Characters: Strangers with Candy
Strangers with Candy
has a relatively small cast, with most characters only appearing once
, so this is restricted to main and recurring characters.
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The Blank Family
Geraldine Antonia "Jerri" Blank (Amy Sedaris)
"Hello, I'm Jerri Blank. Thirty-two years ago I dropped out of high school and ran away from home. Oh, I made a lot of friends... did a lot of time. I was a boozer, a user and a loser. I stole the TV... Did some more time. But now I'm back in school! And though the faces may have changed, the hassles are just the same."
Jerri Blank: former teen runaway and ex-con, going back to high school at age 46 to get her life back on track. Much hilarity ensues.
Sara Blank (Deborah Rush)
Oh Jerri, I didn't know you were coming home this early. We would've left sooner.
Jerri's prim and proper stepmother. She was not at all happy when Jerri returned home, and always seeks to make her feel as unwanted and unloved as possible.
- Commuting on a Bus: A regular in Season 1, and a frequent recurrer afterwards.
- Elephant in the Living Room: Like everyone else, Sara treats Jerri as if she was a real (and unwanted) teenager, and very rarely acknowledges that she is the same age as her. It gets even stranger after her husband's death where she could easily kick Jerri out but continues to let her live with them.
- Parental Favoritism: Openly and purposefully shows more affection for her biological son.
- Passive-Aggressive Kombat: A seasoned master.
- Politically Incorrect Villain: For a certain measure of villain— she is probably the most open in her racism of all the characters.
- Wicked Stepmother: This goes without saying.
- White-Dwarf Starlet: In her youth, Sara was a stage actress who performed as Peter Pan. She gave up her career to start a family and still yearns for the life she left behind.
Guy Blank (Roberto Gari)
Jerri's elderly, immobile father.
Derrick Blank (Larc Spies)
I'm gonna go masturbate."
Jerri's half-brother, the son of Sara and Guy, who also attends Flatpoint High.
Flatpoint High Faculty
Onyx Blackman (Greg Hollimon)
"I'm an obtuse man, so I'll try to be oblique."
Principal of Flatpoint High. Blackman is more like a tyrant than a school administrator. Portraits and other portrayals of him can be seen in various places in the school, including the bathrooms.
""No one makes friends with a failure. Okay? Understand?"
Teacher of history and English, editor of the school newspaper, and assistant to the principal. Perhaps all these responsibilities, his tendency to burst into tears, and his obsession with food are symptomatic of dealing with his gay affair with Geoffrey Jellineck.
- Armoured Closet Gay: Has a wife and a child at home, and goes out of his way to pretend Geoffrey is nobody to him in public.
- Big Eater
- Coming-Out Story: Subverted in "Hit And Run", but it would have been straight if he hadn't chickened out.
- Hey, It's That Guy!
- Sadist Teacher: Has a particular hatred for Jerri. Among many incidents between the two, in one episode Noblet says to Jerri, "Now I know you're upset, but it's been two days! You need to move on." Two days after her father was abruptly mauled to death by loose vicious attack dogs.
- "Jerri, I was going to tell you this in privacy but I didn't think it would be suitably humiliating enough. You failed Jerri. You failed. You are a failure."
- Straight Gay
- Yaoi Guys: With Jellineck.
Geoffrey Jellineck (Paul Dinello)
"Yes, maybe that's true. But do they care about me? I don't think so. Do you see the flaw in your logic now?"
Art teacher. Geoffrey seems to like the idea of being the artist more than, well, actually creating art. He's consumed with himself to the point that he twists other people's problems to be about him. The epitome of "But what about me?!"
- Attention Whore
- Cool Teacher: Geoffrey very much thinks he is this. The students do not agree.
- It's All About Me
- "I can't reach her. She is lost in some frightening world that isn't centered around me."
- It's Pronounced Tro-PAY: Do not call him "Jeffrey".
- The Obi-Wannabe: Geoffrey is the only adult who is usually nice to Jerri and gives her advice, but only at his own convenience and to stroke his ego.
- Pastimes Prove Personality: Geoffrey is an artist. Unfortunately, he's not actually very good at it.
- Terrible Artist: Most of his artwork looks like this, at best.
- Apparently he does not like seeing art better than his. In one episode, he rips up a realistic drawing of a turkey a student made and draw a turkey he made by tracing his hand
- Yaoi Guys: with Noblet.
Cherri Wolf (Sarah Thyre)
"...and smack it, smack it, smack it. OK, I'm done."
The gym teacher at Flatpoint High, the only regular teacher besides Noblet and Jellineck.
- Butch Lesbian: Played with—despite being the target of lesbian jokes, she is normally presented as straight.
- Becoming the Mask: She genuinely falls in love with Jellineck during their pretend marriage for a school project. He... does not feel the same way.
- My Girl Is Not a Slut: Has this attitude towards herself—claims to be a virgin despite at the very least clearly having a sexual encounter with the chef at her second job.
""Just because your dad was killed in some freak accident nobody can have one!? Well, I'll tell you something. My daddy's alive and yours is dead and ain't nothing gonna change that!"
Flatpoint High's hilariously
insensitive school counselor; appears in "The Goodbye Guy" and the finale
Orlando Pinatubo (Orlando Pabotoy)
Tammi Littlenut (Maria Thayer)