Prince John & The Sheriff:*both rolling their eyes* "Yes, he does, he does..."
The fight between Robin and Little John....over the right to cross a bridge that covers a stream of water that's tiny enough to step over. It's the Principle of the Thing.
Li'l John: "Well, I'm sorry, but a toll is a toll, and a roll is a roll, and if we don't get no tolls then we can't eat no rolls!" (smiles proudly) "...I made that up."
"Help! I can't swim!"
Will proving his awesome reflexes and knife skills by shredding Robin's arrow. He blows smoke off of his knives, twirles them around and sticks them back into their sheaths... only to end up cutting his belt, causing his pants to drop.
Blinkin continually getting his steps wrong and punching the people standing next to him.
Little John doing the choreography and making sure Blinkin does the choreography correctly at the same time.
"I CAN SEE!"* wham* ".....nope. I guess I was wrong."
In that same scene:
Robin: Blinkin, what are you doing? Blinkin: Guessing? I.. guess no one's coming? Robin: Get down from there! Twit. Blinkin: I... guess there's a ladder around here somewhere... (feels around and falls out of treehouse)
The fact that Blinkin, the blind guy, was chosen to be the lookout.
Ahchoo: Hey, Blinkin... Blinkin: Did you say 'Abe Lincoln'? Ahchoo: No, I didn't say 'Abe Lincoln'! I said 'Hey Blinkin'!
In his first scene, Blinkin is using the bathroom when Loxley's castle is towed away. When Robin tells him he's back, he runs into a statue of Venus de Milo, and starts feeling around it, thinking that was Robin.
Blinkin: Master Robin! (feels the missing arms of the statue) OHHHH!! YOU LOST YOUR ARMS IN BATTLE! Oh, how terrible! (his hands move to the statue's chest) ...but you grew some nice boobs!
A mere minute or two before that, he's interrupted on the toilet. While reading a braille Playboy.
"Over that boy hand!" "He DEERED to kill a king's DARE!....Dared...to kill a king's deer." "I'LL PAY FOR THIS!....YOU'LL PAY FOR THIS!" Made even better by Ahchoo nodding and grinning after the first line. "My liege! Struckey has loxxed again!"''
The last one, where he's so angry that he gets literally every word out of order.
Sheriff of Rottingham: This is a stealth catapult, we've been working on it secretly for months. It can hurl one of these heavy boulders undetected, over a hundred yards, completely destroying anything in its path. Prince John: Wow! How's it work? Sheriff of Rottingham: It's rather simple. You get one of these heavy boulders, put it here where I'm sitting, and then pull on that lever. Prince John: Like this? [Pulls the lever, sending the Sheriff flying] Latrine:[Praying by her bed] Oh dear Lord, if you see fit to send me my one true love... [The Sheriff crashes through the roof onto her bed. Latrine looks up and says] Thank you! [Latrine leaps onto her bed and starts trying to get cozy with the Sheriff who, after some business, freaks out and bolts] Latrine: Aw buggah! [To the audience] I was this close. I touched it.
"SHUT UP, YOU BLOODY FOOLS!"
Da daaaaaaaaaaaaah, dadadadadadaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah, dadadadadada-da-da, dada-da-DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!
"Now you've really pissed me off!" "Pissed off? If I were that close to a horses wiener I'd be worried about getting pissed on!"
"Mind the big rocks!"
You haven't seen the last of us! [six arrows at once pin him to a tree] You've seen the last of us.
From the opening:
Villager: There must be another way of doing the credits! Fireman: That's right! Every time they do a Robin Hood movie they burn our village down! [flaming arrows hit a rooftop, and flaming text appears showing who is directing the movie] Villagers:LEAVE US ALONE, MEL BROOKS!
Rabbi Tuckman hawking circumcision to an ignorant Merry Men, stating "the ladies love it". Bonus points to Little John who responds, "I'll take two!" Once he finds out what it is, he quickly blurts "...I change me mind." Achoo suddenly remembers he already got one.
"Blinkin, fix your boobs. You look like a bleeding Picasso!"
When they're repossessing Robin's castle, check out the bottom of the scroll:
Royal Campaign Election Fund (see page 17) Do you want 1/2 pence to go to this fund? If joint filing, does your spouse want 1/2 pence to go to this fund?
When Broomhilde goes to jump out the window onto the horse, the horse looks at her and the subtitles read "You have got to be kidding!"
At the end, they're about to unlock her chastity belt and the key can't turn. "Call the locksmith!!"
Rottingham's earlier attempts to remove said chastity belt culminate with Robin running into the room as he's taking a jackhammer to it.
The entire banquet scene, but especially:
Prince John: And why should the people listen to you? Robin Hood: Because, unlike some other Robin Hoods, I can speak with an English accent.
Particularly amusing is that during the entire conversation, Prince John and the Sheriff have been tolerating all of Robin's insults and mockery and threats, but that pushes them over the line to kill him.
And a bit of Hilarious in Hindsight, as Cary Elwes has become a bit infamous himself for his shaky American accent.
Latrine's family changed their name to Latrine.
"It used to be 'Shithouse!'"
It's a good change. A good change.
When Prince John asks if she's certain about how much of a threat Robin is:
Latrine: Certain? You want certain, hire yourself a witch. I'm just your cook. Here. Eat this. [spoons some unholy mix of raven's egg, hen's blood, eyeballs of a crocodile, and testicles of a newt onto his plate]
Prince John: It all looks so good. Like a seder at Vincent Price's house. [samples some][spits an eyeball across the table as Latrine's back is turned]
The entire sequence of Robin serenading Marian from start to finish. All of it.
They proceed to set up a mock movie theatre. Complete with 12th century popcorn and a screen through which they can watch Robin and Marian in shadow.
It then climaxes (no pun intended) in a Funny Moment with Robin's scabbard rising in a manner that makes him appear like he's er..."really in love" with Marian. The reactions of the men (and Marian behind the screen) just sell it-especially Marian's.
Robin and Rottingham have a gentleman's duel.
[Rottingham roars an lunges at Robin before stopping just as sword's length from him]
"12th century fox." Complete with a medieval version of the 20th Century Fox fanfare.
The trailer's alternate version of the sentient arrow gag: rather than being part of an archery contest, it flies through the forrest, swerves around trees, brakes at a fork while deciding which way to go and then flies directly into the tree just above where the target is... splitting the tree in half. Cut to Robin, looking on with a really awkward smile as he turns, facepalms and walks away.