Quotes: Curb-Stomp Battle

    open/close all folders 

    Anime and Manga 

Sorry, I saw an opening that just seemed to scream out "attack." So, I did. Ha!
Goku after one-shotting Recoome, Dragon Ball Z

Welcome to the end of your life... and I promise, it's going to hurt.
Vegeta to Pui Pui, Dragon Ball Z

And as he looked over the smoldering battlefield, Sergeant Madeski knew he had done wrong. The men he had led so bravely into battle were dead. They had placed their trust in him, and he had taught them only one thing; how to die quickly.
— A teary-eyed Hercule reading to Majin Buu, who thinks it's hilarious, Dragon Ball Z

Nove: Wasn't Dieci on the receiving end of Nanoha-san in that mode?
Dieci: I didn't even last ten seconds against her, though.

We're talking about four machines. You can't call this mess a "war;" this is a "one-sided butt-kicking fiasco."
AEU Big Shot, Mobile Suit Gundam 00

So, this is how our fight turned out: the part of the mission where we lured them away went really well, but then... well... you see... then it was over in two seconds. One second each.

He's trippin' because he got served.
Soundwave after Megatron loses a fight with Metroplex, Transformers Cybertron

    Comic Books 

Iron Man: You've been working out.
The Mighty Thor: No. It is only that in this time and this place, I am no longer holding back. Give your threats to those willing to obey, or too cowardly to fight back, not me. Or learn again the difference between a god of thunder... and a mortal man in a metal suit.
Thor

    Fan Fiction 

The pirate raid on Mindoir came to a halt over the next twenty minutes. It was not a slow, grinding halt brought about by attrition, or a sporadic, jerking halt brought about by infighting, or even the panicked, terrified halt brought about by Alliance reinforcements.
It was the halt that came when a toy race car slammed headlong into a mack truck.

    Film - Live-Action 

Oh yes, I was wondering what would break first, your spirit or your body?

You're not talking about getting home anymore, you are talking about fucking war on God! Well fuck that! I have seen what happens to the proud when they take on the Throne!
Loki to Bartleby, Dogma

Colonel Steiner: If memory serves me, the Polish Army surrendered in 1939.
SS Grunt: Oh, [they're] Jews, sir. We are razing the Ghetto to the ground - burning them out. They put up a hell of a fight, I can tell you.
Colonel Steiner: Oh, how? With umbrellas and crutches?

Michaelangelo: Now... at exactly... what point... did we lose control here?
Donatello: Maybe somebody should tell [Shredder] that... we're the good guys?

    Literature 

This isn't a war. It never was a war, any more than there's war between man and ants.
— The Artilleryman, The War of the Worlds

Brightling: "What happened out there?'
Henriksen: "We got slaughtered like fucking sheep!"

    Live-Action TV 

This is not war. It is PEST CONTROL!
— A Dalek, while annihilating the Cybermen, Doctor Who

    Music 

Faced off once more in the center of the ring
Touched gloves, said a prayer and the bell went *ding*.
He hit me with a left and shattered my face
Then a right sent my teeth all over the place.
Then another great punch caved-in my eye socket
He broke my jaw, and my trainer yelled, "Stop it!"
But nobody heard him and he crushed my ribs
Blood sprayed off my face and onto some kids.
They yelled out, "More!", and Rocky obliged
I had to think of some way to turn the tides
So I leaned back to hit him with all of my might
Took a swing, but he caught me with a sucker punch right.
Then a sucker punch left, and a sucker punch right
Then twenty-two consecutive sucker punch rights
He tore off my arms and beat me with them
Then threw acid in my face, which obscured my vision.
He kicked me in the leg and fractured my shin
The bone splinters shot right out of my skin
People barfed in the crowd, they were going insane
Then Rocky punched my nose-bone into my brain.
I was quivering and twitching when I soiled my shorts
Then Rocky pissed on me (customary in sports)
The doctor came out and pronounced me dead,
And that was the night I fought Rocky!
Lonely Island, "Rocky"

When a fight is just plain wrong!
We all sing the curbstomp song!
People dying left and right...
It's a SLAUGHTER, not a fight!

    Video Games 

It's not a fight; it's a massacre!
Lord Shaxx in a one-sided Crucible match, Destiny

FRAUD DETECTED
Divekick, after someone wins a match 5-0

Well... there's no doubt about the outcome and that's been the case for a long time now.
Martin Tyler if one side is winning by more than seven goals, Fifa Soccer

Shepard's tearing us apart!
— Arrival Project Guard, Mass Effect 2 "Arrival" DLC

Two million dead in the first day, another seven million by the end of the first week, every defense annihilated, all our forces on the run. Regrouping... Somewhere... Reports are coming in from other major cities. It's a well-coordinated attack, and so far it's been damned effective.
Major Coates on the Reaper invasion, Mass Effect 3

It'll be the Seven Hour War all over again, except this time we won't last seven minutes!
Eli Vance, Half-Life 2

Pain.
Rawk Hawk meets Bowser, Paper Mario: The Thousand-Year Door

That wasn't a battle, that was assisted suicide.
Zephyr, Resonance of Fate

    Webcomics 

It shoots fire from its mouth and bleeds acidic lava! Run for your pathetic lives!
Our weapons are useless! Reliance upon them is death!
It has exposed its fleshy underbelly to me in the form of its digestive tract!
Red Mage, 8-Bit Theater episode 455

He wants to taste the curb! He wants to taste the fucking curb!
— Ray, Teodor, Lyle and Roastbeef pay a visit to the inventor of Comic Sans, Achewood

It's been ten years since anyone spoke of my fights because no one has walked away from them in that time.
Master Fei, How I Killed Your Master

I trained and struggled my whole adult life for this battle, and that sad sack of bones went down faster than a kobold with a lung infection.
Roy Greenhilt, The Order of the Stick

    Web Original 

Mike: Isn't that what they call the invasion now? The Seven Hour War? Do you wanna know why?
Dave: Because it lasted se-
Mike: Because it lasted seven hours, that's why! Most people are at work longer than that! That means that in less time than it takes Joe Average to clock in and clock out at the office, aliens have conquered the whole Earth, and all Joe did was make some spreadsheets.
Dave: Well that's just because they caught us off guard.
Mike: Okay, let's say we were ready for them. Then what? We'd call it the Ten Hour War?

It's hard to make a guy with a spiked ball and chain versus the unarmed people look good, but in lucha, the luchadores could turn up to the final scene in a tank and it wouldn't be any more one-sided.

Dracula, Belmont just took down Werewolf! [...] Uh, Succubus is gone too. [...] Don't worry Dracula, I'll take him d- ohp, wait, nope, nope, Belmont's got me in a headlock, ohp, nope, nope, he's using the holy whippin', and uhm, um, sucks up snuff I'm dead.

Yeah, this is obviously Chun-Li's game. A mall cop vs. an Interpol officer. Unless they are fighting in a some kind of Chinese mall with lots of sweets or sugary food and Chun-Li loses 50 I.Q. before the match, she'll most likely a guaranteed winner.

YOU ANIMALS!! HE'S ALREADY DEAD!!!!!
The Nostalgia Critic, watching such a scene in Short Circuit

Come on, that was not a boss fight, not by any stretch of the imagination - he walked into my fist.
ProtonJon playing Superman 64, Episode 4

YOU GET THE COUNT VLAD TEPES AWARD FOR EXCELLENCE: In the field of posting elaborate tortures, uncivilised acts against humanity, and not knowing the meaning of the words "Cruel and Unusual."
— A Fauxtivational Poster posted on SpaceBattles.com, referring to a versus battle between the Time Lords and The Draka

Forever: Uhu uhung!
(Jotaro spots Forever running around on the freighter)
Jotaro: There's an orangutan! How suspicious! ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA!
(Star Platinum pummels Forever senseless)
Forever: Eugyaaaaeheeee!
(Forever passes out and the freighter begins to rumble)
Vaguely Recalling JoJo, episode 4

that wasnt a fight scene, that was just ownage
YouTube viewer after watching Clark go against several government agents

Well, you were worth every cent. Truly you were.
Roman Torchwick, RWBY, after his goons get trashed.

    Western Animation 

Zuko: Here for a rematch?
Katara: Trust me Zuko, it's not going to be much of a match.
Avatar: The Last Airbender, "The Siege of the North, Part 2"