Funny / Jake and Amir

  • Amir's rant at the end of the Gulf Oil Spill episode is absolutely uproarious:
    Amir: You know, as sad as this whole thing is, it may the one catalyst that sort of springs us and the world in general to sort of think about alternative energy sources going forward.
    Jake: You may be right.
    Amir: Yeah... I was KIDDING, you idiot!...Yeah, how about an automobile that runs on ocean water so that when the ocean water spills into the ocean nobody gives a crap?...OH, NO, NO, WAIT! How about an automobile that runs on stupid ideas, so we can just hook up a pump to your ass and you can fart out these shitty ill- conceived notions for the rest of time, and we can power every car in America for the next 30 years! How about that?!
    • From the same episode:
      Amir: I think the scariest thing isn't the rate at which the oil is spilling, but rather, spiders, okay, those things are freaky for real.
    • Amir: "Drill baby drill," huh, more like "kill baby krill."
      Jake: That's actually kind of clever.
      Amir: If only "krill" was a word.
      Jake: Okay, never mind.
  • Amir: Not one... nickel.
    Jake: Penny.
    Amir: FUU--
  • [read out completely deadpan from Amir's script]
    I'd punch my mother in the gut for 20 dollars.
  • Amir's "carrot hands" from "NY vs LA".
    Jake: Worst hands... ever.