langtry. Langtry.
    Jonathan: No- Langtry!? (laughter from audience and Gary's team renders his next few sentences inaudible) No. First name is- the pop star-
    Nick Hancock: (overlapping with Jonathan) That'll be right!
    Jonathan: The pop star- SHUT UP! The pop star, Williams! What's the first name? Someone Williams!
    David Gower: Robbie! Robbie!
    Jonathan: Right, okay, second name, Lily...
    Nasser Hussain: (off-screen) Langtry.
    Jonathan: NO! Not Langtry! (more audience laughter)
    James: Robbie Lillee?
    Jonathan: It's a perfume, Eau de...
    James: Cologne.
    Jonathan: Eau de- NO, not Eau de Cologne!
    James: (laughs) You're not helping here.
    Jonathan: I am helping! You're too bloody posh, that's your problem! You should get out more! Lily... Lily... (as David and James have an inaudible conversation with Gary's team) LILY, WHAT- AM I ALONE ON THIS TEAM!?
    James: Next one!
    David: What?
    Jonathan: LILY!
    David: Marleen!
    Jonathan: NO!!
    David: (to Gary's team) You win! You win! You win!
    Nick: Brave New World!
    Nasser: On Blankety Blank!
    Jonathan: (almost scarlet with exasperation) WHO DOES BLANKETY BLANK?!
    David: (overlapping with Jonathan) Blankety- what do you mean!? What do we- WHAT DO WE KNOW ABOUT BLANKETY BLANK!? WE'RE POSH!
    James: Savage.
    James: Savage!
    David: Savage!
    Jonathan: YES, THANK YOU VERY MUCH! (hurls the card onto the desk to massive audience applause)

Episode 5
  • In "Feel the Sportsman", David Gower and Jonathan Ross had to identify Glenn Ross, the winner of the World's Strongest Man competition for Britain and Ireland. Jonathan was stunned by the size of his arms and thought he was carrying a pig on his shoulder, then when he suggested that it might be American tennis player Venus Williams, Glenn grabbed Jonathan and lifted him up over his head, then lowered him back to the floor. Jonathan, blindfold still in place, claimed that he was so startled by being thus lifted that he had accidentally broken wind on Glenn Ross' head.

Episode 7
  • David Gower and Jonathan Ross' mystery guests for "Feel the Sportsman" were the British white water rafting team, who took to the stage with a full size raft on a wooden ramp painted to look like rapids, while production assistants hurled the contents of buckets of water at them - and, inevitably, at Jonathan and (to a lesser extent) David. After Jonathan took several direct hits, Gary Lineker and Rory McGrath ran around their desk and shoved Jonathan into the raft, where he was hit by several more buckets of water.
    David Gower: We've got paddles... there's a lot of rubber, Jonathan, is this your spare room?

    Series 10 
Episode 2
  • When this episode was recorded, David Gower had just returned from commentating on a Test series between England and Pakistan, and Gary Lineker interrupted "Author, Author" to read a quote that appeared in that week's Sunday Times: "I watched England's first innings on television and it bored me. It's all very well for David Gower to talk a lot of crap." David correctly identified the unimpressed writer as former West Indies all-rounder Sir Garfield Sobers, or, to use his words, "that twat Garry Sobers". He continued his hilariously over-the-top petulant response to Sobers' quote by describing him as a "talentless bastard", then glaring at him through the camera and giving him the finger.

Episode 4
  • For "Feel the Sportsman", Jonathan Ross and guest captain Ian Wrightnote  had to identify British Olympic gold-winning clay pigeon shooter Richard Faulds... while being repeatedly pelted by clay pigeons fired from offstage by production assistants. After Faulds had been identified, Nick Hancock called one of the production assistants back onto the stage and gave him 20 for hitting Jonathan five times.

Episode 6 (Christmas Episode)
  • In "Feel the Sportsman", David Gower and Jonathan Ross - dressed respectively as a pantomime dame and a pantomime cow - had to identify British mashed potato wrestling champions Lisa Donner and Lienka Hanzeloba. Who, inevitably, were demonstrating the sport as David and Jonathan tried to guess who they were, and dragged both of them into the vat of mashed potato that had been brought on stage for the round.

Episode 7
  • For "Feel the Sportsman", David Gower and Jonathan Ross were tasked with identifying serial sport streaker Mark Roberts - who appeared nude with censors' pixellation over his reproductive area and "Only the balls bounce" written on his torso.note  It didn't take long for David to shy away from touching Roberts, and Jonathan gave up not long after - but not before accidentally touching Roberts' bare backside.

    Series 11 
Episode 3
  • A clip of cows re-enacting the Euro 2000 semi-final between Italy and the Netherlands sets off a downright painful Hurricane of Puns:
    Gary Lineker: That's one of Rory's dreams, wasn't it? Cowdenbeath versus Uddersfield! (audience cheers)
    Nick Hancock: It's Frisian out there! (mix of laughter and groans) I'm giving an example of the sort of stuff he would do, obviously I wouldn't choose to do that joke.
    Jonathan Ross: But Nick, that wasn't a bad joke, but then you had to go and milk it.
    Rory McGrath: Come on, come on!
    Nick: Well, at least I have the bottle! (thumps desk) That's enough!
    Dion Dublin: Did we see Steve Bull in that clip, maybe?
    Jonathan: You're joking, but that clip frightened the life out of me! That was like a frightening vision of the future where cows rule the world! Playing football with a giant ball made out of human skin! And watch a lovely light-hearted TV sports quiz like this one where everyone is a cow! Apart from me, because even in that world I could still get the cow ladies to lactate lovingly. (licks lips suggestively, then winks)
    Gary: Jonathan! Did you get the horn?
    Jonathan: Bullocks!
    Ralf Little: They watch They Think It's All Clover.
    Nick: Oh, please, God, let me die now!

Episode 6
  • An autocue flub from Nick Hancock during the "Injury Board" round led to a variation on the Spit Take from Gary Lineker.
    (Gary's team have correctly guessed how decathlete Dean Macey injured himself during the 2000-01 foot-and-mouth crisis)
    Nick Hancock: Dean normally trains by running on the fields near his Essex home, but these all became closed off during the foot-and-mouth crisis. And when he started training on tarmac roads instead, he ended up with shin splin- shit splints... (begins Corpsing, but recovers) And when he started training on tarmac roads-
    Gary Lineker: I think he'll get it right this time. (takes a swig from his water bottle)
    Nick: -I knew you'd do that. Look, he's gonna do it while drinking a bottle of water now! (Gary, his mouth full of water, struggles to contain his laughter) Don't you dare. Swallow. You've heard it before. Swallow. Swallow! (Gary appears to swallow the water)
    Jonathan Ross: That's how he got Match of the Day. (Gary double Face Palms but noticeably does not open his mouth)
    Nick: And when he started training on tarmac roads instead, he ended up- (water sprays in from off screen)
    Jonathan: I tell you, it's gonna end in tears...
  • With Dead Ringers' Jon Culshaw on Gary's team, it was inevitable that the episode would feature multiple impressions of sporting personalities, but, with prompting from Rory, Culshaw also turned his attention to impersonating Nick with the line "Hello, I'm Nick Hancock, every joke told the same way. Start on a high inflection, pause, and then go down to deliver the punchline." Nick spent a few seconds absorbing this, then turned to guest captain Steve Davis and, his voice randomly changing pitch with each word (with motions to match), began, "Now - Steve - you're - not - the - on-ly - for-mer - World Snooker Champ..." before reverting to his usual delivery.
  • In "The Name Game", Jonathan's names included Nigerian footballer Bimbo Fatokun. His first clue for the surname was "Until you get to know him, this is what people think of Rory."

    Series 12 
Episode 1
  • "Feel the Sportsman" featured a variation for this episode: the teams had to identify animals instead of sportsmen in a Call Back to a "What's Going On?" clip showing the then-manager of the England national football team, Sven-Goran Eriksson, identifying a zebra and a llama while blindfolded on a programme Nick Hancock identified as the Italian version of They Think It's All Over. David Gower and Jonathan Ross had to identify a zebra (of which their teammate, Ed Byrne, said "I can't believe we got a zebra into a TV studio and it didn't even shit on the floor!"), while Gary Lineker and Rory McGrath were given not a llama but an alligator, much to the delight of Jonathan and Nick. Neither actually got anywhere near the alligator (Gary in particular was on his guard because of the reactions of Nick, the audience, and his teammate Shane Warne) until they took their blindfolds off - and promptly fled the stage in terror.

Episode 6
  • For this episode (the series' hundredth), David and Gary swapped places on the panel after Gary and Rory were accused of cheating in the previous episode (see Cheaters Never Prosper on the main page for details). The scores finished level after the final game, so David, Rory, Gary, and Jonathan had to play a tiebreaker game of musical chairs (the music being the theme from Match of the Day). The ensuing fights over the chairs each time the music stopped (ignoring instructions not to pull the chairs out of position) were priceless, especially David and Jonathan's fight over the final chair.

Episode 7
  • "The Name Game" in this episode required Rory McGrath and Jonathan Ross to give their clues as impressions again.
    • Jonathan's names included David Gower, and he inevitably affected an "old man" voice for his performance:
      Jonathan: (quavering voice) When I was first playing cricket, (David points to himself as if to say "Is that supposed to be me?") Queen Victoria said to me, "Why don't you hit the bloody ball, stop wafting, young jackanape!"
      David: So it's either W.G. Grace or me, then.
      Jonathan: It's obviously you! (tosses card aside)
      Nick: D'you know your own name, David?
      David: Sorry? No.
      Nick: No. Okay.
    • Halfway through the round, Jonathan forgot he was supposed to be doing impressions, and when he was forced to revise his clue for then-British tennis No.1 Tim Henman ("Tennis player, absolutely no bloody good but very posh"), he affected an exaggerated RP accent and simply repeated, "Tennis player, I'm very posh, not very good."
    • This was topped when Rory's clue for Canadian-born then-British tennis No.2 Greg Rusedski was to sing "I'm a lumberjack and I'm okay..."

    Series 13 
Episode 5
  • David Gower and Jonathan Ross' teammate in this episode was American soccer player turned broadcaster Kevin Flynn, whom Nick Hancock accidentally addressed as Mike twice before Kevin corrected him. David then addressed him as Mike (facetiously rather than as an honest mistake), then a "Sporting Bluff" question that led to a digression on Through The Keyhole led to Jonathan suggesting that Gary Lineker's house had a shrine to his Match of the Day co-presenter "Mike Lawrenson" (another honest mistake). Even the production team joined in the joke, with the scores at the end of the first round being displayed as "03 Mike - Mike 03". Nick addressing Kevin as Mike became a Running Gag for the rest of the episode.

Episode 7
  • David Gower and Jonathan Ross' "Feel the Sportsman" subject was British ladies' sumo wrestling champion Jackie Bates, who began the round bent over as though about to begin a sumo bout. Inevitably, Jonathan and David gravitated toward her back half, and Jonathan was delighted to discover that their guest was female. David tried to push Jonathan away to keep him from getting too familiar with Bates, but when he discovered her mawashi (the belt worn by sumo wrestlers), Jonathan exclaimed, "They put a harness on for better grip! I'll tell you what, I'm going in!", to a Big "NO!" from Nick Hancock. Of course, being a sumo wrestler, Bates was more than able to defend herself, and she simply picked Jonathan up and dropped him off at the side of the stage - then began doing so again after leading Jonathan back to centre stage, all while Nick repeatedly shouted "Don't do this!"
  • This episode featured another occurrence of Pictionary-style clues in "The Name Game". Rory McGrath's names included referee David Elleray. Rory drew a pair of women's breasts with an arrow pointing to the right one, prompting Gary Lineker and Dominic Holland to guess "right tit"; this, coupled with a referee's whistle, was enough for them to guess Elleray's name.

Episode 8
  • Rory McGrath was rather infamous for looking at the answers to questions before recordings, ostensibly to help him prepare to make jokes about them (see Cheaters Never Prosper on the main page for details). This reached a peak in this episode; the chaos began during "What's Going On?" when Rory somehow knew, in extensive detail, the circumstances surrounding Bournemouth Reserves being allowed to score an easy goal in a match against Millwall Reserves. Nick Hancock had his feet propped up on the desk while listening to Rory's answer, then announced that although he was correct, rather than award Gary's team three points, he was docking them three points and giving twenty points to David's team.
  • During "Celebrations", Gary's team simply refused to explain why Exeter City players celebrated a goal by holding out a cap as though asking for donations from the crowdnote  on the grounds that Nick would accuse them of cheating. When David Gower's team were shown a goal by Jose Antonio Reyes of Sevilla against Real Valladolid in which a fellow player actually bit his groin area during the celebrations, David simply declared they didn't need any more points (to Jonathan Ross' frustration) and the question was passed over. To much eye-rolling from Nick, Rory explained that it was a literal interpretation of a Spanish idiom for congratulations, which transliterates as "kissing [your] bollocks". An unimpressed Nick awarded them 1/2 of a point.
  • "Feel the Sportsman" had a Winter Olympics theme:
    • David Gower and Jonathan Ross had to identify champion British speed skater Sarah Lindsay, who was given a circular patch of fake ice to stand on. Before putting on his blindfold, Jonathan removed his jacket to reveal that his shirt and trousers were matching shiny black leather. When Lindsay bent over in the typical speed skater's stance, Rory McGrath and Gary Lineker offered to help identify her, prompting Nick Hancock to shout "SIT DOWN!" repeatedly until they obeyed. Finally, when David and Jonathan successfully identified Lindsay, Jonathan followed her off stage, holding up his hand in an "I'll be back in five minutes" sign. Nick joked that it would be a lot less than that.
    • The ice was left out for Gary and Rory's subject, Olympic bronze medal-winning skeleton bobsledder Alex Coomber, who had a skeleton bobsled upon which she proceeded to lie face down. At one point, Rory ended up behind her, grabbed one of her legs in each hand, and began pulling her towards himself, prompting Nick to shout "STOP IT!" repeatedly until he obeyed. Gary then claimed that Coomber had said in a newspaper interview earlier that week that she would be a guest on They Think It's All Over that week; Nick, clearly sceptical, nevertheless awarded them three points.
  • With Gary's team trailing 33 points to 3 1/2 entering "The Name Game", victory was more or less impossible, but this didn't stop Gary from knowing the name of PSV Eindhoven player Jan Vennegoor of Hesselink (whose goal had eliminated Leeds United from the UEFA Cup earlier in the week), or that the Greek word for "peace" was "ειρήνη" ("eirini"), a clue for the name Irina Slutskaya. At this point, Nick was doing so much eye-rolling that it's a wonder his eyes didn't end up in the back of his head.
  • But since this meant that David and Gary had won four games each in Series 13, a tie-breaker was set up in which David and Gary had to ride tea trays with skateboard wheels (which Alex Coomber used to train for the skeleton bobsled owing to the lack of courses in Britain) to a finish line at the front of the stage. Though David reached the finish line first, he was too far from the finish flag to touch it, and Gary touched the flag first to win the series. Rory attempted to re-enact the "bollock-biting" goal celebration from "Celebrations", while a frustrated David tried to throttle Nick, who exclaimed that he'd already given them 33 points, what else did he want?

    Series 14 
Episode 4
  • David and Jonathan were given pairs of gloves along with their blindfolds for "Feel the Sportsman". Jonathan claimed that the gloves must have been intended as safeguards against getting too familiar with an attractive female guest, and deduced that their guest must be Anna Kournikova, so he removed his gloves. David decided to do likewise. The guests turned out to be the East Coast Ferret Racing team, complete with two ferrets and two plastic tubes for the ferrets to race down. When one of them got to Jonathan's end, it bit him on the hand, causing a Minor Injury Overreaction from him.

Episode 8 (Christmas Episode)
  • The Christmas festivities included Christmas crackers, complete with jokes... which inevitably proved to be at the expense of the panellists, who included guest captain Steve Davis (replacing David), Phil Tufnell, and Steve Cram.
    Nick Hancock: There's jokes in there. Rory, what's yours?
    Rory McGrath: (reading joke) "Doctor, Doctor, I keep thinking I'm a pair of curtains." "I'm afraid those are the long-term side effects, Mr. Tufnell."note 
    Nick: Mr. Cram.
    Steve Cram: (reading joke) What goes red, black, red? Steve's highest break of the year.
    Nick: Steve?
    Steve Davis: ... Me?
    Jonathan Ross: No, the other bloke called Steve sitting over here, who do you think!?
    Nick: Well, Steve never thinks it's his turn, does he?
    Steve Davis: Hold on. (puts in the earplugs he got out of his cracker, reads joke) What's yellow with big ears?
    Gary Lineker: Don't start...
    Nick: Phil, have you got a joke in there?
    Phil Tufnell: I've got a football, a little football in there, (bounces tiny plastic football on the desk) but I don't seem to have a- oh yes I have, here you are. (pulls joke out of cracker) It's in there. There you go, right, okay, hold on.
    Jonathan: You were saving that to make a roach with later, weren't you? We know your game, Tufnell!
    Phil: Yeah, it's nice material there. (flicks the paper with his finger, then holds it by his ear and flicks it again, then reads it) Erm... what has... what has four legs and flies? Rory's girlfriend.
    Nick: Anyone else got a joke left?
    Jonathan: (reading joke) "Knock, knock." "Who's there?" "Mrs. Lineker. The bedroom's upstairs, you know the way, Ross. Please don't wipe your cock on the curtains like last time." I'm sorry about that, by the way, I am sorry about that.
    Gary: She blamed the kids!
    Nick: (shocked) ... WHAT!?
    Gary: Jesus, was it you!?
    Rory: When I was there, it was Venetian blinds. I was nearly Jewish.
  • For "The Name Game", Jonathan Ross and Rory McGrath had to give their clues in mime.
    • For someone who professed to know little about sport, Jonathan was surprisingly adept at coming up with funny mime clues for his names once he had mimed the sport they played. Examples included drinking endless pints for Alex "Hurricane" Higgins, pretending to beat the tar out of Steve Davis for Roy Keane, indicating a ponytail and then miming watching a shot go over his head and into the goal for David Seaman, indicating a monocle for Chris Eubank (which sparked Phil Tufnell to guess Admiral Nelson), making a "shagging" gesture then putting a finger on his lip and doing a Nazi salute while goose-stepping for Boris Becker, squeezing pimples for Luke Chadwick, and losing a coin toss for Nasser Hussain.
    • This was topped when, having been docked ten points for looking at the names for "The Name Game" during a "Test Your Strength" bonus round, Gary Lineker revealed that he had actually written down the names on Rory's list (Nick initially assumed he had memorised them) when, as Rory mimed driving a race car and then put his finger on his lip and did a Nazi salute as a clue for Michael Schumacher, Gary admitted he couldn't read his handwriting. The producers immediately blew the whistle even though they had only had 50 of their 90 seconds, and they lost by one point.

    Series 15 
Episode 6
  • In "The Name Game", Rory McGrath had to give clues to Gary Lineker and Fred MacAulay for Scottish footballer Emmanuel Panther. He had to dumb down his clues a bit:
    Rory: Oh, easy one here. First name, my old college at Cambridge. I'm trying to raise the intellectual level of this.
    Fred: Imperial?note 
    Rory: It's Hebrew for "The Lord is with us." (no reaction) Okay, '70s porn film with Sylvia...
    Fred: Emmanuelle!
    Rory: Thank you.

Episode 8
  • Gary Lineker's team were penalised for cheating yet again when, during "Excuses", Dave Fulton gave the fake scripted excuse the producers had dreamt up for Wales losing their 2003 Six Nations clash with Italy. Gary and Rory McGrath decided to rebel against the decision during "Sporting Bluff":
    (the question is: why did solo transatlantic sailor Seb Clover nearly give up before he finished his crossing)
    Dave Fulton: (reading card) Seb Clover nearly quit because he missed his mum.
    Gary Lineker: ("reading card") Er... Seb Clover nearly quit because he got accused of cheating when he hadn't. (laughter from audience and Nick Hancock)
    Rory McGrath: ("reading card") Seb Clover...
    Nick Hancock: Read it out properly.
    Gary: That's what it says - that's what it says on here.
    Nick: If you can.
    Gary: That's what it says on here.
    Rory: Seb Clover nearly quit because he couldn't understand why Eriksson didn't pick Le Saux on the left-hand side of the midfield. (reaction shot of a chuckling Graeme Le Saux)
    Nick: Okay, sulky boys, let's start again. (no reaction) Gary?
    Gary: ("reading card") Seb Clover nearly quit because he knows Nick Hancock's a wanker. (more laughter)
    Nick: Gary. Read yours again, please.
    Gary: ("reading card") Seb Clover didn't quit.
    Nick: It's the first time he's done more than he has to do for money. Come on!
    Gary: (reading card, mumbles inaudibly) Sebclovernearlyquitcausehesscaredofpirates.
    Nick: Oh, you big sulky boy! COME ON!
    Gary: (Julian Claryesque camp voice) Seb Clover nearly quit 'cause he's scared of pirates.
    Nick: Finally we hear the real voice of Gary Lineker.

    Series 16 
Episode 1
  • This was the first episode with Phil Tufnell and David Seaman as captains, and Phil got a baptism of fire for "Feel the Sportsman" as he and Jonathan had to identify the Manc Union champion paintball team. Their blindfolds were wrapped over safety goggles, which already had them on their guard (meanwhile, Nick, David, Rory, and guests Graeme Le Saux and Ed Smith also donned safety goggles), and halfway through the round, two further members of the Manc Union team emerged from the sides of the stage and shot both Phil and Jonathan in the backside (Jonathan, inevitably, was more upset about the damage to his suit).

    Series 18 
Episode 2
  • Jonathan Ross had to give Alastair Campbell and Phil Tufnell a clue for former England cricket captain Nasser Hussain during "The Name Game". His clue led to a hilarious pseudo-Freudian Slip from Campbell:
    Jonathan: This is, er, a cricket captain, (points to Campbell) same name as the bloke you put out of work.
    Phil: Blair!
    Alastair: Bush!
    Jonathan: No!
    Alastair: I mean... (his answer suddenly registers with everyone; the audience laugh and applaud)
    Jonathan: Hullo! That's good news! You heard it here first!

  • In one round of "The Name Game", when Jonathan Ross has to give clues to the names of sportspeople on his cards, Phil Tufnell gets his own name wrong. At the end, Tufnell's team loses, and Nick Hancock says, "But think of how different things might have been, if only Phil Tufnell had known his own name."