Funny / EvAbridged

• Any time Shigeru says some variation of "I have a boner"
  • Doubly funny when you consider his original characterization as asexual.
• "ITS AN ANGEL!"
  • "IT'S A GUNDAM!"
    • "IT'S AN ANGERU!"
    • "ANGEL IT'S A!"
    • "OH MY GOD IT'S GODZILLA!!"
• Gendo's utter inability to identify the Angels, always calling them Godzilla. And he suggests using the fish trap from the American Godzilla movie against the Angels.
  • This conversation.
  Monolith: Okay, Mr. Ikari. We'll try this one last time. (Shows picture of Sahaquiel) What do you see here?
  Gendo: It's Godzilla!
  Monolith: Incorrect! (Shows picture of Sachiel)
  Gendo: It's Godzilla!
  Monolith: Incorrect! (Shows picture of Adam)
  Gendo: It's Godzilla!
  Monolith: Incorrect! (Shows picture of Godzilla)
  Gendo: ... Your mom?
• Every conversation involving Gendo, particularly if it also involves Fuyutsuki.
• "ACCORDING TO MY CALCULATIONS, YOU'RE A FAGGOT!"
• From Episode 4, Shigeru's explanation of NERV's situation against the Angel currently boring a hole straight towards the Geo-Front:
  Shigeru: According to my calculations, my massive boner is ready for penetration.
  Misato: Can you please go a God-damn day without referencing your boner?! What can you tell me about the Angel?
  Shigeru: The Angel is currently drilling hard and fast into us with its long rod, expected to penetrate our barriers. With that deep hole bored into us, we'll be exposed right from behind against its massive load-out.
  (Beat; Misato's nostrils flare and her eye twitches in irritation.)
  Misato: Makoto?
  Makoto: Yes Ma'am?
  Misato: Slap him.
  (Audible slap is heard, along with Shigeru yelping in pain, as Misato's eye twitches again.)
• Rei, unlike her canon Mysterious Waif personality, is a master-class abusive Deadpan Snarker who does not put up with Shinji's shit.
  Shinji: So they expect me to pilot it again? Really?! After all I've been through?! After all the pain?! They just want me to-
  Rei: You know what you need to do?
  Shinji: Wha—?
  Rei: Get some tampons, drink a bit of cranberry juice, and go see your gynaecologist. I think you're starting to menstruate again.
  Shinji: How can I menstruate if I have a penis?
  Rei: That's a good fucking question.
  Shinji: So you really don't care if they just use me or you to pilot until we die?!
  Rei: I want you to do something.
  Shinji: Uh... Okay...
  Rei: Look at my face.
  Shinji: Okay...
  Rei: Just look at it.
  Shinji: Rei...
  Rei: No, no. Keep looking.
  Shinji: I am looking!
  Rei: No you're not. Look harder.
  Shinji: Is there a point to this?
  Rei: Yes. So look as hard as you can.
  Shinji: Alright!
  Rei: Focus on every part of my face.
  Shinji: Alright, alright, I'm doing it!
  Rei: Now. Does it look like I give a fuck?
  Shinji: ...Are you coming on to me again?
  Rei: Is there a bigger idiot then you on this planet?
• During the fight against Ramiel, most of the background is pretty straightforward military talk... except for one guy trying to order a pizza only to be disappointed when he learns they don't deliver there.
  • There's another guy who's trying to tell his mom, as gently as possible, that now isn't a good time. Please note that this happens as the military is launching a full scale assault as a distraction for Shinji.
• Asuka as a... permanently menstruating, screaming psychopath.
  Asuka: I'M PERMANENTLY MENSTRUATING!!!!!
  Shinji: Is she okay?
  Asuka: I. DON'T. KNOOOOOOOWWWWW!!!!!
  Shinji: What does that even m—
  Asuka: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!
• Rei snarks about everything, including SEX!
  Shinji is on top of Rei, who is naked.
  Shinji: This isn't what it looks like!
  Rei: Oh, well that's good, because to me it looks like I'm naked, you're lying on top of me with what appears to be an erection, my underwear is scattered everywhere, and you've just reached second base Have I missed anything?
  Shinji: B-bub-but...
  Rei: You could have tried buying me dinner before trying to have your way with me or at least start with some small talk.
  Shinji: Oh, OK. So, um...Nice weather we've been having."
  Rei: That was a joke, but you do have your hand on my breast.
  A few moments later, after Shinji has gotten off of her...
  Rei: You can put away that 1-inch thing you call an erection. It's an embarrassment to penises worldwide.