Corrupt-a-wish.

Granted. Some other, powerful deity is created as an evil counterpart to you due to the imbalance of superhumans the universe. The both of you will be locked in a never-ending war.

I wish to repurpose the Neuroi's technology for my own purposes.

Edited by 4WD on Jan 14th 2019 at 11:03:04 PM

You use it to create evil versions of the Strike Witches and Brave Witches, and fanboys around the world mobilize against you for corrupting "(their) waifu(s)".

I wish I could rap as good as Jay-Z and Nas in their primes.

Granted. Now you have lost the capability of talking normally and can only speak in sweet-ass rap.

I wish I would fall asleep faster at night.

Granted. You fall asleep so quickly that you tend to miss burglars that could easily take everything in your house that isn't bolted down.

I wish I was a Robot Girl.

Granted. You're being remote controlled instead of having any free will

I wish to be the world's best mountain climber

Granted, but you become the best because every mountain climber on the planet except you died simultaneously.

I wish for some ice cream.

Granted. We have salmon horse radish, garlic skunk, spam and vinegar... why is your face turning green?

I wish for record stores to come back.

Granted. They now sell recordings that you despise and/or outright hate.

I wish I was a CPU.

Granted, but you're the Anthropomorphic Personification of the Ouya. Lots of people rally to your cause at first, but then your weapons break down while fighting a horde of Pixelvaders and your former followers start laughing at you and wonder What Could Have Been.

I wish the United States was completely walled in, à la Attack on Titan. (Yes, including the oceans.)

Granted. This makes importing and exporting impossible, causing mass famine and economic downturn.

I wish that I was not a gnelf, I was not a gnoblin, I was a gnome, and you’ve been GNOMED!

You and the person you've "gnomed" turn into actual garden gnomes. Good job. You've killed each other via memes.

I wish I get to watch a Yandere nd a Tsundere battle each other from a safe, comfortable distance.

Edited by 4WD on Jan 15th 2019 at 11:22:02 PM

Granted, but afterwards the surviving one kills you.

I wish people stopped making the gnome joke.

All the better for me then :P

Edited by unfortunatezorua on Jan 17th 2019 at 4:23:56 AM

Granted, it's replaced by Rick Astley.

I wish for a doble cheserbugrer.

Edited by HyperReal on Jan 16th 2019 at 12:21:43 PM

Granted, but someone gives it to a cat instead.

I wish Lifetime made a cheesy Christmas movie about Happy Bunny instead of Grumpy Cat.

Granted. It is horrible to the point of being downright offensive.

I wish I could shapeshift into a clone of any of my favorite characters at will, with their powers working exactly as they do in canon regardless of whether or not it violates real-world physics.

Granted. You have now been contained by the government so that some very unethical scientists can run tests on you.

I wish to never get sick again.

Granted. You just die instead

I wish I could fly

Granted but you can't stop, and eventually you reach the sun and burn on reentry on the planet's atmosphere

I wish I could find more Meta Knight x Lucina avatars

Granted. It's all Rule 34!

I wish I was able to eat a full steak.

Granted, but steaks are now the only thing you can eat. That also means the steaks can't be served with anything else, just the steak by itself.

I wish it was easier to find good wigs in the right styles/colors, appropiate fabrics and other materials for my cosplays

Edited by Zanreo on Jan 16th 2019 at 12:58:22 PM

Granted but it's also more expensive.

I wish I could make spaghetti with my mind

Granted. They always have some sort of weird ingredient that shouldn't be there because you randomly thought about it for a second either by accident or as a joke.

I wish I was The Cutie in a Five-man Band

Edited by 4WD on Jan 16th 2019 at 8:04:35 PM

Granted, but said Five-Man Band turns on and murders you.

I wish I had superpowers.

Granted. Since you didn't specify which superpowers you wanted, you now have the power to telekinetically tie your shoes.

I wish I could walk past trees without branches whacking me in the face.

Granted. They topple on you instead.

I wish I had a supercar.