Funny / Toy Story
"Look! I'm Woody! Howdy howdy howdy!"
  • Buzz earnestly explains to Woody his role in saving Earth, basically as R2-D2 in A New Hope. His voice and the music build dramatically, then. Watch!
    Buzz: According to my navicomputer—
    Woody: Shut up! Just shut up, you idiot!
    Buzz: Sheriff, this is no time to panic.
    Woody: This is the perfect time to panic! I'm lost, Andy is gone, they're gonna move from their house in two days and it's all your fault!
    Buzz: My fa— My fault?! If you hadn't pushed me out the window in the first place—
    Woody: Oooaugh yeah!? Well, if you, hadn't shown up in your stupid little cardboard spaceship and taken away everything that was important to me...
    Buzz: Don't talk to me about importance! Because of you, the security of the entire universe is in jeopardy!
    Woody: WHAT?! What are you talking about?!
    Buzz: [glances up at the moon] Right now, poised at the edge of the galaxy, Emperor Zurg has been secretly building a weapon with the destructive capacity to annihilate an entire planet. I alone have information that reveal his weapon's only weaknesses. [turns back to Woody, who is reacting as one would expect] And you, my friend, are responsible for delaying my rendezvous with Star Command!
    [beat, and cue the Chirping Crickets as the backsound]
    Woody: [losing it] You! Are! A! TOOOOOOOY! You're not the real Buzz Lightyear, you... you're an action figure! You are a child's plaything!
    Buzz: You are a sad, strange little man. And you have my pity. Farewell. [flashes a Vulcan salute]
    Woody: Oh yeah? Well, good riddance, ya looney!
    • Double-funny for doing the Vulcan salute along with "Farewell".
    • Made even funnier by Woody maintaining a look throughout Buzz's story that just screams "Are you listening to the shit you're saying?!" until he finally snaps.
    • Just the hilarious way Woody gestures the quote "You are child's plaything!" to a bewildered looking Buzz.
    • When Toy Story 3 was knocked off of its 100% Rotten Tomatoes review level by two contrinarians who gave bad reviews because they wanted to be contrary, the director responded by tweeting, "You are sad, strange little men, and you have my pity."
  • "Don't you get it?! You see the hat?! I am Mrs. Nesbitt!" Somehow, Woody matter-of-factly smacking Buzz to his senses with his own dismembered arm makes it even funnier. Watch!
    • Then there's the squeaky noise Buzz's head makes...
    • Buzz, looking all calm, says Woody's right and walks off to get it together, then:
      Buzz: Oh, I'm a sham! Look at me, I can't even fly out of a window! But the hat looked good? Tell me the hat looked good. The apron was a bit much... Years of academy training, wasted!
    • Though it's also a bit sad since it shows how awful his Heroic B.S.O.D. is, it's hard not to start laughing when Woody turns to look for Buzz and finds him swinging his own arm through the air making airplane noises, then crashing it into the ground.
  • "Look! I'm Woody! Howdy, howdy, howdy!"
  • "Okay, Mr. LightBeer, prove it!"
    • A few minutes later in the film, Woody calls him "LightSnack".
  • Mr. Potato Head quietly removing his mouth and repeatedly putting it on his backside while Slink is defending Woody, getting a laugh from the Speak-n-Spell.note 
  • Every other line of Mr. Potato Head's. "Did you all take stupid pills this morning?"
    • Ditto for Hamm.
    Rex (panicked): "Any dinosaur-shaped [toys]?!"
    Hamm: "Oh for crying out loud, they're all in boxes, you idiot!"
  • Mr. Potato Head and Hamm play Battleship, especially when you notice Potato has called every spot on Hamm's grid except the ones where his ships are.
    • And Hamm has done exactly the opposite, having not missed once. Considering that out of the 100 squares on a typical Battleship grid, 17 of them will be occupied by ships and 83 aren't, it's anyone's guess how they managed that.
      • If you look closely, Potato Head set up his ships side-by-side, making it too easy for Hamm to guess where his ships are.
    • Even better, they're playing STRIP Battleship. Although how Hamm's supposed to strip would be Fridge Logic if he ever lost...
      • Well, there's his cork...
  • Woody miming friendship with Buzz's arm.
    • And before that:
    Woody: Buzz, could you get over here and give me a hand?
    Buzz: [throws his arm at Woody]
    Woody: Aha... that's very funny, Buzz THISISSERIOUS!
    • Before that, when Woody tries to proof everyone Buzz is alive and tells Buzz to come show himself, Buzz pulls the sticker from his laser blasting arm, crumbles it and throws it away in disgust. Still in his delirious mind to help him.
    • Then when he's trying to keep it up with the other toys across the way:
      Mr. Potato Head: Wait just a minute, what are you trying to pull?!
      Woody: Nothing! [accidentally shows Buzz's disconnected arm, the other toys scream in terror]
    • He then belatedly attempts to hide it behind his back.
  • "I don't believe that man's ever been to medical school." You think?
  • Woody laughing at Buzz's delusions.
    Woody: You actually think you're the Buzz Lightyear? (losing it) Oh, all this time I thought it was an act! (to the toys) Hey guys, look! It's the real Buzz Lightyear!
    Buzz: You're mocking me, aren't you?
    Woody: Oh, no no no no no- BUZZ LOOK AN ALIEN!
    Buzz: Where?! (Woody laughs hysterically and drops down whilst laughing as Buzz looks on with a Death Glare on his face)
  • Buzz's complete freakout when his helmet is open, while Woody just waits for him to finish. Until Buzz realizes that the air isn't toxic, and snaps at Woody for nearly endangering his life.
    Buzz: (points at Woody, accusingly) How dare you open a spaceman's helmet on a uncharted planet?! My eyeballs could have been sucked from their sockets! (Buzz calmly closes his helmet as if nothing had happened)
    • Even better, that joke was improvised. Woody was originally supposed to look around concerned, but the bored-looking layout version sent John Lasseter into a hysterical fit and the joke was changed accordingly.
  • This exchange:
    Buzz: I believe the word you're searching for is "Space Ranger".
    Woody: The word I'm searching for, I can't say, because there's preschool toys present.
  • In Toy Story Treats, "Roadblock." It's just such a horrible joke, and Woody makes such a stupid face...
  • Rex's response when Slinky asks him if he believes Woody is innocent:
    Rex: I don't like confrontations!
    • Even Lasseter and co. agree this is Rex's funniest line on the DVD commentary.
  • During Woody's encouragement to snap Buzz out of his depression after the realization he's not a space ranger...
    Woody: Your helmet does that—that WOOSH thing!
  • This exchange right at the beginning of the movie:
    Mr. Potato Head: [is turned away from the camera] Hey, Hamm, look! [turns around, revealing that he has rearranged his face] I'm Potasso!
    Hamm: I don't get it. [walks away]
    Mr. Potato Head: [at Hamm] You uncultured swine!
    • "What are you lookin' at, ya hockey puck?" Camera turns to... a hockey puck, with arms and legs, which shrugs in a "What?" fashion, presumably because it doesn't even have eyes.
  • The scene where Buzz and Woody stow away on the Pizza Planet truck.
  • When Woody grabs Buzz and repeatedly pushes a button that makes his arm go up and down.
    Woody: Use your karate chop action!
    Buzz: Hey, hey, how are you doing that!?
  • "Great, so if anyone attacks us we can blink 'em to death."
  • Buzz explains to Woody that revenge is something that isn't encouraged on his planet... then clarifies that they're not on his planet, to which Woody responds with an Oh, Crap! face and saying Little "No".
    • And it's right after Woody was happy to see Buzz is alright and is confident that Buzz will tell the other toys it was a freak accident.
    • Parts of the ensuing brawl are rather comically handled due to their toy nature, particularly when they try sucker punching each other (Woody's head just spins around, making him dizzy, while Buzz's just makes squeaky noises).
  • After panicking about being replaced by his birthday presents, the toys all get increasingly offended by the lackluster practical ones he receives.
    Green Army Soldier: Okay, it's bedsheets.
    Mr. Potato Head: Who invited THAT kid?
  • Sid sleep-talking: "I wanna ride the pony."
  • Woody tries to get Buzz to follow him back to Andy's by convincing him that he's found a "spaceship" to take him home:
    Woody: It's a special spaceship! I just saw it!
    Buzz: [excited] You mean it has hyperdrive?
    Woody: Hyperactive hyperdrive! And astro... uh... turf!
  • Buzz tries to get a look at Sid from Andy's window.
    Buzz: Sure is a hairy looking fella.
    Woody: No no, that's Scud, you idiot!
  • The DVD Commentary can be pretty funny at points. Highlights include them poking fun at Buzz continuing to push the crate off the table even after he's fully stretched out, and pointing out that Buzz runs like an athlete while Woody runs like a wimp.
  • In a meta Actor Allusion way, Buzz dropping a Binford toolbox on Woody.
  • The toys have a My God, What Have I Done? moment after they throw Woody off the moving truck but Rex takes it a step further.
    Rex: Great! Now I have guilt.
    • Likely a callback to his anti-confrontation statement.
  • Rex and Mr. Potato Head end up sharing a box for the move:
    Potato Head: How did I get stuck with you as a moving buddy?
    Rex: (completely sincere) Everyone else was picked.
  • During Woody and Buzz' brawl underneath the car, Woody opens Buzz' helmet to start whaling on him, but then Buzz snaps the helmet shut on Woody's fingers, causing Woody to howl in a hilariously undignified way.
  • After Sid throws Woody around, pretending to interrogate him and then using a Solar-Powered Magnifying Glass on him before running downstairs, Woody immediately gets up, screams in pain and dunks his head in an old cereal bowl. Buzz then comes out (with plungers on his face and butt, for some reason) and, still thinking it was all real, congratulates Woody, stating that a lesser man would've broken under such harsh torture.
  • At the end, when the army guys announce the arrival of Mrs. Potato Head, Mr. Potato Head remarks, "Gee, I'd better shave!"...and just plucks off his mustache and tosses it offscreen.
  • The very end when Buzz asks Woody if he's worried about the Christmas presents Andy will get:
    Woody: (laughs) Now Buzz, what could Andy possibly get that is worse than you?
    The shot slowly zooms out to the exterior of the house.
    Andy: Oh, what is it? What is it? (barking is heard) Wow! A puppy!
    The shot quickly zooms back in on Woody and Buzz, who smile weakly at each other and chuckle.