"Rorschach and Wolveriiiiine! They make a great teeeaaaam! Heeee's a psychopath. Heeee's also a psychopath. I don't think that the premise really works." (Is shot by Rorschach again.)
Deadpool: So how does this thing work again? The Comedian: Eh, we just fight over our movies, that's all. Deadpool: Huh...okay. (clears throat) Hi, I'm a Marvel...(aims a gun at The Comedian) The Comedian: ...and I'm a D—(gets shot by Deadpool) Deadpool: ...and boom goes the dynamite. Deadpool wins!(beat) What?
Thor: (to Green Lantern) Sit thine five dollar ass down before I maketh change.
Green Lantern: (to Deadpool) He got that from you, didn't he?
Deadpool: It was either that or Hammer Time.
Green Lantern: Good call, good call.
From the same video:
Green Lantern: Hey, at least my film is escapism. Thor: My film is escapism as well! Green Lantern: Please... your trailer makes it look like you spend half the movie in flannel shirts looking like Kurt Cobain on steroids, just wandering around, taking in the local flavor of Albuquerque. That's not escapism, that's an independent film from 1996! Hell, that's every independent film from 1996!
From Green Lantern vs. First Class, Professor X using the Jedi Mind Trick on Green Lantern, and the callback to a previous video, dealing with a naked blue character- in this case, Mystique. "WOAH!"
The entire opening qualifies: It consists entirely of Magneto ranting about mutant superiority and what not while dropping a locker on Green Lantern to prevent him from talking.
Deadpool: Excuse me, but when you said "Avengers assemble," should I have taken that as an invitation? Captain America: (sigh) Deadpool...(holds up a cell phone) it's for you. Deadpool: Oh. (takes the phone, which clearly has no one on the other side) Hello? Hello? Alright, two can play the Quiet Game! Hal Jordan: Nice job, Cap! Captain America: Hey, I punched out Hitler. I can handle Deadpool.
From the "Batman vs Avengers" video, after Captain America tells the others to stop fighting over their movies & get along.
Batman: "My God, he's almost as bad as Clark."
Iron Man: "You should see him on the Fourth of July."
The parody of the Star Trek reboot, which has Spiderman and Wolverine fighting over who's the captain, Deadpool as Scotty, Batman as Spock ("Wouldn't it make more sense for Clark to be Spock?" "You've got the ears, just roll with it, sir.") Not to mention: "Fire everything!" "FIRE EVERYONE!"
The first Harry Potter parody.
Deadpool: *after Dexter wins his "Emmys"* Congratulations, Dex. And while we're here, can I interest you at all in being a part of...RORSCHACH AND DEADPOOOOOOOOL! AND DEXTER'S HERE TOOOO-*shot* Rorschach: *runs onscreen* We've only got a few minutes, run,RUN!
All of the attempted Transformers parody, including the beginning, which features Deadpool and Wonder Woman in bed together. Also: Spider-Man angsting over Marvel losing the comic rights to Transformers...
Spider-Man: This is the worst decision Marvel has ever ma— (Deadpool holds up the head of "Dudepeel", the version of him from X-Men Origins: Wolverine) Spider-Man: This is the second worst decision Marvel has ever made!
Deadpool: And by our cruelty they will know who we are! If our costumes don't give us away first.
Deadpool: And the Skrull will not be able to help themselves from the imagining the cruelty that our brothers endured at our hands, at the edge of our knives, at the edge of our knives that come from our hands.
The Spider-man reboot parody features our lovable webslinger saying probably the most famous DC Memetic Mutation ever, except his way:
Spider-Man: Wait, so that means you couldn't even see your movie! Daredevil: No. So, how was Guy Pearce in it? Spider-Man: ...Guy Pearce? Daredevil: Yeah. Well, I heard he was rumored to play me for a while and then people just sort of stopped talking to me about it. So how was he? Spider-Man: ...I think my spider sense is tingling. Gotta go!
The Running Gag with Professor X and Magneto playing chess.
Magneto: I'm wearing the helmet, Charles, so don't even think about cheating.
Iron Man face-down on the table in the first After Hours, drunkenly slurring Iron Man.
Batman: Tony? Tony, I'm driving you home. Tony, come on, get up.
Iron Man: *mumbled gibberish* IwantsomeCocoPuffs.
Spider-Man: Well, what'd you let him drink for? He's an alcoholic! Batman: I gathered that around the fifth round of Jaeger. Although a heads-up might have been nice. Spider-Man: Well, maybe you shouldn't have mentioned your movies! Batman: Maybe you shouldn't have invited him to a bar.
Lance's explanation of what happened to Superman in the first After Hours:
Lance: K, well, stuff happened, and I was all 'Hey Superman' and he was all like 'Dude Lance what's up?' and I was like 'Goblin's all weird and stuff' and he was like 'Dude I should totally check that out 'cause I'm like Superman and I rock'. So then I showed it to him and I'm like 'Dude, what's that?' and then he touched it and it was like 'Dude no way I'm disappearing aaaaahhh.'
The fact that Lance recalls Superman saying this in Superman's own voice makes it even funnier.
Green Goblin (to Wonder Woman): Hello, Mistress. The safe word is "pumpkin". Sound good? (Wonder Woman grabs him by the wrist). Pumpkin, pumpkin, PUMPKIN!
There's a bit of a Call Back later when Batman grabs Green Goblin's wrist and he says "Pumpkin! Pumpkin!"
Spidey's wild ride in the Batmobile. "Please don't tell anyone I webbed myself."
Lex and Gobby both tripping balls on some serious sedatives in the back of the Batmobile. The part that really sells it for me is the bit where they have a screaming loud, yet perfectly civil debate about which film version of the Incredible Hulk they prefer at the top of their lungs.
Also, when a drugged-up Green Goblin fails to get Lex to talk, Batman drugs him up too... then we see the both of them singing and waving their arms in the back of the Batmobile. To add icing to the cake, Spiderman is Face-Palming.
Lex and Gobby: DON'T YOU REMEMBER YOU TOLD ME YOU LOVED ME, BABYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY? SAID YOU'D BE COMING BACK THIS WAY AGAIN, BAAAAABYYYYYYYYY! BABY, BABY, BABY, OH BAAAAAABYYYYYYY! I LOOOOOOOOVE YOOOOOOOOOOOU!
When Green Goblin, enraged at witnessing the Joker smacking Harley around, goes on a huge spiel that is completely censored to hilarious effect. Several long seconds of "bleep!" accompanied with elaborate hand gestures and ending with, "—up Richard Gere's ass!" This troper alarmed her roommates with loud laughter at that point.
Made even funnier when he realizes that everyone is looking at him and he's supposed to be drugged.
Green Goblin: (to a Gatorade bottle.) You hear that, Toto!
Also from Happy Hour:
The Joker: Tell me, my friend - ever dance with the devil by the pale moonlight?
Green Goblin: Yeah. He told me you're gay.
Goblin: (inner thoughts) "I'm doing your girl, I'm glad you're dead. I'm doing your girl, I'm glad you're dead. I'm doing your girl, I'm glad you're dead..." (out loud) I'm sure he knew exactly how I felt about him."
Deadpool: Well sure, but hey you know me! (mimes shooting his pistols) Pa-chew! Pa-chew!
Rorschach: Remember, he already fears us. Now get him to trust us.
Deadpool: Okay, so tell us what we want to know and you'll leave here with just the one gunshot wound. Or was it two? Well, no more than six. But you'll walk out of here alive! Probably. Well, maybe. Actually, you know what, I don't want to say for sure at this point 'cause he's gonna want to break your fingers and who knows what I'm gonna do to you! So, anyway, the point is: you're gonna die, we get the info, and everybody's happy! Except you, the dead guy. And don't worry, unless we find them, your family will be completely safe! But, full disclosure, we're actually really good at finding people, so just be thankful you won't live to see what happens to them! So, uh, can we hurry this up, cause I've actually got this thing...
'Deadpool': You think I don't have friends? I have plenty of friends! There's the friends I make up, the friends in my dreams, the ones who suddenly become my friends when I pull out a rocket launcher...
And, in the same episode:
'Rorschach': Do me a favor.
'Rorschach': Go get us some weapons. Lots of them. And meet me back at the hero bar in half an hour.
'Deadpool': (really excited) Who are we killing?
'Rorschach': I'll show you when I get there
'Deadpool': Ahhhhh yeah! The heroes are gonna have so many questions for me that I won't be able to answer!
Deadpool and Green Goblin's first meeting is funny as hell, as would be expected from the two craziest characters in the series.
"DUDE! That entrance was awesome!"
"MUSHROOM CLOUD!" and the imaginary fight in general of Zero Hour 3.
"Brought to you by Stan's Place: The Heroes Bar. Serving alcohol to your role models! 1-300-Deadpoo. People with fetishes, please stop calling. And the Stark platinum Card. Gold Cards are for pussies."
Goblin: You tried to nuke me now, I'm gonna kick yer ass!
Lex Luthor: (watching this on camera) WHAT THE F** K ARE THESE MORONS DOING???
From Zero Hour #6:
Lars: Boys, you will please begin the beat down now, yah?
Creature: (indistinguishable growl)
Creature: (louder indistinguishable growl)
Green Goblin attempts to stop the plot with a minimum of effort:
Green Goblin:[Shoving Lance's head at Lex Luthor] Here, take it, take it! Future you says 'don't blow up the world'. Goodbye.
The end of "Spider-Man and...? Part 2", where Batman decides that if you can't beat 'em, join 'em. In other words, he spikes Spidey's milkshake.
Batman: Keep dreamin', kid.
After Batman tells Professor Xavier to lay on the guilt in an attempt to snap Spidey out of his mental breakdown, the result is both Spider-Men screaming, 'IT'S ALL MY FAULT!" at the top of their lungs in increasingly less stable voices until the last one comes out as, "ISSS ALL MAAAAAH FAAAAAAAUGH!" Batman then tells the Professor to back it down to just 10%.
Spidey accusing Garfield-Spidey of acting like he's in a Mountain Dew commercial.
Spidey cheerfully assures Iron Man that he's okay, and Iron Man clearly could not care less.
Seeing Deadpool expose the truth...the WHOLE truth to Darkseid, causing him to Go Mad from the Revelation A moment of awesome first and foremost to be sure, but seeing Darkseid, of all beings, mumbling and ranting about YouTube, Random Guy, and the wait between videos before passing out is worth a chuckle.
The Justice League Avengers parody, where Batman's "list of things he is without the Batsuit" goes on for several scenes, until Supes can't take it anymore. Also, Starro the Conqueror being played by a dried starfish with a glued-on googly-eye!
In "Seven Years Later", Spidey and Supes talk about their upcoming movies. Spidey mentions that some people think Superman's movies are a rushed attempt at catching up to The Avengers instead of introducing each hero first. Supes is quick to correct him:
Superman: Ah, but we are introducing them first.
Spider-Man: Ah, great!
Superman: Yep! They'll all be introduced in my sequel.
Superman: That's right! Before the Justice League movie comes out, you can meet the Justice League in Man of Steel 2, which is not the Justice League movie, but introduces the Justice League, while at the same time being my own movie that will simultaneously be my sequel and a Justice League prequel that assembles the Justice League before the Justice League movie, but in no way is the Justice League taking over my movie which sets up the Justice League movie because the Justice League— and I've gone cross-eyed.
Afterward, Supes asks if Spidey is doing well as a member of the Avengers, but Spidey mentions he's not a member because Sony got his movie rights first. Then he details Sony's movie plans for him and he slowly begins to snap. Poor, poor Spidey.
Spider-Man: And if none of that works, they'll just reboot me again. And again. And again.
Spider-Man: Marvel will be making billions off of She-Hulk, Damage Control, Wonder Man, and Werewolf by Night movies, and I'll be getting bit by that freakin' spider for the seventh time! And— and there's gotta be some "what if?" alternate history versions of the story, and— and we can't deprive the people of that. At this point, we won't run out of stories to tell until 2099, at which point they can just make a movie of Spider-Man 2099! Doesn't that all soundGREAT?!(breathes heavily)
Superman: Well, the alternate history actually does sound kind of cool.
(Superman and Wolverine look around and notice the fact that the video is now widescreen, even moving their arms in the space where the black borders used to be before glancing at each other)
Wolverine: Eh, it's close enough.
Superman: Yeah, you're right.
Speaking of Days of Future Past, the Brian Singer gag gets progressively funnier each time in Part 1. The first time with Superman being forced to read an apology notice is chuckle-worthy, Wolverine not even being able to say his name is worth a laugh, but The Watcher having his super-serious narration interrupted by the gag is pure gold. "Seriously?"