The Angry Video Game Nerd Season Thirteen / Funny

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Chronologically Confused About Kingdom Hearts

Most of the drawn pictures on the background can be quite funny.
Referring to the Keyblade as a "Big Fucking Key that you use to bash the ever-loving shit out of enemies with!"
Nerd gets quite baffled at the mismanagement of the main characters in Kingdom Hearts II: Sora, Donald and Goofy only show up after roughly 2 hours of gametime. He even references the awful Star Wars: Holiday Special - which did the similar thing to Boba Fett.
As Nerd addresses the issue with the game that's called Kingdom Hearts: 358/2 Days^notepronounced "Three-Five-Eight Days Over Two", he - at first - pretends not to have a fucking clue on how to pronounce it. He proposes the variants "358 Days Between 2 Characters", "358 Halves Days", and "179 Days" due to the title being sort-of mathematical equation.
Nerd: Why not just call it Kingdom Hearts: Roxas Story? Why all the convoluted, cockamamie names?
- Speaking of "cockamamie names", here comes Kingdom Hearts 0.2: Birth by Sleep -A fragmentary passage-...
Nerd: That's a paragraph! You have a decimal, a subtitle, and a tagline? Now that's a motherfucking title!
Lampshading the fact that the players have to spend thousands of dollars to get every single Kingdom Hearts game on every single console. When Nerd brings up the 2017-2018 concert with additional plot points, the estimated price quickly rises to MILLIONS... because players gotta get the plutonium to power a flux capacitor and generate 1.21 Gigawatts of energy to get back in time just to finally watch it! Thankfully, that's where YouTube comes in.
Amongst all of the remasters and compilations, there is only one that Nerd can get down with in terms of naming conventions - Kingdom Hearts: The Story So Far.
Nerd notes that the entire Kingdom Hearts series (not counting Kingdom Hearts III) will take more than 100 hours to complete.
Nerd: Well, gee... add THAT to the whole list of games in general that I'm trying to play - it's gonna be another 13 years to do that!
The possible content for the future Kingdom Hearts 4? Star Wars and the Marvel Universe would be considered due to the fact that they're both properties of Disney. And of course, it would be fun to see Sora, Mickey, Donald and Goofy team up with none other than Luke Skywalker, Han Solo and Iron Man.

Video Game Magazines

The video opens calling back to his Nintendo Power episode, showing a bunch of magazines before he jumps into the shot yelling "AAASSSSSS!" while Super Metroid music plays.
Nerd finds the photo of himself in one of the Video Game Collector issues, complete with his facial expression from Top Gun episode.
Nerd: Heh, look at that guy! What a nerd...
The cringeworthy Pac-Man interview from an Atari Age magazine.
Nerd: "I had what you'd call "a well rounded education." (sighs) Oh boy... "I was involved in high school dramatics, I played the lead in Central High's production of 'Man of La Muncher.'" Huh? "I did more acting in college, mostly theate-in-the-round productions." Oh, come on!
His reactions to the covers of Game Players Magazine, especially the one for the Super Mario Bros. 3 issue, with blurry Raccoon Mario looking a lot more like Wario, and Mario's tail looking like a misshapen Easter egg.
- It gets even worse when he tries to read one of the issues and finds that more than half of the pages are advertisements, including some for games he's already reviewed. All of this is set up to the In the Hall of the Mountain King by Edward Grieg. The best part of that montage: The ad for the video game adaptation of We're Back! A Dinosaur's Story, where it cuts to a different dino head on every note.
The ads about the frantically ridiculous and essentially useless gaming accessories. Especially the Thumb Master... which looks like a condom and eliminates the so-called "Video Thumb".
Nerd: Have you ever in your life suffered from Video Thumb? Well, maybe Silver Surfer - one of those games where you need a Turbo controller? And when you do, your thumb will thank you.
* twitches the thumb and hilariously says: "Thank you!"*
The ad for the Captain Planet video game, which caused the Nerd to giggle before finishing reading it:
"We took some of the worst garbage on TV and turned it into a great video game."
Lots and lots of ads for adults... "Kick Some Balls", "Get A Monster Bone", "Pray for a Full-Frontal Assault", "Size Does Matter"... you get the idea.
Nerd: It's a dude gettin' his nuts kicked in! (chuckling) Why? Wh-wh-why'd they do this? This is a real ad! It's kickin' him in the balls!
Lots of games that were rated higher than they really should be, that fucking Bimmy and Jimmy misspelling, even the magazine for the long-defunct Amiga CD32...
Nerd: Thankfully, my CD32 is safely burning in Hell where it belongs!
* cue the animation of Bowser with Evil Laugh*
That shitty Sega Activator ad which depicts some guy in mid-jump.
Nerd: Damn... This guy would give Keith Apicary a run for his money!
The parody section of the GamePro magazine called LamePro. There are Bubonic the Blowfrog 2, Sleep Fighter II, and the Ultimate Gamer... who is just a random kid who's dressed up in different gaming accessories.
Nerd: He makes my Nintendo suit look like a cheap Halloween costume!
"Tim Allen playing Link"
There was an article about Macaulay Culkin in one of the magazines. The Nerd notes that guy went on to become the pizza guy.
"Here's some fanart. Some of it is really amazing, but some of it, as you can see, it's shit. And I know that's not nice because it's probably some young kid who drew it, but the kid's grown up now, so he can handle it. It's shit!"

Aladdin Deck Enhancer

The references to Disney's Aladdin. Not only do Aladdin and Genie themselves appear in the review, but the background music is taken straight from the Sega Genesis game.
- How the Nerd gets said Deck Enhancer? Aladdin himself shits it out into the toilet! And he doesn't even shit it into the bowl. He shits it into the water tank! The icing on the cake is that the Nerd had to wipe all this shit out of the package box.
- The Nerd's cry of "What the fuck?!" in response to seeing Aladdin laugh maniacally while running from the bathroom deserves mention; the language is fairly typical, but he just sounds so much more confused than his usual angry swearing!
When the Nerd reads the back of the box, he reads the sections, saying that the Aladdin was created by the designers of Game Genie - and that it gives the NES a 64K memory upgrade for better graphics and bigger games. He hopes that it'll turn shitty games into good ones, and tries to test it by putting his copy of Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure into the Aladdin. Unfortunately, it doesn't fit.
After Aladdin gives the Nerd the Aladdin's library of games, the Nerd notices that he doesn't have Micro Machines, so he orders a copy of the game online.
- What he gets afterwards? A Micro Machines thermos made by the Aladdin company.
- After releasing Genie from the said thermos, the Nerd's first wish is for the Micro Machines game for the Aladdin Deck Enhancer. He then realizes that he made a pretty lame wish, so his second wish is for Genie to take a sewage skinny-dip in the most foul, disgusting, jam-packed septic tank he could possibly find... Genie finds this messed up, but does it anyway.
- Watching Genie with shit-stains all over his (corporeal?) body takes the cake.
The Nerd's NES-101 toploader catching fire when he tries to play the Aladdin on it.
When the Nerd sees a video of The Gaming Historian with two Aladdin Deck Enhancers, he's in complete disbelief because no one would own multiple copies of something that shitty. In the background, the Nerd has five Intellivoices, three Game Boy King James Bibles and a massive pile of E.T. the Extra-Terrestrial cartridges...
This line from the Nerd after playing the Dizzy games:
"All the King's horses and all the King's men,
Couldn't get their fucking shit put together!"
When the Nerd plays BigNose Freaks Out, he compliments the game's opening cutscene with the Savings + Bones bank, only to find it ruined with the Bones R Us store right next to it. He hopes that Bones R Us also went out of business.
Linus Spacehead gets called Linus Shithead way too often.
- Speaking of the character himself...
Nerd: Linus moves as slow as duck shit, and twice as slippery. Trust me - duck shit's slippery.
The Nerd reviewing the deck-enhancer version of Micro Machines in the vein of John Moschitta, Jr.
The way Dizzy is drawn while the Nerd explains how the Deck Enhancer is basically the electronic equivalent of an upper decker, complete with the game's title reading "Dizzy the Asshole!".
While ranting about the Aladdin Deck Enhancer, Nerd holds its packaging box to his head. He just so happened to lift it so quickly and unintentionally tilt it that the warranty card and other miscellaneous paper documents hit him in the face. To his credit, Nerd doesn't stop his tirade.
For his final wish, the Nerd wishes that every Aladdin Deck Enhancer existing on the planet Earth would explode. What follows is a parade of cameos seeing their Enhancers explode.

Pepsiman

The episode starts out looking like it's going to be a review of Yo! Noid. The Nerd goes into the Noid's backstory, then he decides to play his copy of the game, which he gets from a litter box. When the Nerd sees Pepsiman, everything changes from there.
While going into Pepsiman's backstory, the Nerd mentions that Pepsiman was featured as an unlockable character in the Japanese version of Fighting Vipers for the Sega Saturn. He then questions the game's method of unlocking Pepsiman by losing the first fight.
Pepsiman's rather flamboyant expressions when his name call plays are something to behold, like he's just enjoying being the troublemaker he is.
Noting that the cutscene guy drinks so much Pepsi that his insides must be like tar.
The Running Gag of Pepsiman turning everything the Nerd has in his hands into Pepsi, followed by the Pepsiman yell playing.
- At one point, Pepsiman returns and gives the Nerd an actual bottle of Rolling Rock beer...but when the Nerd takes a drink, he discovers Pepsiman filled it with Crystal Pepsi.
- The Nerd still has his 40-year-old brick cell phone from the Mega Man episode. When it gets turned into Pepsi, he complains that it's really hard to get your hands on a phone like that these days.
The Nerd compares the first level to the chase scene in Raising Arizona, with Pepsiman in place of Nicolas Cage and Pepsi in place of Huggies.
Everytime the Pepsiman! yell gets a subversion, be it being burnt with fire or suddenly getting a downer tune change in the middle.
The guy from the game's FMV cutscenes appears, played by the same actor (Mike Butters) and even wearing the same outfit. The Nerd's initial reaction before recognizing him:
Nerd: Oh, come on! How do these assholes keep getting in here?!
- The guy tells his tragic backstory of how Pepsiman ruined his life by first turning all the healthy food in his fridge into Pepsi, getting him addicted to it, then turning his wife and kids into Pepsi which he presumably could not stop himself from drinking in his addicted state, and he even had to recycle their empty cans in order to pay for their funeral. Ever since then, he has been on a revenge-driven mission to kill Pepsiman and stop him from turning the entire world into Pepsi. The Nerd, meanwhile, doesn't give a single shit about any of that and only wants the bizarre phrase "Pepsi for TV Game" explained.
- The "TV Game Guy" says he hid the ultimate weapon that can kill Pepsiman for good in the one place where he would never look... which, of course, turns out to be a Coca-Cola factory.
- What's Pepsiman's Kryptonite Factor? Mentos, of course! The aforementioned ultimate weapon turns out to be a bazooka that shoots dozens of Mentos at once, which has the exact reaction you'd expect when combining Mentos with Pepsi.
- At the end, the TV Game Guy asks the Nerd to kill him, since Pepsiman's earlier attack transformed half his body into Pepsi and he doesn't want to live like that. He asks for a heroic, cinematic death of being slowly lowered into the vat of orange soda. Instead, the Nerd disregards his request and just shoves him off the platform into the vat.
  TV Game Guy: [while falling] YOU ASSHOOOOOOOOOLE!! [splash]
  Nerd: Pepsi for Funerals.
  [TV Game Guy's hand sticks out of the orange soda and starts to give a thumbs up, but switches at the last second to giving the middle finger]
A nice little Black Comedy moment when Pepsiman launches an innocent bystander through a wall:
Nerd: That guy's probably dead.
Pepsiman: (turns to the Nerd and solemnly nods)

Superman 64 Returns!!

Instead of advertising ExpressVPN as himself, James does an extremely over-the-top ad that looks like it was plucked straight out of the early 2000s, with heavy Matrix imagery and an edgy, badass hacker character who is using Totally Radical slang.
While the Superman 64 cartridge is returning to Earth, the jet from Top Gun that escaped from the TV during "Back to the Future ReRevisited" flies by.
As the Nerd names the shows in the DC Animated Universe such as Batman: The Animated Series, Batman Beyond, and Static Shock, he mentions The Zeta Project - which he says absolutely no one remembers.
"Goddamn dam."
The Nerd hopes the boss battle with Mala will be epic... only to win with just two punches.
Nerd: Well, that was anticlimactic. Y'know, it's bad when the level enemies are harder than the boss...
- After beating Mala, the next level has more rings. The Nerd starts laughing, before it devolves into sobbing, which then turns into weeping.
The Nerd is really dismayed to see the rings move this time.
Nerd: Oooh, nooo! They MOVE! WHY DO THEY HAVE TO MOVE!?! Oooh, wow! Yeah, they really changed it up!
After this, the Nerd explores the possibility of this game being somebody's first introduction to Superman. They got the game as a birthday or Christmas present after hearing about this awesome character that can do anything.
Nerd: They pop the game in and it's nothing but FUCKING RINGS!!!This would be enough to ruin the character of Superman for anybody!
The Nerd initially thinks Superman's face in the game is the ugliest digital Superman face he ever saw. Then it shows Superman's face from Justice League (2017), which was digitally edited to remove Henry Cavill's mustache, causing him to call it the second ugliest.
After hyping up Brainiac as one of the most badass Superman villains, the Nerd hopes it's gonna be a good boss fight. Then he proceeds to beat Brainiac after just five punches. The Nerd is at least glad there aren't more rings... only for the next level to have more of them.
Nerd: FUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK!!
- Followed by this:
  Nerd: You wanna know the worst thing about those ring levels? Right when you're getting the hang of it, the game will glitch, and send you flying across the map - for no goddamn motherFUCKING reason! So y'have to backtrack or restart.
Complications with escorting Lois Lane spawn this line:
Nerd: If you get too far away, a Shadow Guy will spawn in front of her. And I am so sick of saying "Shadow Guy"!
The next boss is Metallo, a cyborg with the brain of a mercenary and a heart of Kryptonite. Think he'd actually be a challenge? Nope, he goes down just as easily as the rest.
Nerd: (resigned) Again?
(cut to even MORE rings)
Nerd: (horrified) AGAIN?!
(the Nerd runs into the camera screaming)
- Followed by:
  Nerd: So then you get to this parking garage stage, and it's a huge pile of ass! No, really, this thing is a shit behemoth! Really, it's like a moldy turd! I'd rather be impaled by a piss icicle!
The next boss is Darkseid - the strongest villain from the cartoon. Superman flies straight into Darkseid, only to glitch into the floor. After beating him, the Nerd has to carry him to the police. The Nerd notes how odd it is that Darkseid - a New God who rules Apokolips, commands armies of Parademons, and can shoot Omega Beams from his eyes - is being sent to ordinary police to be thrown into a cell.
Nerd: Yeah, throw him in the cell with Bruno Mannheim - he'll be fine!
The Nerd ended up glitching out of the level again, resulting in the return of the Big Rigs commercial guy.
Big Rigs Guy: Break the boundaries of existence! Superior gameplay lets you exceed the laws of physics! Superman 64... is 64 TIMES THE AWESOME! [explosion]
During another Escort Mission, the Nerd finds it easier to just freeze the poor guy in ice. He wonders how people can breathe or stay alive while frozen... before asking: "Why am I asking you?"
The last ring level is the worst of all, with underwater rings going beneath the map, moving rings, and paths of rings that lead to false exits.
- After failing said ring level several times, the Nerd decides that he needs to "learn to fly". He goes to the Fortress of Solitude, where he meets with Skylar - a.k.a. floating head from Cybermorph - who can still only say "Where did you learn to fly?" to everything the Nerd says. The Nerd realizes the answer by himself, thanks the head anyway, and even apologizes for shooting her and calling her an asshole. After a long pause, where it looks like the head will actually say something different, she still says: "Where did you learn to fly?"
- Special mention goes to this part:
  Skylar: Where did you learn to fly?
  Nerd: I dunno... Top Gun Academy?
When the Nerd returns to his room, he finds four people in his spot, fittingly dressed like the 4 Supermen who attempted to succeed the original Superman in The Death of Superman.
Nerd: I'm gone five minutes - and already I have four replacements? Get outta here!
After the Nerd beats the final ring level:
Nerd: O-hoo! I beat the rings! I beat the rings! No more FUCKING RINGS!
The Nerd finds the last level so annoying he wishes he could reverse the world's rotation and go back in time so he can destroy the computer the game was designed on.
After beating the last level, it looks like there's another ring stage... only for the Nerd to reveal he was kidding.
The game fights the Nerd, which eventually leads to a reenactment of the climax in Man of Steel, with the video's color even becoming more grey, referencing the film's color palette, only here, Superman 64 is aiming its eye beams at "good, innocent games.'' The Nerd rips the cartridge out of the Nintendo 64 and twists it apart before crying out in despair.
- What makes this moment even better is that Super Mario Bros. 3 is among the "good, innocent games". As we last knew, Super Mario Bros. 3 was possessed by Satan and required the might of the Nerd and Super Mecha Death Christ to defeat. When talking about it again in the Game Glitches episode, he alludes to this fact by stating that the Gremlin doesn't mess with it since it still hosts "demonic possessions". Could you say that the Nerd has sympathy for the devil?

Life of Black Tiger

Advertising ExperianBoost... just to buy Nintendo World Championships gold catridge for $25,000.
Nerd: Time to get that gold cart and put it on my shelf... where it shall remain unplayed for all eternity.
Calling the titular tiger "Emo Black Tiger".
"These characters look so... ass." In a PS4 game, no less!
- Black Tiger's own admission that humans "smell bad".
  Nerd: For real? (Aside Glance) This is for real?
- One of the mission objectives is to mercilessly maul the defenseless woman.
  Nerd: DAMN! This tiger is full of serious angst... and rage!
- Slapping the so-called "silly wolves".
  Nerd: DAAAAAMN... look at them go! (grunt) Motherfuckers!
After playing for awhile, he decides to confront the ones behind 1Games and does so by flying from his home to a jungle in China as represented by an Indiana Jones-style map, with the music to it being Hydlide's Overworld Theme.^note
The fact that Gilbert fucking Gottfried is a Special Guest of this episode. And he plays none other than Fred Fuchs! In terms of overall Cloudcuckoolanderness he could rival even Lloyd Kaufman! That's right, you can hear Iago himself constantly talking about shit and swearing like a sailor.
- Not to mention his introduction which includes holding Nerd at the gunpoint...
  Fred Fuchs: WHO THE FUCK GOES THERE? WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU?! ANSWER ME, TOUGH GUY, OR I'LL BLAST A HOLE IN YOU SO BIG I CAN STICK MY COCK IN IT! (getting wistful) And I don't wanna brag, but...
- And he has his own PS4 Poo... which is just a pile of shit bricks.
- Nerd calls Fuchs' out on the game's lousy grammar, leading to this retort that has both James and Gilbert Corpsing.
  Fred Fuchs: Oh, I'm sorry. I'm just a guy who built a computer in the jungle without electricity or internet. I'm not educated enough for the guy WHO TALKS ABOUT BUFFALO SHIT IN HIS BASEMENT!
  Nerd: ...I guess that's a good point.
- Of course, Nerd continues to shit on the game in Fuchs' presence.
  Fred Fuchs: You might wanna be a bit nicer about the game, considering the fact that I AM THE ONE WITH THE MOTHERFUCKING RIFLE!!!
- The ridiculous narrative between stages... which gets lampshaded, as well.
  Nerd: "Survive 'till the fixed time"... What were you, fucking stoned when you wrote this?
  Fred Fuchs: Yes.
  (Beat)
  Nerd: Thought so.
- "Words of wisdom" from Fred Fuchs:
  Fred Fuchs: Sometimes, you just gotta run like Hell from your problems.
- The Nerd asking a good question leads to this rather uncomfortable exchange.
  Nerd: Why are these tigers so sadistic? You don't even eat the animals you hunt, you're just killing. All to impress a girl tiger.
  Fred Fuchs: What? You never went on a murder spree, rampaging and taking the lives of all you see, just to impress a sweetie?
  (The Nerd, who's been getting more disturbed hearing this, just slowly shakes his head as if to say "No")
- The full description of a sex scene between tigers from the supposed Alpha Build version. So full that the Nerd winces in disgust... only to close his eyes and imagine it.
- A stack of elephants on top of each other followed by a similar stack of buffaloes.
  Nerd: I'd rather have a stack of buffalo take a diarrhea dump in my ear!
- Calling this game unfinished would be an Understatement...
  Fred Fuchs: It's an artistic interpretation of jungle life, you uncultured swine! I'm a goddamn artist, and this is my masterpiece! Obviously, too artsy-fartsy for your plebeian palate!
  Nerd: Aren't you doused in urine?
  Fred Fuchs: (proudly) From head to toe.
Fred Fuchs forcing Nerd to join him on promoting the game. He even has the star for it... the Big Rigs Nerd who is dressed in tiger fur. Nerd can only facepalm in annoyance.
- And here comes the commercial:
  Big Rigs Nerd: HEY YOU, FUCKING KIDS! Get ready for a rumble in the jungle! Life of Black Tiger! You're a mean, badass, edgy-as-fuck black tiger! Kill half the wildlife population! Just hear it from Fred Fuchs!!!
  Fred Fuchs: It's ain't just a game: it's a way of life.
  Big Rigs Nerd: Life of Black Tiger! Slap the fuck outta crocodiles, chickens, and wolves! Even bunnies!
  Fred Fuchs: SEND THOSE FUCKERS INTO THE STRATOSPHERE!!!
  Big Rigs Nerd: Share your fate with a female tiger! Stack up elephants and fucking buffalo!
  Fred Fuchs: Nothing says "romance" like "Honey, I'm bringing you a stack of rhinoceroses!" With hardcore tiger-fucking!
  Big Rigs Nerd: Life of Black Tiger! Earn points to play as a flock of chickens, a bunny, or a hunchback BEEEEEAAAAAR! You need a million-something points — and if that ain't replay value, my name ain't REX VIPER RIIIIIIIGS!!! Life of Black Tiger!
  Fred Fuchs: Only at FuchoLand!
  (cue Nerd holding the camera)
  Nerd: Oh, God...
- All the while this is happening, a song that is most definitely not Eye of the Tiger is the backing for the said commercial.

Chex Quest

The video opens with the Nerd eating breakfast. When a game comes out of the box, the Nerd hopes a Chex Man won't suddenly appear and turn all his games into Chex since he just got rid of all the Pepsi from Pepsiman.
The Nerd decides to eat before he plays, but after he takes a bite, he notices the box he got expired in 1996, causing him to puke behind the box.
Nerd: I really need to go food shopping somewhere besides eBay.
The Nerd puts the game's CD in the Commodore's tape player and shuts it with the CD sticking up.
From footage of Chex Quest's intro:
Chexman: I'm from Chex Squadron...and I say "Kill 'em all!"
"Seems the game developers enjoyed working on this, and adding their own flavour... to a game... about a cereal... with no flavour."
The Nerd is increasingly frustrated that all three games in the series are good, as they aren't providing him with any material.
Nerd: Well... it's not tedious... it's not annoying... it's not ass, and the mascot hasn't come in and changed all my games! So, I think this a pretty... good... game? Yeah, I hate to say that I don't hate this. It's good? What am I gonna do with that?!
Nerd: Yes, I'm sorry, I didn't have more negative to say. I was really trying here. Um, I know I haven't filled my curse quota for this episode, so... fuck-fuck-fuck-fuck-fuck? [shrugs]
The Nerd having fun applying the Brutal Doom mod to Chex Quest and removing any semblance of the game being family-friendly. The best part is his really long, gutteral "FUUUUUUUUUUUUCK!"
- After that, transforming his actual box of Chex cereal into Brutal Chex. This is, of course, followed by an over-the-top commercial for said cereal (though Rex Viper Rigs sadly doesn't make an appearance).
  BRUTAL CHEX! It's Chex... on steroids! ILLEEEEEGAL steroids! Made from broken glass, rusted fuckin' nails, and whole grain rice. This cereal will start your day... if it doesn't end your life! Fortified with calcium from the bones of fallen angel wings! The only cereal eaten by both God and Satan! It's a straight kick to your Muddy Buddies, and Brutal Chex turns your milk red, from your own blood, pouring out of your FUCKING SCREAMING MOOOOOUUUUUTH!
  50 free hours of America Online included.

Jurassic Park: Trespasser

After reading the game's system requirements, he remarks that the game is too advanced for his retro computers and too shitty for his modern computers.
The Nerd thinks the game is breaking down and adjusts its settings, which only cause the graphics to get even worse.
The Nerd decides not to install mods to make the game better because he needs the authentic experience, noting that he's the Angry Video Game Nerd, not the Slightly Irritated Video Game Geek.
While the Nerd is riding on a plane for his vacation, the captain makes an announcement.
Captain: Cruising altitude of 35,000 feet. Current temperature, 75 degrees. A dinosaur on the wing.
Said dinosaur is a person in a Pteranodon costume wrecking the wing. The plane even has an emergency icon depicting a Pteranodon.
Upon reaching the shore, the Nerd sees a guy in a Triceratops costume and exclaims in awe that there's a real life dinosaur in front of him. No, he's not talking about the guy in the costume, he's talking about the old PC that's behind the guy in the costume.
Nerd: It's a.. it's a dinosaur! [ignores the Triceratops guy and walks right past him] Look how old that computer is! It's a dinosaur!
At this point, the video is shown from the Nerd's perspective with his right arm replaced with a stiff fake one, to mimic the awkward arm movements in the game.
The Nerd receives a message on the computer asking him to register the game to get a prize from EA.
Nerd: Judging by this game's reputation, the only thing EA should be giving out is apologies. A legacy that continues to this day.
At one point, the Nerd complains that the game did not have big enough piles of shit, and looks to the Triceratops for one. When that doesn't happens, he goes to Shit's Kitchen for results from his chefs. Cue his anger to the point where he manages to out-swear Gordon Ramsay.
Nerd: Is it ready?
Chef 1: Just a minute, chef.
Nerd: We don't have a fuckin' minute, the audience are waiting! Mix, the peanut butter, with the chocolate syrup! Gosh, I can digest and shit out a real shit faster than you can make that fucking shit!
Chef 1: (hands Nerd a tray of shit) Here it is, chef.
Nerd: ...the fuck is that?
Chef 1: Uh, it- it's, it's shit.
Nerd: Fuckin' right it's shit! (throws the tray on the ground) Pick it up! That's the shittiest shit I ever saw! And you, do you have your shit together? Can you handle that shit?!
Chef 2: (meekly holds up her tray of shit) How's this, chef?
Nerd: Fuckin' Hell! That's not shit, you're shit, your very existence is shit! You're a useless sack of worthless fucking shit! Leave the jacket, and get out of my kitchen! Get the fuck out, you fuckin' fuck! (turns his head towards the camera) Sorry folks, it won't happen again.
When the Nerd discovers that Nedry's medieval mace is the strongest melee weapon in the whole game, he wonders if Nedry's fate would have been different if he had this insanely powerful mace with him on Isla Nublar instead of leaving it behind on Isla Sorna. It then cuts to a skit where the Dilophosaurus is waiting inside the jeep, ready to tear Nedry (played by Justin Silverman) apart... only for Nedry to pull out his mace and start beating the living shit out of it.
After the Nerd fails to jump across the holes in a bridge several times, he decides to do something he learned a long time ago. Just walk over it.
The last level is filled with raptors that keep falling off the cliffs, including the final boss.
When the Nerd asks for a proper T. rex boss fight, Seamus Blackley obliges by sending a guy in a T. rex costume wielding Nedry's mace. After the Nerd says he isn't that worried, Seamus reveals the T. rex's real weapon: the Duke, AKA the Xbox's original controller. Now the Nerd is afraid.
The Nerd tries to escape from the T. rex by riding a Mercedes, saying, "Must go faster! Must go faster!" while tense music plays. Then it suddenly goes quiet to show the car is barely moving faster than jogging speed.
When the Nerd thanks the driver, it turns out the driver is Seamus Blackley in a dinosaur costume, holding an Xbox controller and the dinosaur costume he plans on forcing the Nerd to wear. Cut to a Big "NO!" Scream Discretion Shot.

The Immortal

The Nerd begins the review speaking Ye Olde Butcherede Englishe, complete with with his usual foul language. His variations on 'diarrhea' and 'shitty' are something to behold.
After being killed by an invisible pit, he goes Gosh Dang It to Heck!:
Nerd: Confound it all!
'I'd rather be bescombered with dysentery! That's worse than diarrhea because it includes blood and mucus. Sorry, that's disgusting. But so is this [game]!'
The Nerd is attacked by an orc from the game. They fight in the exact awkward style of the game's combat, complete with blows that don't actually connect.
Before entering a locked room, The Nerd goes off on a tangent about how the word 'vomitorium' is incorrectly associated with actual vomit, then gives the correct definition^note, goes back to discussing vomit, before finally getting back to the review.
The Nerd revisits the 'You Die' gag from Silver Surfer, only in a more defeated, frustrated tone.
'What art though thinking?!'
- "This was made by Electronic Arts? More like Electronic FAAAAAAAARTS!!!"

Spawn

As part of the Nerd's torture, he has to play the Spawn games in "the most vile, despicable, game room ever imagined by Hell"... which turns out to be an exact carbon copy of the Nerd's own game room.
Nerd: Huh? This is it?
Clown: Truly terrifying, right?
Nerd: Um... I actually... spend most of my days in a room exactly like this.
Clown: Really?
Nerd: I mean, it's like spot on. It's the exact same thing.
Clown: You even have the shelf of all the E.T games?
Nerd: Yeah. In fact, I think mine actually has a little bit more.
Clown: What about the Aladdin Deck Enhancer and all the games?
Nerd: Uh, yeah. In fact, I actually played that not too long ago.
Clown: Uh... Internet's really slow in Hell, I didn't know that! Here, play your stupid fuckin' game! [tosses game cartridge at the Nerd and disappears]
"Todd McFARTlane's Spawn for the Super NoFriendo!"
- After beating Redeemer in said Spawn game, the Nerd reveals it's a multi-phase boss fight... and starts mashing all the buttons like mad.
- The Nerd spent so much time trying to beat Redeemer he says the skin of his thumb wore off, something he notes is hard to do since he's wearing gloves.
- After he finally uses a code to skip Redeemer, he fights another boss who looks like a Palette Swap of Redeemer and kills the Nerd just as quickly. The Nerd decides to just skip to the final boss after this.
Clown initially says the next game is Clowns for the VIC-20, before revealing the actual next game behind it.
Clown thinks Mortal Kombat 11 having Spawn as paid DLC is pretty evil, even by Hell standards.
While the Nerd is loading the game on his PS1, he sees the save icon for Star Wars: Masters of Teräs Käsi. He says it looks like Yoda wearing boxing gloves and wonders how that didn't make it into the episode.
- Nerd's disappointment that Malebolgia isn't the final boss.
Nerd: He's just sitting there in the back, eating souls! Like sitting in the back of a bar eating buffalo wings!
The next game is an arcade game, but Hell is overbudget and carrying an arcade cabinet is outside of Clown's weight class, so the Nerd has to play the Dreamcast version instead.
- Nerd finishes the game, but sees that in order to get more story content, he needs someone to play co-op with him.
Nerd: Who am I gonna find to beat this game while in hell?
Clown: (teleports back into the room) Did somebody call the Clownster?
Nerd: (completely deadpan) Sure, why not?
When the Devil finds out the Nerd cheated:
The Devil: You cheated! You didn't grow. You didn't improve. You took a shortcut and gained nothing.
Clown and the Nerd are given two teammates to ensure they play fair and square: Woody Woodpecker and R.O.B. While Woody manages to play the game just fine, R.O.B. doesn't do anything and is just standing there holding the controller.
When Clown gets sick of Spawn, he is finally turning into Violator... as in, Violator's action figure.

The Legend of Zelda: Majora's Mask

"When you swim, I can't help but think that sounds like a cat puking. Or, more specifically, the pre-puke hacking phase when the vomit's bein' pumped up- ok, you get it."
"Goosebumps, man. I got 'em. All the R.L. Stine books."
After several unsuccessful attempts at getting an explosive barrel with a timed fuse to a certain boulder, the Nerd finally manages to to do it with plenty of time to spare, only for the game to despawn the barrel when the day changes moments later.
Nerd: That's worse than "Simon's Quest!" Imagine if in "Simon's Quest," every time it changes, it restarts whatever task you're working on! Fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, fuck you!
His baffled reaction to the Banker, who excitedly slaps his arms up and down when you make a transaction. It's so bizarre he actually asks the viewer to let him know if they have ever seen such a sight in real life.
Nerd: Have you ever gone to the bank, and the teller was thrashing their arms up and down?
He explains his problem with the time limit using a very "Nerd" analogy:
Nerd: It would be like duct taping a bag of diarrhea to the ceiling while you try to get work done. It probably won't fall as long as you make sure the duct tape is secure, but then you stop and think: "It actually has no reason to be there."
"A time limit in a Zelda game?! What were they fuckin' thinking?!"

Funny / The Angry Video Game Nerd Season Thirteen

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Funny / The Angry Video Game Nerd Season Thirteen

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