Funny / Buzz Lightyear of Star Command

  • In the pilot movie, when the LGMs are showing Buzz XR and Nebula walks in.
    Buzz: And Commander Nebula approved a robot ranger? He hates robots.
    LGM: Well... he doesn't exactly... know.
    Nebula: HE DOES NOW!
    Nebula: So you went ahead and build that expendable ranger?
    LGM: Uh, experimental ranger...
    LGM: Actually it was you...aha...we slipped it in under our vacation request.
    Nebula: Craters. They always get me that way.
    • And when they're attempting to rebuild XR later- the key word being attempt- without the Unimind, the LGMs are practically useless, and they use all sorts of Noodle Implements to try and "fix" XR (really they just try to fit stuff into his body), including a live chicken; lampshaded by Buzz when he says "They have lost it."
    • When Zurg is about to fire his evil invention.
    Zurg: Fire Zurgatronic Mega Ray!
    Grub: Firing Zurgarrific Ray!
    Grub: Heheh. Sorry.
    Zurg: "Zurgarrific"'s not bad, though. Let's file it for future use. (Machine wires up... then malfunctions; Grub shrugs) Did you make sure that the plus end went to the plus part, AND THE MINUS END WENT TO THE MINUS PART?!
    Grub: (stammers and sees the battery placed the wrong way) Oh... That would do it, huh?
    Zurg: Argh...! (facepalms)
    • There was a moment during the climatic battle where Zurg orders his minions to target his dark Hive Mind ray at the 'planet of widows and orphans'.
    Buzz: (coming out of hiding) You fiend!
    Grub: There he is!
    Zurg: Heh heh. I knew that would get him.
    • This argument:
    Booster: But Buzz, that's against the rules! In the Star Command mission manual, it clearly states that no ranger is to go into action without backup! I think it's section six, subsection Delta.
    Buzz: Actually, it's section six, subsection Gamma.
    XR: He's right, big guy, subsection Delta's the dress code. Incidentally, why can't we have nose rings?!
    Buzz: Because nose rings are for PUNKS, little mister!
    Mira: Well, if you can take on Zurg alone, I don't see why XR can't get a nose ring.
    XR: I was just asking a question, I'm not the one getting a nose ring!
    Booster: Then... who's getting a nose ring? (Gasp!) THAT's why Buzz wants to ditch us!
    Buzz: I am NOT getting a nose ring! Nobody's getting a nose ring! IT'S AGAINST THE RULES!
    "Zurg Tower. Note the giant gun on the roof."
    "LGM Homeworld, under attack. (Obviously)."
    "Zurg Tower. But you knew that."
    "Space... duh."
    • When Buzz reports to Commander Nebula that Mira Nova hijacked the Alpha One to go after Zurg..,
    Cmdr. Nebula: (smug) She beat you to it, huh?
    Buzz: *Grimaces, looks sheepish* Eh- yeah, pretty much.
    • After the Uni-Mind is saved by Mira phasing Buzz into its core, and then returned to its planet, a couple of LGMs assure Buzz they're connected again. Then a third one poses, shouts Buzz's catch phrase, and begins to float away somehow before one of the previous two catches him.
    • X-R's comment about Zurg's Mind Control.
    X-R: You know, the guy's supposed to be some kind of evil mastermind, and the best he can come up with is a ventriloquist act! What's next, evil juggling?
    • X-R's plan for dealing with Zurg.
    X-R: I got two words for you all: Time share! You all love it. I know, I know. Monday through Wednesday, the universe will admittedly belong to Zurg. But Thursday through Saturday, it's our's! We alternate on Sundays. What d'ya think?
    Cmdr. Nebula: (to the LGMs) Sweet Mother of Venus, what did you do to him?!
    LGM 1: We, uh, fixed him.
    LGM 2: Yeah. I think.
    X-R: (being carried out of the meeting room) Oh, come on, guys, you all love the time share idea and you're just jealous.
    • This exchange between Warp and Buzz.
    Warp: You think Zurg is behind every cat stuck in a tree!
    Buzz: The fiend! Why can't he leave the kitty cats out of his nefarious schemes?
  • In "Stress Test", any time Zurg mentions the HYPER DEATH RAY!
    Dr. Animus: *shows Buzz a slide* Now, tell me, vat do you see?
    Buzz: Zurg.
    Dr. Animus: *shows him another one* How about zis one?
    Buzz: Zurg.
    Dr. Animus: *shows him another slide* And zis one?
    Buzz: Zurg.
    Dr. Animus: *holds up a picture of Mira* How about zis, Buzz?
    Buzz: That's Ranger Nova. She's happy - cause we got Zurg's pen!
    • Later in that same episode, when Zurg confronts Dr. Animus.
    Zurg: My pen. I want my PEN!
  • Buzz's rant about his failed engagement in The Plasma Monster.
  • At Becky's tea party during the end of "Stranger Invasion", Buzz is in a hat and apron that bears an unmistakable resemblance to Mrs. Nesbitt.
    • Zurg starting his invasion:
    Zurg: Lower it!
    Grub: Lower what, Sir?
    Zurg: IT! IT! D'oh you know! The crystallic self-perpetuating breeder construction core! And can't you come up with a shorter word for it? Like Evil Takeover Thingy?
    Grub: In test markets, four out of five victims surveyed were more frightened by big words.
    Zurg: Fine, fine, fine. Let the suits have their way... for now. *evil chuckle*
    • This gets Brick Joked later when Buzz discovers his base.
      Native General: He's taken over our planet, enslaved the population, turned Rosswell into a giant munitions factory. All in one day!
      Buzz: He's finally done it! A crystallic self-perpetuating breeder construction core...
      Native General: Those are big words! I'm frightened!
      Buzz: Don't be, it's just evil marketing.
      Native General: Can we stop it?
      Buzz: No, General. Marketing is the one force in the universe that is stronger than-
      Native General: No, no! I meant the Big Evil Takeover Thingy!
      Buzz: Oh, there we might have a chance if we can breach the core and pull out the crystallic fusion rods
      Native General: Gasp! More big, frightening words!
    • Zurg gets a couple savvy lines, as he goes over the plans for his new base.
      "No, no, no! How many times have we been through this?! We've got to learn from our mistakes! There will be no air ducts big enough for hero-sized people to crawl through! It's just asking for trouble."
      "And if I may remind you, no giant trash compactor! When heroes fall in, they always have enough time to figure a way out! Make it an incinerator!"
    • After his defenses shoot down Buzz and Booster's shuttle, Zurg personally goes to inspect the crash site.
    • In the same episode where Zurg and Buzz keep pulling out / replacing power rods in the core of the machine that's trying to rebuild the planet. "Level 4, shutting down. Please make up your mind." until finally at the end, all four rods are broken, the machine is shrinking back into its original container. "Level 1, shutting down. If you're still in the building, this is gonna hurt."
    • This exchange between Zurg and Buzz:
    Buzz: Wait! Zurg! Aren't you gonna gloat about your evil plan before getting rid of us?
    Zurg: Oh, you would like that, wouldn't you, Lightyear? Then you'll try to escape and thwart my plan, but you can't do it if you don't know what it is! My lips are zipped!
    Buzz: Fine, okay. (is led off)
    Zurg: All right, wait! I'm... going to gloat. But I'm not going to give you any information you could possibly use! Okay, there's this place, and I'm going to destroy it in a way they would never expect.
    Buzz: Sweet mother of Venus! You're gonna destroy Capital Planet with a secret attack wave launched through a trans-spacial warp!
    Zurg: D'oh! But HOW did you do that?! I just HATE you, Buzz Lightyear!
  • In "A Zoo Out There," several Senators have been kidnapped right off Capital Planet. Buzz suspects Zurg and calls to demand that he release them.
    Buzz: You've pulled some evil deeds in the past—
    Mira: But kidnapping innocent politicians?
    Zurg: Innocent politicians? Don't be oxymoronic. I'd never do something so... so obvious.
    Buzz: Well, even if you're not doing the actual dirty work, I'm sure it's one of your vile sidekicks.
    Zurg: Oh really? Well, why don't we ask them?
    (Zurg steps aside, revealing he's in a meeting with Warp, Gravitina, XL, NOS-4-A2 and Torque)
    Zurg: Anybody here kidnapping politicians?! Come on, speak up!
    (The assembled villains mumble, being just as unaware of the kidnappings as Zurg)
    Zurg: Sorry, Lightyear, no kidnappers here. But we are cooking up something very evil for the next fiscal quarter. I'm sure you'll like it. (laughs) Buh-bye.
    • Zurg has call-waiting.
  • This dialogue between XR and the Commander in "Enemy Without A Face":
    XR: Mayday, mayday! XR to Star Command!
    Commander: XR? Where's Buzz?
    XR: Well, do you want the bad news first or-well, come to think of it, it's all bad news.
    Commander: Just get to the point!
  • From "Wirewolf," when Booster wants to tell Star Command about Buzz saving Ty from NOS-4-A2:
    Booster: "Right away, sir!" (He goes to call Star Command)
    Ty: (He blinks and does a Face Palm) "Sarcasm is lost on the big one."
    • Earlier, Ty banging his head against his helmet in frustration when Team Lightyear first arrives.
    Ty: Him! Where's a wormhole when yeh need one?
    • When Team Lightyear arrives on Canis Lunas, XR starts a chat with one of the sentry bots.
    XR: So I hear you have an energy vampire. (whispers) Hey, just between us robots, where are the good hiding places on this berg?
    Sentry 2: (mumbles) Eh, air ducts four through seven, but you didn't hear it from me.
    • While acting as bait, XR starts to quietly grumble just before he's attacked by the Wirewolf.
    XR: (bitterly sarcastic) Join Star Command, see the universe.
  • "Revenge of the Monsters" After capturing Ty Parsec with XL, NOS-4-A2 is talking to himself. While he's doing so, the Wirewolf takes one of XL's arms, and the two get into a tug of war over it.
    • Also a scene in the episode where transformed Senators are engaged in a massive fight, return to normal, and continue fighting as if nothing's changed!
  • Caveman!Buzz in Devolutionaries:
    Buzz: Buzz forget how to blink.
  • Buzz getting arrested in Conspiracy. He actually thought a SWAT Team was sent to his house just for training.
    Buzz: *solving a crossword* Let's see, a 6-letter word for solidify by means of temperature decline. That would have to be...
    Star Command SWAT Team: FREEZE!
    *Buzz is surrounded by a SWAT team with their guns drawn on him*
    Buzz: *Takes a swig of his coffee* Top marks on your entry tactic men, just be sure to keep that left flank tight.
    *Buzz is yanked out of his seat and scene cuts to him in jail*
  • XR trying to control XL's body (It Makes Sense in Context) in "Head Case".
  • From "Tag Team":
    Buzz: You said you couldn't leave without me!
    Warp: That's right, I couldn't. Because I can't drive a stick.
    Buzz: Oh...
  • The coffin lid closing scene in "The Slayer" is pretty creepy...up until the Mood Whiplash when the lid sticks and Nos has to oil it.
  • In the episode "Speed Trap", When XR asks why Team Lightyear ended up on speed trap duty, it was the result of a meeting gone awry with the Porcelons, a group of aliens that resemble a bunch of sentient toilets.
    • Despite the collective and inadvertent spouting of sensitive words by Mira, XR and Buzz, Booster ultimately soiled relations between Star Command and the Porcelons when he had to go to the bathroom, and mistook the Porcelon ambassador for an actual toilet.
    Booster: Sorry I'm late. The restroom on this floor was broken. *beat as he see's Porcelon ambassador* Oh, thank goodness!
    Buzz, Mira and XR: BOOSTER, NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!
    * sound of toilet flushing as XR's flashback ends*
  • "The Starthought"
    • When Zurg has a pair of Grubs test-pilot the titular Tangean spacecraft, the Grubs panic at being unable to understand his orders and insist that they are loyal to their leader, which causes the ship to fly directly at Zurg, much to the evil emperor's shock.
    Zurg: No! Don't think about me! Don't think, period! Stop thinking!
  • At the end of "At Large on a Small Planet", Tremendor sees being sent to jail as a victory because the poor conditions of prison fits the Gargantian Militants' preference for things to be drab and bland. Buzz and Booster then inform him that the prison cuisine is actually rated four stars and that their best food is pizza. Cue Big "NO!".
  • The entirety of Guzelian's "Let's Make Peace" musical number in "War and Peace and War". One highlight is XR and XL doing a waltz!
  • "Rescue Mission"
    Queen: No? He said "no" to me! No one's ever said "no" to me before. (smiles) I kind of like it.
  • "Star Smasher"
    • XR mocks the "Independent Thinker" LGM for giving Buzz oven mitts to prepare for getting the sun out of the black hole. When it turns out that the oven mitts can turn into a protective suit enabling the wearer to survive extreme heat, he is quite astonished.
    • At the end of the episode, Buzz allows "Independent Thinker" to use his invention on Zurg's ship. Mira points out that this is essentially revenge. Buzz tries to explain why this is justice rather than revenge, but he ends up giving up and admitting that this pretty much is revenge.
  • "Opposites Attract"
    • In the beginning of the episode, two of the beach-goers are seen using a tiny UFO containing an angry alien as a frisbee.
    • The LGMs' best solution to Buzz's oversized head is to have him wear a giant baseball cap.
  • The robot Buzz from "Lost in Time", which butchers Buzz's catch phrase. Buzz's attempts to fix it leave much to be desired.
    Robot!Buzz: To infinzzzzzzz...! To infinity and be-BEEEEEEEE...!
    Buzz: Well, let's see, this should do it...
    Robot!Buzz: To infinity, and more infinity!
    Buzz: (sigh) A thousand years, and this is the best they could do?