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  • Duncan is blind, and kind of racist. And he has been unwittingly hanging out with Azeem for some time now.
    Duncan: A curse on Moors and Saracens! If it were not for their ungodly ways, Master Robin would never have left. (Beat) What manner of name is "Azeem"? Irish? Cornish?
    Azeem: Moorish.
    (Duncan cringes in fear.)
    • The best part is that, as Duncan is complaining about Moors, Azeem is slowly moving closer to him, so that when he speaks he is right next to the blind man.
  • "Fuck me, he cleared it!"
  • The Sheriff is storming around Mortianna's quarters, flailing a whip at the walls, and ends by picking up a knife and stabbing several pieces of raw meat on a plate. Mortianna's response: "Something vexes thee?"
    • Not to mention his reaction to this comment, his body language and expression basically a giant Medieval "DUH!"
  • This outburst from the Sheriff:
    Nottingham: Cancel all the kitchen scraps for the lepers and orphans, no more merciful beheadings... and call off Christmas!
  • During the Final Battle, a guard on the castle battlements charges Azeem, who pulls out his sword and makes a few threatening gestures with it. The guard immediately turns around and runs away.
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    • Also during the Final Battle, we get this exchange:
      Baron: My Lord Sheriff, is this your idea of control?
      Sheriff: Shut up, you twit!
  • When Robin firsts meets Little John, he notices Wulf (whom he'd saved from the Sheriff's men earlier) calling John "Father."
    Robin: THAT'S your father?!
    Wulf: (nods and smiles)
    Robin: (Oh, Crap! face and weird nervous laugh)
  • Azeem's frustration with typical British Weather:
    Azeem: Is there no sun in this cursed country?!
  • Azeem handing a telescope to Robin, who promptly is wigged out by this strange device he's never encountered before. (In this case, "wigged out" = "trying to stab the men who are over a mile away because the telescope shows them close up".)
    Azeem: How did your uneducated kind ever take Jerusalem?
    Robin: God only knows.
  • After Robin cuts the Sheriff's cheek during an early confrontation, some unidentified smartass in the castle evidently has a bust of the Sheriff defaced to include the new scar. The Sheriff takes notice of this and distractedly tries to buff it out during one of his rants, and during the Storming the Castle sequence Robin is momentarily pulled out of the moment when he stops and does a Double Take at the scar on the statue.
    • And later, during their fight at the climax, the Sheriff gives Robin a similar cut (on the chin), gestures to his scar, and says, "Now we're even!"
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  • "LOCKSLEY! I'm going to cut your heart out with a spoon!" "Then it begins."
    Guy of Gisborne: Why a spoon, cousin? Why not an axe?
    Nottingham: Because it's dull, you twit! It will hurt more!
  • The frustrated Nottingham to two women he passes by.
    Nottingham: You, my room, 10:30 tonight. (to the other woman) You, 10:45... And bring a friend!
  • Friar Tuck's first encounter with gunpowder.
  • The Sheriff's epic eye roll when Robin crashes his wedding.
  • Maid Marian stumbles over Robin bathing in a waterfall and gets an eyeful. Helped by her handmaid happily commenting, "Oh, my lady, look!"
    • Gets an extra bit of funny when they finally speak, and she tries to play it cool and ask "What are you doing here?" as if she doesn't know that her old friend Robin of Locksley is Robin Hood. He replies, "Taking a lady's advice." (This is a reference to a funny moment from earlier in the film, where Marian asks him, as a personal favor to her, to please take a bath.)
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  • The Sheriff and his cousin, Guy of Gisbourne, eye-rolling during church when the bishop asks for blessings for the Sheriff. Considering they're devil worshippers, this isn't surprising.
  • "There was a rich man from Nottingham who tried to cross a river! What a dope, he tripped on a rope! Now look at him shiver!"
  • In a very black comedy way, the Sheriff of Nottingham Comically Missing the Point about having "something pure" once in his life, as he begins trying to rape Marian in the middle of their wedding ceremony, with the corrupt bishop performing the service looking on in increasing horror. In particular, the shot of the Sheriff arching up his hips, planting his feet against Marian's ankles, and dropping suddenly to spread her legs is darkly, disturbingly hysterical.
    • And then having 'problems'. "I can't DO this with all that racket!"
    • And Mortianna tapping him on the shoulder to hand him a pillow. Yes, by all means, let's at least have the decency to make the woman comfortable while you violate her.
    • The pillow moment is topped off by the look on Marian's face reacting to the absurdity of them pausing to put a pillow under her head.
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