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Funny / The Bard's Tale

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  • The 2004 The Bard's Tale has quite a few of these, many of which come when you choose the snarky option during dialogues.
    • You can get some fun reading on the descriptions for your summons and bonus artifacts. For example, when describing the rat:
      Narrator: A common rat. I was, of course, referring to the animal and not the bard.
    • Hell, the Narrator (voiced by the fantastic late Tony Jay) is just hilarious in general, in his own Deadpan Snarker way. Especially when he and the Bard (as voiced by Cary Elwes) start bickering.
      Narrator: All hail the Bard, Rat Killer and Rodent Bane, who has bravely made the cellars once again safe for buxom barmaids and wanton widows! ...Or has he?
      A giant rat sneaks up from behind and breathes fire, engulfing the Bard and forcing him to retreat.
      Narrator: All hail the Bard, Rat Killer and Rodent Bane, who has bravely ma-
      Bard: [snappily] How 'bout you tell the story and leave the sarcastic patronising to me?
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    • This little exchange between them after your first encounter with a standard wolf is a gem, too:
      Narrator: The Bard, having slain the random wolf, found that it had digested not only the contents of a small treasury but also various household goods... Wait, am I reading that correctly? That can't be right.
      Bard: You'd be surprised. I find all kinds of things inside these beasties. Did I ever tell you about the time I killed this rat and out popped an entire chest...
      Narrator: Well, I'm just going to skip those passages in the future.
      Bard: What? That's a major source of income! You cheap, good for nothing horse's...
      Narrator: Ahem. And so the Bard continued on his journey.
  • "You got served!"
  • The Bard comes across a ferry that the operator says takes you 'INTO THE FUTURE'! When the Bard asks how far into the future it will take him, the operator says, "It depends on how long the ride is."
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  • Cow Tipping. It serves no purpose other then poops and giggles. And when you meet the nigh-unstoppable Zombie Cows... you can kill them in one blow by Cow Tipping them to death.
  • Bobd's Almost Dead Guy moment with the Bard after being run through by the Nuckelavee. Especially his Famous Last Words besides the directions after the Bard knelt closer to listen: "Get your knee off my chest!"
  • The Jarl's Tomb, which includes things like the Bard being Genre Savvy enough to defy a Jump Scare as well as flirting with the buxom, skimpy-clad Valkyrie.
  • Every time the characters start singing. Especially the three small Trows who pop out of nowhere every time the Bard finds the remains of a Chosen One to sing about his horrible fate.
  • And this:
    Dugan: Oh you'll encounter some undead warriors.
    Bard: How many?
    Dugan: Oh, a few. A score. Now then you'll-
    Bard: Wait! Which is it? A few or a score? There's a big difference.
    Dugan: A few score. Now as I was saying.
    • "Score" is an archaic way of saying "twenty", which basically means "prepare for a Zerg Rush".
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  • The fact that the Bard, in the Fionnaoch ending, doesn't rebuke Caleigh with a noble speech or a heroic show of willpower, but just by being an obnoxious, sexist jerkass. Fionnaoch's approving comments are just the icing on the cake!

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