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Happy Presidents Day to all my fellow citizens of the United States of America! On this special day, we should all give thanks to the presidents who worked so hard to give us the freedom to beat a bitch at a Denny’s in Chicopee, MA over maple syrup. Abraham Lincoln truly believed that you gotta fight for your right to eat your pancakes with maple syrup! Really, what is it about Denny’s that makes hos kiss their fists and brawl like they’re auditioning for a CNN reporter position in Egypt? It happened in Oakland last Halloween, and it happened again at a Denny’s in Chicopee. However, this one was totally justified... the dumb little blonde bitches just couldn’t let it be and they open up their yap holes and start talking sideways to the chick they denied maple syrup to. WRONG MOVE. Don’t ever EVER ever screw with a ho who didn’t get to finish her plate of pancakes thanks to you. There’s nothing like a hongray woman scorned. This is what happens.

Damn. That bitch charged at those yappy little girls like they were maple trees and she was trying to punch the sap out of them. And then the other one just stood to the side patiently waiting for her turn to get a fist to the face. Let this be a lesson to you. Give a bitch your maple syrup or the entire Internet world will see your thong.
Michael K., "Bitch, Your Pancakes Look Fine to Me!"
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Fiction

You know, I thought I could get through this without objectifying myself in a sexy catfight. But it looks like that's impossible now.

(KO's Tina with a "Slippery When Wet" Sign)
Doris: Nothing like a bit o' girl-on-girl.

''CAT FIGHT! CAT FIGHT!! CAAAAAAAAAAT FIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIGHT!!!
Joey Styles whenever an all-female fight broke out in ECW

"Halfling she-mudwrestlers involved in an evil plot involving sheep."
Groans filled the room.
"They always want she-mudwrestlers!" Rambuck snarled. "Can't they think of anything else?"
"Sheep," Onstag pointed out darkly.

Rule 73: A bro will always alert his bro as soon as possible to the presence of a girl fight.
— The Bro Code, How I Met Your Mother

Chick fight! (points at fight)
Tony DiNozzo, NCIS

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Elaine: What is so appealing to men about a catfight?
Jerry: Because men think if women are grabbing and clawing at each other, there's a chance they might, somehow, kiss.

(the guys see Penny and the new neighbor going at it at the building foyer)
Howard: Oh my God, GIRL FIGHT!!! (runs to hold Leonard's arms behind him)
Leonard: What're you doing?
Howard: I know you, you're stupid enough to break it up!
The Big Bang Theory, "The Dead Hooker Juxtaposition"

I've never really met a woman who I could turn loose on. I mean, Mala and company are nice, if they're not going two-on-one against you. But there's really nothing like going up against somebody of your own sex. It's fairer. It's more invigorating. I haven't gone a round with Diana, except maybe for some arm-rassling, and I haven't even done that with Fury. But you and me? Why, I can just see us both pulling hair, punching faces, kickin' and scratchin' to beat the band. I'll bet the men would just love it. The first Kryptonian-Hatorian catfight. What do you say?

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They tumbled away from the gravitational pull of the planet they had landed on, and kept fighting in the void. They smashed at each other, kicked, chopped, and catfought, and each of their blows would have torn the side out of a mountain. Both of them worked at speeds which would have made them a blur to an observer, had there been any.

When she faced Kara, Jasmine was all business. "I'm gonna knock you outta your panties, babe," she snarled as they circled.
"Glad somebody reminded you to wear yours," retorted Kara. That got to Jas. They closed and started pulling hair.
The catfight tactics turned the audience on, and the howls and foot-stomping were never higher. The girls rolled around on the mat, Jasmine trying to bite and scratch. Kara elbowed her hard under the chin. Jasmine fell back, grabbing at the place where she'd been hit.

Girl fight tonight
(Shoo-be-do-bop and a shoo-bop-a run away)
Oooh, we're gonna have some fun
Girl fight tonight
(Shoo-be-do-bop and a shoo-bop-a run away)
Blood and mascara will run
We'll see how long your tan lines last
When you're in a body cast
Girl fight tonight
Julie Brown, "Girl Fight Tonight"

Cody: (watching Maddie and London fight) This is terrible! We have to stop them!
Zack: (stops him) Not yet.
(later)
Cody: You're right, Zack. This would be much better with pudding!

Dubbilex, when you've been around as long as I have, you know that the only worthwhile things you can bring to a cat fight are popcorn and a drink.
Max Mercury, Young Justice #7

It was Beautia who hurled herself forward first, claws out.
"You scum-sucking, bottom-feeding, buck-toothed little—!" she yelled at Georgia, just as she hit her. Sivana and Junior were agape as Beautia bore her half-sister to the floor and started pulling hair with her.

"I was waiting for them to start rolling around the floor clawing each other. Maybe ripping at each other's clothes."


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