Epic Failure Game

You scroll too far down and get squicked out.

I go to a record store.

You accidently took a Wrong Turnat Albuquerque and end up in The Holy Roman Empire.

I shall conquer the world.

You conquer Planet X—after you and Marvin's fighting has blown it to the size of a soup can. (Still got gravity though...)

I put up Christmas lights.

They fall and catch fire.

I bump a forum thread.

The mods ban you for necro-ing it.

I try to find a Wi-Fi connection.

You connect to the wifi net from Doctor Who S33 E6 "The Bells of Saint John" and get uploaded into a London-wide wi-fi network via a very creepy spoon-headed robot thing.

I scheme to drop a Banana Peel in front of my Sitcom Arch-Nemesis.

Your enemy walks right past the peel and later, you slip on the peel yourself and fall down a flight of stairs.

I'm baking cookies.

You burn the cookies so badly that you produced charcoal.

I attempt to clean the house.

You knock over a bag of flour which poofs everywhere.

I attempt to swat a

You miss, knocking over a plate which knocks over another, and another, and a glass of water perched on the edge of the counter, which falls over and splashes water onto an electrical outlet, setting your house on fire.

I attempt to become a pokemon master.

You're defeated by the first Ratata you come across and give up after that.

I try to mow the lawn.

You Failed a Spot Check and didn't see all the gopher mounds your lawnmower ran over. A mob of angry gophers ascends from the tunnels and tears apart first your lawn mower, then you.

I attempt to install a

Improperly performed Brain Uploading causes your mind to be wiped and rendered FUBAR.

I try to not be edgy.

You go full emo, and drink bleach so you could go out in the most painful way possible after you posted jokes about the holocaust, as well as changed your profile pic to shadow the hedgehog while blasting Linkin Park.

I attempt to not say something offensive.

You end up sliding down the Freudian Slippery Slope.

I try to download a new game.

Congratulations, you downloaded a new virus. Have fun cleaning it out of your bricked computer.

I attempt to make a Tinfoil Hat.

You put it on, but it seems to actually attract aliens and you end up getting abducted by them.

I try to play the piano.

One of the keys was rigged to explode, but you keep missing that note until your nemesis plays it for you. KABOOM!

I am abducted by The Greys. Anticipating an Anal Probing, I reason that if I attempt to play along, my misfortune will cause me to fail to play along and thus lead to my early release.

There are no misfortunes and they keep you around because you are such a great test subject!

I try to log on to TV Tropes.

You forgot your password. Oops, time to make a new account and explain to everyone that you're not using sockpuppets.

I try to RP.

You get booed for making a Mary Sue. You try again and get booed for making another Mary Sue. You try again and again until you're banned from the RP group.

I attempt to defend my friend from Breaking and Bloodsucking burglars.

bump

(Fine, I'll describe my own epic failure and put up a new one for the next troper.)

I spot the first Breaking and Bloodsucking burglar and engage him in a bared-fangs-and-hissing match, but the others sneak up behind me, tie me to a swivel chair, and spin me around until I throw up enough to enter a bloodthirsty feeding frenzy. I pounce on my poor unsuspecting friend.

I attempt to kill a zombie.

bump

You swing a foam baseball bat at them to no effect, so you decide to rush at them with your fists. You slip on a Banana peel right into the zombie's Arms, and are promptly bitten numerous times.

I attempt to explain what the fuck is a Sonic.

Edited by Jaxfirebus on Aug 23rd 2018 at 7:13:30 AM