Funny / Red vs. Blue: The Project Freelancer Saga

"Too high." "Oh, don't be a baby."

Season 9

"Donut, don't track mud in here, you know better!"

• From the trailer:
  479er: Well, I guess so much for our go-around.
  Ground Control: I heard that, Four Seven Niner.
  479er: Yep. That's 'cause I transmitted it.
• The deleted scene featuring Sister and Jr.

Episode 1: Rounding Error

• As the Reds are testing their new rocket turret...on the Blues:
  Tucker: Yeah, I'm feeling pretty confident about my rocket launcher guess.
  Caboose: I dunno, I think Church was right. I think I just torqued in my pants.
• And again, when Tucker and Caboose realize that Donut isn't a girl despite his pink armor.
  Church: Was that Donut?
  Tucker: I don't know. That's the chick who was working on the Jeep.
  Church: He's not a girl, Tucker, he just wears pink armor. It's a guy.
  Tucker: It is? Are you sure?
  Church: Yes, I'm sure.
  Tucker: Uh... Then I suddenly feel pretty awkward about something I did twenty minutes ago.
  Caboose: During alone time.
  Church: What the hell is alone time?
  Tucker: Hey. It's one of the rules of the cliff, dude. What happens in alone time, stays in alone time.

Episode 2: The Twins

• North spots two heat dots coming up behind South through his thermal scope, and South turns around, gun aimed at... a very surprised guard carrying two cups of coffee.
• The way the episode ends is particularly amusing in the very non-professional way North and South are ordered to stand down.
  Insurrectionist ODST: Attention, assholes! Stand down, you're surrounded! Give us the data file now! You will be taken into custody! We can either do this the easy way or the hard way. There is no escape, so give us the damn data file!

Episode 3: Number One

• "That is the rifle I sleep with every night." In the middle of a firefight. Most likely a small reference to The Rifleman's Creed.

Episode 4: Evacuation Plan

• In the Freelancer section we have this:
  479'er: Things are about to get-
  Carolina: Bumpy?
  479'er: Yeah, bumpy. I was gonna say "crashy" but that works too.
• South's Curse Cut Short.
  South: Take evasive maneuvers!
  479er: I'm trying.
  South: Well try harder!
  479er: Hey South, do me a favor, would ya?
  South: What?
  [479er closes the door in her face]
  479er: Thanks.
  South: You stupid bi—!
• Grif suddenly has a cleaning tic. It's just so plain wrong, it's funny.
  Church: Grif isn't tidy at all, he's filthy!
  Simmons: He is going to wash his hands for a week if he hears you say that.
• "Donut, don't track mud in here, you know better!"

Episode 5: Realignment

• Caboose isn't allowed to use the radio.
  Caboose: Right. Unless it is an emergency. And then I can use it to call Command. And also 800 numbers I see on TV. Because those are free to call.
  Church: 800 numbers?
  Tucker: Damn it, Caboose, what did you order this time?
  Caboose: Nothing.
  Tucker: Caboose…
  Caboose: I promise you will not see anything show up here that I ordered, nothing at all. For at least six to eight weeks.
  Tucker: Damn it.
  Church: What the hell is he talking about?
  Caboose: Well, you sound upset, you probably want some beef jerky. It'll be ready in six to eight weeks.
  Tucker: You ordered a food dehydrator, didn't you?
  Caboose: Oh, you won't be so mad when we are storing twice as much ammo as we normally can.
  Tucker: For the billionth time, Caboose, you can't dehydrate bullets.

Episode 6: Familiar Feelings

• Caboose chews the fat.
  Caboose: I had a girlfriend once.
  Tucker: Nobody cares.
  Caboose: I met her on the Internet.
  Tucker: Oh man, your girlfriend was a dude.
  Caboose: Her name was Emilia. She would send me letters all the time.
  Tucker: Sounds high maintenance.
  Caboose: Letters from my family, letters about stuff I ordered online, even about investment opportunities from other countries.
  Tucker: What? Dude, I don't think your girlfriend's name was Emilia, I think it was Email. I'm pretty sure you fell in love with your email.
  Caboose: She was always there for me... until I forgot our special word.
  Tucker: You mean your password.
  Caboose: (sadly) She never forgave me...
  Tucker: Well I guess you should've made out with her sister, Voicemilia.
  Caboose: Oh, she talked too much, and she always blinked at me.

Episode 7: Case File 01.045

• Tucker gives Church tips on how to attract women. With Caboose standing in for the woman.
  Church: You want Caboose to be the woman!?
  Tucker: Dude, it's a lot bigger stretch for you to play a man. Trust me.
• And:
  Tucker: Church, say something rebellious.
  Church: Uh, okay, I think the working class should uprise against the rich people.
  Tucker: I said rebellious, not revolutionary.
  Church: Oh, okay. I drive a fast car over the speed limit. All the time.
  Caboose: I will go with you anywhere.

Episode 8: Shaking the Foundation

• Church tries in vain to explain how he is trying to meet up with Tex inside the memory unit to Tucker, who can't seem to understand while Caboose has delayed reactions to events happening around him, including EARTHQUAKE!
  Church: Ok, try to think of it as like, uh, it's like a diorama.
  Caboose: Ah, yes. Cafeteria for dinosaurs.
  Church: Shut! Up! Caboose!
  Caboose: Typhoon.

• Which leads to Tucker resorting to Caboose to explain how ridiculous and hard to follow Church is.
  Tucker: Hey, Caboose. Explain what's going on. Recap for us.
  Caboose: We are going to eat lunch with dinosaurs.
  Tucker: Yep. Perfect sense.
  Caboose: I AM GOING TO EAT A GIANT EGG!

Episode 9: Captive Audience

• Both teams' individual discussions: the Reds talking about how good Lopez is and the Blues first trying to comprehend Church's explanations YET AGAIN and then the whole grenade discussion.
  Tucker: Hey, you dropped a grenade.
  Church: That's not one of mine. Caboose, pick that up.
  Caboose: I'm not allowed to carry grenades, remember? Because of that one exploding time? Which was no one's fault.
  Church: Well, I didn't drop it! Tucker, count yours.
  Tucker: I have a readout on my helmet, dummy, I don't need to count.
  Church: Oh, right. Well, it has to be somebody's.
  (Beat)
  Tucker: ...somebody threw a grenade at us, didn't they?
  Church: Yeah, we probably should've figured that out sooner.
  (it explodes)

Episode 10: Introductions

• Everything Agent York says. It has to be seen to be believed.
• And to accompany that, Wyoming's performance is just pitiful. Count how many times he gets nailed, and how many times he manages to get a hit in. That's a pretty steep ratio.

Episode 11: Lifting the Veil

• When the flashbang grenade blinds the Blues. They stand around yelling, then start blindly firing their weapons around.
  Tucker: My mother always said I would go blind, but for a totally different reason!
• Meanwhile, Tex is just watching them from nearby.
  Tex: What a bunch of idiots.

Episode 12: Mid-Game Substitution

• Church tells Tex she was sent to replace a soldier who died.
  Tex: What was his name?
  Church: Anderson.
  Tucker: Smith.
  Tex: Well, was it Anderson or Smith?
  Church: Uuuhhh... Ander... smith. Private Andersmith.
  Tex: Andersmith?
  Caboose: Oh, mister Andersmith! I will always miss you, you were too young to die!
  Tucker: Yeah, he was like, ten seconds old.
  Church: Shut up, Tucker.
• Caboose seems oblivious to the fact that Andersmith never existed.
  Caboose: I miss him.
  Church: You miss who?.
  Caboose: Andersmith. He's a reminder of how close we all are just to not being here one day.
  Tucker: He wasn't here any days, idiot. He doesn't exist!
  Caboose: Oh how can you say that? Don't you believe in the afterlife?
  Church: Wha-? Afterlife implies life at some point. He didn't have one.
  Caboose: Because he was so young. He had hopes and dreams.
  Church: He was a dream.
  Caboose: Yes he was...to all of us who knew him.
  Tucker: Okay, I'm actually less worried about you now, and I'm more worried about Caboose.
  Church: Caboose, he didn't exist. You never knew anyone named Andersmith. None of us did.
  Caboose: Denial is an important stage in grieving.
  Church: Yeah, apparently denial is an important part of reality too.
  Tucker: Yeah, take it from the guy who calls that chick his girlfriend.
• In order to check out the strange tremors, Lopez knocks Simmons out, chains him into a cave, and paints his body maroon. Simmons, coming to, apparently sees his body and wonders if he's died and gone to Heaven. When Lopez starts speaking, Simmons worries that he's gone to Mexican Heaven.
  Simmons: Why is my body speaking Spanish? Oh no! Did I go to Mexican Heaven by mistake? That's like white people Hell!

Episode 13: Planning the Heist

• The Freelancer's are planning to hit a guarded 110-story building.
  Wyoming: What does security look like?
  Carolina: They have enough troops to fill a 110 story building.
  Wyoming: So...that's a lot of security.

Episode 14: Son of a Bitch

• Simmons' funeral.
  Simmons: I never imagined that my death could somehow be worse than my life, but here it is. Bitchin'.
• And before that, when Tex shoots Lopez, who everyone thinks was Simmons.
  Donut: We had so much left to talk about! Like our feelings and hopes and dreams! And why most of your insides are wires! How could you just explode like this?! We could've talked! You could've told me what was wrong! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
  Tex: Uh, maybe I'll let that one live... It might demoralize the rest of them.
  Tucker: ... Good idea.
  Tex: C'mon, let's pack it in.
  Tucker: Does anyone feel really, really dirty about this? And not the good kind of really, really dirty?
• York seems to be getting a lot of these:
  York: (while hacking a door) Man, whoever designed this lock is a genius.
  (alarm goes off)
  Carolina: You were saying?
  York: Okay, I take that back. Whoever designed this lock is an asshole.

Episode 15: The Sarcophagus

• Wash saying his Catchphrase in reaction to the bouncy gun. And then getting tackled before he can finish.
  Wash: What the hell? It bounces? Who designs a gun that bounces? This is the worst gun ever. Of all -oomph!
• Carolina kicking Maine out the window.
  Maine: Too high.
  Carolina: Oh, don't be a baby. (Kicks)
  (Cut to two soldiers standing with their backs to a window. Maine falls behind them with a whumph)
  Soldier 1: Hey, did you hear that noise?
  Soldier 2: Probably the sound of you being an idiot.
  Soldier 1: Oh, you're probably right...dick-biscuit.
  • Yes, that was Smosh as the two soldiers. Who else would use such an insult?
• Followed by Maine taking out his frustration (along with his new Brute Shot) on some poor mooks. Wash and York almost felt sorry for them.
  Mook: Stop right there, or we'll... shoot? We— we're gonna need bigger handcuffs. Is— is that a knife? Rifle? Knifle?
  (cut to Carolina and Wash, with the sound of distant explosions and screaming in the background)
• "What the fuck is with this guy?" What makes that scene even better is that you have the badass action music in the background and Shark Face preparing to fight Carolina and Wash. Then the camera cuts to Wash saying the aforementioned quote, and the music abruptly cuts off at the same time.
• As the Mother of Invention is charging up the BFG, York channels Bugs Bunny, handing the transmitter to the leader of those that had just been holding them at gunpoint, saying "Hey man, would you mind holding this for me for a sec?"
• After The Mother Of Invention fires the BFG, Carolina, York, and Wash jump off the crumbling building with these lines;
  Carolina: This must be karma for kicking Maine out the window!
  York: I don't wanna do thiiiiis~!
  Washington: Son of a biiiitch~!
• During an awesome freefall battle, after a jetpack-equipped Tex has just knocked him and the package into the Pelican.
  Wash: Oww...
• Later as they are flying off, Tex is examining her now useless jetpack:
  Wash: So... jetpacks, huh?
  (Tex jumps out of the Pelican without the jetpack)
  Wash: ...That was interesting.
• York's reaction to Maine's Big Damn Heroes moment, with a side order of Awesome.
  "Are we in a car?!"
• This deleted scene where York tries calling Four Seven Niner for backup during the highway chase.
  York: Four Seven Niner, come in. Come in!
  479er: Four Seven Niner, reading you clear, go ahead.
  York: We need help.
  479er: Color me surprised. What's the situation?
  York: We have two Hornets on us, we need you to take 'em out.
  479er: Take them out? I hope you mean invite them to a nice dinner because I loaded this vehicle out for extraction, it doesn't do combat.
  York: You don't have any missiles on that thing?
  479er: It... it's rigged for fast running, York. You know, stealth? Going undetected, that kind of thing? [mutters] Wait, on second thought, maybe you guys don't know what that means.
  York: Thanks for nothing, Four Seven.
  479er: I have a couple of grenades, maybe I could chuck those out the window at you.
  York: Hanging up now, Four Seven!

Episode 16: Hell's Angel

• Sarge's plan to save the world, appropriately entitled: "Sarge's plan to kick the planet's ass."

Episode 17: Spiral

• York's one-liners.
  (After the sleeveless Insurrectionist tosses an oil drum) "Would you quit throwing shit?!"
  (After hopping out of the Warthog and rolling down the road) "Man, I've got to quit jumping off stuff today."
• Maine gets beat around so much in this episode it becomes hilarious.

Episode 18: Labor Pains

• Grif's plan to get the Blues to make a bomb for him since he's too lazy to do it himself. It works a little too well. Well, until it turns out it was a dud.
  Andy: I swear, this never happened before.
• Sarge gives us Behind the Black, with two giant excavators that nobody notices until he points them out.
• Tex: "I know how to lift, jackass. I've been carrying this whole team since I got here."

Episode 19: Whole Lot of Shaking

• the Reds are in a bit of a tizzy due to the strange quakes getting worse on top of Andy the Bomb counting down.
  Grif: I guess this is it, everyone!
  Simmons: Does anyone have anything they wanna say?
  Donut: I do! Well, gosh, this is such an honor! I have so many people to thank! All the little people...
  Simmons: Donut! This is not the time for your pre-rehearsed Academy Award speech!
  Donut: Well, if I don't use it now, when am I going to?

Episode 20: Hate to Say Goodbye

• The finale gives us this line, as the giant image of Caboose (actually the real Caboose examining the Epsilon unit) appears in the sky:
  Sarge: Is that Caboose?!
  Simmons: Is Caboose... God? I mean, I guess that makes sense now that I think about it...? Sure would explain the fuck out of the platypus.
  Sarge: Well, that's just great: Caboose is God. Guess that makes me the first person in the history of the universe that doesn't want to go to Heaven. Way to go, Blue Team: you find a way to make everything suck.
• The final scene with Church saying goodbye to Tex once and for all is absolutely heartbreaking. His reaction to find out out what's actually happening to the Epsilon unit immediately afterwards is...less so.
  Church: No...NO!! The recovery unit's not dying! This isn't the end of the world! This is a fucking rescue mission!!
  • Bonus points for Church’s last words before the memory unit opens to be daring the world to do its worst… and it reveals Caboose in the sky, attempting to save him.

Season 10

Donut getting all New Age-y

Episode 1: Revenants

• The Awesome Music starts up during the introduction to Season 10 as the Director is having F.I.L.S.S. drill a hole through an Insurrectionist ship with her Wave-Motion Gun... with York still in there. York has this to say to Delta, who manages to sound snarky/smartass and emotionless at the same time.
  York: Umm, what target is locked? What's the target? Delta, what are they doing?
  Delta: Taking more direct measures.
  York: You knew about this?
  Delta: (Beat) ...Possibly...
  York: (notices a glowing, smoking spot on the wall) Why, you green little cockbite...
  • "Hey, give me back my leprechaun!" Cue York kicking the chair at the guard, knocking him out a second time.
• Church's Tranquil Fury at finding out that Blue Team's given Wash his clothes, his identity, and has been throwing Wash birthday parties using his name. Goddamn.
  Caboose: I wouldn't really use the word "replace"... but there's no word for "take over for you and make everything better almost immediately", so we just say "replace".
  • Also, almost immediately after:
    Church: I think I just got dumped by Caboose! This is un-fucking-believable!
    Caboose: Yeah, it's not me. It's you.
    • The above line from Church becomes Harsher in Hindsight come episode 18: Church actually gets dumped by Caboose.

Episode 2: Heavy Metal

• The Insurrectionist Guard from Episode 1 floating by in a sitting pose with his chair in space.
• One soldier is carrying a bunch of shotguns in his arms and accidentally drops one, which goes off and kills the guy next to him. The best part is his comment after:
  Soldier: Not again. Sorry about that.
• Poor Wash just can't catch a break concerning cars.
  Wash: Why do cars hate me?

Episode 3: Follow the Leader

• Grif's Big Damn Heroes moment:
  Wash: Where's everyone else?!
  Carolina: Working on an extraction plan. They should be here right about-
  (Grif appears and kills the remaining soldiers with the Warthog, complete with the Tejano music playing)
  Grif: WOOOOOOOO HOOOOOOOO!!!!!
  (Grif stops in front of Carolina and Washington while Sarge and Caboose run out of the base to regroup)
  Carolina: ...now.
  Grif: 'Sup.
  Sarge: Damn you, Private Grif! You took out those two soldiers before I could administer my legal brand of red justice!
• This entire conversation:
  Sarge: Let's just say you seem to know a lot of women with quick tempers. You got a fetish or something?
  Epsilon-Church: ...yeah, I guess you could say... apparently.
  (Beat)
  Sarge: ...wanna talk about it?
  Epsilon!Church: ... no.
  (Beat)
  Caboose: Wanna talk about it with—?
  Epsilon-Church: No!
• And this conversation:
  Sarge: She wanted to get you out of that memory whatsit. Something about you being a geneticfide and mental imprint of muculeen of that Professor What's His Puss.
  Epsilon-Church: Can some one translate that for me? I don't speak Huckleberry.
• Caboose doesn't understand that "sync" means "are we clear" from Carolina, so he lists other kitchen items, like the refrigerator and the easy-bake oven.
• A classic:
  Carolina: You guys not used to following orders?
  Grif: Oh, we're used to getting them, alright. We're just not used to doing much with 'em.
• Simmons following driving laws, even in a firefight.
  Tucker: He actually stopped at the train tracks!
  Simmons: That's the law!
  Tucker: We were under fire!
  Simmons: (Muttering) It's still the law...
  Sarge: Simmons, only you could manage to make a high speed chase boring.
  Simmons: Thank you, sir!
• Wash's growing obsession with "what happened to Georgia."
  Wash: Would someone please tell me what happened to Georgia?!
  York: Dude, You Do NOT Want To Know.
  Wash: I really do, though!

Episode 4: Turbulance

• In order to bring Epsilon!Church along, they put him in Tucker's armor like any other AI. He claims that Tucker's storage unit is so "disgusting" that he had to delete 50 gigabytes worth of data just so he could fit.
  Tucker: You didn't delete my, uhh... "Home Movies"... folder, did you?
  Church: And that brings me to my second point...
• One of Blood Gulch!Church's catchphrases turns out to be inherited from the director himself.
  Director Church: (After The Mother of Invention is hit with a surprise attack) Son of a b-
• Carolina's... method of bringing Wash to safety: Grappling hook to the codpiece. And this was only necessary because of the Noodle Incident stoking his fears of overusing his jetpack. "I-I don't wanna end up like Georgia!"

Episode 5: The New Kid

• This episode starts out with Wash and York staring attentively at North's groin, followed by a barrage of Double Entendres.
  Wash: I expected it to be... bigger.
  York: Why? You've seen mine. It's small too.
  North: Hey Wash? Quit staring. You're making it nervous.
  [...]
  North: Besides, you better get used to it. You're gonna have one of your own soon enough.
• North commenting in a pleasant, completely straight voice that "[York and Wash are] all friends of mine. For reasons beyond my comprehension."

Episode 6: Whats The "I" Stand For?

• Tucker's commentary on Carolina and Washington's reanalysis of Maine's corruption is hilarious, as he keeps trying to get his trademark "Bow Chicka Bow Wow" in... and gets shot at for it when he does.
  Tucker: Bow chicka bow— WHOA! Same team, same team!
  • And then he keeps talking, and she keeps shooting, and even Epsilon gets in on the action (bow chicka bow wow).
    Epsilon: Jesus, you're worse than Tex!
    (Carolina shoots Epsilon's hologram)
    Tucker: Okay, that one was on you.
• Wyoming's face (he has a really silly-looking MUSTACHE). Seriously, he looks like the kind of guy who likes tying damsels to train tracks!
• The post-Washington conversation interactions with Carolina. First, Caboose accidentally hits on her... then Grif agrees with Simmons about her being bad news, leading to this answer from Sarge.
  Sarge: Normally, I would agree with Simmons. But in this case, that would also cause me to agree with Grif! Therefore, I will simply grunt ambiguously. (does so)

Episode 7: Oversight

• Wash eating inside his helmet (complete with magic changing fruit) because Delta told him it would make him "more efficient". Apparently pre-Epsilon Wash is not only naive and innocent, but he's also gullible.
  • Not only is he trying to eat inside his helmet, he is implied to be succeeding, if the changing food is anything to go by. He is eating entire fruits in between cuts away from him. Looks like it is more efficient after all.
• That seagull that gets shot is standing on Wyoming's head. For further silliness, read the milk carton floating nearby.

Episode 8: Fall from Heaven

• Wash freaking out over 479's "cut the engines and plummet" method of arrival.
  Washington: Please don't say "crashing"!
  • And Wash's reaction when the subject first comes up:
  (Wash walks up behind Carolina)
  Pilot 479: They're probably not looking straight up.
  Carolina: You thinking about a dive-bomb?
  Washington: Oh no.
  (Wash walks back to his seat to strap in)
  • Delta is calmer, but still thinks ahead to make a backup of himself. 479 calls him out on it.
    Delta: I have a high degree of confidence we will be able to complete this manuever. *flickers*
    Pilot 479: Wait a second, why did you just blink like that?
    Delta: That was just a standard maintenance routine.
    Pilot 479: Dude! Did you just make a backup of yourself?!
    Delta: Confidence is one thing, but it is always prudent to prepare for failure.
    Pilot 479: *scoffs* That's a dick move, green guy.
    Delta: I apologize if I have offended y—
    Pilot 479: Dick. Move.
  • And, of course, Carolina and York teasing Wash as they're falling:
    Washington: I think I'm gonna be sick!
    Carolina: Y'know, Wash, these suits are supposed to eliminate all waste. You could probably throw up in your helmet, and it would take care of it.
    York: Yeah, you should test that.
    Washington: You two are assholes!
• This conversation between Tucker and Epsilon in Episode 8.
  Tucker: I tried everything I can to get some info out of her. I tried hitting on her, I tried sleeping with her, I tried making out with her-
  Epsilon: Sounds like a complete effort.
  Tucker: Dude, no kidding! I used the whole playbook! I even used my best pick-up line: "hey baby, did you fall from heaven, cause I've always wanted to bone an angel!"
  Epsilon: Tucker, be honest. Have you ever had sex with anything besides an alien?
• Two guards at the enemy base quote the Arc Words before the Freelancers arrive.
  Guard 1: Hey.
  Guard 2: Yeah?
  Guard 1: You ever wonder why we're- (cue ship)
• North and Theta set up a Beehive Barrier around the snipers firing on them, inadvertently causing the bullets to bounce all over the shield, covering the inside with blood.
  North: Did I get 'em?
• During the fight; Wash briefly abandons York. Why? Wash gets attacked by a car.
  Wash: Uh-oh. Car! (Runs for dear life)
  York: Damn it! (Is punched, then tackled)

Episode 9: Fighting Fire

• At one point, Caboose becomes fixated on the trap Tucker said the Reds might be planning for them. Then comes the topic of finding out what Carolina's goals are.
  Church: We need to find out exactly what Carolina's up to, and why she isn't telling us anything.
  Caboose: Okay! I will go ask her! Oh—ey—ya—I promise not to bring up the trap.
  Church: No, Caboose, look! Just... Don't.
  Caboose: Okay, fine. What would you like me to ask her?
  Tucker: You can go ask her if she has the hots for me. I think I felt an emotional connection the last time she hit me.
  Caboose: Tell her that you like to make an emotional hot connection with her trap. Got it.
  Tucker: Oh, that's even better!
• "Hover Church can also solve crimes." For context, Caboose is referring to the time when Church was installed in the Monitor (which, of course, hovers). A few seconds later, it's suggested that Church be installed in a Mongoose.
  Caboose: You're going to solve so many crimes.
• Sarge's 'truce' talk with the blues.
  Sarge: It's about our mutual friend/enemy/companion. Or Friendenemapanion for short.

Episode 10: C.T.

• During the flashback sequence of the Freelancers storming the "Insurrection" base, Agent Florida gets back up to his feet, with a kickass music bit starting up, nonchalantly yanks the collapsible hatchet out of his chest-piece and throws it at the heavy-machinegun twins... and it runs out of momentum and slides harmlessly to a stop at their feet. The twins briefly stop firing to look at it, turn to each other in bemusement, and then go back to firing their HMGs at the Freelancers.

Episode 11: Out of Body

• Epsilon is not happy about being installed in the Mongoose.
  Tucker: How do you feel?
  Epsilon: Like running over each and every one of you.
  Tucker: So, about like normal.
  Epsilon: Pretty much, yeah.
  • He's also less than impressed with Tucker's attempt at being optimistic (and with Caboose being ... well, Caboose):
    Tucker: You can literally pick up chicks now!
    Epsilon: Yeah, because every girl dreams of settling down with Optimus Pr--HONK! [beat] Caboose... don't do that.
    Caboose: Sorry.
• Sarge's song wishing for Grif's slow, painful death, and the fact that Simmons had subconsciously learned it in his sleep.
  Sarge Singing (tune of "When You Wish Upon A Star"): I just wish that Grif was dead...
  Simmons joins in: ...put a bullet through his head...
  Grif: What? Simmons, how do you know that song?
  Simmons: It's been in my dreams for years! Now it all makes sense. Oh, thank God! I thought I was crazy when I woke up with that rifle in my hands!
• Carolina's slowly building fury as she details exactly how stupid the BGC were for losing the Monitor unit.
  Carolina: How can you just leave an ancient alien artifact on the floor of a warehouse?
• When she storms off:
  Wash: You guys are not making my life any easy right now.
  Tucker: Do we ever?
  Wash: Good point.

Episode 12: Out of Mind

• After Taking A Level In Kindness, Carolina making a Double Entendre joke to Epsilon about "picking her up" is hilarious, especially in light of the rest of the episode.
  Carolina: Well, you'll have plenty of time on our ride back.
  Epsilon: Yeah, well about that- hey is there anyway we could get back to the others that doesn't involve me carrying you?
  Carolina: Haha, wow Church. I didn't know an AI unit could get so easily embarassed. Tell you what, just tell your friends that you "picked" me up. How does that sound?
  Epsilon: Remind me to never let you talk to Tucker again.

Episode 13: Greenish-Blue with Envy

• When Epsilon is talking about agreeing to work with Carolina, claiming to Tucker and Caboose that it's to get proximity to her.
  Epsilon: Proximity is the key!
  Tucker: I thought memory was the key.
  Caboose: Oh, yeah, and the sword. The sword is a key too.
  (...)
  Caboose: We should really get a keyring.
• Grif and Simmons having a Call-Back conversation about overtime pay and 401(k) matching. Simmons, naturally, is not getting any despite regularly working 60 hours a week.
• Sarge: "In the battle of ghosts versus robots, robots always win. Except in anime."

Episode 14: New and Improved

• York trolling Wash about the side effects of implantation.
  Washington: You ever get [headaches] after you earned Delta?
  York: At first. They went away pretty quick, though. The other side effects were way worse.
  Washington: What other side effects?
  York: You know: Bleeding from the eyes, ringing ears... inverted penis...
  Washington: Inverted what?!

Episode 15: Three's a Crowd

• This conversation:
  Wash: ...Blue base was swept clean. As for Red Base, any evidence that might have been there was completely destroyed during the construction of some kind of giant, holographic projection room.
  Epsilon: Man... those guys are really starting to find creative ways to ruin my life. Motherfuckers.
• The glorious return of Donut! After almost three whole seasons! And he's got a sustainable garden! And a scare-Lopez. Oh, and Doc's back, too! Sarge is less than pleased about it, though.
  Sarge: Simmons, I'm going to need you to commence operation "Point My Gun At Doc".
  Simmons: But sir, operation "Point My Gun At Doc" was just a code phrase for operation "point my gun at Grif".
  Sarge: Drat! Fine, switch to operation "Point My Gun At Grif".
  Simmons: Actually, sir, that one's just what it sounds like.

Episode 16: Happy Birthday

• This little gem:
  Grif: Hey, Simmons, when you say Donut nailed Lopez to a board?
  Simmons: I mean with nails.
  Grif: Okay, had to ask.
  Simmons: No, no, I understand. I should've been clearer. That's my fault.
• Grif may do nothing, but he takes pride in doing it well.
  Carolina: You might be the worst soldiers I've ever seen.
  Grif: Hey, I take offense at that! What do you mean, 'might'?

Episode 17: Remember Me How I Was

• Church tries talking Carolina into being more friendly;
  Church: Carolina, the guys are terrified of you.
  Carolina: What's your point?
  Church: My point is that they think you're a killer psychopath and you can't be trusted. But I know they're wrong. I know why you're doing all of this. And I know you're not really crazy.
  Carolina: (Sarcastic) Gee, thanks, Church. You certainly know how to make a girl feel special.

Episode 18: Change of Plans

• This little one:
  York: (having accidentally set off the Mother Of Invention alarm) I swear, this never happens to me.
  Texas: I'm sure you say that to all the ladies.
• Also, this.
  Caboose: Church! You're big again! What has she been feeding you?
• Caboose and his shipping:
  Carolina: Listen up! We've got big news.
  Caboose: (Gasps) You and Wash are taking your relationship to the next level. I knew it. The writing was all over the walls.

Episode 19: Party Crasher

• The entire Wyoming and York scene. A "Knock Knock" Joke battle, of all things.
  • York slamming a locker door into Wyoming's face and then doing a double-take at the pin-up picture inside the locker. He even goes so far as to tuck the picture into a pocket as he's leaving.
    York: Talk about your knock-knocks...
  • Wyoming has fanboys of all things, and two of them are helping him fight York.
    Wyoming: It's like idiots in stereo.

Episode 20: Reckless

• The Reds and Blues are back at it in Valhalla.
  Tucker: All right. You know the drill.
  Simmons: Do we have to?
  Wash: That depends. How badly do you want your flag back?
  (Simmons looks at Grif.)
  Grif: Don't look at me! It's your turn.
  Simmons: (sighs) I would just like to let everyone know that I suck.
• The shot showing all the stuff the Blues have captured from the Reds. It's a blink-and-you'll-miss-it, but there's the banana loaf Doc and Donut made the Reds.
• Doc asks if the others want to remember the good times they've had. They... kinda don't. And for good reason.
  Tucker: The "good times"?! I was stranded in the desert!
  Simmons: We were almost killed!
  Sarge: I learned my entire military career was a lie!
  Donut: And I got shot!
  Wash: (looks away and whistles innocently)
  • It gets better; When the Teams are flying away from Valhalla, Donut asks, "Hey, Simmons? Who's the Blue guy with yellow accents? His voice sounds familiar."
• In order to get them to help Carolina earlier, Wash lied and told the Blood Gulch Crew that they were probably wanted criminals at this point, with no choice but to run around with her. Fast forward to this episode, and it turns out the wanted criminals part is true.
• The pilot the Reds stole a ship from at the end of Revelation (the one yelling for them to come back so he wouldn't lose his job) returns.
  Pilot: Surrender now! You are outnumbered! Uh, well... technically you're not really outnumbered. I think we've got the same number... uh, like one-to-one... We've got airships! Fast, easy to pilot airships. Which we will now land, in order to take you to jail!
  (Sarge and Wash trade "are you thinking what I'm thinking" glances, then point their guns. Gilligan Cut to the guys flying away with the ships.)
  Caboose: Goodbye, people we stole these planes from!
  Pilot: Motherfucker!
• Grif still has the Meta's BruteShot from Revelation, and has taken to calling it the Grifshot. The following conversation about it ensues.
  Tucker: What were you going to do, eat off it?
  Grif: Uh, actually, dickhead? I asked Donut to mount it for me at the base.
  Donut: And you know I can't resist a good mounting!
  Washington: You've been hiding one of the most advanced pieces of technology known to man... so you can hang it in your living room?
  Grif: ... well, when you say it like that, it sounds dumb.
  Washington: That's because it is dumb!

Episode 21: True Colors

• Carolina improvising an Epic Flail with a grenade and her Grappling-Hook Pistol. It wouldn't be so funny if the music weren't basically carnival music while she does so.
• Church trying to provide tactical backup to Carolina during the first part of the fight with the Tex copies:
  Church: ...seeing this many ex-girlfriends in one room kinda has me terrified beyond the capacity for rational thought.
  Carolina: Well, snap out of it! I need you!
  Church: Need me for wh—? (Cue Super-Speed) —WHOOAAAAAA!
• During and immediately after Caboose's Foe-Tossing Charge:
  Caboose: MY NAME IS MICHAEL J. CABOOSE. AND I. HATE. TAXES!
  Grif: It's "Texas", you idiot!
  Caboose: THAT TOO.
• Grif, yet again, ends up getting hit in the nuts repeatedly by the Tex copies, to the surprise of no one. Even funnier because he just managed to avoid one by the timely intervention of Carolina, only to be hit by a completely different Tex. And off screen, while Epsilon was talking to Tex, he was hit with a Groin Attack by twenty Tex copies at the same time. Tucker thinks that Epsilon not stopping it before that was still Worth It, though.
  Grif: Not again!

Episode 22: Don't Say It

• In this episode, we finally learn the identity of the Mysterious Blue Guy. Not only is he Flowers, as camp as ever, but he was also Agent Florida - apparently, the Counselor had fun fabricating the "Poor Florida" incident.