Funny / The Cinema Snob 2013 Episodes

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The Texas Chain Saw Massacre

• "Guh. It's Elmer Fudd raping Porky Pig. To be fair, I'd want to go see that too..."
• "I sort of sympathize with Leatherface here. Sure, he is a serial killer who thinks the sledgehammer is better than the gun, but it is rather annoying to keep catching people breaking into your house."
• The Snob "ruins" the infamous dinner table scene with shots of Lloyd.

Tampon Tango

• "So many memories have taken place in this room." (white screen) "Wow, those certainly were some interesting times." (Beat) "What, did you actually expect to see the memories in my head? I don't have that kind of technology. What do you think I am, a Sitcom character? Here, I'll show you something. Here's a scene from Nukie!"
• "If I'm gonna pull a movie out of my ass to do my location send-off video, might as well pick a movie that pulls itself out of its ass. That's because the other location it would've pulled out of was plugged up. Seriously, this is the last movie that you wanna wake up one morning and find in your bathroom trash can." (looks off-camera) "Is that my limit for tampon jokes? Did I exceed it already? All right, all right, just making sure." (title screen displays the letters "EMS") "We should be very careful, because this is a porno that's going through some severe EMS! What? That's not a tampon joke! That's a general PMS joke! I know this because I had a mediocre '90s comedian ghost-write this episode for me!"
• "[Director Masashi Yamamoto] still continues as a director, having made the 2006 film Man, Woman, and the Wall. So it's a gloryhole movie? Well, don't watch the movie, just go to any seedy bar downtown! Though it's not always a man and a woman. In fact, it very rarely is. Trust me."
• On a scene where a character measures his penis:
  Snob: By the way, this is the smallest black box I've ever had to put in a porno.
  Subtitles: 6.29 cm (2½ inches)
  Snob: 2½ inches? Woo hoo! You don't say. You have heard of Johnny Wad, right? Well, this is Hashimoto Needles.
• "Wait, wait? Was that a premature ejaculation that was left in the movie? Oh, thank God. Even porn stars have that problem too!"
• After a song: "It's perfect. Just add the phrase 'Gangnam Style' in there over and over again, and you might have a hit!"

Return To Sleepaway Camp

• How he just gives away that the cop's Angela and doesn't bother preserving the 'twist' ending.
• The video begins with him trying out spots in his new place to do reviews: the stairs, outside, his old OLD set, in bed next to Jerrid, the corner of a room, then his old chair against a wall of posters.
  Jerrid (trying to sleep, woken by Snob): Hey, do you mind? It's three in the afternoon!
  Snob (incredulous): Exactly! It's three in the afternoon!
  • Bonus fun, he rejects the corner because he doesn't want another floor season and that the room made him sound like God.
  • And at the end, he notices shock and disgust at what posters are on the wall. (Caligula, Kingdom of the Spiders, and a portrait of George Lazenby.)
• After Alan antagonizes and throws water on another camper:
  That's a dick.
• Alan getting beat up at the end of the movie is set to the Hallelujah chorus.
• The moment when the campers see a wooden pike shoot up from a hole in the floor of their cabin and decide that it's a good idea to continually look through the hole. The Snob looks physically pained from their stupidity.
• When an actor screams a scripted, but completely inappropriate, line as hard as possible:
  {Snob chuckles rather sincerely} If you're given an unreadable line... fuck it, just go for it!
• Snobs reaction to Weed's friend mourning his death.
  Are you upset that your friend weed died or are you upset that he had all the weed?
• "You didn't believe her? Who wouldn't believe that this piece of shit (Alan) may have some homicidal tendencies?"

42nd Street Forever, Volume 1

Moment by Moment

• After finishing the movie, an angry Snob calls Jillian to ask how this is her favorite romance movie (a Call-Back to the Rape Squad review). She confesses she's never seen it, and only brought it up just to see if he'll actually watch it.
  Snob: [baffled Angrish] VILE FUCKING WOMAN!
• The Snob mistaking John Travolta's legs for Lily Tomlin's.
• "I only like incest when George Lucas does it... wait, no I don't!"
• His choice for The Stinger: Lily Tomlin suggesting they smoke pot. Extra funny if you've seen 9 to 5 where she does just that.
• "Well, isn't that the pot calling the kettle an SP."

Crackerjack

• The repeated Take Thats at A Good Day to Die Hard, given Crackerjack is a "Die Hard" on an X.
• Complaining on how again a cop with an Awesome Mc Cool Name (Jack Wild) ends with a nickname.
• "Your late 90s Cinemax picture is drifting into my HBO late 80s film!"
• Discovering Judge Reinhold becomes Crackerjack in a sequel.

Debbie Does Dallas

• The Snob tries to explain what's happening in a scene, while a character's loud cries of "Ohhhh, fuck me in the ass!" keep interrupting him.

I Spit On Your Grave

• "Warning: It's I Spit On Your Grave."
• Jake coming in and accidentally interrupting Snob/Craig/Vincent's filming. And then it turns out that when he films, he puts a horse's head on the door.
• The Snob tries to figure out how to address the film's infamous rape scene in an Overly Long Gag with Jake, Sarah, Jillian and Spoony reprising their roles from The Cinema Snob Movie. This culminates in a wacky re-imagining of the scene set to ''Pleasant Valley Sunday''.
  • Especially memorable scenes include the immortal line 'What, I have to stick a chartreuse marshmallow up your ass?', Jake running around wearing a plastic horse head, and Jake, Brad, Sarah and Jillian becoming an impromptu band, playing along with 'Pleasant Valley Sunday'.
• From the second half, just before one of the rapists gets his genitals mutilated:
  Snob: *grabs his groin* Please tell me that she's making toast between his legs and it's time to spread the jam.
  *after rapist get his penis cut off and starts screaming*
  Snob: Please tell me that it's strawberry and he's just allergic to jam.
  • Also, in the movie said scene has Jennifer putting on an opera to not hear the dying man's screams. Snob changes it to "Girls Just Wanna Have Fun".
• Spoony calling Snob to ask him to plug his sister's newest movie, a porno. "She's behind the camera now, instead of in front of it. Now she doesn't wince as hard when she sits down."

Plutonium Baby

• The intro, where the Snob claims the episode is an April Fools' Day episode, tries to imagine a plot ("Doc Brown feeding a baby with stolen plutonium!"), and receives a call from his mom.

Beyond the Valley of the Dolls

• When the Snob notices that Z-Man says "This is my happening and it freaks me out!" well before Austin Powers did.
  Snob: Hey, how dare Roger Ebert time travel to 1997 and steal that line from Mike Myers?
• "Roger Ebert wrote a movie where a transexual beheads a man, then scares away a Nazi with a sword, while the 20th Century Fox music plays in the background." *Beat* "Roger Ebert may have been the greatest screenwriter of all time."
• The Snob needs a minute to process it before saying "Those are tits."
  • Complete with hand gestures.
• "Oh Z-Man, you are the Terl of this movie... Spoony's Turrell.
• "Is it too soon to make a joke about Roger Ebert writing a movie containing the song 'Sweet Talkin' Candy Man'?" After a moment, he signals the crowd to start booing.
• GODDAMNIT CREEPY WILLY WONKA!

E~3: The Extra Testicle

• Cold Open: "OF COURSE THERE'S ANOTHER ONE!"
  • Cut to the "E.T. Week" opening, with "week" hastily crossed out and replaced with "day".
• "Apparently, E3 is played by someone called "Ed (The Head)" so either he's got a big dick or we're watching the movie in D.K. Mode."
• "Worst E3 coverage ever!"
• On the titular character's unconvinging Earth disguise: "Oh, when did you guys meet Hunter S. Thompson's corpse?"

The Terminator 1991 Remake

• Snob's introduction is interrupted by the theme song playing over him, leaving him to awkwardly wait for it to finish.
• As Kyle Reese and Sarah Connor are riding in a car at night with horrible lighting, Snob comments that they're about to do a Midnight Screenings video. Cue Jake's infamous "I hope you DIE OF HERPES" rant dubbed over the scene.

Water Power

• The Snob mentions that Jamie Gillis was famous for his role in Midnight Heat. Cut to... a clip from Brad Jones' film Midnight Heat.
  "...not THAT one."
• "This town needs an enema!"

The German Chainsaw Massacre

• "This might get really graphic. Apparently it's in cooperation with a Hymen."
• The Snob syncing up the butchers' car trip with the comedic music from The Last House on the Left.
• "I thought the inside of a body was gross before, I didn't know it was filled with green beans!"
• The Snob dryly hanging a lampshade every time there's a character death that doesn't involve a chainsaw. And when one character finally starts using one...
  "... whatever. I don't like movies with chainsaws in them. However, I'm sure I'll make an exception when Terrence Malick does it." [Cut to an image of Terrance Malick holding a chainsaw]

Ilsa: She Wolf Of The SS

• On the scene where the prisoners are sorted into one of two doors:
  Snob: This is sort of how Joe D'Amato casts his movies. If you go to the door on the left, you have to take it in the ass. If you go to the right, you have to jerk off a horse...and then take it in the ass.
• "Apparently cutting off your balls makes you a better actor than the guy who still has his balls!"
• Once the prisoners start plotting escape:
  Snob: Let's hope they can keep the escape plan a secret!
  Prisoner: [Yelling to the others] I'm going to escape TONIGHT! Over THAT wire!
  [Ilsa and the guards burst in followed by a Snob dubbed Sad Trombone]
  Snob ...do I quote it? ...all right. [halfheartedly] Hooogaaaaan!
• "Still, I am extremely disappointed. Given its subject matter, it is clear that this movie was TRYING to be Oscar Bait. Thank God the Academy saw right through that...ooh, big pair of juicy, sweaty, voluptuous, milky, juggy, oh ho gazongas! [Beat] Dyanne Thorne's hot."
• If you have seen Diamanda Hagan's scathing review of the film, it is rather hilarious seeing the Snob constantly admiring Dyanne Thorne's assets while Diamanda was downright disgusted over how unnatural massive breast implants make her figure look. All Men Are Perverts and all that.
  Film Brain: What can I say? I like tits.
  Snob: [chuckles] Me too.
• Snob's nonplussed reaction to Ilsa urinating on a general's face.
  "What do you expect me to say? I'd let Dyanne Thorne piss on my face."
• Oh, and the reason Film Brain's mentioned above? Snob tried to get him to dress up as a Nazi for a cameo.

Heartbeeps

• Snob realizes that the lovestruck robots remind him of Star Odyssey. Panic ensues.
• The stand-up comic robot dies with a joke. The Snob decides to one-up him.
  Robot: My mother-in-law needed a heart transplant once...but we had to give it up. We couldn't find a...gorilla. [Rimshot as he dies.]
  Snob: Is that really the joke you wanted to go out on? Couldn't you have thought of something better like, I dunno... [Thinks] So I was at my heart surgeon's funeral, and his casket was lowered into a giant papier mâché heart. The guy standing next to me starts laughing; I ask him what he thought was so funny, and he said, "Well, I'm just thinking about what my funeral's gonna be like. I'm a gynecologist! [Rimshot]"
• "Dammit WALL•E, you have the power to make me cry at anything!"

My Baby is Black!

• "Watching this trailer, you would think she was giving birth to the fucking Unborn! And not even the Unborn, but the Unborn 2; that movie was terrible!"
• "*Sees a sign of a nurse shushing* Oh, sorry, apparently we're suppose to be keeping the birth a secret. Then why are you shouting at me in the title?"
• "By the way, is this a hospital, or the fucking Dharma Initiative? This doesn't look like a labor scene; it looks like The Brain That Wouldn't Die 2: My Brain is Black!"
• Basically any variation on "My X is Y!"
• Since people were so upset that he didn't make a comparison of the Crimebuster from Heartbeeps from the previous review to a Dalek, he makes it in this one.^Explanation This is made more hilarious when one goes back to the review and realizes that he actually made one: He mocked the Crimebuster saying, "Too bad you can't chase a criminal up a flight of stairs," a reference to the common joke about the Daleks being perceived as being unable to climb stairs due to their design.
  You know what would make this movie good? If they were robots in the future, and a Dalek was chasing them! [cuts back to Brad] You're welcome.
• The Snob's confusion over the film's tagline, "Conceived in Love - Born in Hate!", given that nobody actually seems to care once the baby's born.
• Halfway through the movie, Snob discloses that, despite being promoted as an explotation film, the film is actually a French film that is every bit Le Film Artistique as one can image. You can clearly see Brad going "This Is Gonna Suck", while at the same time, the Snob "enjoys" it because it's "true art."

Souperman

• His Douchey McNitpick-like e-mails reacting badly to some jokes.

Ilsa, Harem Keeper of the Oil Sheiks

• Playing some scenes along with "Arabian Nights".

In Search of the Wow Wow Wibble Woggle Wazzie Woodle Woo

• The Snob's outright refusal to say the full title... until the end when he says it by accident.
  • And the title is why he's lost his hair.
• When the movie shows him his room, the Snob comments at the bizarre stylistic choice the makers went for it.
  "Tim leads a very weird life: he lives inside the Stay-Puft Marshmallow Man's stomach, and yet, he still manages to be the whitest thing in the room!"
• The Snob says he manages to get even whiter than that.
  "Good God; just when I thought he couldn't get any whiter! Any minute now he's going to find Charlie Daniels' face on a slice of Wonderbread!"
• The Snob comments that while Tim is supposed to be a kid, the movie visually depicts him as an adult, not once, but three times.
  "What about their 'coochie-coochie'? How do you even know about that; aren't you supposed to be like 12?"
• The Snob dubs over Cathy Dennis's version of the song Touch Me (All Night Long) over one of the songs Tim plays on the radio.
  "How do you like that, dad?"
• "I can't really scoff at that [Tim Noah's local Emmy awards]. That's more Emmys than I've ever won." (Glasses Pull to break character) "But you are looking at the winner of the 2003 award for Worst Picture of the Year at the first annual Route 66 Film Festival. (laughs) I won a cup and an empty pizza box. Beat that, Tim Noah!"
• "I'm sorry, is that music? It sounds like Salacious Crumb jerking off. I get those two confused sometimes."
• Much like in Geek Maggot Bingo, the tagline is pure gold:
  Fucking WHAT?!?!?
• His response to the so called "Jungle scene":
  "The one time I'm watching a Jungle scene and I actually miss the cannibals. *Beat, then turns and just happens to notice the new poster hanging on his wall behind him* WHO THE HELL KEEPS HANGING THIS SHIT ON MY WALL?!"
  • Also, Snob is annoyed when Tim manages to avoid being crushed by a prop tree being lowered.
    "Damn it, we almost got him!"
• Tim also dances like a monkey, which the Snob thinks is Demonic Possession.
  "Fuck, he's seizing out; someone, shoot him! I know we stopped considering seizures with demon possession years ago, but can't we make an exception just this once?!"
• "He's dressed like the guy who got picked last in the Picked Last competition. He's so American, he tastes like pancakes."^note Due to the shutdown of Blip in 2015, the latter sentence probably doesn't make a lot of sense for most viewers. This refers to a recurring pre-show ad on it for Denny's Red, White & Blue pancakes where a customer says they taste like "America".
• "This is the part where he realizes that even The Oogieloves are looking down on him!"
  • In addition, he shows a still of two of the Oogieloves doing a questionable salute.
    "And I'm pretty sure that the Oogieloves are Nazis."
• This exchange:
  Tim Noah: Who am I trying to kid? I'm no superhero.
  Snob: I dunno, you'd make a pretty good Squirrel Girl.
• The unintentionally creepy ending^note (especially with the Snob's editing, as what isn't pictured in his review was him saying he loves his imagination, and is presumably using it with his food):
  Tim Noah: I love you.
  Snob: Slow down! this is a little too soon, Tim; we only just met! And I already think you also have severed heads in your closet!
  Tim Noah: Hmmm... let's see...what can I do with mashed po-ta-toes?
  Door slowly and creepily closes
  Snob: Uh...you can eat them. Please...please, for the love of God, just EAT them!
• When a T-Rex motors over to Tim Noah, it gets overdubbed with the robot voice from Ninja Terminator. TRAITOR! LISTEN!
  • The version of the tape the Snob has also starts to glitch out when the T-Rex is set to explode, so he comments that Tim has to get rid of it "before the tape self-destructs!"
• "Hey kids, it's the Powerbottom Song!"
• The Running Gag of It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia jokes^note Snob thinks that Tim Noah looks like Glenn Howerton, aka Dennis Reynolds from It's Always Sunny. spices up the review. "It's the Wibble Wobble Toll Troll!"
  "That, and when he puts a deflated beach ball on his head to sing about the school bully!"
• When Tim dresses like a wizard, Snob references Wizard Whitebeard and then goes on to say that he looks like "that prick I always wanted to strangle in Super Mario World."
  • Snob's comment after witnessing Tim spinning around with a giant smoking magic wand.
    "Many people would advise not giving Tim Noah a rocket launcher, but I'm not one of them, because you know he would just shoot himself right in the face."
• "There's only five minutes left so Tim has to get through the next fifteen songs quick!"
  • "Hey Tim, Trumpy called; he said you can do stupid things!"
• So, what is the Wow Wow Wibble Woggle Wazzie Woodle Woo?^Answer Tim Noah and his imagination together. The Snob doesn't take this answer well.
  Snob: Are we ever gonna see this Wicker Bricker Weed Whacker they keep singing about?
  Tim Noah: That's what I'm talking about! The Wow Wow Wibble Woggle Wazzie Woodle Woo! It's me and you, man!
  Snob: (beyond pissed) WHAT?! So, in other words, this movie should've just been called "In Search for Nothing"?!
  Tim: Together, we can do anything!
  Snob: No, you can't! You promised us a Wow Wow Weeble Wobble Bobble and came through with nothing. You're the dirty Christmas of children's entertainers!
• "Hooray! Anti-Climax! Where's the narrator from Monster a-Go Go?"
  • The Snob also references its infamous ending when he's finishing up his review.
    "The line between overgrown manchild with a camera, little context, and nothing really important to say, is microscopically thin. You've witnessed the line being shaved even thinner. But is the menace with us? Or is the Wow Wow Wibble Woggle Wazzie Woodle Woo gone?"
• The Snob says that Tim's imagination is actually Drop Dead Fred after Tim says that he and his imagination made a peanut-butter and pickle cake for his mother's birthday.
• Tim's imagination saying they're at the good part.
  Snob: Oh, good! It isn't just me! Even the movie admits it's sucked up to this point! Thank God we're finally at the good part.
  Tim's Imagination: Well, I guess you won't be needing your magic powers.
  Snob: ...This is the fucking good part?!
• Tim's song about his peanut butter sandwich.
  Tim: I make faces in the toaster/And ride a roller coaster...
  Snob: 'Cuz I'm bitchin' in the kitchen and cryin' in the bedroom all night!

Shock! Shock! Shock!

• Once again, the featured movie gives us more insight into Lloyd's past:
  Snob: You're telling me Lloyd has been behind this diamond theft the whole time? [to Lloyd] What the hell? Have you seriously been stashing diamonds? You really could have helped me out when I forgot about Valentine's Day last year!
• The Snob's reaction to the movie's inexplicable Genre Shift from Slasher Movie to campy Superhero movie.
  Snob: What kind of film are you?!
• After the cat in the movie turns into a monster: "Dollar General toys! Monster Lloyd's one weakness!"
• When he learns James Gandolfini had a small part, he shows that the film's ending is scored to "Don't Stop Believin'"... and it cuts short. Cue Snob apologizing for it, claiming he had a joke, but can't remember it.

The Legend of the Lone Ranger

• His constant annoyance at Merle Haggard's narration.
• "Silver... Silver! Slow motion doesn't stop gravity! Yooouuuuu assshoooole!"

Robot Jox

• After two characters say to each other "Crash and Burn":
  Snob:That's terrible fucking advice.
  • In fact, anytime "Crash and Burn" is referred.
• After seeing that the fights involved really clunky looking Stop-motion.
  SnobWhy can't this be like the Transformers Film, with its confusing mess of gears and quick-cut kinetic action.... Said no one.
• "I find it odd that all of this lies on the decision of Kraftwerk".

Dogs

• The Snob syncing up the dog attack at the dog show with the theme from The Charlie Brown and Snoopy Show.

The Taming of Rebecca

• Right at the beginning:
  Snob:It's about time that Rebecca got what was coming to her...who the FUCK is Rebecca?
• About the "roughie" (a type of sexploitation movie that has male violence against women):
  Snob:Go stand in front of a mirror, punch yourself in the nose, jerk off with your own blood, without breaking eye contact, then have your girlfriend suck your tongue through your asshole. That could be a roughie, or, congratulations, you've just been accepted in our fraternity.
• "The Meese Commission was a 1980s group of dirty old men who needed an excuse to watch a shitload of pornography and call it an investigation. In this day and age, we call it Internet reviewing."
• (on the production company logo) "'AVGN Presents'? Oh, 'Avon Presents'. Wait, Avon? Are you telling me my mom sold this movie door-to-door in our old neighborhood? Well, that explains why the neighborhood kids beat me up! And here I thought it was because I ratted them out for doing drugs!"
• "Yikes, her dad is Jim Croce! I didn't know Leroy Brown was that bad!"
• "Hi, there. I'm in an incest porn called The Taming of Rebecca. This one's for you, mom and dad. I hope I made you proud."
• Snob: This scene isn't very funny, but it's nothing a little fast motion can't fix.
  (audio from a sex scene plays in fast-motion, so everyone sounds like chipmunks)
  Snob: (makes a "cut" motion with his hands; audio stops) All right, all right. I'm a terrible person.
• "Uh oh, now Kenickie and Rizzo are the ones in deep shit!"
  "What's the deal with the pin? Is someone's diaper gonna fall off?!"

Friday the 13th

• When criticizing the negative critical reaction of the film.
  Snob: Or how about Variety's claim that that the film contained no apparent talent. [shows shot of Kevin Bacon and Betsy Palmer] Right? This cast went nowhere. Bunch of no names, really.
• The Cowardly Cinema Snob's Tips For Children segment.
• The fake "oh my God" scare that he does at the end of the movie.

42nd Street Forever, Volume 2: The Deuce

• The Cinema Snob mocks the last trailer, asking if if it's done yet. Not only is it not done yet, but it has credits.

Friday the 13th, Part 2

• The Snob depicts the dream that the survivor of the last movie is having as the ending of Sleepaway Camp II.
• After one of the kills, the Snob is briefly replaced by Phelous.

Saturday the 14th

• The Running Gag on how it's barely a Friday the 13th spoof outside the title.
• Noticing on how despite predating A Nightmare on Elm Street (1984), it has some suitable spoofs.

Gayracula

• "And for those saying this is the first gay porn I've done on this show, it isn't. (Snob turns to the Moment by Moment poster hanging behind him).
• In Gayracula's funeral scene, he adds "Pie Jesu Domine..." from Monty Python and the Holy Grail...but when the title and credits play the theme to Young Frankenstein, he has to clarify that he did not add that to the movie.
  Snob: Oh, I'm sorry; it's pronounced "Fucken-steen!"
• "Gayracula is actually Gaylord Young. I get it, because he's young!"
• After Gayracula fucks a victim, Brad shows them both with his usual black boxes covering up their naughty bits. However, after the vampire disappears, the black box covering his junk stays and develops a question mark, as though it's confused as to why it's there.
• His Call-Back to the Wow Wow Wibble Woggle Wazzie Woodle Woo review: "I dunno, I think Behind the Candleabra is taking quite a few liberties here."
• His confusion, first, and later, annoyance, at the Marquis de Suede's (aka Alex Jowski, co-host of Radiodrome) cameos.
  Marquis de Suede: As the real Marquis de Suede, Andy Warhol snorted me off Debbie Harry's chest.
  Snob: What does that even mean?!
• How Brad thinks the ending^note Gayracula is saved from burning in the sun by The Power of Love should have gone.
  Man: So what're you gonna do now?
  Gayracula: I think I'll work on my tan.
  [The Bond theme plays]
  Snob: Gayracula will return in...nothing. They didn't make any more of these.

Jack the Ripper Goes West

• The Running Gag of the little boy screaming.
  • First time it happens, Brad actually seems to break character, and can't stop laughing.
• The fist fight between the PI and the Sheriff, set to "The French Mistake".
• This:
  Mr. Burns: Do you feel there's any connection between your son's death and the others?
  Snob: Yes. They're both dead.
• "It could've been worse; it could have ended with him faking his own death and becoming a fuckin' lumberjack!
• "Tom Jones Goes West!"

Xtro

• His happy reaction to a person with a partially open ribcage:
  Snob: Oh shit! The McRib is back!
• "Surprise motherfucker! A parrot!"
• Putting the Manimal intro over a scene featuring an animal:
  Snob: Never question a sudden Manimal appearance. Just accept it.

Halloween

• His Douchey McNitpick e-mail and his response:
  McNitpick: Dear Cinema Snob, you are clearly only choosing this movie just to get hits, and therefore that makes this an inapporpriate movie for you to choose for your otherwise fantistic internet series.
  Snob: What? Nooo... I did not choose it for the hits. I chose it because it would've been highly inappropriate for me to choose Friday the 13th: 3D for Halloween, which I would've chosen for the hits.
• When a couple is having sex and the famous Scare Chord (and Michael) appears:
  Snob: Now that's a climax!
• His nod and satire of one of Kyle Kallgren's videos:
  Snob: But it isn't enough that this movie is more well made or better written than some of those others. No, no, as a Cinema Snob, I need to get all soapbox-y about it and claim that it's okay when this movie did all those things. And that, there, my friends, is why I hate the word 'arthouse'. (does Double Take) Wait, what?

Little Red Riding Hood and the Monsters

• An 80's Dan cameo which includes him giving the middle finger to Snob.
• After discovering that the film's alternate title is Tom Thumb and Little Red Riding Hood.
  Snob: Did they think we wouldnt be able to processTom Thumb$ so they just renamed him as a monster? Well, let me tell you something. As a fellow short person, you can go fuck yourself!
• Snob's annoyance and hate in regards to the high-pitched skunk character, which also includes calling him "fucking evil" and giving a cat-like hiss.
  Stinky: [In an extremely stilted voice that isn't convincing anyone] Oh, I am dying of thirst! I'm going to take a drink. [Attempts to drink obviously poisoned water]
  Red Riding Hood: Be careful, Stinky! You'll turn into a monkey like the others!
  Stinky: Good grief! That's right! I almost forgot!
  Snob: Hate-hate-hate, hate-hate-hate-hate-HATE!
• Snob's take on the fairy godmother-resembling character
  Snob: She looks like she's trying to convince Sailor Ripley to get back together with Lula.
• Given the nature of the film up to that point, the Snob can't be sure they won't cut the Wolf and the Ogre in half.
  Snob: ...those saws are real, aren't they?

Pussy Talk 2

• The video opens with the Snob going over the specialties of other people in his circle, only to angrily call himself the guy that specializes in "talking vagina movies".
• The end has the Snob's dick talking to him, telling him to review a comedy about a man with a talking penis in the future. Then he reveals that he's his asshole, and that his dick meows. Oh and he's played by Josh Hadley.
• The Snob tries to re-enact the penis and French vagina talking scene with stuffed animals...while Lloyd watches on with a WTF look.

Don't Go In the Woods... Alone!

• The Running Gag regarding how the title is inconsistent ("The 'alone' is optional, lie your acting").
• Comparing the trailer accident death to a Mr. Bill sketch.

Basket Case

• Commenting on how the crew revolted at the deformed twin attempted rape... while questioning what sort of movie the crew thought they were making.
• The summation of all the obligatory jokes at the end.

Turkish I Spit On Your Grave

• Ed Glaser's cameo (including him wearing a gorilla mask.
• The fake subtitles. Including subtitling a (very clear) instance of "POPPA!" with "MOMMA!"
• "I have a feeling that this scene is gonna be pretty rough. I'm gonna need to stay totally focused. Absolutely no distractions for this scene". Said while Lloyd jumps to the couch;
• Snob's impression of a Turkish Roger Ebert (in English, of course);
  Snob!Turkish Ebert: What, are you kidding me? I'm the only one here! Everyone else in this theater was just arrested! The only reason I'm still here is because I told them I was only here for Turkish Touch of Evil. Also, I'm sitting on a toilet!
• "Why don't you go fuck yourself, broad I've been sleeping with. I'm gonna go ahead hit on this chick. Smooth as a porcupine's balls!"
• Penny Lane randomly appearing in the movie.

Let My Puppets Come

• All of his interactions with Snobby, his puppet, which includes:
  • The dick jokes;
  • Snob making the puppet head-butt/punch his groin;
  • The fart joke, my God, the fart joke;
  • The song when he makes the ventriloquist act of drinking while the puppet sings? "It's an Inky Dinky Doodah Morning".

Russian The Hobbit

• The movie lends itself to plenty of Soviet Russia jokes, such as the opening crawl ("That's a lot of words for 'In Soviet Russia, Smaug desolates you!'") and Russian Suburban Knights ("It ends with us taking over a small town in the American Midwest with the Cubans.").
• Any of the fake subtitles.
  This may look like the interior of a whale vagina, but I call it home!
• "...Am I fucking high right now?!"

Silent Night Deadly Night

• Lewis Lovhaug as Fat Grandma, telling the review as a bedtime story.
  • Featuring a disgruntled Linkara being forced to listen to the "story".
    Linkara: Why are you reading me this story?
    Fat Grandma: You hush up, now! I've had enough of your sass for the evening! That's why I'm reading this bedtime story to put you to sleep!
    Linkara: It's one o' clock in the afternoon!
    Fat Grandma: Don't you talk back to me, now, or you're gonna get a firm slap across the mouth!
• Anytime that the Snob says a joke previously done on Silent Night Deadly Night 2, a buzz sound appears, much to the annoyance of him.
• The invisible punch when Snob relates to the store manager character.
• Declaring that the movie is what would happen if Bruce Wayne had his parents killed by Santa.
  By the way, with Ben Affleck playing Batman, this could mean a Batman vs. Reindeer Games crossover.