"I finished reading LXG Volume 6: The Tempest a few weeks ago, and I was immensely disappointed. The story was shit, the characters were flat, and the whole thing was just a real crappy way to end a saga. So, I have decided to write my own ending. With blackjack and hookers! In fact, forget the blackjack! Starting with the revelation of the Antichrist's identity, I'm putting my own spin on how LXG should have ended out, and hopefully do it with the same creative storytelling spirit that the series started out with."
—Opening blurb
Temptest Rewrite is a The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen Fix Fic by Saberlord_Oboeshoes.
It can be read here
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League of Extraordinary Gentlemen: Tempest Rewrite contains examples of:
- Adaptational Heroism:
- James Bond is no longer a sociopathic magic-hating rapist, but a secret Torchwood agent doing his part to save humanity (although still a womanizing Smug Snake).
- Harry Potter is no longer the Antichrist, but The Paragon worthy of Excalibur. Even more notable is that he endured a combination of the same horrors that he went through in both the comics and his original books, but ultimately came out stronger for it thanks to the positive influence of his friends.
- In the original comic, Paul Bunyan is shown to be part of Prospero’s unleashed horrors; here, he fights against the eldritch monsters.
- Robbie Rotten had reformed at some point and became a heroic Gadgeteer Genius. When Iceland was invaded by trolls and giants during the story's climax, he teams up with local hero and former Arch-Enemy Sportacus to repel the monsters.
- Adaptational Modesty: The Lunites are given clothes to match their source material.
- Adaptational Villainy:
- In the original comics, the Antichrist was Harry Potter due to Alan Moore's hatred of the character. The role of Antichrist here is now Dennis the Menace, corrupted from the Bratty Half-Pint he was in his comic strips to a homicidal lunatic by his sword, Stormbringer.
- Emma discovers that Bond had good reason to kill her loved ones:
- Her father was a communist about to defect to the Soviet Union with his technology.
- Her uncle Hugo put Revenge Before Reason and was willing to kill Emma for it.
- Her Cliff House friends had converted to the Esoteric Order of Dagon and committed suicide when the IMF caught up with them.
- The main cast of Teen Titans Go! are depicted here as "destructive, sadistic, amoral doppelgangers" of the real Teen Titans, who are based on their 2003 incarnations. Among the horrible things they did is spout lines like "Remember kids - bullying is bad!" every time they maimed someone.
- Kratos started out as a god-slayer whose rage over his first family's deaths evolved into catastrophic levels of Revenge Before Reason, before the events of God of War (PS4) and God of War Ragnarök vastly mellowed him out. Here, he was one of the Chaos Lords' most brutal champions who was implied to have never made the Character Development that his canon counterpart made in the Norse realms.
- Alas, Poor Villain: After Mary Poppins takes Stormbringer away from him, Dennis shrinks back to his normal size and, without Stormbringer's corrupting influence, starts freaking out in horrified guilt once he sees the corpses of his friends and realizes what he did to them. Unfortunately, Mary turns him into a chalk drawing and washes him away, but even she has hope that Dennis' soul will be redeemed eventually.Mary Poppins: It shall take millennia, but your soul will be washed clean, and your friends will forgive you.
- Amazon Brigade:
- Gale Allen and her Girl Squadron are all women, hence their group name.
- The Star Fems are also composed of women, which includes Gale's old Girl Squad, liberated slaves from Gor, Ultu Amazons, Dale Arden, Marcia the Martian Princess, Carol Darlisle, Ulala, Newt the Predator, Stormy Tempest, Lum Invader, Faye Valentine, and a 3D-printed clone of Bender.
- Ascended Extra: Greta Mors, Dennis the Menace, Lara Croft, Dan Dare, Mysta of the Moon, and Lovecraft’s creations all have much more pivotal roles in the story.
- Black Comedy Rape: The Lunites attempt to impregnate themselves by kidnapping young Ultunote men and performing oral sex on them.
- Brother–Sister Incest: A few examples occur in the story.
- Jack Nemo and Greta Mors have been in an unhealthy relationship since their teens.
- Their daughters Shakti and Chanda confess their intimate feelings to each other on their last night on Earth, kiss and make love.
- Lazarus Long provides the Meteor II with a crew of ecchi characters involved in sibling romance, all trained for life and combat in space.
- Composite Character:
- Hugo Danner is the first Captain America.
- Mary Poppins is one of the Elohim, who are also the Elder Gods, the Eldila, the Monolith Creators, and a faction the Lords of Law note
- Prospero and Dracula are just two of the many forms of Nyarlathotep, who is also The Bent One. Some of his other forms include Killer BOB, Pinhead, Pennywise, and Bill Cipher.
- Maleldil the Young is also Uatu the Watcher.
- Mina, Emma, and Orlando become Planet Comics heroines Mysta of the Moon, Gale Allen, and Futura respectively.note .
- The Black Martians of Barsoom are the Looney Tunes Martians.
- In Epilogue 3:
- Stella Star, Saint-Exmin, and Barbarella are all aliases of Stormy Tempest, who instead of coming from the far future, was originally a Japanese-American Mina Hayase from the hentai Sexfriend.
- Orlando/Futura becomes Commander Shepherd and the God-Emperor of Mankind (with other heroines becoming Canoness of the Adepta Sororitas).
- Clarissa MacDougall is an adult Yoko Littner.
- Tak takes on a new humanoid disguise as Tanya the Space Sirennote and finally becomes Lelith Hesperax the Drukhari Wych; her husbands/henchmen Bandor and Kabe were originally a Video Ranger and a Treen.
- The Corrupter: Having Stormbringer around gradually turned Dennis from a mere Bratty Half-Pint to the homicidally insane Antichrist that Harry Potter originally was in the comics. Once Mary Poppins takes Stormbringer away from Dennis, he is freed of its influence, but proceeds to have a Villainous BSoD once he sees his friends' corpses and the scope of his atrocities starts sinking in.
- Corporate-Sponsored Superhero: Every modern superhero is funded by big-name companies to the point that they create supervillains with staged battles to boost their popularity. However, rescuing people from regular criminals, disasters or suicide is very real.
- Crossover Cosmology: Between the pantheons of the Cthulhu Mythos and The Space Trilogy, and the multiverses of The Eternal Champion and The World as Myth.
- Dead Man Writing: Bond left a tape for Emma to play after killing him.
- Dead Guy Junior: Orlando impregnates Mina and Emma on their wedding night. Mina and Orlando name their son Allan after Allan Quartermain, while Emma names her daughter Samantha after her mother. Three later, they all have many more children, who are all named after long-lost friends and lovers.
- Death by Adaptation:
- Mina lost her son Quincy in a miscarriage in the event that caused her and her husband's divorce.
- Orlando underwent a sex change while pregnant, and the child from the end of her namesake novel was painfully pulled out of her body and crushed to death.
- Jack Nemo, Hugo Hercules, and the Golliwog are all killed off.
- Deconstruction: Of several highlights of the original comic:
- Emma's revenge against "Jimmy" is shown to be selfish and petty, especially in light of how it did nothing to stop MI-5's actions. Furthermore, "Jimmy" is shown to have been in the right for attacking the magical dimensions, as they were planning to invade Earth.
- The comic's criticisms of modern superhero popularity is taken to task by explaining that, yes, they do make corporations lots of money, but they also serve as inspirational role models. And while they may subliminally teach that ordinary people should be dependent on extraordinary beings, you need extraordinary beings to solve extraordinary problems.
- In a universe where the creations of H.P. Lovecraft exist, they're going to eventually be front-and-center instead of just mere footnotes.
- Not related to the original comic, Robert A. Heinlein character Lazarus Long isn't seen as a wisdom-infused paragon, but a self-absorbed deviant. When he inspires Jack Nemo and Greta Mors to give into their lust, they become trapped in an unhealthy relationship, thus deconstructing Long's incest fetish.
- Dude Magnet: When Emma becomes Princess Gale Allen of Venus, several men, including Carson Napier and Dan Dare, ask her for a date.
- Everyone Has Lots of Sex: It’s based on an Alan Moore series, so there are many sex scenes.
- Gender Bender:
- As Futura, Orlando can now change her gender at will (and go in-between).
- In Epilogue 2, Nyarlathotep becomes Nyarko-san.
- Heroic Sacrifice:
- Lazarus Long dies fighting Hugo Hercules to let the Meteor II launch into space.
- Done by Heckapoo to save Mina from Prospero/Nyarlathotep
- Hotter and Sexier: This story has a lot more sex than the original comic; it also ends with our heroines in much more revealing clothes.
- Irony: The Star Fems are warrior-priestess servants of the Oyeresu, allegories for traditionalist interpretations of angels and God from the Bible, who wear stripperiffic spandex and are in an open bisexual group marriage.
- Generation Xerox:Mina/Mysta: "Captain Harlock's a true individualist, serving no god or government, only the cries of the oppressed. He is truly a worthy successor to the Nemo bloodline."
- Grief-Induced Split: The loss of Mina's son Quincy to miscarriage caused her and her husband's divorce, as he blamed her for the tragedy.
- Legacy Character: All modern superheroes are this, with sidekicks taking up their mentors’ roles through the years.
- Greta Mors take up the mantle of Captain Nemo, which is later filled by her descendant Harlock, and then by his descendant Sally Quasar. With no way of leaving this universe, Rick Sanchez decides to become the next Ishmael, a role that is taken up later by Jonny Rico, and then later by Halo Jones.
- After accidentally killing Mysta’s robot, Bender 3D prints a clone of himself to take its place.
- Let's See YOU Do Better!: The fic's opening blurb has the author deciding the last issue of The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen is "shit", so they're going to write their own spin on it while still keeping true to the same creative storytelling spirit the comic had in its beginnings.
- Libertarians IN SPACE!: After turning the deceased Ghroth into Arcadia, the Star Fems and Harlock set up an individualistic society with a minarchist government.
- Lovecraft Lite: After Prospero/Nyarlathotep unleashes eldritch horrors on humanity, the world’s superheroes, wizards, witches and spies unite to fight back. According to Mina/Mysta, it will end with Harry Potter, Captain Marvel, and Santa Claus slaying Cthulhu, thus ushering in a new era for humanity.
- Magical Girl: Teams of magical girls band together to protect Japan from eldritch monsters during Prospero's apocalypse.
- Master of Disguise: Emma and Orlando flawlessly pass themselves off as Belle and Bambi for their assassination plot.
- Mon: During Prospero's apocalypse, teams of them band together to protect Japan from eldritch monsters.
- Multiverse: The existence of the world of LXG (and this fic) is explained using the The World as Myth concept from The Number of the Beast, and is also revealed to be a part of the Eternal Champion multiverse.
- My Skull Runneth Over: After being taken to the moon lab by Heckapoo, Mysta has a data file compiled by Jimmy containing all of mankind's knowledge uploaded to her brain. This sends her mind and spirit body back into the astral plane.
- Nice Job Breaking It, Hero: In Epilogue 3, the collateral damage indirectly caused by the Dirty Pair directly causes political relations across the galaxy to worsen to the point that the Imperium of Man is able to form by restoring stability.
- Nice Job Fixing It, Villain: By attempting to make her a vampire, Dracula/Prospero/Nyarlathotep had infected Mina with magic, which was then passed along to her daughter who (also thanks to Prospero) was born at an asylum and adopted by a wizard family. Mina's daughter would be the mother of Harry Potter, who would become England's Eternal Champion against the eldritch horrors released by Prospero. Also, that same magic within Mina allowed the Elohim/Oyeresu to transform her, Emma and Orlando into the warrior-priestess Star Fems.
- Obfuscating Stupidity: Turns out, Bond was faking his incompetence in Black Dossier.
- Polyamory:
- After escaping Earth on the Meteor II, the incestuous Nemo-Mors girls form a foursome with Dennis Brennan and Morty Smith.
- The main story ends with a marriage between Mina/Mysta, Emma/Gale, and Orlando/Futura. In Epilogue 3, their marriage is joined by Ender Wiggin and Stormy Tempest.
- Pop-Culture Pun Episode Title:
- Chapter 8 - "Coming to America"
- Chapter 16 - "Interplay of Sex, More Sex, and Mystery"
- Chapter 22 - "World Gone Mad"
- Chapter 26 - "Going Astral"
- Chapter 28 - "Space Jesus"
- Chapter 34 - "Shut Up, Nyarlathotep!"
- Chapter 35 - "The End is the Beginning is the End"
- Chapter 41 - "Whatever Happened to Nyarlathotep?"
- Chapter 42 - "Future History"
- The Power of Friendship: What prevented Harry Potter from going down the same path of insanity that affected him in the comics was him realizing that it is his close friends that keep him going, not fate or prophecy of any kind.Harry Potter: My life may have been scripted, but my friends weren't. They were the ones who drove me forward against evil, not fate or prophecy or whatever else. Ron, Hermione, and Ginny helped me realize that yes, we're all just tools for those in power, but if they use us to craft the world into a better place, why object? Should I follow my own path at the price of damning humanity? No; always follow the path for a brighter tomorrow and make that your own destiny.
- Pre-Climax Climax: Tempest Rewrite's version of the Moonchild arc has Orlando and Mina having passionate sex before they go off to find the Antichrist (who is Dennis the Menace here instead of Harry Potter).
- Related in the Adaptation:
- All superheroes are connected to Hugo Danner, Hugo Hercules, or Doc Savage in some way.
- Mina and Allan are the biological grandparents of Harry Potter.
- Wendy Corduroy is a descendant of Paul Bunyan.
- Prospero claims that the Molluscs were native to Yuggoth.
- Commando Cody is the son of James Bond and Kissy Suzuki.
- When Emma Peel becomes Gale Allen, she is accepted as the sister to Princess Duare.
- The Treens are descended from the King and Queen of Perelandra.
- Stormy Tempest is a Japanese member of the Howard Families.
- Captain Harlock is the space-faring descendant of Captain Nemo, Captain Robur, Captain Mors, four of the Seven Stars, and Morty Smith.
- In Epilogue 1, Orlando is the mother of Roma and Lara Croft, and father of Shantae.
- In Epilogue 3:
- Emma/Gale and Orlando/Futura are the parents of Samus Aran.
- Mina/Mysta and Orlando/Futura are the parents of Master Chief, and Ender Wiggin is implied to have fathered many other SPARTAN troops.
- Harlock and Samus are the parents of Satin Astro (who becomes her own ancestor) and ancestors to Halo Jones and Sally Quasar.
- Yoko Littner is the last living descendant of all the Star Fems, and her scarf is Mina's Scarf.
- Lord Dominator is the daughter of Tak, made with DNA from a Video Ranger and a Treen.
- The Priest-Kings of Gor are genetically descended from the Arachnids/Formics, as are the Space Pirates from the Xenomorphs.
- Rousing Speech: While fighting the various Eldritch Abominations plaguing London, Harry Potter delivers a psychic message everyone across the country.Harry Potter: People of London, I know that your worst nightmares have come to life, but there is still hope. Look to the skies and look for the signs of the divine. Run to them and you will find refuge. This darkness will end and the sun will rise again.
- Scarf of Asskicking: When Mina's astral spirit meets her grandson, Harry Potter, for the first time, she finds him magically duking it out with a Shoggoth during an apocalypse brought upon by the Elder Gods. He's also wearing his red-yellow Gryffindor scarf during this time.
- Solar System Neighbors: Like the original comics, Planetary Romances are canon, and here many more are mentioned and elaborated upon.
- Spared by the Adaptation: At least one of the Star Fems saved Ripley and Newt from a crash-landing, allowing Newt to be raised as a Predator.
- Spiritual Antithesis: To the original comic.
- Alan Moore has a habit of portraying characters he doesn't like, such as James Bond and Harry Potter, allegedly as deconstructions. However, he exaggerates their negative qualities and removes their good ones, so it feels less like deconstruction and more like demonization.By contrast, in chapter 24 of the fic, it's clear the author isn't a fan of Robert A. Heinlein character Lazarus Long. He's portrayed a sexual deviant with an incest fetish and expects everyone else to blindly accept his beliefs. However, he does prepare the Nemo family for their space travels, provide them with a fully-trained crew, and dies fighting a crazed Hugo Hercules so they could fulfill their destiny of saving both the universe and the multiverse. While the original comic gave the message of, "These characters I personally don't like are horrible and there's nothing good about them," this fic seems to be saying, "This character I personally don't like has his issues, but he's still a good man at heart."
- Harry Potter, spies, superheroes, and everything else Moore hates is given a much more positive treatment; for example, Harry Potter is not a insane, drug-addicted man who went mad as a boy upon learning he was destined to become the Antichrist, but a genuine hero who is worthy of wielding the Arthurian sword Excalibur.
- Rather than have Emma and Orlando coerce Jason King into killing Bond, they do it themselves
- Instead of having Cthulhu be a footnote, his awakening causes worldwide insanity
- The protagonists don’t make it safely to Lincoln Island and escaping Earth with all their friends and associates; the island succumbs to madness and the ones who escape Earth just barely do.
- Instead of the world being taken over by Prospero's horrors, modern-day heroes band together to save humanity from said horrors.
- The main story still ends with a wedding, but between the main heroines rather than two minor characters.
- The comic's final page (not counting the epilogues) was a piss-take on comics legend Stan Lee; this story ends with numerous space-faring pulp sci-fi characters being reinvented in a style not unlike that of comics legend Alan Moore.
- Take That!:
- Rather than being Moore's mouthpiece against superheroes, Captain Universe defends them against Moore's arguments (and mocks Moore's use of the term 'fascist').
- After killing Bond, Emma plays a tape in which he mocks the futility of her plan as well as Moore's take on spies.
- Mina's talk with Harry Potter is a rebuttal of Moore's views on the character. Moore depicted Harry Potter as a whiny Spoiled Brat who went on a magical killing spree after discovering he was secretly groomed to become the Antichrist, then became an insane recluse wallowing in self-pity. Harry Potter in Tempest Rewrite did go through a similar bout of depression after learning being The Chosen One amounted to being nothing more than a puppet, but ultimately chooses to carve his own path and become a genuine hero after realizing that it's his friends that keep him going, not fate or prophecy.
- The US government gave in to the demands of John Galt just to make him stop speaking.
- The wedding from The Twilight Saga is the one massacred by the zombies from "A Little Piece of Heaven".
- The main cast of Teen Titans Go! are part of the horrors released on the world. As icing on the cake, they were confronted, defeated, and killed by their 2003 counterparts.
- Orlando/Futura is sent to Gor, where sexual slavery is realistically portrayed as horrific.
- Andrew Ryan from BioShock is derided as "that idiot who tried to build a city on the bottom of the ocean"
- Tangled Family Tree: Thanks to Lazarus Long, the entire crew of the Meteor II are practitioners of incest, leading to entangled inbreeding all the way to Harlock and possibly beyond.
- Truer to the Text:
- James Bond and Harry Potter are as heroic as they are in their sources.
- When Psylocke briefly appears, she's how she originally was prior to her body swap with Kwannon.
- In the comic, Cthulhu fights the military forces of New Zealand like a common kaiju; here, his awakening brings worldwide insanity like his namesake mythos prophesied.
- When Jonny Rico of Starship Troopers is introduced as Harlock's first mate, he's Filipino like he was in the novel, as opposed to the movie where he was white.
- Too Spicy for Yog-Sothoth: Not even the Deep Ones can stand Squidward's clarinet music.
- Tuckerization: Dennis Brennan, grandson of four of the Seven Stars, is named after British comics creators Dennis M. Reader and Paddy Brennan.
- Villainous BSoD: After Mary Poppins takes Stormbringer away from Dennis, Dennis shrinks back to his original schoolboy size... and freaks out in horrified guilt upon seeing his friends' corpses and realizing what he did to them in his madness. It moves Mary to pity him after killing him.Dennis the Menace: Minnie? Roger? Gna-Gna-Gnasher? I... I didn't mean... that wasn't me... oh no!
- Wham Line:
- What Happened to the Mouse?: Captain Universe is last seen deciding to reunite with his ex-wife, Electro-Girl. This happens shortly before the apocalypse, and it isn't clarified if they succumbed to the insanity of Cthulhu's awakening or if they resisted and teamed up with other superheroes.
- World of Funny Animals: One exists in the form of the state of Calisota
