Chris: Wha' th' 'ell are you doin' 'ere? Sommat happen to Sharon did it?
Dorien: No she's fine, she just didn't want to visit you.
— Chris Theodopolopodous asking Dorien Green why his wife Sharon isn't visiting him.
- Date First Aired: 19/10/1991
Chris and Darryl are temporarily in Albany prison on the Isle of Wight. Sharon cancels her visit for Dorien so she can interview Chris about sexual deprivation for her OU dissertation. But while Dorien becomes the centre of attention, Tracey becomes a victim of food poisoning after eating at a roadside café.
Tropes In This Episode:
- Accidental Misnaming: The prison warder accidentally pronounces Theodopolopodous as "Theodopolopolous".
- Big Damn Kiss: Dorien gives Chris one as she leaves the prison.
- Call-Back: Two to "Confidence" - Dorien's interest in psychology and Chris developing feelings for Dorien.
- Comically Missing the Point: A woman calls out Dorien for jumping the prison queue, and in response a clueless Dorien waves her visiting order and tells the woman not to worry because she's got an invitation.
- Dope Slap: A woman slaps her husband for whistling at Dorien.
- Erotic Eating: The way Dorien eats a Flake makes all everyone in the room stare and clap once she's finished.
- Explain, Explain... Oh, Crap!: Dorien asks a guest at the hotel why he'd stay doing manual labour on the Isle of Wight for eighteen years, so the guest explains he was sentenced to after his murder trial. After hearing this, Dorien's eyes pop out and she makes a hasty exit.
- Fictional Document: Dorien begins writing a book called Long-term Imprisonment and Sexual Deprivation.
- The Food Poisoning Incident: Tracey gets food poisoning from a bad quiche just before she can visit Darryl.
- Forceful Kiss: Dorien grabs Chris by the head and makes out with him before she leaves the prison.
- Groin Attack: Marcus' cousin Irving thinks all prisoners should be castrated.
- Murphy's Bed: Dorien sits on a bed in the hotel room that instantly folds her inside it.
- Obnoxious In-Laws:
- Dorien leaves dinner early because she can't stand Marcus' "fascist" cousin Irving.
- Sharon refused to move in with Chris' parents.
- Only Known By His Nickname: Dorien starts calling Chris by his proper name, "Christopher", which briefly confuses Sharon despite her being married to him.
- Rich in Dollars, Poor in Sense: Dorien has no idea how a prison works and makes a fool of herself when she visits Chris.
- Ship Tease: Dorien becomes infatuated with Chris.
- Shout-Out:
- Sharon mentions Moby-Dick.
- There's apparently a damp patch on the hotel wall that looks like King Juan Carlos of Spain.
- Sharon mentions Richard III when talking in Cockney Rhyming Slang.
- Sharon mentions going to see The Silence of the Lambs.
- Take Our Word for It: We never see the damp patch on the hotel wall, but we are told that it resembles King Juan Carlos of Spain.
- Take That!:
- Chris calls himself Gazza without the streak of self-destructive violence.
- Sharon tells Dorien she wears more jewelry than Ron Atkinson.
- Verbal Backspace: Chris and Dorien talking about Sharon:Chris: Ohh, tha's typical. Just been transferred, don't know no one apart from Darryl an' she can't even be bothered to shift her fat arse across the Su'herland!Dorien: No no, she did shift her fat- (Beat) Look, she is on the Isle of Wight.
- Victoria's Secret Compartment: Dorien hides a microphone in her cleavage so she can interview Chris.
- Vomit Discretion Shot: Tracey vomits on Sharon in the taxi.Cab Driver: Oi! I 'ope that did'n' go all over my upholst'ry.
- Wolf Whistle: A prisoner does this when he sees Dorien and gets slapped by his wife.
