Characters of Ahmed & Salim.
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The Majhayeff Family
Ahmed Majhayeff
- All Love Is Unrequited: Ahmed fell in love with an Israeli girl in "Episode 5", but it was painfully obvious to everyone but him that she did not return his feelings.
- Beggar with a Signboard: In "Salim's New Face", Ahmed ended up homeless and penniless and had to sit in the streets of Kazbazbazstan with a sign that said "Will Give Blowjobs for $$$".
- Big Guy, Little Guy: The big guy to Salim's little guy.
- Consummate Liar: Say what you want about him, but there's no denying that Ahmed is a pretty cunning liar when it comes to tricking people into letting him get his way ... most of the time. It seems, however, that he's only a good liar because he usually lies to complete idiots, such as his dad and brother.
- Gilligan Cut: Ahmed played with this trope in "iPhone 5" and tried to use it to his advantage, only for him to accidentally make it backfire on him.Ahmed: Dammit. I want an iPhone 5 so bad ... Hmm, ... Maybe I'll try that trick they always do on sitcoms. [ahem] Oh, what a bummer! I'll bever have an iPhone 5![Gilligan cut to Ahmed with an iPhone 5]Ahmed: Ah! I can't believe it actually worked! Awesome! Now I've got an iPhone 5 and no one will ever take it away from me![Gilligan cut to Ahmed's iPhone 5 being gone]Ahmed: Ah, fuck this.
- I Am Not My Father: Although he doesn't actively combat his father's ideology, he does view terrorism as a chore and generally chooses to blow it off in favor of playing video games and watching TV.
- In Touch with His Feminine Side: Ahmed became a fan of Justin Bieber and went to one of his concerts, dressed as a 12-year-old white girl.Ahmed: I love you Justin Bieber! I'm going to listen to all of your songs and in two years, grow out of you and deny any of this ever happened!
- Jerkass: Acted like this in Episode 8, when he bullied Salim around and made him do all the work on building a bomb, while he sat around and drank soda. Afterward, Ahmed still took all the credit.
- Likable Villain: Ahmed may be a terrorist but his relatability as an Ordinary High-School Student makes him a very chill and laid-back character, who audiences can get behind.
- Love Interest: Ahmed was a bit of a ladies' man in "Episode 8", becoming the apple of Deborah and Allison's eye.
- Love Makes You Dumb: Acted like a lovestruck fool in "Episode 5", when meeting that Israeli girl and again in "Episode 8", when scoring a date with some random girl he had never seen but had only met online.
- Manipulative Bastard: Ahmed is able to outsmart his brother and trick him into either doing his bidding or making an ass of himself.
- Men Don't Cry: Tried not to show his true emotions when Osama Bin Laden died but eventually couldn't hold it in anymore and burst into tears, albeit still refusing to be coddled by his dad so that he could still maintain at least a shred of dignity.
- Mistaken for Gay: In "Big Brother", Salim trolled with him by telling everyone on the show he was gay.
- Only Sane Man: Ahmed will occasionally play this role in situations without Yasser, what with him being smarter than his little brother and all.
- Ordinary High-School Student: Ahmed is your average teenage boy, who plays video games, watches TV, and wastes time on the internet.
- Out-of-Character Moment: He and Salim suddenly acted competently in "Episode 4", and actually did a good job at killing a Hebrew, like their father wanted.
- Screw This, I'm Outta Here: Up and quit in "Ahmadinejad is a Cock-Pirate", after hearing about his dad having sex with a Ahmadinejad.Ahmed: Okay, that's it. I'm outta here.
- Sibling Rivalry: With Salim.
- Unmanly Secret: Ahmed is secretly a die-hard fan of Justin Bieber and especially loves his song, "Baby, Baby, Baby!". When Salim found this out, of course, he never let him live it down.
- Villain Protagonist: The Islamic fundamentalist who's the main character of the show.
Salim Majhayeff
- Adaptation Deviation: In the pilot pitch for the televised version of the show, Salim's head had been edited to change into a more peanut-shaped appearance along with a visible nose and ears, as opposed to his more recognizable round head. note
- Tom and Or, themselves have stated that they didn't like that appearance and prefer his normal appearance, even satirizing it in the episode "Salim's New Face", where Ahmed barfed over how disgusting Salim's made-for-TV face looked.
- Salim's peanut head can also be seen in promotional material for the pilot episode of Ahmed & Salim.
- Always Second Best: In "Episode 3", Salim was sad that Ahmed had more FaceBook friends than him.
- Anything but That!: Salim begged and pleaded for a new iPhone in the episode "iPhone 5" because his current phone was a piece of cardboard with "Ayfon" written on it. Yasser shut him up by asking if he'd rather have an Android.Salim: No, no, no! Cardboard is fine.
- Attention Whore: Salim always throws complete hissy fits, whenever he's not the center of attention. He screams, rants, and acts like a baby until he finally annoys people into giving him whatever he wants.
- Big Guy, Little Guy: The little guy to Ahmed's big guy.
- Bratty Half-Pint: Salim is a loud-mouthed, profane, insulting little pipsqueak who's about half the size of an average teenager.
- Disney Death: Yasser accidentally shot him in the head in "How the Terrorist Stole Christmas", killing him instantly but it was all just a dream Yasser had.
- The Faceless: Aside from his eyes, his face has never been shown in the series, as he's always wearing his litham.
- I Am Not My Father: Although he doesn't actively combat his father's ideology, he does view terrorism as a chore and generally chooses to blow it off in favor of playing video games and watching TV.
- Likable Villain: Salim may be a terrorist but his adorability and hilarity as a bratty half-pint make him a loveable and adorable character.
- The Napoleon: Has some kind of a complex over being short.
- Love Interest: Although Salim isn't much of a dater, he's been the love interest to a couple of girls, such as the Israeli girl in "Episode 5" and Sharia in "Episode 8", the latter of whom became his girlfriend.
- Ordinary High-School Student: Salim is your average teenage boy, who plays video games, watches TV, and wastes time on the internet.
- Out-of-Character Moment: He and Ahmed suddenly acted competently in "Episode 4", and actually did a good job at killing a Hebrew, like their father wanted.
- Sibling Rivalry: With Ahmed.
- Too Dumb to Live: Trusted a hyperactive 5-year-old boy to perform plastic surgery on him, without using any anesthesia or medical equipment other than a high-powered chainsaw.
- Villain Protagonist: The Islamic fundamentalist who's the main character of the show.
Yasser Majhayeff
- Always Someone Better: Yasser is a failure of a terrorist, who constantly has to compete with his frenemy Habub for the approval of Depstik.
- Bad Santa: Dressed up as Santa Claus in "How the Terrorist Stole Christmas" and opened fire on Ahmed and Salim.
- Black Like Me: Yasser learned how horribly he made Jewish people feel in "Episode 4", when he suddenly woke up one day, as a Hebrew and was attacked by Ahmed and Salim, who had previously learned his antisemitic teachings the night before.
- Butt-Monkey: Yasser will usually get the shaft, whenever Ahmed and Salim's plans go awry, or really just about every time his kids get up to their old antics.
- Depraved Bisexual: Yasser is a disgusting, depraved pedophile rapist, who enjoys having public sex with both men and women, as is perfectly legal in his country.
- Domestic Abuse: Yasser shoots his concubines to death, usually for no reason at all.
- Even Evil Has Standards: Yasser is definitely not a holocaust denier and called out Mahmoud Ahmedinejad for being a conspiracy nut when he claimed to be so, himself.Yasser: "Okay, okay, okay. I'm a delusional Islamic fundamentalist who thinks Jews are spawns of Satan and I know that the holocaust actually happened. Think about what that says about you."
- Evil Plan: Yasser always has a villainous plot to commit acts of terrorism in the Jewish community, especially the Israelis.
- Fat Bastard: Yasser is a large-framed, antisemitic asshole, who commits violent war crimes against Israelis, promotes suicide to his sons, and beats his wives to death on a daily basis.
- Funny Afro: Back in the 80's, Yasser had one of these.
- Groin Attack: Happens so much in the series, it's almost a running gag.
- In "Episode 4", Ahmed and Salim shot him in the testicles after mistaking him for a Jew.
- In "Episode 6", Salim blended his testicles to bloody shreds with his blender.
- Hypocrite: You can expect to see a lot of jokes about this.Yasser: We're going to show Israel that Arabs are a respectable and honorable group of sophisticated and classy people ... Alright, I'm gunna go rape a bunch of 10-year-olds.
- In the Christmas episode, he planned to teach Ahmed and Salim that Santa Claus didn't exist, not wanting them to believe in a fictional character, all in the name of Muhammad the King.
- Despite being an Islamic fundamentalist, which means he'd be stongly homophobic, Yasser turned out to have had a gay relationship with Mahmoud Ahmedinejad back in the 80's and to still be in love with him today.
- Ignored Aesop: In "Episode 4", Yasser woke up one morning and found out he was a Hebrew and experienced first-hand, the same kind of discrimination the Israeli people get from people like him. He learned that Israelis are just as human as Arabs and he shouldn't discriminate against them like that. When he woke up again to find it was all a dream, he celebrated not being a Jew by running rampant around town, burning down synagogues, killing Israelis, and blowing up buildings.
- Jerk with a Heart of Gold: Yasser was proven to actually be, deep down, a very kind and loving father to his kids in the episode "Osama Bin Laden is Dead", comforting Ahmed and Salim when they were crying over the death of their uncle. He told them that as sad as it is that he's gone, Osama is currently in Heaven right now, smiling down on them and wants them to be happy. He later took them out for ice cream to get their minds off of everything, before driving his car out into the middle of nowhere that night and crying his heart out, himself.
- Leet Lingo: Yasser's license plate reads "1337 H4X0R".
- Literal-Minded: In "iPhone 5", Yasser heard about internet porn allowing people to "have sex through the phone" and ended up fucking the iPhone up the charging port.
- Middle Eastern Terrorists: Yasser epitomizes this trope, being a violent, genocidal, anti-semite who kills Jews, abuses his several wives, and encourages his sons to kill themselves.
- Misplaced Retribution: Oftentimes, he'll kill one of his wives, when he's pissed off at his sons.
- Pædo Hunt: Yasser is a proud rapist of 10-year-old girls and usually attends many of Khazbazbazstan's highly commonplace "10-Year-Old Rape Conventions".
- Polyamory: Yasser is a polygamist with several wives.
- Proud Warrior Race Guy: Promotes the ideology of killing Israeli infidels in the name of Islam and then someday being rewarded in Paradise by Allah.
- Say My Name: Damns the names of his sons, whenever they screw up his evil plans.Yasser: "AHMED AND SALIIIIIIIIM!"
- Skyward Scream: Screams "AHMED AND SALIM!" at the sky as his catchphrase.
- Teeny Weenie: Several jokes come at the expense of this man having a tiny penis.
- Villain Protagonist: A stereotypical Islamic fundamentalist and one of the main cast members of the show.
Mrs. Majhayeff
- Butt-Monkey: Mrs. Majhayeff is constantly being shot, beaten, raped, and abused by her husband.
- Death Is Cheap: Gets shot in the head and murdered in almost every episode she appears in, yet still appears alive and well again in the next episode.
- The Faceless: Mrs. Majhayeff always wears her burka so we know nothing about what she looks like other than her eyes.
- Inexplicably Identical Individuals: Appears to look exactly like every single other concubine in the Majhayeff house, though this is mostly in part to them all wearing the same black burka that covers their entire bodies.
- Minor Major Character: Despite being a member of the main family and living in the same house as them, she only appears in a handful of episodes and never has any dialogue, as she is forbidden to speak out of turn or do anything independently of Yasser.
- Misplaced Retribution: She is the victim of this when her sons act up and her husband beats her.
- No Name Given: We still don't know her first name or even if she has one, to begin with.
- Polyamory: She is one of the many concubines of Yasser, though she still does hold the honor of being the biological mother of Ahmed and Salim, which none of the other wives can say.
- The Voiceless: Never has any dialogue, aside from stock sound effect screams when getting shot.
Others
Habub
- The Ace: Habub is a master of terrorism and Depstik's favorite employee at work.
- The Alcoholic: Habub is a common boozer, despite his religion forbidding drinking.Habub: Well, I'm going to get some chardonnay. Want anything?
- Always Someone Better: Habub outranks Yasser at everything and will always be a better terrorist than him.
- As Long as It Sounds Foreign: "Habub" isn't a real name in any Middle Eastern dialect.
- Ascended Extra: Habub was just sort of a minor character in Season 1 with minimal appearances and limited screentime. However, when Season 2 rolled around, Habub had immediately broken into the spotlight and was now making larger and more prominent appearances in every other episode or so.
- Best Friend: To Yasser.
- Big Ol' Unibrow: Habub has a big fat unibrow across the tops of his eyes.
- Borrowed Catchphrase: Yelled out Yasser's "Ahmed and Salim!!!" at the end of "Hide and Seek", when he heard about how Ahmed and Salim killed his son in a nuclear bombing of an American governmental building.
- Characterization Marches On: In the first season, Habub was sort of a minor character who played different kinds of roles in the show from being Yasser's archenemy at work to the father of that annoying kid Ahmed and Salim were forced to hang out with. However, in Season 2, he found his footing and was firmly established as Yasser's best friend.
- Fat and Skinny: The skinny to Yasser's fat.
- Friendly Rivalry: Yasser and Habub go on and off between being the best of friends to bitter enemies.
- Punny Name: His name could be a reference to the term "Haboob", which means an extremeley dangerous and destructive desert storm, which plays into his status as a Middle Eastern terrorist.
- Sitcom Arch-Nemesis: To Yasser.
- With Friends Like These...: Habub is kind of an asshole of a friend to Yasser sometimes, humiliating him, one-upping him, and insulting him for his teeny weenie.
Hafif
- Attention Deficit... Ooh, Shiny!: Hafif's mind is always racing with a bunch of random thoughts and he can never stay focused on anything for any longer than like ten seconds. It's possible that he can be diagnosed with ADD, and even ADHD, given his constant hyperactivity.
- As Long as It Sounds Foreign: Like his father, Hafif has a made-up name that doesn't actually exist in the Arabic language.
- Ax-Crazy: He was the chainsaw variant of this in "Salim's New Face", when he attacked Salim with a chainsaw, causing absolute bloodshed.
- Cheerful Child: Hafif is always happy all the time, bouncing around with joy and laughter and never shutting up.
- Disney Death: He was in a building that got blown up in "Hide and Seek" but the stinger showed that he actually survived, most likely only due to his status as a recurring character giving him plot armor.
- Early-Bird Cameo: Hafif was namelessly mentioned in the second episode, when Depstik assigned Habub to have his children watch over an Israeli hostage but then Yasser made fun of his kids for it.Yasser: What do you mean, Habub's children? They are already 4 years old and never even strangled a bunny to death! His kids are pussies!
- The Thing That Would Not Leave: Whenever he comes over to visit, life is absolute hell for Ahmed and Salim, having to put up with all his annoying bullshit for a few hours that feel like several days.
Depstik
- Big Bad: The big bad supreme leader of the terrorist organization.
- Pedophile Priest: The Muslim variant of this. Depstik regularly molests 10-year-olds as is a common practice in his religion.
- Proud Warrior Race Guy: Leads his terrorist organization in destroying the Israelites in violent bloodshed and fighting for Arabian supremacy in honor of their lord, Allah.
- Unfortunate Names: His name is intended to sound like the common British insult, "Dipstick".
Mrs. Rudjkes
- As Long as It Sounds Foreign: "Rudjkes" is not a real Arabic surname.
- Boom, Headshot!: Got shot in the head by Yasser in "Episode 7".
- Evil Teacher: Like most of the characters in this show, Mrs. Rudjkes is a horrible woman who promotes terrorism, war crimes, and antisemitism. As a public school educator, she teaches her students all about her barbaric rhetoric, so that she can mold these young minds into a beautiful new generation of terrorists.Mrs. Rudjkes: Well, class. What have we learned to do last week, when we see an Israeli video on YouTube?Students: Rate it one star and deny The Holocaust.Mrs. Rudjkes: That's right, children!
- The Faceless: We don't know what her face really looks like because she's always wearing her burka.
- Misplaced Kindergarten Teacher: Despite teaching a class of students who are in either middle or high school, she still talks down to the children as though they're little kids.
- Misplaced Retribution: Yasser shot Mrs. Rudjkes for something Ahmed said to annoy him.
- No Name Given: We know her last name is "Rudjkes", but her first name is never brought up.
- Politically Motivated Teacher: Teaching a school under Sharia Law, Mrs. Rudjkes, of course, injects the state-ordered political rhetoric into her teaching. She mainly brainwashes her students (in an already brainwashing society, mind you) about how to commit acts of terrorism and be an antisemitic bigot.
- Skewed Priorities: She was livid to hear that Salim wanted to grow up to become a doctor instead of being a terrorist.Mrs. Rudjkes: What!? That's it! No terrorist of mine is gunna contribute something to this world! I'm calling your father!
- Stern Nun: The Islamic variant of this. Mrs. Rudjkes is a Muslim woman in a burka, who enforces harsh discipline for misbehavior at her religious school.
- They Killed Kenny Again: Yasser shot her in the head in "Episode 7", yet thanks to plot armor, she somehow managed to be alive in future episodes, albeit with no explanation as to how she survived.
- Two-Teacher School: Mrs. Rudjkes is the only teacher we ever see at Terrorist School.
Osama Bin Laden
- Break the Comedian: Although he's usually a very chipper and delightful guy, Osama Bin Laden was finally brought to madness at the end of "Episode 7", when Ahmed and Salim blew his cover by downloading the Dance Dance Revolution app at his house, using his wifi and revealing his location to the FBI.Osama Bin Laden: "AHMED AND SALIIIIIIIIIIM!!!"
- Cloudcuckoolander: Osama Bin Laden is a very wacky, zany, and goofy character, who's portrayed as a "funny uncle" type character.
- Famous Ancestor: To Ahmed and Salim.
- Friend to All Children: Osama is great with Ahmed and Salim and seems to be the kind of guy who loves kids ... just as long as they aren't Jewish.
- Fun Personified: Osama really puts the "fun" in "fundamentalist", singing his nephews a great big rousing musical number about how to be good terrorists.
- Killed Off for Real: Following the death of the real Osama Bin Laden in 2011, Ahmed & Salim wrote his death into the show in the Season 2 finale.
- The Wonka: Takes Ahmed and Salim on a grand tour of his fancy, luxurious mansion.
- Uncle Pennybags: Osama is loaded, as seen by his beautiful, ivory palace, which has golden statues, decorative water fountains, exotic indoor plants, and just about everything a terrorist could dream of.
- Villain Song: Sings a rousing Broadway-style musical number in "Episode 7", teaching Ahmed and Salim how to be good terrorists.Osama Bin Laden: "Jewish people have no souls. They are parasites on our precious planet."
Agent Burk
- Accidental Misnaming: Agent Burk did this to himself, calling himself by the names of his colleague, "Agent Finn" and his daughter, "Allison".
- Bad Liar: Took his daughter, during her allotted time to live with her mom, and made a pathetic excuse for a lie, when his ex-wife called her, demanding to know where she was.Agent Burk: Uh, hello, honey ... Uh, where's Allison? ... Uh, she's ... dead. Yeah, that's it. She died ... NO, NO, WAIT! SHE'S NOT DEAD! NOT DEAD! Not dead! She's uh, ... Oh! She's with me in the CIA van, helping me catch terrorists ... NO! NO, WAIT! NO! She's uh, ... [mock Asian accent] Herro, dis is long number. I no Agent Burk. I Chinese man. Goodbye. [hangs up] ... PHEW! That was a close one.
- Bumbling Dad: The stupidly incompetent father of Allison.
- CIA Evil, FBI Good: Agent Burk represents a CIA Agent and is portrayed as corrupt, bigoted, incompetent, and completely stupid.
- Dumb Muscle: As dumb as he is, Burk appears to be a muscular man.
- Hard Head: Agent Burk smashes bottles and chairs and stuff on his head.
- Hidden Depths: Aside from just being a CIA spy fighting The War on Terror, Agent Burk is also a divorced man, who's fighting his ex-wife for custody of their daughter, Allison.
- Politically Incorrect Villain: Agent Burk is an Islamophobic racist, whose post-9/11 paranoia has led him to believe that all Muslims and Middle Easterns are terrorists who need to be locked away in Abu Ghraib.
- Self-Harm: Whenever he gets mad, Agent Burk has the tendency to physically assault himself by smashing himself on the head and punching himself in the face.
- Taking the Kids: Agent Burk stole Allison and had her work with him during the allotted time she was supposed to be spending with her mom.
- What Happened to the Mouse?: At the end of his debut episode, he swears that although Ahmed and Salim have won this round, he'll be back and then we never see him again.
Allison
- Daddy's Little Villain: The daughter of corrupt CIA Islamophobe, Agent Burk.
- Love Interest: She was potentially being slated to be this to Ahmed in later appearances.
- Villainous Crush: Apparently has a bit of crush on Ahmed.
- What Happened to the Mouse?: She never appeared again past her debut episode, despite a love story between her and Ahmed clearly being set up by the writers.
- Wise Beyond Their Years: She's a lot smarter than her dad, which isn't saying much, but she clearly understands how her father's company mistreats Muslims and thinks that Ahmed and Salim are actually pretty nice people.
Agent Finn
- Big Eater: A bigger fella who's always eating ice cream from Jen & Berry's for some reason.
- Deadpan Snarker: Makes a bunch of snarky, sarcastic comments about Agent Burk.[Agent Burk gets a phone call from his ex-wife]Agent Burk: [covers the phone and whispers to Finn] Okay, okay, my ex-wife is calling. She can't know Allison is here with us. She'll sue the crap out of me.Agent Finn: You are covering your armpit.[Agent Burk notices he's covering his armpit instead of the phone]Agent Burk: GOD DAMMIT, FINN!
- Getaway Driver: Works as this for the CIA van.
- Sidekick: To Agent Burk.
- What Happened to the Mouse?: Just like the other CIA agents, Finn disappeared after his debut episode and still today, the rest of his story still remains untold.
Dr. Humus
- The Ace: Dr. Humus has virtuous expertise in rhinoplasty and excellent skills when it comes to performing surgery. He even has several doctor's degrees hanging up on his wall.
- As Long as It Sounds Foreign: Like most of the recurring characters, he has a nonsense word for a name that just sounds like a legit Arabic name, from the perspective of an average Israeli viewer.
- Hospital Hottie: Dr. Humus is a very attractive looking doctor with a handsome, sculpted face with chiseled features.
- Only Sane Man: The only character in the show who doesn't seem to be guilty of any terrorism, pedophilia, or hate crimes. Granted, this could just be due to his limited screen time.
- Perma-Stubble: Dr. Humus has a nice gray five-o-clock shadow.
- Smart People Wear Glasses: Wouldn't really be a "smart doctor" archetype without them, now would he?
Mahmoud Ahmadinejad
- Boom, Headshot!: Shot a girl dead in his first appearance, just because.
- Conspiracy Theorist: Like the real Ahmadinejad, Mahmoud is a holocaust denier, who thinks that the entire moment in history was just completely made-up.
- Depraved Bisexual: Assuming he's married to Azam Fahari like his real-life counterpart, Mahmoud would be a sick and twisted bisexual old man, who indulges in all kinds of disgusting paraphilias such as pedophilia, rape, and sex in public.
- Hypocrite: Anyone with even the most basic knowledge of the real Mahmoud Ahmadinejad would know that he's a tyrannical dictator and a strong supporter of Islamic fundamentalism. That being said, he's of course, strictly homophobic. However, here, he's a proud homosexual who loves having sex with Yasser and Obama. So, basically, it's fine if he's gay but if anyone else in his country is gay, they get executed.
- Old Flame: Dated Yasser back in the 1980's.
- Pædo Hunt: Although we've never seen him have sex with any minors on-screen, Mahmoud did attend a 10-year-old rape convention, which is where he met Yasser.
- Second-Act Breakup: His breakup with Yasser happened in the middle of the episode. Apparently, they got into an argument over wether or not the Holocaust really happened. By the third and final act, we see that all these years later, Mahmoud and Yasser are no longer on bad terms, but the former has since moved on and is now dating Obama.
- Strawman Political: Of the real Mahmoud Ahmadinejad. However, the only thing about him they made up was that he was gay. All of the other twisted shit he did, (i.e. exhibiting antisemitism, killing innocent women, raping children, and denying the holoaust) rings very true to the real Ahmadinejad.
