Fanfic / The Lives And Timesof Kaleido Shirou Schweinorg

Synopsis: By chance, Kischur Zelretch Schweinorg stumbles upon a dying boy in the Fuyuki Fire. He decided then, to "to create his successor himself, to mold him so his mind wouldn't break under the stress". And as a result, Kaleido Shirou Schweinorg was born.

And thus, the tale of the adopted son of Zelretch unfolds as he travels across the multiverse, running into troubles and beautiful women along the way. Can be found here:

Current crossovers so far: Magical Girl Lyrical Nanoha, Berserk, Fate/kaleid liner PRISMA☆ILLYA, Infinite Stratos, Avatar: The Last Airbender, Touhou, The Elder Scrolls, Fairy Tail, Metal Gear, Mahou Sensei Negima!, Dark Souls, Dog Days, Place to Place, Kingdom Hearts, Pokémon and The Familiar of Zero.

This page only deals with tropes appearing in the story itself. For the crossover series, check their respective trope pages.

This fanfic contains examples of:

  • Accidental Pervert: Shirou from time to time.
  • Action Survivor: Shirou has to be in order to survive the backlash from OS' lack of tact.
  • Air Jousting
  • Badass Longcoat
  • Battle Couple: Quickly seems to be becoming one with Signum.
  • Casual Danger Dialog
  • Chef of Iron: In the words of Kaleido Shirou himself:
    Strangely enough, no matter where one went in the multiverse, there was no Shirou who was not a cook. No matter the place, circumstances, rearing, limitations or reasons. No matter that simple natural logic dictated one of them somewhere should not know how to cook. Every Shirou in the multiverse had one thing in common.

    Shirou cooked. He took pride in his skills as a cook. He was extremely defensive of his kitchen and cooking rights.
  • Bathtub Bonding: Between Signum and Flora, where the latter give the former some advice regarding her love life.
  • Berserk Button: Calling Shirou "man-whore." Go ahead. I dare you.
  • Big Damn Heroes: Signum and Shirou saving the day in the Berserk world.
  • Big Eater: Shirou, Vita.
  • Bilingual Bonus: Allows you to figure out what OS says to piss off Signum and her sword so much.
  • Boundand Gagged: Happens to Shirou quite a bit.
  • Collector of the Strange: To protect or to amuse himself. The Wabbajack, straight from Skyrim, is among the stranger objects that Shirou has obtained.
    After learning that concept of "ownership" is of little concern to a slider, he is always looking for new things to add to his growing arsenal. Although, the need for a staff that fires exploding chickens is still up for debate between Shirou and his sword.
  • Cool Sword: OS, Shirou's Mystic Code who is also a:
  • Covert Pervert: Signum, if the latest chapter is anything to go by.
  • Crossover: The whole point of the series.
  • Deadpan Snarker: Shirou and OS.
  • Dimensional Traveler: He's the son of the master of Kaleidoscope. What do you expect?
  • Double Entendre: When Shirou broke through Yuuno's barrier, the following chase scene between him and Vita garners quite a lot of attention. Starting with these lines from Vita:
    B-But…but his first time was supposed to be mine…his first time was supposed to be mine!”
    “You stole it from him! IT WAS SUPPOSED TO BE MINE!”
    • Revisited later when Shirou and Signum finally return to her home verse, this time with Fate Night Sky Shirou, Reinforce and Vita accompanying them.
    “I’m very sorry.” Repeated Schweinorg, having trouble to keep his head straight. “I’m so sorry…that I took Yuuno’s first time. I did not know it was reserved for you.”
  • The Drifter
    • Good Samaritan: Despite several experiences telling him that getting involved with local affairs is generally a bad idea and will only cause trouble for him, Shirou is still always willing to lend a hand in someones time of need.
  • Erotic Dream: Signum has one of these due to OS's machinations.
  • Fantastic Arousal: Let just say that Shirou's petting is ... extraordinary. To the point that Leonmitchelli start dumping some of her duties on her brother just to have "petting time."
    To reiterate: his petting skills are so good that, just from watching, even Sink wanted to be petted.
  • Genre Savvy: Shirou has become this by necessity.
  • Heroic B.S.O.D.:
    • After wiping out a squad of 12 men, Shirou suffers from this until he has a talk with Iroh which snaps him out of it.
    • Suffers it again at an unidentified point in time when he begins to question his way of life, until Rin gets him out of it again
    "Finally, I was getting really tired of all that teenage angsting,"
    • Suffer one again when they finally return to Signum's homeworld. After hearing about his power, the three Aces wishes to recruit more Earth mages. Their destination: Fuyuki. Only this is the aftermath of the 5th War in the Heaven's Feel route. The Normal End.
  • In Harm's Way
  • Lampshade Hanging: Shirou noting that in the Nanoha Movie 1st (a movie in-universe in this case), Fate somehow surviving an attack - that started with a "big ball of doom that makes the word 'complete annihilation' seem an understatement", with fractions of its power to annihilate buildings countryside as far as the eye can see, and managing to vaporize a perfect circle through another building - all because Nanoha's device was set to stun.
  • Mythology Gag: In the newest chapter, when Shirou, F/NS Shirou, Yuuno, and Zafira all got drunk, Shirou started telling about an incident involving an alternate Shirou, Saber, and fasting. Sound familiar?
  • Not What It Looks Like: The ending of Signum and Shirou's fight, where she ends up straddling him, lips locked together, and her clothes are practically ripped to shreds. Hayate comes in and comically misreads the situation.
  • Oh, Crap!: Everyone have this reaction when they sensed that DS Shirou was about to use his ultimate attack, Font of the First Flame. A Noble Phantasm-class weapon.
  • Parental Abandonment: Sending Shirou off to do his own thing after training the kid for only a year ain't exactly what you'd call "good parenting".
  • Powers via Possession: Shirou Schweinorg can "trace" different versions of himself, called Templates, who have grown up with different parents and skillset. Templates so far:
    • Anti-Magic: Guardian Knight Shirou. Receiving an education ranging from spear craft to poetry that was as extensive as it was thorough, this Shirou became a Guardian Knight: an ideal familiar tailored to act as a companion, guardian, and eventual lover to either the witches who adopted them or said witches' daughters as they travel the world. But by far the two skills he shows the most talent for are curse-breaking – a branch of anti-magic that goes beyond what its name implies and is comprised of the dismantling of any prepared magics, whether their origin be from Formal, Ritual, or Witchcraft – and his almost precognitive ability to sense the nature and origin of any threat to his master.
    • Assassin:
    • Barrier Warrior: Bastion Shirou. When Avalon was implanted within his body to save his life, he wound up taking on one of the more abstract concepts woven into its existence by the fey realm, adopting the properties that granted protection from all forces that meant the wielder harm – instead of becoming a sword, this Shirou had been granted the powers of a shield.
    • Gadgeteer Genius: Engineer Shirou, with a backstory similar to that of Isaac Clarke.
    • Guardian Entity: Counter Guardian Shirou, aka EMIYA himself. One of the many Dangerous Forbidden Technique that Kaleido Shirou doesn't dare use.
    • Improbable Aiming Skills: More so compared to the others. Born into a world tainted by Angra Mainyu, after the elder magus of the Edelfelt family successfully won the Holy Grail and proceeded to try and reach Akasha; this Shirou was raised in the Fujimura compound after being orphaned by a bandit raid that killed his family.
    • Improbable Weapon User: Shirou Chan, raised by Jackie Chan. His strongest point? Capable of turning ANYTHING into a weapon. And by anything, I mean anything – as long as he can get his hands on it, he WILL use it to kick the crap out of his opponent. Ambushed in an alley? Pipe, garbage cans are already on hand. Attacked in a Home Depot? Ladder up. Stuck in a seafood store? Fish-chucks, yo.
    • Master Swordsman: Blademaster Shirou, a Fate-route Shirou who became fixated upon his ideal to create a place where no one would suffer and chose to wield Caliburn as his main weapon in Saber's memory.
    • Man in the Machine: Cybernetic Shirou, captured and experimented on by the Patriots. His skull and upper jaw were surgically removed from his body before being implanted onto a replacement that was made of 90% steel, with some flexible synthetic material where necessary.
    • Occult Detective: Occult Hunter Shirou, saved by a traveling hunter investigating the strange events occurring in Fuyuki during the 4th grail war.
    • Person of Mass Destruction: This template came from a world where instead of Hayate Yagami, the Book of Darkness chose Shirou Emiya instead. Hailing from Fraggle's Fate Night Sky itself, this is another Dangerous Forbidden Technique. Also caused quite a lot of trouble for Shirou the first time he used it.
    • Powered Armour: N7 Shirou, born into the world of Mass Effect and user of the experimental Juggernaught Armor.
    • Psychic Powers: X-COM!Shirou. Mostly functions as a Multi-Ranged Master, with healing abilities.
    • Stone Wall: Dark Souls!Shirou, since he started as a Knight. A Shirou who was born and cursed to die by the mark engraved upon him. Cursed by what few gods remained in the world, he was fated to follow in the footsteps of countless others. All forced to travel down the wretched path in the forsaken lands of Lordran. Bathed in the blood, filth, and sin of a darkness which permeated the land, he had only his one desire to push him forward. To end this cruel cycle of pain and suffering. He has only himself and his armaments as companions, for he has refused the love of others. He is too tainted to accept such emotions and kindness. Only the bonfires brings warmth to his dead body.
    • Super Soldier: Halo!Shirou. Once a ODST, he was then drafted into the Spartan IV Program and gained the designation Spartan V-444.
    • Supreme Chef: The King of Cooks, able to sate the appetite of even the dreaded food critic Alter with a single meal, create a feast for Broskander's army in under an hour, tame the Tiger of Fuyuki with a snack, and is even rumored to have been offered a place in Gilgamesh's kitchen. Upon his death he ascended to be a minor deity and Patron Saint of cooking. It has also be theorized that he has prevented several natural disasters by placating Gaia with a meal, and is able to release a few of his alternates from serving the counter-force by having dinner dates with Alaya on a regular basis, provided he himself cooked the meals.
  • Screw Yourself: Thanks to OS, Kaleido Shirou Schweinorg once woke up in bed with Kaleido Shiko Schweinorg.
    This was the beginning of a very strange, and very awkward day.
    The day after Kaleido Shirou Schweinorg sleep with his alternate, Kaleido Shiko Schweinorg.
  • Running Gag: Shirou really hates being chained up.
    "Besides," Said OS with his customary cheer once more coloring his tone. "I can't wait to see boss' reaction when he wakes up, he hates being tied up."
    "Hey… could you free me? I really hate being tied up." Deadpanned Shirou.
    • OS always causes trouble for Shirou, once way or another
  • Sexy Shirt Switch: Subverted. While Signum does end up wearing Shirou's shirt, it was because her regular clothes were unavailable.
  • Ship Tease: A bit in the newest chapter F/NS Shirou x F/NS Reinforce, Schweinorg x Signum, Yuuno x Hayate, and maybe Zafira x Shamal.
  • Shipper on Deck: OS is this for Shirou and Signum.
  • Shout-Out:
    • In the newest chapter, there's the particular bit about how Shirou knew what to cook for Fate and specificaly cook the way she likes it. Add to the fact that Shirou's smile reminded Fate of the smiles Lindy directed at her after adopting her, this references one of Old Iron's stories, the Vajira continuity. In it, Shirou Emiya was the one who adopted Fate and not Lindy.
  • Stalker with a Crush: Shirou has one in the form of Evangeline. Yes, THAT Eva.
  • Sword Beam: OS and Caliburn.
  • Too Kinky to Torture: When Yuuno captures Shirou in his chains and tries to interrogate him, Shirou throws off his focus by constantly saying that he hates BDSM.
    "Yes you! Would you please let me off of these things? I really am not into BDSM, chains just give me the creeps man."
    "Says the guy who chained up another guy against his will and proceeded to deliver a speech about how the one chained up deserves to be chained up by the one who did the chaining."
  • Undying Loyalty: OS toward Shirou.
  • Walking the Multiverse