Corrupt-a-wish.

Perfect Health now exists, but it's not yours. It belongs to a newly-resurrected Hitler.

I wish for a Beatles reunion.

Granted, but now they only make shitty EDM that people vape to and can only enjoy when out of their mind on bath salts. Also, George Harrison and John Lennon are now shambling corpses that can't play anything correctly.

I wish for a delicious gyro, with no tomatoes please. Also a Pepsi and an order of fries. To go. Thanks.

They're all spiked with an instantly lethal form of e.coli.

I wish I had a PS 4 so I could play the Spyro remakes.

Granted, but that PS 4's gotta come from somewhere, and it happened to come from a mob boss that has a tendency for capping knees. They manage to find out you took it too.

I wish Fallout 4 had better dialogue choices.

Granted, you have over 9000 options for each conversation, for all characters. And all the dialogues are voiced to the point your computer's memory can't contain all the dialogues, nor can you mod them.

I wish President Snow was a real person so I can kill him again.

edited 20th Jun '18 8:11:41 AM by Mhazard

Granted! You fail at killing him. Don't worry though! Someone else succeeded. Now, you're left with disappointment and a wasted wish.

I wish for milk to never spoil.

Granted. All the milk in the world is taken by scientists so that they can study it's thermodynamics breaking properties so no one ever gets to drink milk again.

I wish that every criminal on the planet would explode.

Granted, but all laws in the universe is taken into account, The Earth goes empty because of one mechanical species had a law saying all biological life a crime.

I wish to be above the law.

Congrats! But you are above the law of being human. And you are dead.

I wish for food that tastes good and has no poison in it.

The food is not poisoned, and it is very tasty, but it is also made of rocks. Very tasty rocks. The effects of eating the tasty rocks are the same as eating normal rocks. Have fun with that.

I wish for infinite wishes!

edited 20th Jun '18 4:28:21 PM by antidany

granted, except, as per the rules of this game, each wish will come true in a horrendous way.

i wish for incredibly comfortable pajama pants.

Yes, but they are soooooooo comfy that you cannot get them off.

I wish for a pie that is tasty, has no poison, and is made out of normal ingredients.

Granted, but that perfect pie you have created has now made you addicted to pie, and after you realize you will never have a pie that good ever again, you go on a pie-induced rage, destroying bakery after bakery and causing serious property damage. You are then tried for your crimes and imprisoned for a veeeeery long time/forever.

I wish I didn’t have this headache!

You get a bigger headache, so big that you win the world record for biggest headache.

I wish for a pecan pie that is made out of normal ingredients, is tasty but not too tasty, is not expired, does not have poison, and is made and cooked within a reasonable time.

edited 20th Jun '18 8:28:01 PM by Playing_with_boy

Your pie is all of these things, dime sized.

I wish people would realize that there's always someone else worse off than them.

Granted, but the person who's always worse off is you.

I wish I was the most skilled piano player in the world.

Granted, but every first world problem causes them to have a big world problem.

I wish for a big pecan pie that is made out of normal ingredients, is tasty but not too tasty, is not expired, does not have poison, and is made and cooked within a reasonable time.

Board tip: Always check to see nobody beat you to a reply.

Granted, but it's like the red shoes, you're forced to play until you die.

I wishwould stop wishing for pie already.

Granted, but now they are wishing for increasingly specific kinds of cake rather than pies, and they’re doing it at an even faster rate.

I wish I could summon a can of Dr. Pepper any time I want.

Granted, will wish for cake instead. He's also a liar, and summoning Dr. Pepper cans can only happen at lunchtime.

I wish for a big pecan pie, I MEAN cake that is made out of normal ingredients, is tasty but not too tasty, is not expired, does not have poison, and is made and cooked within a reasonable time.

Granted, but you can't eat it. There's a big mean Hell's Angels biker who will shock you with a cattle prod if even think about eating it.

I wish for old fantasy movies to be retro edited to include state of the art effects.

Granted. You have fifty seconds before the enraged fans start making T-Shirts saying " atimnie raped my childhood".

I wish Frank Oz would direct a new Muppet movie.

Wish granted. The divisive and mixed reception even becomes harder when the film is released. Frank Oz is praised by critics and the entire Muppets fanbasedespite his age catches up during filming of the film.

I wish I could recruit and assemble a team of child/teen heroes who have extraordinary abilities and superpowers from several works of fiction such as Aster, Harry Potter, Power Pack, Ash Ketchum, the Animorphs and other characters to fight a Primal Groudon and Primal Kyogre who appeared in Kyushu, Japan.

Granted. They don't work with one another at all. Additionally, Primal Kyogre and Groudon don't show up. You're left with a gaggle of volatile preteens.

I wish I had a guardian angel.

Granted. You also get a guardian devil, and the two of them can't stop arguing, so you never get the things done that you so desperately want to do.

I wish the U.S. Mutant Ninja Turtles made it to the World Cup this year.