Funny / Grand Theft Auto IV

Despite being more grounded in reality and serious than previous GTAs, there's still plenty of laughs to be had.

The Lost and Damned and The Ballad of Gay Tony have their own Funny pages.

In General

• In typical Grand Theft Auto fashion, the radio is littered with hilarious spoof advertisements and talk shows.
• The comedy shows at Split Sides are hilarious, which makes sense, as they were done by real-life comedians Katt Williams, Ricky Gervais, and Frankie Boyle.
• If you try to call a friend who is already sitting in the car with you, you will get their voicemail, after which Niko either apologizes for the mistake or makes up an excuse (like that he was just testing if his phone still works).
• Steal a car that has more people in it than just the driver, and drive off before any of them can get out. Enjoy their helpless screams, begging to be let out, or occasionally admitting that they already shat themselves as you take them on the ride of their nightmares.
• Take a detour while exploring Liberty City, and find yourself a playpark with a swing set inside, then drive your car or bike in.^note The easiest of these parks to get to is located in Firefly Projects in Broker Then, once you're ready, ram the swings as hard as you can, and boom, Hilarity Ensues! If everything goes right, the most famous glitch in the entire Grand Theft Auto franchise will have kicked in, and the swings will send your vehicle with you inside on a one way trip across the city.
• The pedestrians and the gang members' dialogue will make you laugh your ass off.
  • If you, or a random person, fall from a tall building and die by hitting the sidewalk in a busy pedestrian area (Star Junction is ideal), Pedestrians will comment on suddenly finding someone fall out of the sky and land in front of them. Sometimes, they may even pull off a funny one-liner before you respawn!
• Getting Niko to try and get a cab while drunk is pretty hilarious.
  YHHHHEEEELLLLOOOWWWW CHHHHAAAAAAARRRR!
  AAAAGGGHHHH!
  • Most characters when drunk can be pretty fucking funny, but perhaps the shining example is Packie who sometimes starts singing "Oh, Danny Boy."
  • Luis even getting to emphasize it with an Atomic F-Bomb.
• Some of Niko's lines if you hire a prostitute are hilarious:
  Hooker: You want some company, honey?
  Niko: Sure, I don't hate myself enough.
  • Also, a classic:
    Niko: That was great. You should do that for a living.
• Any time Niko get a call from one of his friends in the middle of a mission. He's sure to casually respond in either the most vague or matter of fact way about what he's doing at the moment.
• If you call Roman for a cab, and don't skip the journey, you can be treated to some nice banter between Niko and the rude and ever-complaining driver, Mohammed.
  • Taken up to eleven in "Everybody Loves Mohammed" from GTA Series Videos, which elevates Mo's questionable vehicular skills to mythical proportions - somehow, he manages to get the car on top of Rotterdam Tower.
• "No Sex For Ben" by The Rapture, full stop.
• Listening to the Tuff Gong radio station (you know, the reggae one) causes some pretty hilarious soundtrack dissonance. A high-speed cop chase underlaid with somebody singing mellowly about a girl who likes to party and have a good time, or Bob Marley's "Three Little Birds". Then you'll hear the host warning the listeners not to buy the Excelsior razor, saying that "you might cut off ya nose".
• The Law Enforcement's dialogue, full stop, especially the fat cops and Alderney cops. Seriously, you will bust your gut every time they talk so hilarious.
  Cop: You have the right to shut the fuck up!
• When driving with a GPS, it usually makes a "bing-bong" tone to let you know when a turn is coming up. However, on the rare occasion, instead of making the tone, the voice itself says it.
  • The male voiceover is unusual to hear especially with American accent compare to standard female voiceover.
• This video has Niko, as per usual, hijacking a car, while the guy in the car tells him that there will be consequences. Suddenly, a truck flies at Niko just as he starts driving away.
• Comments made by your friends while driving if you hit something.
  Roman: This is crap! You can't drive!
  • Double points if you manage to roll the car on it's roof!
    • Roman takes it in stride, as if this has already happened to him:
      Roman: What next, genius?
      Roman: You always were an idiot.
      Roman: You are something else, Niko Bellic.
      Roman: Excellent.
      Roman: Brilliant!
    • Brucie, like Roman, mostly takes it in stride, but sometimes insults Niko for his idiotic driving:
      Brucie: Nicky, you're a tool, man.
      Brucie: We're upside-down.
      Brucie: Not cool, NB.
      Brucie: You idiot, NB!
      Brucie: Nicky, we're fucking upside-down! We look like gimps!
    • Pegorino... is less tolerant:
      Pegorino: We're upside-down, you dickhead!
      Pegorino: You ASSHOLE!!
      Pegorino: You fucking retard, you drive like a moron!
  • Some the comments Niko makes when he's driving roughshod all over the place can be entertaining, such as "Hope you had health insurance!" when he hits someone with a car.
• What happens when you turn the friction down to -9?
• "Welcome to Burger Shot, muthafucka!"
  • Or that woman in that small resturant, the one where you have to date a guy. The lady says stuff like "enjoy your meal fatso", or "I dropped this in the kitchen".
• What happens when you try to be a smartass?
• Go ahead, go airborne while Roman, Brucie or Pegorino are in the car with you, the results are hilarious. Cue an Oh, Crap! of epic proportions, at the player!
  Roman: YOU PSYCHOTIC LUNATIC!!!
  Roman: YOU ALWAYS WERE CRAZY!!!
  Roman: WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU?!?!
  Roman: SHIIIIIIIIIIIIIT!!!!!
  Brucie: I don't like this!!
  Brucie: Youuuuuu... EUROPEAN PRICK!!!
  Brucie: Man, this is freakin' me the FUCK OUT!!
  Pegorino: YOU FUCKIN' MANIAC!!!
  Pegorino: CHRIIIIIST!!!
• LCPD cops may give player a chase by stealing nearby civilian vehicles, moreso if they get a bike.
• Niko whenever the player's car's engine dies, it makes funny desesperant rants over the car not working.
  Niko: Come on, baby, start!
  Niko: Come on, come on!
• It doesn't matter how much damage you do to whatever friend/girlfriend you're out with on an activity; you can blow them up with a rocket launcher and the game will tell you that you "scared" them. Sometimes, you'll be greeted with a cutscene of your pal, alive and well, chewing you out afterwards.

Story Mode

• The intro scene, of all things, starts with Niko trying pick up a guy named Dave from his room. Dave happens to be in the middle of a BDSM whipping session with a Thai dominatrix. Behold, the very first line in the entire game, as well as the very first line in Rockstar's new HD Universe:
  Dave: DADDY'S BACK YOU BITCHES!
• The cutscene after the very first level. While a lot of it is funny, CMOF has to go to when Niko starts giving an introspective, very serious narration on his time in the Serbian Army, which sounds like it could have come right out of the mouth of Solid Snake. Roman's response? He falls asleep.
  Niko: ...Roman? (Notices Roman sleeping, and slams the table to wake him up) ROMAN! ARE YOU SLEEPING YOU FAT FUCK!? COME ON!
  • And before that, Roman is trying to ask why Niko has left his home country for Liberty City, and when Niko bluntly states "I never tell you anything. Another time.", Roman responds with this:
    Roman: ...Oooooh, Mystery Man! Strange and exotic sailor! What happened, did you Captain make you pregnant?
    Niko: Screw you!
• In the very first cutscene of the game, the two construction workers that burst the bubble on Roman's enthusiastic reunion with Niko.
  Roman: MY COUSIN IS HERE! WE'RE GOING TO RULE THE WORLD!
  Worker 1: Yeah, yeah, whatever, buddy. Just take over the world someplace else, alright?
  Worker 2: Yeah, buddy!
  Worker 1: You're in the goddamn way!
  Worker 2: Take off!
• The starting cutscene for "It's Your Call", where Roman is talking to Mallorie about their future, but he didn't hang up the radio he was angrily arguing with one of his drivers on.
  Roman: In my homeland we have a saying...
  Man on radio: Yeah, we got one too. You're a fag!
  Roman: Shit...
• The opening cutscene of "Clean Getaway", where Vlad and Niko walk around Broker. Vlad rudely bumps into and insults random people.
• Roman's frantic reaction to Vlad's death and Niko's deadpan responses.
  Roman: What have you done...?
  Niko: What does it look like?
  Roman: We're dead!
  Niko: No. He's dead. We're fine.
  Roman: He has powerful friends... serious people... I told you to BE CALM you hotheaded CHUMP!
  Niko: I am calm. He tried to kill us! He screwed your girlfriend. What do you expect? I give a massage?
  • After killing Vlad, Niko then tells Roman why he came to America: to find the person who betrayed Niko's army squadron. Roman, amusingly, reacts how anyone would after what just happened.
    Roman: Why are you telling me this now? Do you always get sentimental after you kill people?!
    Niko: You kept asking...
• Roman hiding in a dumpster in fear of retaliation from the Russian Mafiya over Vlad's death. Niko is not only amused by this, but also confident that they couldn't care less about a piece of trash like Vlad... until a Russian gangster named Andrei shows up behind him smashes him in the face with the butt of his AK, and forces Roman to get out of the trash can so he can take him to Mikhail's house to be tortured. Then it turns out his actual boss doesn't actually care about Vlad, so Niko is half right.
  Mikhail: You're very lucky Vlad was an idiot. The only reason I keep him around is because I fuck his sister.
• In the cutscene for the mission "Crime and Punishment", Mikhail Faustin’s reaction to Andrei's...enhanced interrogation techniques is priceless.
  Mikhail: SHUT THE FUCK UP! My fucking wife is watching television! {...} Good lord...what are you doing?
  Andrei: (Deadpan, hiding the saw behind his back) Nothing. I mean... I was finding out who he is...
  Faustin: And? Who is he?
  Andrei: He is... his cousin.
  Faustin: You were about to cut up some guy in my house, making all that noise, to find out he is his cousin? [to Dimitri] Where did you find this idiot?
  Dimitri: He was a friend of your sergeant, when we were in Vladivostok.
  Faustin: He's an imbecile.
  • In fact, the beginning cutscene, while quite disturbing, is very hilarious, especially Niko's snarky comeback to Andrei.
    Niko: (Deadpan and obviously trying not to laugh) 'Oh no, I shit my pants.'
    Andrei: That's not good enough. I'm going to saw off your fucking arm. Speak!
    Niko: Okay, okay... Your dad likes it up the ass...
  • And there's Mikhail's Establishing Character Moment to Niko...
    Mikhail: So... Niko Bellic. You think it's okay to kill my employees?
    Niko: If he is an asshole, yes.
    Mikhail: (Suddenly shoots Andrei in the face.) I agree.
    Dimitri: MIKHAIL!
    Mikhail: Asshole look at me like I am piece of shit!
    Dimitri: Bozhe moy ^note  Oh my god
  • And finally, everyone goes nuts when Roman's gag is removed and he starts screaming for his life, predictably ending with Mikhail shooting him in the gut to shut him up. Dimitri's reaction says it all.
    Dimitri: STOP SHOOTING PEOPLE, YOU MANIAC!
    Mikhail: MY WIFE DOESN'T LIKE WHEN PEOPLE SHOUT!
    Dimitri: WHATEVER!
• In "Do You Have Protection?", Dimitri lets Niko buy himself a new weapon, on Mikhail Faustin's account:
  Dimitri: I want to buy you a present.
  Niko: Will you wrap it up and put a pretty bow on it?
  Dimitri: Screw you.
• Mikhail learning about either the Feds or the police catching onto his pot dealing operations. His delusional paranoia leads to this gem of a moment:
  Mikhail: Who is the rat?
  Dimitri: It's no one! It's just the way we've been behaving! Making too much noise. This was inevitable. We're going to calm things right down for a while.
  Mikhail: It's that fucking guy, yeah, I know it is! I saw it in his eyes, you know? That guy. That guy who bought the coke! But he didn't buy the pot-
  Dimitri: That's.. Lenny! He's my cousin's boyfriend. It's not him. Yes, he's a moron, yes, but he's okay.
  Mikhail: I don't trust him.
  Dimitri: What? I just told you-
  Mikhail: He Knows Too Much.
  Dimitri: Ugh!
  • Dimitri spends the end of the cutscene trying (and failing) to convince Faustin to call off the assassination while Niko leaves to carry out the assassination. As he's driving over to the destination, Niko even calls Mikhail to see if he's changed his mind (he hasn't) and they're still arguing.
    Mikhail: Shut up Dimitri! For the last time!
• Niko's reaction to hearing he's driving a truck rigged with a bomb (the delivery seals it).
  Niko: EXPLOSIVES?! What the FUCK?!
  • On his way to deliver the truck, he gets a call from Roman - to get drunk together. Niko lets him know how much of a bad idea that is with his explosive payload.
  • When the mission's said and done, Niko calls Mikhail and tells him to never pull something like this on him again. And Mikhail calls him a pussy for it.
• Even after Dimitri betrays Niko, Niko's casual response to Ray is pretty funny.
  Ray Bulgarin: Where is our money?
  Niko: I don't know. I didn't rob you.
• Before hiring Niko for some jobs, Elizabeta warns him that she won't be as easy to work for as his previous boss Manny Escuela was. Niko disagrees. Why? "I won't have to listen to him talk!" Everybody has a good laugh over his quip, and chances are you'll be laughing along with them.
• When Elizabeta starts freaking out because she thinks the cops are on to her, Manny busts in with his camera crew, spewing obnoxious preaching at Elizabeta. She promptly pulls out a gun and shoots him in the head, before shooting his camera man a split-second after. Almost everyone playing through at this point will be rolling with laughter at this, since, well, it's Manny.
  Elizabeta: I am NOT in the MOOD for this right now!
  Niko: ...Well, he did say he was going to bust a dealer.
• This cutscene, also involving Manny and Jay, his God-awful camera man. It ends with Niko breaking the camera Jay is using, causing Jay to break down in tears, and Manny to get pissed at Niko.
• Most of the intros to Brucie's missions, which usually involves him being stupid and either hurting himself, or getting Niko to hurt (or threaten to hurt) him. Also, the intro to the mission where Niko has to pretend to be gay. Including the profile that Roman sets up for him. Seeing Niko's mugshot-worthy face with the phrase "I am a vulnerable guy, who needs to be held by big strong arms" is hilarious.
  Niko: Brucie, I don't need to see your balls. I'm good.
  • After Niko successfully kills the guy he met for a "date", Roman emails him saying he figured Niko would be okay going on a date with another man, given his time spent in the merchant navy.
  • Despite being a hardened criminal and killer, Niko still makes the types of jokes a 12 year old would make regarding Brucie's balls. A notable one is when he calls Brucie to inform him he failed an Exotic Export mission.
    Niko: Brucie, are your balls OK? You sounded real mad.
• The mission Final Interview. Tom Goldberg's staggering inability to read a situation until Niko has literally pointed a gun at him earns its spot on this page.
  Goldberg: (Niko stands up) Standing up, assertive move, right. I like a man who takes control. (Niko pulls out a gun) Whoa! Whoa, Whoa, Whoa. Hold on a second there, friend. We're lawyers, we don't need guns. Strong move though, I got to say, I like that style. I'm all about the second amendment. Guns don't kill people, video games do.
  • If his secretary, who walked Niko in to his job, runs in after hearing gunshots, Niko has this quip.
    Niko: Guess I didn't get that job!
• Almost all of Niko and Packie's back and forths with a Bound and Gagged Gracie Ancelotti in the mission "Diamonds Are a Girl's Best Friend" are gold. Actually, almost any time Packie is involved in a mission, or even just in the car, with Niko, it's usually pretty hilarious.
  • Also from that mission strand: After Gracie wrestles with Niko in the car (while he's trying to drive) and threatens to scratch his eyes out, Niko replies with this gem of a line:
    Niko: Scratch my fuckin' balls!
  • And not to mention Niko punching and knocking the fuck out of Gracie.
    • And his response? "Peace at last!"
  • Niko and Packie have a lot of fun at her expense.
    Niko: Packie, my man. How are you and Gracie getting on?
    Packie: Like a house on fire, ain't that right, Gracie?
    Gracie: (muffled through her gag) You fucking bastards!
    Packie: See, she was just telling me how much she loved me. What do ya think of Niko, Gracie?
    Gracie: I fucking hate the both of you!
    Packie: Gracie, watch your mouth. Niko is a good friend of mine. Don't say that about him.
    Gracie: Fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, fuck you!
    Packie: Gracie, you're sweet. I know I'm too good for him, but sometimes a guy has got to hang out with lowlifes like Niko here. He's got his uses.
    Gracie: I'll give you some fucking uses!
    Packie: That's right, he is definitely a bad influence on me.
    Gracie: Motherfucker!
  • And version B if you failed the mission once:
    Niko: Gracie, it's been too long. We should hang out more often.
    Gracie: I'd rather see you hanging from a fucking tree!
    Packie: Hands off my woman, Bellic. Gracie and me is in love. Gonna get hitched. White picket fence and all that shit.
    Niko: Packie, this is great. You've finally found a woman who will sit down and listen to your shit. Maybe you should bind and gag all the girls you meet?
    Packie: That might be okay where you're from, Niko. But this is an enlightened society we live in. U S of fucking A.
    Niko: Real enlightened, real civilized. That's the impression I've got so far. An example to the rest of the world.
    Packie: You know you love it, Niko. Doesn't he Gracie?
    Gracie: Motherfuckers!
    Niko: Maybe Gracie ain't so different. You normally just shove so much coke up a girl's nose that she may as well be tied up.
    Packie: You're in a mood, ain't ya Niko? Is it finally beginning to sink in that my sister's chastity belt don't come off?
    Niko: Fuck you!
    Packie: Fuck you!
    Gracie: Fuck the both of you!
  • During the mission "Waste Not Want Knots", while trying to steal from The Mafia:
    Packie: There's got to be a pizza parlor on this island coz I ain't never seen so many Italians!
• At the start of "Out of Commission" Niko is chasing a couple of scared mooks in a car on a highway, driving in the wrong lane, hellbent on exacting righteous retribution... as Roman and Jacob comment on how they've never seen much of Alderney and how much it's unlike Liberty.
  • Before that, Niko asks why they can't just take the mook, and start slicing off his fingers until he tells where Pegorino is. Little Jacob says the mook would just pass out from the pain and blood loss, causing Niko to stick to the plan of following him, and THEN cut his fingers off. Cue Roman freaking out over Niko driving into oncoming traffic and dodging gunfire, all while he and Jacob casually chat about "the finer points of torture" (and Niko telling him to stuff it because HE insisted on coming, with Roman agreeing so long as Niko didn't smash them into an oncoming truck, because "Dead men can't get revenge!")
• "Three Leaf Clover" had the McReary family bickering to each other throughout the mission. As they went to the bank, Derrick and Packie got into an argument on whether their bomb should be called PE4 or C4, while making fun of St.Michael at his expense.
  • During the heist, their plan of robbing the bank goes smoothly, until Derrick and Packie once again got into an argument that, not only exposing the identity of everyone except Niko, but also getting St.Michael killed in the process.
  Derrick: Now listen people, we are your friends. Me and me brother here, we...
  Packie: Why're you tellin' them we're brothers, you idiot!? That's going to make them hard to find us, isn't it!?
  Derrick: I am trying to be honest with these people. We put them through a lot today.
  Packie: Fuck these people, fuck your cause, that shit's over! Ireland is not the only thing that's green, dollars are too.
  Derrick: Now you said bloody "Ireland", that's gonna narrow the search, ain't it?
  Packie: Fuck you, take the needle out your arm then tell me what to do.
  Derrick: I'll let you tell me what to do, when you stop shoving half of Bolivia up your nose every Saturday night!
• Niko's summation of not-so-stable gangster Ray Boccino.
  Niko: "He's a rat doing an impression of a man."
• Drug dealer Playboy X needs the main character Niko to kill someone who has been talking trash behind his back. His description is... unhelpful.
  Playboy X: Son ain't too diesel or nuthin', but he a regular lookin dude, knowwhatimean? And he don't flash his guac too much, but you can see it in his eye, he a hustler.
  Niko: Eh?
  PBX: Homie ain't too brollic, but he ain't scrawny neither, and he beats down on him a little you dig? I mean, he ain't too bummy, but he grimy, too.
  Niko: ...so he's the average one?
  PBX: Look, he brown skinned B, motherfucker be rockin' baggy clothes, all that, jewels and he stay fresh with the clean sneakers, knowwhatimean? But sometimes a bandanna.
  Niko:: Look. I need more than that to go on.
  PBX:: Jesus. Here, take this [camera phone], head down there, take a photo, send it to me, and I'll point out which one of them motherfuckers it is.
• Niko is looking for the guy who sold his army unit out. His first lead is some Florian Cravic. Ray finally gets a lead on him, and he takes Roman on his little revenge quest... Only to find that not only he's not the guy Niko's after, but he also changed a lot after going to America, changing his name to Bernie Crane, becoming a lifestyle instructor (as he says) and having an affair with... the Deputy Mayor, Bryce Dawkins. It's funny because you get Flamboyant Gay when you expect some kind of shady, dirty-looking dude as a traitor.
  • Ray’s reaction to Niko naming Florian to the man he wants found is a disbelieving chuckle. Finding Florian himself explains that a lot.
• In the intro cutscene for the mission "Shadow", Badman's barely comprehensible explanation of his problem. Niko's expression says it all.
  • During the mission, if you're near the target while Roman calls you, the target becomes alerted, causing Niko to start swearing at him for calling at the wrong time.
• In the mission "Trespass", Niko has to whack an Ancelotti Capo, "Chubby Charlie", and eventually chases him to the roof of the Abandoned Factory, where Charlie hops onto a helicopter bound for "The Commission". Now, logic dictates you should shoot Charlie, but you have to take the helicopter down since Charlie told the pilot to deliver his message for him on the chance he gets whacked. BUT, if you shoot the helicopter down BEFORE shooting Charlie, you get treated to a nice cutscene where the helicopter crashes through the skylight of the factory, and hear Charlie's last words; either screaming for his life as he goes down in flames, or... something more profane.
  Chubby Charlie: MUTHAFUCKAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH-!!!!!! (CRASH!!!)
  • Then, after a Beat, three whole floors of the building explode!!
• Early on in the game, if you decide to go on a date with Michelle instead of saving Roman from the loan sharks, Roman has a few choice words to say to Niko when he picks him up from the hospital. Also, Niko insisting in his usual deadpan manner that "his breath does not smell of titty" is pretty funny.
  Roman: (as soon as he gets into the car) That is the man who chose cooch before his cousin.
• In Rigged to Blow, this can happen.
• Almost every interaction between Niko and the United Liberty Paper contact is funny. It almost seems like they're competing in deadpaniness.
  Niko: We shot down that chopper for you.
  U.L. Paper contact: You think I don't know that? You think I've been sitting around scratching my balls with head up my ass?
  Niko: I'd be impressed if you had been.

Multiplayer

• Many player's taunts and reactions when they got hit or shot:
  "My fucking leg!"
  "No! No! No!"
  "Fuck yourself with the machete!"
  "Easy there officer, I've been a good boy."
  "Fuck! My wheels are potato chip now!"
  "Nobody fucks with my bike!"
  "I did it again!"
  "Whiplash!"
  "My cigarette!"
  "My ride! Man, I'll snap your back in half!"
  "I hope your pocket's deep son!"
  "That's an automatic beat down!"
  "I just stole this fucking ride!"
  "Ow, I smell my blow!"
  • Players makes taunt when picking weapons due to taunt button is binded on the use key.
• The multiplayer killfeed differs from standard killfeeds from other games, which replaced with exagerrated messages how they were killed: from getting battered, 2nd amendment, smged, double barreled, to surprised, barbecued, gouranga'd, fucked up.
• When seating behind motorbike, it's possible to aim your weapon at the rider's head and shoot it at point blank as if you're threatening the rider.
• Many bugs and glitches found in Story Mode are also carried over to Multiplayer and players can actually use it such as the aforementioned "Swing Glitch". Made even better when players are no longer prone to involuntary ejection when crashed with exemption of using bikes.

Television

Republican Space Rangers

• This gem:
  Dick: God speaks English. My Bible is in English. This am England-ish. SPEAK FUCKIN' ENGLISH!!

Princess Robot Bubblegum

• The banner hanging over the dojo in the first episode of Princess Robot Bubblegum reads, in Japanese, "Every ninja must masturbate everyday."
• Master Hentai's Ice-Cream Koan speech. Also, Master Hentai's name.

Internet

• The cursor turns into a hand giving the middle finger when it hovers over a clickable link.
• You may come across a website for child beauty pageants called "Little Lacy Surprise Pageant." Click on the link and you'll be greeted by the LCPD logo and a message saying that your IP account has been tracked. You now have a five star wanted level, and the FIB are closing in on your location with great speed.
• Morningwood Health Spa has several special forms of massage therapy, including one that involves getting assaulted by a Scottish football hooligan while he screams incomprehensible slurs, and the more traditional heated stone therapy - stones that they'll brain you with if you don't give the masseur a proper tip!
• Train Yourself Tolerant is an online guide on how to make your workplace more politically correct, saying that the best way to undo centuries of racial persecution and exploitation is through awkward roleplay in the conference room.

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