Corrupt-a-wish.

Granted. It's so dirty, you get arrested for wearing it in public. You didn't specify which meaning of dirty...

I wish I could afford healthier food.

You can afford it! Too bad you're deathly allergic to eating any of it.

I wish I had a second small, friendly, domestic cat that gets along well with both me and my current cat.

Granted. However, it needs to eat human blood to survive. Good luck feeding it.

I wish I had all the powers of Killer Frost, Cheetah, and Music Meister and none of their weaknesses.

Edited by Spottedleaf on May 27th 2019 at 9:06:36 AM

Granted. You are promptly captured by a Superman who has no Kryptonite Factor.

I wish I had a Shapeshifting Lover...

Granted, they eventually get bored of your normality and eat you alive.

I wish I could snap away stuff like Thanos did.

Edited by VengefulBale on May 27th 2019 at 10:46:51 AM

Granted, you end up snapping yourself away.

I wish to get some more tattoos.

Granted, but some of those tattoos are ancient runes that summon eldritch horrors.

I wish I could come up with writing ideas faster.

Granted, you come up with ideas so fast you Go Mad from the Revelation.

I wish for a talking cat..

Granted, he speaks a language you don't understand.

I wish good music wasn't so hard to find these days.

Granted. It is only marginally easier to find, so not much changes.

I wish there was a really good musical adaptation of The Flash (2014) and that I was playing Caitlin.

Granted. Unfortunately, during the first proper run, the building is set aflame by rabid fans. None survive.

I wish I could be in the world of the Kiseki Series.

granted, you're a Sacrificial Lamb.

I wish to open the 7 seals.

Granted. They all sing "Kiss from a Rose" off-key, causing the real Seal to attack you when he finds out you're the one responsible for butchering his Signature Song.

I wish every video game really was like Dark Souls.

Granted. Fans complain that their favorite video games were changed.

I wish Harambe was immortal, and still with us.

Granted. He allies himself with Gorilla Grodd and they take over the world.

I wish it was physically impossible to have any negative feelings about cats.

Granted - cats soon band together and take over the world^note of course!

I wish I teach the world to sing in perfect harmony....

Granted. The only songs that they can sing harmoniously are explicit war anthems.

I wish printer ink could be cleaned off conveniently so that I don't need to waste paper every time I misspell my name on a document.

Granted. To change the formula, printer ink is now $1,000.00 an ounce.

I wish everyone turned into catgirls...

Granted, everyone's now slathering female werecats who take the appearance of eldritch beasts and attack on sight.

I wish I was a stand user.

Granted, you awakened a Stand that can only activate when you die

I wish I have motivation to write stories

Granted, your stories are So Bad, It's Horrible.

I wish I was Sayori.

Edited by The_Dag on May 29th 2019 at 6:17:01 PM

Granted. You are in Doki Doki Literature Club!, so ... ya know.

I wish for a llama.

Granted. It stabs you 37 times in the chest and eats you hands

I wish for the ability to fly

Granted. You crash into a barn and break both your legs because you don't know how to land properly.

I wish Zero Wing had an official release in the United States with a not-quite-Engrish translation, but lines like "All Your Base Are Belong to Us" and "For Great Justice" were kept in.

Granted, it got banned in the entire country.

I wish I had a BMI of 20.