Funny / Zack and Miri Make a Porno

• The entirety of Zack and Miri's scene together, but especially the extremely awkward "Let me see them tit-tays" and Zack's follow-up comment that his boobs are bigger than Miri's.
  • Miri's objection to Zack's dirty talk — specifically, the use of the word 'pecker'.
  • "I'm gonna fuck you with my penis!"
• During the above scene: while Zack and Miri have sex, the others talk about Lost.
  Deacon: They're on the island, they're off the island, who can keep track of that shit?
  Stacey: I think they're in Hell.
• Zack's conversations with Brandon and Bobby at the high school reunion. Particularly Brandon talking about starring in movies with 'all male casts'.
  Zack: Like Glengarry Glen Ross? Like that?
  Brandon: More like Glen and Garry Suck Ross's Meaty Cock and Drop Their Hairy Nuts in His Eager Mouth.
  Zack: [long silence] ...is that like a sequel?
  • And then Brandon makes a glorious scene trying to embarrass Bobby. Just, every scene with Brandon, really.
• The scene where Zack has to explain to Miri what a Fleshlight is. Leading to this:
  Miri: "Real feel action?" Oh my god, if you start fucking machines, I'm moving out.
  Zack: What do you think a vibrator is? It's a machine. How come you get to fuck something with a motor in it? I can't?
  Miri: Cuz I've never met a man who can make me come like a vibrator does.
  Zack: That's fucking bullshit. You get to be all Buck Rogers having sex in the 25th century with fucking Twiki and Dr. Theopolis, and I'm stuck to a bottle of Jergens in the bathroom?
  Miri (repulsed): Holy bejesus, you do not use my Jergens to jack it in our bathroom!
  Zack: No, you know what I do, actually, is I light a bunch of candles, and I sprawl out on my sheets, and I listen to Sting. No, I'm a guy. Give me two Popsicle sticks and a rubber band, I'll find a way to fuck it, like a filthy MacGyver!
• "Her name Bubbles."
• This exchange:
  Zack: Okay, you don't want to fuck a stranger in a porno movie, for some weird reason. I guess... we could fuck!
  Miri: [Beat] Ew.
  Zack (offended): Fuck you!
  Miri: I mean, you're a nice enough looking guy and everything...
  Zack (still offended): Holy fuck, thank you. You're an all right enough looking girl, how does that feel?
• Zack and Miri brainstorming porn titles. Includes such gems as A-Cock-In-Lips Now and Star Sex 2: The Wrath Of Kunt. Later, when they decide to make a Star Wars parody saga, we get The Phantom Man-Ass and Return Of The Brown-Eye.
  • "And Revenge Of The Shit! The all-anal final chapter!"
  • "Han Solo never had no sex with Princess Leia in the Star War!"
• Zack has just stormed off the set:
  Delaney: Can you believe this shit?
  Deacon: Can you believe THIS shit? That chick frosted me like I was a fucking cake!
  • And the Call-Back later, after Deacon shows Zack the work he has done editing the film:
  Zack: Editor and DP, looks like you got your shit covered.
  Deacon: Please, do NOT say 'shit covered' to me again.
• A drunk Steelers fan shows up at the coffee shop... right in the middle of Stacey and Lester's scene. What follows is the most uncomfortable transaction and small talk ever.
  • Bonus funny: Lester actually works the guy's drunken ramblings into his performance.
• Zack's rationale for why a tape of them would sell.
  • "Everybody wants to see EVERYBODY fuck! I can't stand Rosie O'Donnell, but if someone told me there was a tape of Rosie O'Donnell getting fucked STUPID, I'd be like 'Why aren't we watching this RIGHT NOW?!'"
• Zack when he gets the idea for "Swallow My Cockuccino".
  Zack: We're gonna launch arching ropes of jizzm ALL OVER THIS MOTHERFUCKER! Peace!
• The Love Confession near the end gets completely sidetracked by Lester explaining to Zack what the Dutch Rudder is. NSFW, but you should probably hear it for yourself.
  • Made even funnier by Lester's, um, nudity...

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